Ain't No Sunshine (18 page)

I shrugged. "My mother has her own set of issues to deal with. I could never be angry with her."

Lieutenant Drake put his elbows on the table and massaged his temples with his fingers. "So where is she now? Where is your mother?" he asked.

"I don't know. After we cleaned up as best we could and explained everything to Ruthie, Matthew and my mother drove away in one direction, Ruthie and I in the other. I have no idea where they went or which one of them actually killed my father. It could have been both. I still wish it was me though. I wish I'd had the satisfaction of killing him."

Lt. Drake leaned back in his seat again and studied me. After a few moments he leaned forward again and said, "So let's say I believe you. Let's say you give me some leads on where I can find
your
...parents and I let you go. What do you plan on doing?"

I stared at him in disbelief. Was it possible he would just let Ruthie and me go? We wouldn't be tried as accomplices or anything? "I, um, well." I tried to hold back my excitement over the possibility. Ruthie and I made sure to not get too hopeful about our future. We had eluded the police for four, well, five days, but during that time we had feared the worst. Even though we hoped we could be together and overcome the trauma of our teenage years, we also knew we faced the possibility of jail time. We had just been involved in a murder.

"Well, um, the first chance I get I guess I'll marry Ruthie. After that...I don't know. I guess we'll just try to be happy. That's not an emotion we're used to."

I stared out the window so my face wouldn't betray my emotions. I didn't want him to see how desperate I was.

The sun was rising and the city was just waking up. I wondered if Ruthie was waking up, as well.

Lt. Drake sighed. "You hang tight. I'll be right back."

A few minutes later I heard the door of the interrogation room creak open. I kept looking out the window. I knew I would be able to tell with one look whether the lieutenant was going to let me go or not. I didn't want to turn around yet and face possible disappointment. But it wasn't Lieutenant Drake who had entered the room.

"Stephen?"

The sound of Ruthie's voice made my skin tingle. I leapt from the chair and folded her into my arms.

"Are you okay, Stephen?"

I nodded. Now that she was in my arms, I was more than okay.

"They're letting us go," she whispered in my ear.

I pulled away from our embrace and stared at her. "Are you serious?" I asked, wiping a tear from her eyes.

She nodded. "What did you tell them?"

I hugged her tightly again. "
Shh
," I whispered into her hair. "Don't say anything. The walls have ears."

Just then, the door swung open. Lieutenant Drake and the fat, smelly officer that had begun the interview nine hours ago entered. My arm tightened around Ruthie's waist as I remembered how he called her a nigger.

"You two are free to go," Lieutenant Drake said. The other officer let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. "Tom, we already discussed this. It's my call."

"And it's the wrong call," Tom said. "I don't buy it. I just don't buy it. They know more." He stared at us as if he could see through us and into our souls. I wanted to get out of that room as soon as possible, but for some reason I felt frozen in place. I couldn't move. I continued my staring match with the officer named Tom until Ruthie nudged me in the back. Finally, I put one foot in front of the other and with Ruthie's hand in mine, I walked toward the door.

Tom didn't move as we approached him. He kept staring at us as Ruthie squeezed past his big belly. When we were finally past him and in the hallway, Lieutenant Drake called my name.

"You kids take care," he said handing me a business card. "If there's anything I can do for you, let me know."

I slid the card in my back pocket. I probably should have said thank you or something, but it slipped my mind. All I could think about was getting out of that police station and starting my new life with Ruthie. I led her to the parking lot where we found my pickup truck. I opened her door for her,
then
ran around to the other side.

After I slid into the driver's seat we both sat in stunned silence for a moment.

Finally, I started the car and pulled out of the parking space.

"I can't believe they're letting us go," Ruthie said a few minutes later as we pulled onto the interstate. "I can't believe they bought that story."

"Every word."
I leaned over and kissed her.

"So, we're off the hook? They're
gonna
leave us alone for good?"

I grabbed her hand and squeezed.

"What do you say we go get married or something?"

Ruthie smiled broadly. "Let's do it."

"We have to hurry up and get out of town first. It's only going to take a couple of hours before they realize Matthew never existed."

Epilogue

What Really Happened

A lot of what I told Lieutenant Drake was true. My father was abusive, my mother was a basket case, and I've been in love with Ruthie for as long as I can remember. But that's about it. I never had a dog; I'm allergic. I slipped up and told Lieutenant Drake that I was allergic to pets, but thankfully, he didn’t catch it. More importantly, though, I never had a brother. What I do have is a sister, Ruthie.

People like Matthew just don’t exist.
Someone that inherently good?
That kind of sunshine couldn’t possibly be real. I was surprised I could even dream him up in my mind. Thankfully, I had Ruthie and her imagination to help me.

Julius was real. He was my only friend besides Ruthie and he was there when I needed him. He’s also the person who planted the seed of an idea that I should just run away with Ruthie. It took two years for that seed to take root in my mind, but after it did, there was nothing that would stop me from making it happen.
Especially not my father.

I honestly have no idea about my mother's past. I guess what I said about her life is possible, but I really have no idea. She would never share something like that with me. My mother has never spoken more than ten words at a time to me in her entire life. Ruthie and I argued for hours about my mother’s part of the story. I thought it sounded ridiculous that neither of us would notice she was the same age as Matthew. But in the end she convinced me that adults underestimate children all the time. She was right. Lieutenant Drake never even questioned that part of the story.

For two years I blamed myself and lived in shame for the inappropriate feelings I had for my half sister. But when she came back for Adelaide's wedding, all that shame vanished. I didn't care anymore. I had to have her. It wasn't fair that we could never be happy just because of circumstances that occurred before we were even born.

At the wedding reception Julius once again told me I should just run away with Ruthie. “Don’t think about the half that’s related,” he said. “Concentrate on the half that
ain’t
.” His advice stuck. I whispered his words to Ruthie as we held each other on that dance floor. That’s when we decided we had to be together no matter what.

I only intended to go home for a second. I thought maybe I could convince my mother to come with us. I didn't want to leave her alone with him. But if she refused, I wasn't going to let that stop me. I would say goodbye to my mother and move on with my life.

Five minutes would have made all the difference. Ruthie and I would have been gone before my father arrived and we would never be seen again. But as it happened, just when we stepped off the front porch to head to my truck, my father’s white Cadillac pulled up.

He blocked my truck with his car and hopped out. "Where do you think you're going with my daughter?" he said, approaching me. Ruthie clutched my shirt and hid behind me.

"Get in the truck, Ruthie," I said, gently pushing her. Slowly she inched away.

I wasn't afraid or angry. Amazingly, I was completely calm. Like his behavior had no effect on me. I was determined to be with Ruthie.

"You can't do this," he said. "This is disgusting. It's an abomination."

"You're the abomination," I said.

He had raised his hand to strike me when I heard a sudden “
thunk
.” He froze. His eyes went blank and he collapsed to the ground.

I looked up and saw Ruthie standing over my father, our father, with a shovel.

My mother, who was standing behind me on the porch, started screaming wildly.

"Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God."
Ruthie dropped the shovel and covered her mouth.

I stepped over my father's body and gathered her in my arms. "
Shh
. It's okay.
Shh
."

"I'm so sorry. I just couldn't stand to see him hurt you again. What have I done? I didn't mean to kill him," she said, burying her face into my chest.

He wasn't dead. I saw his eyes blink as blood started to drip from his lips.

"Go inside. Take my mother inside the house," I told Ruthie.

"Oh my God, Stephen.
What did I do?"

"
Shh
. Just go inside. I'll take care of this."

Ruthie obeyed and tried to guide my now-hysterical mother inside the house.

I stayed outside and stared at my father's bloodied face. His life was slowly drifting out of him. I picked up the shovel and finished what Ruthie had started.

My mother never did calm down. She would never be the same. We loaded her in the car and drove her to a mental institution in West Virginia. Then Ruthie and I kept driving. On the way, we concocted the story about Matthew just in case we were caught. A simple busted tail light is what landed us in that police station in Chicago. And once they found out who I was, I was arrested and the interrogation began.

I’m still amazed they believed me. I slipped up a couple of times. I told the lieutenant I didn't drink coffee, but then I told him I drank coffee the morning Ruthie went to New York. It was an elaborate lie and some things were hard to keep straight. But overall, I did pretty well. I'm a very convincing person, which is why Ruthie and I decided I should do the talking. No one would believe her. Not because she's black but because she's too sweet. She feels too much. It's part of the reason why I love her so. She makes me feel as well. She melted away the numbing emptiness that my life had become.

It's all over now. The truth didn't set us free. My lies did.

Once a year, Ruthie and I carefully plan a trip to visit my mother. Sometimes she recognizes us and sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes she won't even talk to us because she thinks we're Theodore and Mabel.

Ruthie and I have a relatively normal life living in Canada, just across Michigan's border. She's sold several paintings under her assumed name, Saffron James. I work in a bottling factory during the day and take college classes at night.

We’re careful. We don't talk about Virginia. We don't call each other by our real names, even when we're alone. I think we both secretly pretend that Matthew Clare really is my father. It helps us both sleep better at night. With each passing day, the guilt subsides a little more.

No one suspects. No one will ever know. Because she's black and I'm white, no one looks close enough to realize we have the same shaped chin and ears. To everyone else, we're just a young couple in love.