All Better Beautiful (Payton's Heart) (6 page)

"Your
pizza is on the counter Jerk", Casey yelled up the stairs before carrying
the remaining three into the family room. She had an agenda today. I could see
it in her I just wasn't quite sure what all it consisted of but I had a feeling
I was about to find out. I was dressed to relax. We were both wearing short
little shorts and fitted T-shirts feeling all cute and girly. About 15 minutes
after the pizza arrived. Casey ran upstairs to let them in. As they walked
through the entry of the family room Todd looked directly at me smiling. I had
to admit he wasn’t bad looking. He was about 5'11, 165 pounds, dark hair and
dark eyes he even had a warm smile. They dug into the pizza once Casey pointed
to the table. She and I looked through the movie selection. "Wow Guys not
to bad I mean there not to gory," I said looking there way. After we
finished the pizza Casey announced that she had some other ideas of
entertainment too. Oh no! Here we go I thought to myself the AGENDA! She pulled
out Twister the game. Of course Casey and Seth went first. Todd and I got to
spin and announced there next color. It would have been so much easier to
accomplish if they could have kept their mouth and hands off one another. They
fell to the ground and continued to make out. I looked at Todd and we both
wrinkled our noses and at pretty much the same time said, "Get a room
already!" Our turn was next and after a few spins I could tell Seth and
Casey were cheating with the selections because before I knew it they had Todd and
I all tangled up with one another. I refused to let him win though even when
the next selection had forced me to straddle him and practically lay on top of
him. I could tell by the look on his face he really didn’t mind. Our faces were
just inches apart. When he licked his lips I felt a flutter of nervous
butterflies within my stomach. He was watching my lips as I bit down in
nervousness. A moment later I was startled by someone clearing their throat. We
all looked up to see Dylan standing in the doorway of the Family Room staring
at the tangled mess that Todd and I seemed to be wrapped in. "That looks
like fun, I'll challenge Payton next," he said without a smile staring
straight into my eyes. What was his problem? He stood there watching as Todd
and I finished our match which made our closeness really uncomfortable. After a
few more minutes apparently Todd's Back had rested on the mat briefly and Casey
called him on it. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me with him as
he laid down the rest of the way.

I was
laying there completely on top of Todd his arm still wrapped around me and our
lips just barely apart. Looking directly into my eyes he stretched his face up
to mine whispering, "If I'm going down your coming with me," and then
he kissed me. Lightly, quickly but very sweetly and for a split second I forgot
where we were until I was brought back by Casey’s little giggle. Dylan saying a
little too cocky..."Well isn’t that sweet".

I pulled
away and stood up smoothing my hair and then reaching out to Todd who still
laid on the floor all dreamy eyed. When he stood up he leaned in a whispered,
"I really like you Payton". I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks
and not because of the comment from Todd but because Dylan was staring directly
at us making me feel like I was doing something very wrong. I excused myself to
go to the bathroom I needed to calm my nerves. I brushed passed Dylan
practically running down the hall closing the door to the bathroom behind me. I
was splashing water on my face when I looked up to see the door come open and Dylan
walk in. He closed the door behind him. Brushing his hand threw his hair and
looking completely frustrated. I turned to face him and was about to ask him
what the hell was his problem when he leaped forward quickly placing one of his
hands on each side of my face then bringing his mouth over mine. I surrendered
to his kiss once again and was lost. It felt amazing, so warm and tender but
with such urgency…his tongue rolling with mine so naturally. He traced his
hands down my arms and finally stopping to rest on my hips pulling me in
closer. I brought my hands up to his hair running my fingers threw it very
softly. The breaths between us began to speed up and the kisses became even
more heated and more sexual. He gripped my hips tightly and when I felt the
hardness on my stomach I knew he was turned on. He kissed down my neck and then
back up to my lips. He sucked lightly on my lower lip and I was lost in the
moment until he pulled back quickly. I thought for a minute that maybe Casey
was coming in, but when the door didn’t open I looked back at him. I was
waiting for something, any explanation. He met my gaze and said, "God
Payton I’m sorry, I don’t know why I just did that.” I stood there looking back
at him and felt hurt, "You don’t know why you kissed me or why you
stopped?" I demanded. He looked from the floor to me then back to the
floor and replied, "I shouldn’t have kissed you again it isn't fair to
you." I turned to the door squeezing the handle and walked out slamming it
behind me.

I didn't
go back to the family room I put on my shoes grabbed my phone off the counter
and walked right out the front door. I wasn't sure where I was going I just
needed to get out of there and fast. Casey had noticed the slamming doors and
came to find out what going on. "What the hell happened Dylan what did you
do? Where did she go?" She was yelling at him and he tried to explain,
"We just well I uh..." She cut him off by pushing him out of the way
and moving past him toward the front door. Dylan ran after her. Rage had built
within her, she knew she'd promised but she couldn’t help it. She wasn't going
to let him do this to me. Right outside the front door she whirled around
startling Dylan with her quick movement placed her finger in his face so close
glaring, "You fucking asshole, how dare you play her like that. Do you
realize she has been in love with you since she was thirteen? She has spent the
last almost seven years of her life being abused. She has felt worthless of
being loved always hiding herself from everyone. Living in fear and blaming
herself every day for her mom leaving. She convinced herself overtime that the
way she was being treated by John was all she deserved." Dylan started to
say something but she stop him, "You shut up and listen! I will not stand
by and let you play head games with her. You can’t just keep kissing her and
then telling her it meant nothing. That is so wrong. If you like her Dylan then
do something about but if you don’t then stay the hell away from her and let
her move on. You can’t get jealous when another guy shows her attention. Just
stop please...her heart can’t take it," not realizing that she had begun
to cry she wiped her cheek to clear the tears. She looked passed Dylan to see
both Seth and Todd staring at them. "I have to go get Payton!" Seth
knowing the history of it all nodded to her and told her to call him later.

Casey’s drove
around the streets of the neighborhood for about twenty minutes when she saw me
sitting three streets over on the swings at the neighborhood park. I saw her
park the car and slowly walk over. I never looked up just stayed staring at the
ground until she said, "I just cussed Dylan out majorly," with
tension in her voice. All I could respond with was, "Good he deserves it,"
and I could feel her relax next to me as she reached out and grabbed my hand.
"Let’s go get some ice Cream," she pulled me up and we walked back to
the car together.

We got
back home about an hour later and Dylan was sitting on the porch with the phone
in his hand, "Casey why haven't you answered your phone?" He looked
relieved that we were back. When he looked over at me I turned away looking out
into the front yard. "Because I knew it was you", she reached out to
pull me with her as she started to go inside. Somewhere along the way I
developed a little bit of courage or maybe it was just anger from him playing
with my emotions and I pulled back on Casey's hand a little. "Can I have a
minute...I need to say something to Dylan?" I think I shocked her and by
the look on his face he had the same reaction. "Are you sure," she scrunched
her eyebrows a little in confusion and waited. I took my hand from hers and
said "Yeah, I'm sure I'll be fine." I turned to face the front yard
again trying to word it all in my head everything I wanted to say, everything I
needed to say. When I heard the door close behind I knew then that we were
alone.

When I
turned to face him after taking a few silent moments to calm my nerves the best
I could. He stood up and walked the few steps to me, "Payton I..." I
stopped him by holding up my hand. He took one step back and just looked into
my eyes. It was so hard to hold back the tears that I desperately needed to release.
I swallowed the lump that had formed within my throat. "Dylan, please just
let me talk because if I don't get this out now I am scared that I may never be
able to..." He nodded his head as to tell me okay without actually
speaking any words. "I remember when I was thirteen and I stayed with
Casey for the first time. You stayed up half the night with us playing card,
you tried to teach us to play poker...I remember laughing together so much you
were sixteen. The next day we were playing out on the driveway and the neighbor
boy Noah Colson pushed me down when we were playing basketball…you were so mad
you took me inside after you punched him in the stomach and you cleaned my
knee. When you put the bandage on you kiss my knee and said, "All Better
Beautiful." I knew you didn’t think I was beautiful, I know that you were
just being nice but for a moment I felt like I was because, you told me so. Do
you know my entire life I had never heard that from anyway until you said it
that day? When I was growing up my dad would say things to me like I was an ugly
bitch or I was a whore after punching me or shoving me into something. I would
go to my room and I would close my eyes and remember that day. How nice you
were to me and how you told me I was beautiful." Tears had begun to run
down my cheeks and he reached out as to comfort me but I took a small step back
and continued without accepting his gesture of kindness. Looking out again into
the front yard unable to look at him, "I think I started loving you at
that moment, even though you were older and I knew that there was really no
chance that you could ever possibly return those feelings. I still had that
moment to hold onto...and that helped me get through some pretty rough times
over the last four years or so. Those feelings they never went away Dylan if
anything they grew stronger with every wink, every smile, every flirtatious
action you threw my way. But I know now that I have to let it go... all of it.
Because I need to understand that it can’t go anywhere. It isn't fair to make
you feel guilty and to make you feel like because of what others did to hurt me
you owe me anything because you don’t.  So today, now I'm letting you know
that I am letting it go. I'm moving on and excepting that this you and
I....there won’t ever be you and I. You don’t owe me anything, don’t apologize,
don’t explain just move on", and I turned and went inside. He responded
with nothing as I walked away, because as he had stood there looking into her
beautiful green eyes letting everything she had said sink in he'd realized that
he just made the biggest mistake he could have made. The ache that was now in
his chest only confirmed what he had realized already while Casey and her where
gone...He loved Payton. He was just scared of what that meant.

After
that night I sort of changed I became a little more outspoken about myself and
really anything. I stopped holding things in. It hurt every single time I seen
Dylan. I felt that my heart was breaking because letting go of what I felt
toward him was proving to be the hardest thing. I threw myself into
preparations for the winter dance which was only three days away. Getting all
the last minute things and making hair appointments for the trial and then the
real thing. Friday at school I pulled Todd off to the side and because I wanted
to be fair explained to him that I just wasn't looking for a relationship. I
told him my heart wasn't into it and that I would really like to be friends
with him. He didn’t seem too shocked to hear that because he said, "Payton
I could see exactly where your heart was last weekend at Casey’s and…Dylan
well, he's a fool if he lets you walk away." He kissed my cheek and walked
away hollering back over his shoulder about picking me up tomorrow at six.

Casey and
I had went to the salon early on Saturday afternoon to have our hair don then
had to walk around the remaining part of the day with stiff necks so we
wouldn't mess it up. About a little after five pm Karen helped us into our
dresses. My dress was floor length, yellow silk with a completely opened back
besides two straps that crisscrossed in the center. It was Form fitting and
clung to me in all the right places. Casey’s was pretty much the same with the
exception of hers being red and much tighter. We both wore Silver Jewelry and
Silver heels. We stood looking in the full length mirror, Karen in the middle
of us with one around each of our shoulders. She was all teary eyed saying with
a smile on her face, "You two are breathtakingly beautiful, and if there
is any guy who can't see how special and amazing you two are well then that is
his loss and he is a fool," I looked in the mirror and realized she was
looking directly at me. She Knew! She winked at me knowing that I realized what
she was referring to. The doorbell rang just then making me jump and we all
started to scatter.