Against the Tide (3 page)

“You’re lucky I love you, man.” He chuckles, releasing me and proving my point by taking a place at the bar. “Watch and learn, my friend. Watch and learn.” He flashes his pearly whites at the bar girl he’s got his eye on and she smiles coyly. He places an elbow on the bar, rests his chin on the upturned palm of his hand and crooks his finger in her direction. Calling her to him in the most seductive way possible, and of course, she finishes serving her customer and comes straight to him, skipping the other customers that have been waiting patiently. We all laugh and leave him to it. He certainly has charm.

“Hey bro.” The voice from behind me takes a second to register, or maybe I just don’t really want it to be my sister, Lizzie, that’s just given me a freakin’ heart attack.

“Liz, what the fucking hell are you doing here?” I know I’m overreacting, she’s nineteen and well within her rights to be here but I’m carrying illegal drugs and it’s the last thing I want anywhere near my little sister. She’s had enough shit in her life, and has still got the weight of the world on her shoulders. It’s my job to try and keep her away from it all. I never take drugs to the house, and I make sure she’s never around if I going to be doing them. I don’t want that shit tainting my sister. The Cabin is a rave club, and there are plenty of illegal substances passed around here and I don’t want her caught up in anything. It’s also known to be a bit of a cattle market and some of the guys that hang around here just to pick up girls are far too pushy for my liking.

“I’m here with Jess and Tracy.” She waves her hand in their direction and they both give a nervous little wave.

“Who’s with Mum? How is she today?”

“Same as usual.” She shrugs, a wave of sadness passing across her innocent face. “Annie’s there for the evening. I’m staying with Jess. What’s up? Why you so tetchy?” she questions.

“I’m not …” I frown and take a deep breath. Taking myself down and realising that if I make it a big deal, it’s going to be a big deal, so I need to chill. “I was just surprised to see you here, is all. You know I hate you coming to places like this. You girls should be at one of the more upmarket bars on Princes Street or something,” I suggest, casually trying to get her to change her mind.

“Bro, you don’t make any sense, you know that? A club that’s good enough for my brother is good enough for me. Besides, I can have a good night with Jess and Tracy without worrying about getting hit on by arseholes with you and your friends here, can’t I? Anyway, Jess’s boyfriend dumped her yesterday, by text.” She props her hands on her hips and continues, “Can you believe it? By text, the cheap fucking wanker. We came out to cheer her up, you gonna buy us a drink?” She smiles sweetly and flutters her eyelashes.

I huff out a breath, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll buy you a drink, Liz.” I hook my arm around her shoulder and pull her in to me for a hug, kissing the top of her head. “Barman!” I call, “Three lemonades please, mate.”

“What? Lemonade? Finn!” she squeaks at me.

“Yep, that’s right. Lemonade … Or did you want a lime and soda?” I question, pinning her with a look that asks if she’s going to challenge me.

She’s my responsibility. Our dad fucked off long ago and I took that job on as my own. 

“You’re a fucking arsehole.” She pushes both her small palms hard on my chest and angrily stomps away from me. “I’m not a little girl, Finn. I’m nineteen years old for fuck’s sake! I’ll buy my own drinks if you won’t buy them for me. Wanker!” She marches off back to her friends, her blonde soft curls bouncing as she goes. She is far too innocent and naïve to be in a place like this, and now I’m gonna be like a cat on a hot tin roof all night keeping every prick out of her way instead of unwinding and letting loose with my mates.

“Was that your sister?” Kyle asks over my shoulder.

“Yeah, man.” I puff out a breath feeling torn between wanting to just go home and pretend tonight never happened, and wanting to stay and keep an eye on her.

“Fuck, she’s like … all grown up.”

“Don’t even think about it, Kyle. Keep your hands to yourself and your dick away from my sister and her friends. You got it?” I jab my index finger in his chest and get up in his face.

“Hey hey, I never meant anything, Finn. Chill the fuck out, would ya?” he says throwing his hands up in mock surrender, before patting me on the shoulder.

“Sorry, mate, it’s just … you know how I get about my sister.”

“Yeah, I know. You gotta let her grow up though, man, or she’s gonna hate your arse for embarrassing her like she’s twelve years old.” He’s right, of course. I need to chill out.

“Hold my beer,” I say, shoving my glass in to Harley’s hand. I don’t wait for him to answer or acknowledge my request before I’m weaving through the busy crowds to get to the toilets.

I lock myself in a cubicle and dig the pills out of my sock, dropping them in the toilet bowl before pulling the flush hard. Frustration pushes up through me and with no control over my thoughts, I punch the stall door with a crack. It rattles on its hinges but doesn’t break. Instead the skin peels back from my knuckles letting the blood seep out. I need to get a grip. Yes, Lizzie is precious to me. In fact, she’s the most precious person in my life. I take my job as her older brother seriously. But she’s growing up, and I need to let her spread her wings. She’s right. I can’t look out for her every moment of her life, and due to my teaching, she’s capable of doing that herself. Hell, she’s a damn sight more capable than I was at that age. Nothing’s going to happen to her with me and the boys to keep an eye on her, and now that I’ve calmed down, her being here is no reason for me not to have a good night. I wash my hands, cleaning my knuckles with the hope that no one will notice the damage. As I push out of the toilet door, the music is really starting to get pumping. Time to go and apologise to Lizzie, grab another drink, and start the evening over.

I sit on Damien’s lap and he slips his hand in the neckline of my dress, tucking a little clear bag of pure white cocaine into my bra and he tweaks my nipple as he pulls his hand back out. “It’s good stuff, babe. Let me know how you like it, okay?”

I’ve just about levelled out from the line I had before we left the house, and seeing that guy across the club has given me a buzz that you can’t get by snorting coke, no matter how pure it is. Strangely enough, when I saw him this evening it was like seeing an old friend. I had missed him in a weird fucked up way, and the first thing I did when we got here was scan the room to see if he was here. When his eyes lock on to mine, there’s something there that I don’t get with Damien. An excitement. An electricity. A magnetism that won't let me pull back. I don’t even know what made me acknowledge him this evening but the smile he returned sent a shiver through the length of my spine.

“Babe, you gonna go try it?” Damien asks nuzzling into the crook of my neck and kissing me as if we were alone. I hate it when he does this. It’s a possessive move to show everyone that I'm his, but I don’t like feeling owned. I shrug my shoulder to move him away and abruptly stand up off his lap, straightening my dress out. I hold out my upturned palm and Damien peels off a twenty this time, knowing I’ll need a note to roll up. I take it from him and tuck it in the other side of my bra.

“I’m gonna go for a smoke while I’m gone. Be back in ten.” I snatch up my glass and down the remaining Jack and coke, banging it back down on the table and wiping my mouth with the back of my hand before I grab Damien’s lighter and cigarette packet. Walking off in the direction of the toilets, I swing my hips and I know I'm putting on a show for Damien and his little posse. They're all watching me walk away and I know Damien will love it. He loves to show me off in front of his friends and he gloats about being the one that takes me home to bed like I'm his prized possession. But my walk is my way of telling him that I’m not in fact his. I’m mine and no one else’s.

The club is really crowded already and as I round the corner of the corridor, there are people everywhere. The music isn't as loud so people come back here to chat or, whatever. There are stairs up to the side that lead to the offices upstairs and there’s a couple practically shagging on the second step. That’s the problem with chemical enhancement, it strips your inhibitions. I smile to myself, it sounds like they’re having a great time. Good for them.

Then I spot
him
. I just see the back of him, but I could pick him out in a crowd of a thousand people. He pushes his way out to the dark back alley through the fire exit door and it slams behind him. I automatically step up my pace and follow. I don’t know why. I don’t know what I’m going to do, or say. My chest pounds as adrenaline thunders through my body making a whooshing sound in my ears, and as I push out of the door and look down the steps, his head whips up and his eyes meet mine. He’s just about to put a cigarette to his lips but hesitates and I try to regain some composure and slip on a cool calm façade. I’m feeling anything but cool. I don’t say anything, I don’t smile or even acknowledge that this is the closest we’ve been to each other. I pull the door until it’s almost closed behind me and walk down the steps slowly, watching him out of the corner of my eye. I feel his gaze heat up and the air around us intensifies as we get closer in proximity and he watches my every move. I come to a stop just in front of him and he pushes off the wall that he was leaning against. Not knowing the next move, I slip a cigarette out of my packet and place it between my teeth, closing my lips around it slowly while looking deep in to his eyes. They're dark, almost black in the dim light of this alley. He comes closer. Close enough that if I moved my hips in a small circle, I would touch his groin. The thought almost makes me groan aloud, but I hold it in, increasing the tension running through me like a pressure cooker. He raises his hand slowly and removes the cigarette from my teeth, tossing it aside on the ground. He stills, almost like he’s trying to compose himself for what he’s going to do next. Neither of us has spoken yet, no names, no introduction. Here I am in an alley, with a gram of coke tucked in my bra, faced with a complete stranger, yet I feel perfectly safe and it’s like I’ve always known him. He gently fingers the hair at my temple and slowly pushes it from my face before slowly running his finger along my cheekbone and down my jaw. My stomach summersaults as I watch his tongue dart out and wet his bottom lip. Then he speaks.

“I’ve wondered what would happen if we actually came face to face,” he says in a raspy whisper that I feel across my skin. But I don’t want to talk. I grab his face and pull his lips to mine in a fierce passionate exchange. I devour him. His tongue assaults my mouth, exploring in such a desperate way it makes me lose any control I thought I had. Our teeth clash and our groans mingle and echo through the hollow alleyway. His hands are in my hair, on my jaw, grabbing my arse. Everywhere he can touch, he does with breathless urgency. Unadulterated lust bounces between us and I realise that this is the only opportunity I might have to do what I have fantasised about ever since the first moment I caught his eye. I pull his shirt out of the waistband of his jeans and unbuckle his belt, pushing them past his hips. He’s commando, and in just a second I have him hot, hard and throbbing in my palm. “Oh fuck,” he pants before grabbing me off the ground and slamming my back in to the hard stone wall next to the stairs. I wrap my legs around his waist and suck hard on his neck. I now know how Damien feels when he says he wants to mark me. I want to leave my mark on this stranger, and I want to leave it somewhere everyone can see, the control and knowledge is a potent aphrodisiac. That thought of Damien is only momentary as I’m brought back to the here and now as he sucks hard on my bottom lip, tugging on my lip ring, “Tell me to stop,” he grates out.

I can’t. I won’t tell him to stop. I don’t want him to stop. I know this is wrong, and dirty, and Jesus, I don’t even know his name. This is totally fucking out of character for me but I can’t stop whatever is going on here. I look deep into his eyes and whisper, “Don’t stop.”

His look intensifies and he wastes no time in taking what he wants, and in return, giving me what I want too. He pushes my G-string to the side and strokes up through my centre with his index finger before positioning himself there. He gives me just a second to change my mind before thrusting upwards as he lowers me down on to him. His mouth slams against mine as he pushes in to me as far as he can go, scraping my back against the cold stone wall. It’s fast and frantic and feels incredible. He’s strong enough to support my weight effortlessly while grinding his hips in frantic circles, making me delirious. Sensations fire off across my body as he hits just the right spot and bites on my lip at the same time. I cry out with pleasure, unable to hold in the powerful response as his movements speed up. “Fuck, I’m gonna come … shit,” he pants. I suck his tongue in to my mouth and he yells from deep in his throat as his release hits him. He drops his head against my shoulder and his breath comes fast and hard as his body shudders and twitches. And just like that, the moment is over. Real life comes screaming toward me like a tidal wave and I wriggle my legs to get him to let me go. Once I have both feet on the ground, I pull my dress back down. Shit. What have I done? Sordid sex with a stranger in a back alley? I turn to walk away and he grabs my elbow. I stop, but I can’t even look at him for fear of what I might see. I don’t know what more he wants from me.