Afterlife (14 page)

Patrice would stop at nothing to have the perfect look, but
I no longer found that annoying — instead it was funny.
and
kind of great, and, well, just her. “Okay, I’ll go with you. They won’t see me.
I may be dead, but I can still shop.”

She perked up. “Ooooh, we need T — shirts saying that.”

 I shopped with Patrice, urging her toward an antique
charm bracelet, but while it was nice to reconnect, on another level I was
basically killing time. When we were in the clothing store, I couldn’t help
remembering how Lucas and I had come here on one of our early dates. He’d been
so happy.
trying
on awesome long coats and crazy hats,
so carefree. So alive.

It wasn’t that I loved him any less for being dead — how
could I
?
— but I knew that his life was something that
I had loved about Lucas, and it was gone.

When the students began to gather in the square to catch
tlhe bus back to school, Lucas didn’t appear with the rest. Nobody except Skye
seemed to notice. As everyone started boarding, she went to the chaperone and
said, “We’re one person short. He might be hurt.”

“Ross
?
He’s not hurt.” The driver —
a vampire — shrugged it off. “He told me earlier that he had another ride back
to school tonight. You’ll see him tomorrow.”

Skye didn’t look very happy about Lucas being left behind.
and
I could understand why. At any normal school, that would
‘ve been a cause for concern; even at Evernight, if it had been a human student
who had gotten lost, there would have been search parties and considerable
worry. But vampire students were allowed more independence and were assumed to
be able to take care of themselves.

I hoped that was true.

“Go find him,” Patrice whispered before she stepped onto the
bus. “See you later.”

Swiftly I moved away from the square, toward the woods that
Jay between the town and Evernight. Once the houses were few and far between,
and the night breeze stirred around me, I had the solitude I needed to
concentrate.

I imagined my jet brooch, the one he had bought for me here
in Riverton. The black stone, the shape of the flower, the stone filling in the
life that had once pulsed at the core of the wood.

Everything around me swirled like so much smoke, changing
colors, taking shape. To my surprise, I Wasn’t with Lucas; the brooch had been
in the pocket of his jacket, which now Jay discarded in a heap on the forest floor.
As I peered down at it, I saw that it was stained with blood. His from the
fight, I assumed — but then I saw that other things were lying around it. A
dead raccoon. A dead bird of some kind. A dead fox. Their bodies hadn’tjust
been drained; they’d been torn apart. The pile was the aftermath of a killing
frenzy, taken out on small animals instead of human beings.

In the near distance, I could hear a thud, thud, thud — blows
against wood, like with a mallet or maybe an ax. Taking hold of the brooch and
becoming solid, I walked toward the sound until I saw Lucas, stripped down to
his undershirt. He stood facing a tree, punching it the way a boxer would a
bag.

I came closer. ILucas was oblivious to me, maybe to
anything. He hit the tree so hard that bark flew with each punch; on either
side of the trunk were stripped — down places of splintered wood, glistening
with his blood. Horrified, I realized that
he’d !beaten
through the skin of his own hands, and a sliver of bone jutted through one
finger. The pain he felt with each blow had to be tremendous, and yet he kept
going, relentless.

“Lucas
!
” I ran to his side and
grabbed at one of his arms. “Don’t do this to yourself!”

He stopped, but he didn’t look at me. Sweat slicked his
skin, making his T — shirt stick to him and his face shine in the moonlight.
Lucas kept staring at that tree like he hated it. “I wanted to kill her.”

“She’s your mother,” I said. “She’s betrayed you, as badly
as anybody could
ever .
. . it’s okay to be mad.”

“Not just her. I wanted to kill Dana and Raquel, while they
were trying to save me. I wanted to kill Skye the whole time I was rescuing
her. And now I look back on it, and I’m not proud, and I don’t feel strong. I’m
just so mad at myself for not killing them and drinking their blood when I had
the chance, and I hate myself for it, and I — Damn it. Damn it.”

Lucas punched the tree again, so fiercely that I knew he Wasn’t
imagining hurting anyone but himself.

“Please don’t do this.” I took both his arms in my hands and
brought his broken hand to my face. It was a twisted mess of bone and sinew and
blood, like he’d been in a car wreck. “It hurts to see it.”

“I keep trying to break my hand worse and worse, so it won’t
heal,” he said. “But it is healing. I can feel the bones coming back together
even while I break new ones. It goes back to the way it was before. I can’t
tear myself down. I can’t escape from this. There’s no way out.”

He was right. I couldn’t argue with him. So instead I flung
my arms around his neck and held him tightly. After a moment, Lucas embraced me
back. He shuddered, as though the madness was leaving him.

Only for now, I knew. But if that was the only help I could
give, then I would give it. I closed my eyes and hoped that love truly could
win over death.

AFTER THAT NIGHT IN RIVERTON, LUCAS BECAME quieter. Harder.
Although he continued to reach out to me, and to try to find fun stuff for us
to do, it was increasingly obvious to me — and, no doubt, to him — that he was
in a desperate struggle for his own sanity, and I could only help him so much.

And every time he would build himself up, get to where he
might have a good day or two in a row, something else would happen to tear him
down.

A couple of days later, I sneaked into his calculus class,
one I generally avoided, because I’d taken that the year before and once was
definitely enough. As usual, Lucas sat near the back of the room, but this
time, ther — e was no invisible barrier around him. A couple of guys — vampire
guys, lean and pale — were on either side of him, and they were paying more
attention to Lucas than to the equation on the board.

As I dipped down closer, I heard Lucas mutter, “Shut it,
okay, Samuel
?
”

The skinnier of the vampires, a new student apparently
called
Samuel ,
answered, “Can’t shut it out. You know
it as well as I do. You smell it, too.”

The other vampire, silently giggling in an incredibly creepy
way, pointed with his middle finger toward a girl sitting two rows ahead of
them, one with blond hair in a pixie cut.

“Breathe that in,” Samuel whispered. “Nothing better than a
girl on the rag.”

I’d never realized full vampires could smell when girls had
their periods. Retroactive mortification from every month of my two years at
Evernight hit me at once, and if I’d had a body, I would have blushed hot pink.

Lucas looked mortified, too, but that was clearly not the
main problem. Samuel and his loathsome friend weren’t trying to embarrass him;
they were trying to make him hungry.

Samuel leaned farther out in the aisle, his desk at the
point of tipping over, his mouth right next to Lucas’s ear. “You just got
turned this summer, huh, hunter? Bet you’ve never even had a kill. Never had
fresh human blood. But you want it, don’t you?”

Lucas’s hands gripped the edge of his desk. His still — scarred
knuckles were white. He kept staring down at the notes he’d made, but it was
obvious he wasn’t seeing any of it.

“This place is like a freakin’ all — you — can — eat buffet
these days,” Samuel said. “So many humans. So many girls. Don’t you want a drink,
Lucas
?
Or did Black Cross make you too self — righteous
to feed yourself?” He spat out the words Black Cross like they tasted bad in
his mouth.

“Shut the hell up.”

Samuel’s voice lowered further, but he kept talking. “You’re
gonna starve. You’re just gonna get hungrier and hungrier until it claws out
the center of you. A pretty girl like that, maybe — she’ll send you right over
the edge. Someday you’ll snap, hunter. Someday you’ll kill.” Lucas shut his
eyes tightly.

Enough, I decided. I flattened myself at the floor, cold and
strong, and swept beneath Samuel’s desk — toppling it, and him, over.

He crashed down, books and paper going everywhere, and
everybody started laughing. Professor Raju crossed her arms. “Mr. Younger, you’ll
never learn to balance equations if you can’t balance yourself.” Lame teacher
humor, but people snickered anyway; Samuel looked furious but sullenly righted
himself. I knew he Wouldn’t make fun of anybody else for at least a day or two.

Lucas didn’t join in the laughter. The hunger had taken him
over, and I realized it was taking every bit of his focus and will to keep from
attacking the girl two rows ahead.

When class was dismissed, Lucas got up so quickly that his
desk scraped across the floor. Samuel and his creepy friend laughed, and Samuel
said, “What’s the big hurry, Lucas
?
Cotta change a
Tampax?”

A couple other vampires laughed, but Skye, who had been in
the front row, whirled around. “Don’t you guys ever leave him alone
?
”

“What do you care if we don’t like this jerk?”

“I’m looking at the biggest jerk in the room, and it’s not
Lucas.”

While Samuel and Skye had it out, Lucas grabbed his stuff
and rushed out of the room. I followed him, and only my ability to travel above
the crowds of students allowed me to keep up. Lucas shoved and pushed, going
faster and faster, ignoring every annoyed look he received. He was focused on
only one thing: getting out.

Lucas flung the great hall’s huge wooden doors open with
both hands. Gold and tan leaves on the lawn crunched beneath his feet, and I
could tell he was preparing to run. He’d vanish into the woods again, kill as
many creatures as he could, beat himself into a pulp. Not again, I thought in
despair. Please, not again!

At that moment, Balthazar appeared, like he’d materialized
in front of Lucas. He must have called on his vampire speed to reach him. “Bad
day?” he said.

“Get out of my way,” Lucas growled.

“No.” Balthazar grabbed Lucas’s arm and towed him back into
the building. “You’re coming with me.”

“What are you doing?” I whispered furiously into Balthazar’s
ear.

“Stopping him from tearing himself up.”

Which was what I’d wanted, too, but this would only make a
bad situation worse. “He needs out of there. Away from the humans. Can’t you
see that?”

Balthazar smiled grimly as we went through the hallways. It
looked weird — him basically dragging Lucas along like that, Lucas almost out
of it — but Balthazar didn’t seem to mind making it worse by talking to me out
loud. “I know you don’t trust me anymore, but You’re just going to have to
deal.”

Their destination turned out to be the fencing room. No
lessons at this hour: It was deserted, the gear neatly stowed away. A few mats
remained on the floor, but otherwise everything looked bare. “Okay,” I said
after the door shut behind us, as I allowed myself to take visible form. “We’re
out of the crowd. Is that enough?”

“It’s enough,” Lucas said. He looked like he wanted to
double over. “Just leave me alone, okay? I can — just leave me alone.”

“No can do,” Balthazar said, right before he punched Lucas
in the face.

I gasped. Lucas staggered back a step, one hand to his jaw.
His eyes darkened, and I could see his self — control straining, stretching,
right at the point of failure.

“You need to get it out.” Balthazar said. He pulled off his
sweater so that he stood there in aT — shirt. “So let’s get it out.”

“I’m not fighting.” Lucas’s voice shook.

Balthazar grinned. “Then I guess I’II just have to beat the
crap out of you.”

He swung at Lucas again, but Lucas’s fighting instincts took
over. He blocked the blow and shoved Balthazar halfway across the room. In an
instant, Balthazar returned, smashing his fist into Lucas’s gut. Lucas hit him
back harder, snapping Balthazar’s head back.

“Guys, stop this!” I shouted, but Balthazar didn’t listen,
and Lucas couldn’t hear. They were two vampires — two monsters — struggling for
dominance, and nothing else in the world mattered.

Fists. Blood. Sweat. They tore at each other like animals.
Freaked out, I tried to think of how best to stop this and decided, Right, time
to ice the room. But even as I began, I realized what was happening.

The crazed look had left Lucas’s eyes. Instead, his gaze was
sharp, directed, like he was on a Black Cross mission again. Every punch was
focused; every move was tactical. Fighting like this, against an opponent just
as strong as he was, had given him an outlet for the desperate energy building
inside him.

What BaHhazar was getting out of this, I had no idea, but
even when Lucas kicked him in the jaw, sending him sprawling across the floor,
he had a lunatic grin on his face.

Balthazar laughed from his place on the ground, holding two
fingers to his mouth and pulling them back to see the blood. “Only some Black
Cross redneck would stoop to kicking a guy in the mouth.”

“Only some half — rotten corpse would let me.” Lucas sort of
blinked, hke he couldn’t believe he’d make a joke. Like that, apparently, the
fight was over.

Everything was quiet for a few seconds, until!said
, ..
Lucas, are you all right now?”

“Yeah.” He thought that over, his attention drifting from me
to Balthazar. “Yeah. Thanks, man.”

Balthazar said, “If you get wound up like that again, and
you need an outlet, just find me. We can spar. Fence. Whatever it takes to get it
out. It helps; You’ll see.”