Afterlife (9 page)

Lucas was crying, too, but he never turned his head away,
steeling himself to keep meeting my mother’s eyes. It was more than I could do.
This Wasn’t Lucas’s fault. It was mine.

For one second I considered appearing in the room. If Mom
saw that something of me lived on, maybe she Wouldn’t hurt so badly. But at
that moment, I was too ashamed of having hurt her to show my face.

“This isn’t over,” Mom said. She pushed blindly past Lucas
into the hallway. He slumped into the nearest chair. I wanted to take form and
comfort him, but I had the feeling that seeing me as a ghost Wouldn’t be that
comforting for Lucas right now.

And there was something else I had to do.

I followed my mother along the corridors. She wiped at her
cheeks but otherwise didn’t try to disguise the fact that she’d been sobbing.
Several of the students, both vampire and human, gave her curious glances, but
she didn’t seem to care.

We went up the winding stone stairs of the south tower, all
the way to my family’s apartment. My father lay on the sofa, his arms wrapped
around himself and his eyes dull. He didn’t look at my mother as she walked in.
Dad had put on one of his old records — one I recognized, one with Henry
Mancini songs that I had liked a lot when I was a child. Audrey Hepburn was
singing “Moon River.”

“It’s true,” Mom said in a small voice.

“I know. I think — I think I knew a long time ago.
just
didn’t want to…” Dad shut his eyes tightly, like he
was closing out Mom and memory and the whole rest of the world.

My mother stretched on the sofa beside him, taking him into
her arms. As she bowed her cheek against his dark red hair, his shoulders began
to shake with heavy sobs.

I couldn’t take it anymore. No matter how ashamed I felt, no
matter how hard it would be, it couldn’t be worse than hearing them suffer. It
was time for me to appear to them, to reveal what had happened.

But as I gathered myself together to take form, even as I
struggled to find the right words to say first, my mother choked out, “May God
damn the wraiths.”

I froze.

“It’s their fault,” she continued. “What happened to her is
their fault.” Dad cuddled her closer. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”

“I hate them. I hate them all. As long as I’m on this earth,
I’11 never stop hating them….” Her voice ebbed into sobs again.

They hated the wraiths, for having had a hold on me, for
haunting Evernight, for merely existing. If I appeared, they Wouldn’t think of
me as their little girl anymore. I would just be a monster. The way Lucas had
been nothing but a monster to Kate.

I’d never known how much I needed their love for me until I’d
lost it.

So I didn’t appear to them. How could I
?
I would only have made it worse for them and for me, as impossible as it seemed
that anything, ever, could be worse than that moment. Compared to this, dying
had been easy. But I remained there for a long time, watching them weep. I
deserved to see it.

 They cried themselves to sleep, but I couldn’t bring
myself to leave. For a while I drifted through my old room. Apparently most of
my family’s stuff had made it through the fire, because many of my things
remained there. Klimt’s The Kiss still hung on one wall, shining, ideal lovers
that, in my mind, symbolized Lucas and me.

We’11 get back to that place, I thought. We’11 find a way.

I flowed through the window, not bothering about the frost,
until I sat beside my old friend the gargoyle again. His stone wings were the
same color as the gray autumn nightfall.

“Remember that time we talked here?”

Startled, I turned to see Maxie sitting next to me — actually
a few inches off the windowsill, but once you were a ghost, gravity dido’t
matter so much. She was smiling like this was the greatest day ever.

“Maxie, what are you doing here?”

“Uh, saying hello? Like the last time we met here. You
figured out how to fog up the glass so I could write on it. That was when I
decided maybe you weren ‘ t terminally stupid.”

I’d fogged the glass with my breath — a trick I’d never be
able to perform again. “Don’t take this personally, but honestly, I can’t do
the banter thing right now.”

“Stop sulking, living dead girl.”

“Maxie. No.” I couldn’t feel good about being a wraith,
about being dead, after seeing what my death had done to my parents.

“You’re not alone, you know.” Maxie tried to make it sound
casual, but I knew she was reaching out as best she could. After decades of
being isolated from the living world, except for visits from Vic, she wasn’t
very good at the social — interaction thing. “You don’t have to be afraid of
us.”

But I was. Going to “talk to Christopher” sounded the same
as accepting my death, and at that moment, I couldn ‘t. “Not tonight, okay?”

She hesitated, clearly disappointed, but then she vanished.

After a second, I realized that Maxie was right about one
thing: It was time for me to quit brooding and go to Lucas. By now, perhaps, he’d
be ready to see me again, ghost or not.

The easiest way down proved to be sort of melting along the
tower wall, feeling the stones ripple past me. As soon as I reached the new
roof, I could feel that it was far more resistant to ghosts than before, but I
could go in through the front door or most of the windows. I darted in and out.
finding
my way, memorizing paths in case I needed to
use them later.

Occasionally I felt a small ripple of energy behind me, or
in an opposite corner, and figured Maxie was trailing along after me. But then
I realized that it wasn’t her.

It — they — were other ghosts.

Christopher
?
I thought, with a
shiver of fear. He was the only other wraith I’d encountered at Evernight. But
his was a powerful, unmistakable presence, one I didn’t detect here. And there
were several of them: two, three, five, ten, maybe more. They were just slivers
of fog, zephyrs of sensation, probably invisible to anyone who wasn’t a ghost,
too. It reminded me of when I’d been a vampire, the way I’d started to be able
to just sense when another vampire was nearby, whether or not I ever saw them.
I wasn
‘ t
exactly seeing these ghosts — more the
trails they left behind — but I knew they were there.

Mrs. Bethany’s plan to draw them here through the human
students had obviously worked.

We always wanted to know why she was hunting the wraiths, I
thought. I guess soon we’11 find out.

I rose through the north tower, searching as I went. Mostly
I saw a lot of vampire guys hanging out in their rooms, chugging blood and
bragging about how much sex they’d had during summer vacation, and a few other
rooms with human guys who were hanging out, eating potato chips and bragging — less
credibly — about the sex they’d had during summer vacation. If I’d had a body,
I would’ve rolled my eyes.

Then I reached a room where the two inhabitants sat on
opposite sides of a chess board, and I smiled. “That pawn is now a queen,
baby,” Vic said. “Booya.”

“Your soul is as devious as your stratagems.” Ranulf frowned
as he considered what to do next.

I unfolded, willing myself into a visible form. Both Vic and
Ranulf jumped, but then they each smiled. “Hey, ghostly lady.” Vic rose from
his chair, like an old — fashioned gentleman. “How’s it going?”

“Not so hot,” I admitted. “How are you guys?”

“We compete now for the desirable bunk farther from the
windows, which will be less drafty in winter,” Ranulf said. “Later, Vic’s iPad
will be used to watch a film of the winner’s choosing. Much is at stake.”

“In other words, it’s all good.” Vic paused. “At least, in
this room. On the sixth floor, You’re gonna find two guys who are having a
suckier time of it.”

“So Mrs. Bethany let them room together?” Balthazar had said
he would suggest it, and given the attitudes of the other vampires toward
Lucas, it made sense for Mrs. Bethany to agree. But I felt better knowing for
sure. “Well, that’s something, anyway.”

Vic was uncharacteristically quiet for a couple seconds. He
avoided my eyes, instead studying the kitschy old Elvis Presley movie poster
that he’d tacked onto his wall. Then he said, “I should’ve volunteered. To room
with Lucas, I mean. He needs his friends with him — I know that — but I just
— ”

“No, Vic, it’s okay. Lucas should be with Balthazar, because
he’s going to have a lot of questions that only a more experienced vampire
could handle.” There were other reasons Vic didn’t need to room with Lucas
right now, but reminding him of them wouldn’t do anybody any good.

“That’s not what I meant. I want Lucas to know I believe in
him. You know?”

“I know. But
..
.
give
it time. Don’t rush it.”

Vic nodded and said nothing else. The moment was threatening
to become awkward when Ranulf triumphantly slid his queen across several squares.
“I believe the superior bunk will be mine.”

“Oh, man.” Vic made a face, and I had to smile despite
myself. Waving good — bye, I dematerialized again and went farther up, to the
sixth floor. After searching through a few rooms, I found Lucas and Balthazar.
They were already asleep.

No wonder they’d already gone to bed — this day had to have
been exhausting and traumatic for both of them. I didn’t think they’d unpacked.
Lucas’s half of the room was as spartan as ever, and Balthazar appeared to have
stopped moving in as soon as he laid a pack of cigarettes and a lighter on the
windowsill. Balthazar, almost too broad and tall to fit in his bunk, was curled
in facing the wall. Ever the fighter, Lucas slept on his back, large, scarred
hands above the covers, the better to grab a weapon within moments if
necessary. The only time he’d ever deviated from that was when he held me
throughout the night.

Although I knew they needed to crash, I felt bad that I hadn’t
been able to see Lucas again, even if only to wish him sweet dreams.

Then I remembered something Maxie had taught me before Lucas’s
death, and smiled. Maybe I could tell him good night after all.

I concentrated on Lucas’s sleeping form, hoping that he was
dreaming. If I remembered right, it was a little like diving into a pool — thrusting
downward, inward, every bit of me in one taut line — Instantly, I was within
Lucas’s dream.

The surroundings were familiar — this was the records room
at the top of the north tower. A few filmy cobwebs clouded the corners of the
room, and sepia gold pages were scattered about here and there. Mrs. Bethany
used this only to store records of no use to her any longer, report cards from
1853 and similar stuff.

However, a lor had happened here in recent years. This was
where Lucas had fought — and killed — Erich, a vampire who had stalked Raquel.
This was where Balthazar and I had sought clues to Mrs. Bethany’s ultimate
plan. And here Lucas and I had reunited after he’d learned that I was the child
of vampires. He had accepted me no matter what, just as I had accepted him.

Good thing, too, I thought. Given how many things we’ve
changed into since.

Lucas stood at the window, staring out at the night sky. His
hair was slightly longer, as it had been when we first met. I smiled, realizing
as I did so that I had a body now, or whatever passed for one in the world of
dreams. That meant I could take Lucas in my arms, and we could share everything
that our waking hours denied us. Here, in sleep, we could be alone and safe.

As I came closer to him, I noticed that he had a stake in
one hand — strange, I thought. Then the door behind us opened.

“Knock, knock.” To my astonishment, Erich walked through the
door. “Raquel
?
Thanks for the invitation. Knew you
couldn’t wait to see me.” His greedy expression shifted into annoyance as he
glimpsed Lucas at the window; I couldn’t tell whether he saw me or not. “What
the hell are you doing here?”

“Waiting to see whether I can forge Raquel’s handwriting
well enough to get you up here,” Lucas said. He walked right past me without a
glance. Apparently I didn’t play a role in this dream. “Looks like that’s a
yes.”

“You played some stupid joke to get me alone
?
What are you, some kind of fag?”

“It would be your lucky day if I were.” Lucas circled Erich,
his entire body tensed and ready. The second that he stood between Erich and
the door, he let Erich see the stake. “But it’s not your lucky day.”

“Black Cross,” Erich spat.

“Vampire,” Lucas said, with a hatred so deep it seemed to
reverberate within his bones.

They lunged at each other, predator and hunter. I cried out
as they tumbled to the floor, Erich’s hands closing around Lucas’s throat.

This isn’t real, I told myself, but that Wasn’t exactly
true. No doubt this was Lucas’s memory of his final fight with Erich. I’d never
doubted that Lucas had done what he had to do, but I’d never realized how
dangerous it had been for him. How frightened he must have been, for the
nightmares to keep coming back.

As Lucas and Erich grappled, Raquel’s tawny leather bracelet
fell to tthe floor. It must have been in Erich’s pocket. Lucas shoved Erich
away, hard, and gasped, “Taking trophies? Marking your prey?”

“Raquel’s going to be mine,” Erich said. His fangs were out,
misshaping his smile. “I’d have had her weeks ago if your stupid girlfriend hadn’t
gotten in the way.”

“Then I’m doing this just in time.” Lucas kicked one of
rickety towers of old boxes, sending it toppling down onto Erich. But Erich,
like any monster in a dream, suddenly seemed to be standing somewhere else and
attacked Lucas from another dir·ection altogether.

“Did you know your girlfriend’s one of us, too
?
” Erich taunted, as he got his hands around Lucas’s throat.
“Or are you stupid enough not to notice You’re screwing a vampire?”