Against the Tide (9 page)

“I know you’re hurting, Finn. I know it’s hard. But you’re getting nowhere fast. Harley has tried everything to drag you out of this downward spiral, and now it’s my turn. I will not let you get sucked under. You’re going to take a shower, and have a shave because you look like a god damn hobo. Then we are going to get some food at Ginny’s Diner like we used to, and you are going to talk to me.” He sighs hard. “Now, I can do this all day, I don’t have to be anywhere for the next forty eight hours. So, you take as long as you like to let it sink in that I’m not going to let you destroy yourself. You hear me?” he asks calmly. My heaving breaths slow down, and the pain travelling up my shoulder from where he is holding my arms is enough to make me stop struggling. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I am damn hungry so the sooner you come around to my way of thinking, the better.”

“Okay,” I relent quietly. “Okay.”

Kyle lets me up and hands me a towel. I eye him wearily and wrap it around my waist as he holds out his arm, signalling for me to go to the bathroom. He follows closely behind me and I feel like an inmate in a prison under watch. 

“I’m okay, man. I’m not going to do a runner.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah.” He turns to walk back to the bedroom. “Kyle?” I call out croakily.

“Yeah,” he stops and answers.

“I’m sorry, man. About, you know, trying to hit you and …”

“Already forgotten.” He waves his hand dismissively. “You just get your butt in that shower and come out sweeter than y’are now.”

I nod and enter the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I turn on the shower to warm up and run the water in the sink to have a shave. Jesus, the amount of stubble that has grown could probably be classed as a beard, it’s that long. I’ve never let it grow like this before. I don’t like it, it itches like a bitch and ages me by at least ten years. There are black rings around my eyes and my cheekbones are more pronounced due to my recent lifestyle and lack of appetite. I’ve lost a fair amount of weight, mostly from my chest and stomach area and I look ill. Kyle is right. I’m not doing myself any favours by wallowing. I brace my hands on either side of the sink and bow my head. Lizzie would be downright ashamed of me and what I’ve turned in to. Hell, I’m a hypocrite of the worst kind. Trying to keep drugs as far away from her as possible, hating that her life was taken by a chemical I’ve taken many times before and since she died. Being everything I taught her not to be and everything she strived to stay away from. Surely this isn’t what she would have wanted. Surely I should be doing everything I can to make her proud. And my mum. Oh god. My poor mum, she’s lost not only her precious daughter but she probably feels like she’s lost me too. She almost has.

After shaving, I step in the shower and it feels amazing. I’m pretty sure I have showered over the last few weeks but then again, I don’t remember much since Lizzie’s funeral. Whether it’s my mind’s way of blanking out all the shitty things I’ve done or the fact that I’ve taken so many drugs and necked enough vodka to drown a ship, I’m not entirely sure. The ball of a hundred different emotions is still there, the craving to reach for a bottle is as big as it ever has been over the last few weeks, but the thought that I might be harming my sister’s memory, and what may be the last of my mum’s days, weeks or months digs away at my conscience until I feel a piece that hasn’t been numbed by the drugs. I find a little crack in the barrier I have put up over my feelings and emotions, which means that I do actually have something to live for, don’t I?

“Hey! You look almost normal,” Kyle chuckles as I enter the kitchen. “Feel better after that?”

I shrug, feeling ashamed. This is the first time I have had to face one of my mates sober. I know over the last couple of weeks, I’ve either been asleep or wasted, so it’s been easy to avoid them. “I know that my head hurts like a motherfucker.”

“Yeah, well, I expect it will take a couple of days for that to settle down,” he replies, shoving a cup of coffee in my hands and sliding two painkillers across the worktop. “Get that down.”

“Thanks,” I mumble, knocking them back. “Harley at work?”

“Yeah, he went in early. Called me to say you finally came home and he didn’t know what to do with you next.”

“Oh,” I say quietly, staring in to my coffee cup and avoiding eye contact with him.

“Look, Finn. No one blames you for going off the deep end, okay? We care about you like a brother. So what you feel, we feel. You feel me?” he says softly with one raised brow.

“There’s a lot of feeling going on around here,” I joke.

He holds his hands up, “Hey, not been feeling you up if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“Good. I might have to kick your arse if that were the case.”

“Yeah, I’d like to see you try, pussy.” Kyle snatches the mug out of my hand, and claps me on the back. “C’mon, I wanna eat.”

“Two full English breakfasts and an endless supply of tea, please, sweetheart.” Kyle winks at the waitress, causing her to blush before she walks off with a little extra sway to her hips.

“Mate, I really don’t feel like eating much,” I huff and sit back in the chair feeling nauseous.

“S’cool, what you don’t eat, I will.”

“You’re a walking dustbin.”

“Look at these guns.” Kyle flexes his arm, showing me his bicep. “You don’t get ammo like this without putting the fuel in.” He nods, seemingly pleased with himself, and rightly so. I know he works out hard to stay in shape, and that’s half the reason he turns the heads of the ladies, and quite often some men, wherever he goes.

“Seriously, man, is it just for the ladies?” I laugh.

“Nope. All for me. If the ladies like it, it’s to my benefit, no?”

“S’pose.” I shrug, finding it hard to feel enthusiastic about anything.

“Okay. Let’s address the elephant in the room,” Kyle announces. “I’m sorry about your sister. I really am. But she’s not here anymore−”

“Kyle,” I warn, narrowing my eyes at him. I feel my stomach knot tightly at the mention of her name which disturbs the monster I’ve been trying to get past this morning.

“Just hear me out, okay? What I was going to say is, she isn’t here anymore, that doesn’t mean you should forget her, quite the opposite in fact, you need to remember her, but you also need to remember that you’re still here too and we won’t let you ruin yourself. We’ve given you time to get wasted, but now it’s time to start pulling back. Your mum, she needs you too, man.”

I swallow noisily, of course he’s right. “I know. I just couldn’t−”

“I know, and she understands that. But she’s not well, Finn, and you’re going to regret it if she’s gone and you didn’t make the most of her while she’s here. She needs you.”

“How do you know how she’s doing?” I ask curiously.

Kyle acknowledges the waitress who comes with our tea and passes me one of the mugs.

“Harley and I have been visiting her,” he answers, eyeing me warily for my reaction.

“You, what?” I laugh.

Kyle shrugs. “Well, she was worried about you. Harley wanted her to know we had your back and we took turns to go see her. She’s pretty cool, your mum.”

“My mum’s pretty damn cool,” I mutter under my breath. I know they’re good guys, but this makes me speechless.

“So, you gonna get your shit together?”

“Yeah,” I say rubbing my hand down my face. “Yeah, I am. I feel like crap.”

“No offense, but you look like crap, too.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” He nods and smirks letting me know that the serious part of the conversation is over and he’s back to his normal cocky self. Our breakfast arrives and Kyle digs in as soon as the plate hits the table.

“Excuse me,” he calls to the waitress as she turns to leave. “I think you’ve forgotten something.”

She looks worried and frowns, scanning the table trying to see what it is she’s forgotten.

“Your number?” he adds with a Colgate smile. I roll my eyes at his antics and not surprisingly she takes out her pen and notepad and scribbles it down for him. She tears it off and hands it to him with a shy smile and a twinkle in her eye before sauntering off.

“You can never have enough back-ups,” he says, going back to his breakfast.

“You’re a whore.”

“Yep.”

“One day someone is going to call you on it.” I laugh, shaking my head.

“I know. The woman that shows me enough sass to do that…I’ll marry.”

We eat the rest of our breakfast in a comfortable silence and although I don’t manage to eat it all, I feel better for it.

“Shit,” I curse under my breath.

“What’s up?” He places his mug down and rests his forearms on the table.

“The garage. I probably got fired.” I can’t believe I never even gave this a second thought before now. What did I think I would do when my money ran out?

“Yeah, well, Marc wasn’t very happy when we called him to say you’d gone AWOL, but he understands. Just give him a call.”

“You called my work?”

“Yeah. Well, I called Marc anyway. Just trying to save your arse, man.”

“Thanks. I guess I owe you a drink.”

“Nuh uh,” he shakes his head. “You can owe me a breakfast.”

“Deal.”

“But not today. This breakfast is on me. Actually I need a favour from you.”

“Oh yeah?” I reply, intrigued. Kyle never asks for favours.

“Yeah, it’s kinda personal.”

“Are you feeling any better now?” Torran asks as I come out from the back room.

“Tired, but okay.” I stand next to him at the front desk and check the diary. “Busy day today, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s picking up. The diary is pretty full for the week.” He crouches next to me looking for something in the desk drawer.

“Torr?”

“Yeah, babe?” he answers without looking up.

“I’m sorry about my shitty attitude. I know I’m a bitch sometimes.”

“Well, think yourself lucky you’re pretty.” He stands and winks.

“Jeez,” I frown at the booking in my column in the diary. “What is it with guys wanting their dicks pierced this week? Did a celebrity do it and start a trend that I didn’t know about?”

“Ha, we know you love it, Meg.”

“Let’s get one thing straight. I love my job. I love piercing people’s ears and tongues and even their nipples, but cocks and clitorises when it’s not in the heat of the moment are just plain ugly!”