After It's Over (11 page)

She rubbed the cover as if it were a magic lamp that could suddenly produce a genie that would make all of her misery disappear.

“Yes, I insist that you do.” Dr. Sorenson stood up from the table. “I’m going to head outside and get some fresh air. They don’t let people smoke in here anymore, but it’s still a stinky place.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I wish you the best of luck and if you decide by some chance that you ever want to see Kade, he is still a creature of habit. He still works out at the same time every day in the same old gym, still grocery shops every Tuesday after work in the Proctor district.” Mr. Sorenson winked. “You know, just in case you wanted to run into an old friend.”

“Thank you.”

Paige felt a twinge of pain as Dr. Sorenson left her sitting alone. She wanted to chase after him, give him a huge hug, and try to bring back the happy times of which he reminded her. But she didn’t. Instead, she had sat there for an hour, drinking water and studying every single photo in that book. She watched Kade grow up through pictures from an innocent high school baseball star to a determined sheriff. To someone who hadn’t loved him, the subtle changes in his eyes and smile wouldn’t be obvious, but Paige could see how the tragedy in her life had altered him too. He lost his innocence, and clearly found a different calling in life. He had traded the gentle ways of a healer to become what appeared to be a mighty protector.

Would he have become a doctor if I hadn’t left? Guess I’ll never know. I need to see him.

***

“Paige!” Ben pounded on the bathroom door.

The noise caused her to flinch; she slammed the album shut and jumped to her feet. Guiltily, she stared at the closed door. “What?”

“There’s one working toilet in this house, so if you’re not using it, will you please let someone else?”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry!”

Paige quickly shoved the album back under the bathroom sink and returned the boxes to their rightful place. She paused to straighten one because she hated it when things didn’t sit at a ninety-degree angle. With a sheepish grin, Paige unlocked the bathroom door and opened it. To her utter shock, Ben stood on the other side with a tray in his hands and a triumphant grin on his face. She stared at the scrambled eggs, sausage and toast that he held in his hands.
There’s even a flower.

“Is this for me?”

“Of course! Come get in bed, and I’ll serve you.”

Paige speechlessly moved toward the bed as her stepdaughters filed into the room.

“I wanted to surprise you. Did it work?” Ben asked, as he set the tray down in front of her.

“I’d say she looks more shocked than surprised,” Bianca said. “I’m pretty sure if you did stuff like this more often she’d have a completely different look on her face.”

“Shut up, Bianca,” Billie said.

“You shut up!” Bianca replied. She pushed Billie and the little girl took a step backward.

“Girls!” Ben’s voice was sharp. “Stop fighting with each other. I swear that’s all you two ever do.”

“No, it’s not. Most of the time Bianca is on her phone with that guy—”

“Billie, stop!” Ben said. He gave the girls a menacing look. “You’re ruining Paige’s special breakfast,” he growled. “Surprise! You get breakfast in bed. I lied about the toilet still being broken. I fixed it on Saturday while you were with your brother.”

From the way Ben smiled at her, Paige felt like she was supposed to throw flowers at his feet or something.

“Thank you?” she replied.

“You’re welcome,” Ben said.

“When he says he fixed it, he actually means that he called a really expensive plumber,” Bianca smirked.

“Oh. Well, that’s…Did you help make breakfast?” Paige asked.

“Yep. That dude only knows how to make hot dogs,” Bianca replied.

“And toast,” Billie said.

“No, he burned the toast. I had to make the ones on the plate,” Bev said.

“Girls!” Ben snapped at them.

“What’s the occasion exactly?” Paige couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that all this niceness was covering up a mess bigger than the bathroom toilet.

“We wanted to celebrate you being here,” Billie answered.

“Yeah?” Paige said.

“You being here makes us a family and for that—” Ben said.

“For that, we all wanted to say thanks,” Bianca said.

Paige tried to smile as they took turns hugging her. She sat on the bed and ate the food, while they congratulated themselves on a job well done. She laughed as they joked about Ben’s cooking, trying with all her might to feel like this was her family and her place was with them. But she didn’t. Paige felt like a fish in a bowl that she just wasn’t hers.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

“Why don’t you let me drive?” Bianca dangled the keys to the Jeep in the air.

Ben paused in his search of the family room for his cell phone.

“Did you really just ask if you can drive my car?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Bianca replied.

She leaned against the back of the couch while Billie looked bored, standing next to the door to the garage with her backpack on. Ben took his keys from his oldest daughter and sighed.

“You’re fourteen, Bianca.”

“So? Madison’s dad takes her down to Price and lets her drive his truck.”

“Well, we aren’t from Utah. We don’t own farmland or allow our children to drive before the legal age.” Ben ran a hand through his hair. Between making breakfast and the search for his phone, he was going to be late for work.

I need to find my phone.

“Oh, so we’re talking laws now, are we? Because I’m pretty sure—”

“Should we get in the Jeep or the van, Daddy?” Billie asked.

Ben caught the angry glare that Bianca threw at her youngest sister. “We’re taking the Jeep provided Paige didn’t blow out the clutch.”

She just had to take my car.

“What does that mean?” Billie asked.

“Um, hello? I thought we were discussing my first driving lesson,” Bianca said. She folded her arms across her chest and gave her father an expectant look that irritated him.

This kid is going to either drive me nuts or make me gray. Or maybe both. Things were so much easier when Paige handled everything.

“Are you crazy? You driving? That’s just nuts,” Billie said.

“What’d you say, shorty?” Bianca demanded. She shoved Billie, who stumbled backward into the wall.

“Ow!” Billie rubbed her head.

“Knock it off, Bianca!”

“You’re such a little brat. You were an accident, did you know that?” Bianca said.

Billie’s lips turned into a frown and she began to cry.

“Was I an accident, Daddy?”

“Um…” Ben looked around.

I’m late for work, my youngest is crying, my oldest is glaring at me and I just realized I haven’t seen Bev since we served Paige breakfast.

“Where’s Bev?”

“I’m here,” Bev said. She sat up on the couch where she had been unseen. “We’re going to be late.”

“I know, I know. Has anyone seen my phone?”

His eyes went to Bianca. She tilted her chin slightly, widened her eyes and shook her head.

She always makes that face when she’s lying or covering something up.

“Where is it?” His voice had an edge; he was tired of Bianca’s constant demands over the last two days.

“I don’t have it.” She stared at him as if she were daring him to a greater challenge.

Was I this big of pain as a teenager? No, I was worse. Okay, what motivated me?

“Give me the phone or you’re grounded.”

“There’s a dance on Friday night. You can’t ground me,” Bianca replied.

Slamming his fist down on a nearby coffee table, Ben shot back. “I’m your father, I can ground you anytime I want.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, just try me.”

Billie’s tears and sobs came to an abrupt halt. The climate in the room changed. Billie inched closer to the door and Bev got off the couch. She walked over to where Billie stood. Bianca slid her backpack off one shoulder and let it fall to the floor. Putting her hands on her hips, she stared unflinchingly at him.

What is this? High noon?

“I told you: I don’t have it.” Bianca’s voice was monotone.

This kid is like steel.

Ben frowned. For the first time, he saw his daughter as a stranger and not the cute little girl who had once been anxious to sit in his lap while he read
Goodnight Moon
over and over again.

No, the little girl is clearly gone. She’s been replaced by a liar.

The clock on the wall ticked loudly; Ben was really late for work.
Bianca’s eyes were filled with contempt; she refused to budge. The noise of Paige’s movements on the second floor caught his attention. He considered calling out to her and asking her to deal with Bianca.

I can handle my own kid, right?

“I know you’re lying, Bianca. You make the same facial expressions every time you do.”

“He’s right. You always tilt your chin like that,” Billie said.

Bianca gave her a nasty look and the little girl recoiled and stepped behind Bev.

“Maybe I have it, maybe I don’t,” Bianca snapped.

“Give me the phone.” Sweat broke out across his forehead and his armpits were damp.

“Let me drive.”

“I said, ‘no’.”

“I said, ‘yes’.”

She’s got my phone, which means she’s seen the messages from Beth and that other girl who’s name completely eludes me right now. If she shows them to Paige I’ll be stuck as a full-time single father.

“Give me the phone now, Bianca!”

“No,
Dad
!”

Ben wiped his forehead and looked at his other two daughters. They were still young, cute and woefully ignorant of what a lousy human being he was.

Why couldn’t Bianca have stayed young and cute like them? Think, Ben. What motivates this kid? She’s a fourteen-year-old girl. How complicated can she be? Ah, yes. I know exactly what will motivate her.

“Give me the phone, Bianca, or I will go upstairs, change into my dirty wife-beater and boxers and walk you to class.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Not only would I, but I might even carry a sign that says I’m Bianca’s father.”

Bianca’s bottom lip quivered; Ben knew he had her on the ropes.

“Fine. Here!” With a flick of her wrist, Bianca pulled his phone out of her jacket pocket and tossed it on the floor.

Relief quickly gave way to anger. “Why’d you take my phone?”

“I wanted Mom’s number.”

“Why?”

“Because I deleted her number after her last binge, and I wanted to call her.” Bianca bent down, picked up her backpack, and wiped her eyes.

“I don’t understand. I thought you weren’t speaking to your mom.” Ben scratched his head.

What does Evelyn want now? I bet it’s money.

“I wasn’t, but then I got a letter from her on Saturday. She’s been out of rehab for months and she said she’s doing better. So, I wanted to hear for myself if that was really true.”

“Oh.” Ben studied Bianca’s face.
A girl needs her mom.
“Is she better?”

“Yeah, she’s been clean for eight months and has a job. She even got her own place. She says it’s small, but there’s room for us,” Bianca explained, her face lighting up.

Ben felt a pang of regret in his heart. Out of his three daughters, only Bianca remembered what it was like to live in a house with both her mother and father. She even remembered the days when they were a happy family that went to the park on Sundays and ate dinner together every night.

“I want to see her,” Bianca said.

“Mom’s been clean before. What makes you think now is any different?” Bev asked.

Bianca glanced over her shoulder at her sisters. “I don’t know. It just feels different.”

“Can we go now?” Billie asked. “It’s just one drama after another with you people.”

“Seriously,” Bev agreed. “If it weren’t for Paige, I’d be asking to live with Grandma right now.”

“She does make great cookies,” Billie said.

“Dad, I want to see Mom.”

“We’ll talk about it later, Bianca. You girls go get in the Jeep.”

“Do you see how late you made us, Bianca?” Billie asked as she opened the door to the garage.

“Shut up, and get moving already,” Bianca snapped.

The girls walked into the garage and shut the door behind them. Alone in the family room, Ben leaned against the back of the couch and rubbed his head.

Do I let Bianca see Evelyn or not? If I keep the girls away from her, they’ll never find out how this all started. So much has happened since then…

Bianca was three when Ben’s then-wife Evelyn discovered him making out with the next-door neighbor in their backyard. Evelyn had been a sweet, innocent Christian girl up until that point. They’d married in college and she’d dropped out when she’d gotten pregnant. Her life had revolved around her family, so she forgave him that one indiscretion. Ben knew he broke her heart that day. He’d seen the hurt in her eyes as she’d scooped up their child and ran inside. Still, Evelyn had wanted to believe in him so she did her best to continue on as if nothing had happened.

She wanted to believe in me the same way Paige wants to.
 

But the neighbor was just one of Ben’s many women, as Evelyn would come to learn. The discovery of his affairs led to a wicked pattern in their marriage. She’d find proof of an affair, they’d fight, have angry sex and she’d forgive him until the next girl came along. After a few years of this, Ben noticed that Evelyn stopped asking why he wasn’t home for dinner or where he went when he left for hours at a time. Her eyes were glazed as she went through the motions of being a mom and a wife. He figured she’d accepted that’s how their marriage was going to be and didn’t ask about the pills she hid in her underwear drawer.

One night, his girl on the side canceled on him. He came home to find Evelyn sitting behind the wheel of her running car with the garage door closed. Bianca had been safely tucked in bed as he pulled her mother from the car; his ex-wife was barely breathing when the paramedics arrived.

Ben could still picture Evelyn lying in the hospital bed, pale and unconscious with tubes coming out of her. The doctors said it was a miracle that she survived. Five more minutes and Ben would have been a widower. The idea of Bianca growing up without a mother had sobered Ben. He knew he had to change or get out. So he stopped cheating and recommitted to his marriage. In turn, Evelyn stopped buying prescription meds from the other stay-at-home moms. 

When Bianca was six, they decided to have Bev. They were happy for a few years after that. Bianca seemed to thrive in the role of big sister and Evelyn appeared content with their life. But then Ben met Beth and everything changed forever.

Tech Sargent Beth Barton was twenty, short, curvy and had a way of making every guy she met feel like they were the only man in the room. The squad was full of single guys with plenty of time and money to burn, but Beth chose him. Ben was doomed from the first time they made eye contact. She was clever and coy. She worked on him daily for months. When they found themselves alone in the supply closet, Ben was putty in her hands. Sex at work was just the beginning of their tawdry affair.

They managed to sneak around for a few months before Evelyn found out. When she confronted him, they fought and had angry sex. He expected her to beg him to change, but she didn’t. Instead, Evelyn packed up their daughters and left him. The divorce papers were signed before he found out that Billie was on the way. He masked his guilt by drinking and sleeping with as many women as he could. Beth was relegated to the back burner, but she didn’t care. She said she’d wait forever if she had to. While Ben partied, Evelyn graduated to hardcore substance abuse. The divorce did nothing to heal the wounds he had inflicted; she constantly self-medicated. When Billie was two, he showed up for his weekend visitation and found Evelyn passed out on the kitchen floor. That was the last time the girls had lived with their mother. Ben rubbed his head and tried to push the guilt out of his mind.

I need a drink.

Ignoring the sound of the girls arguing in the garage, he made his way to the kitchen. He pulled a bottle of Grey Goose out of the freezer and grabbed a glass.

“It’s a little early to be hitting the hard stuff, isn’t it?” Paige asked.

Ben started at the sound of his wife. She stood at the top of the stairs, dressed in a tight skirt and blouse that showed the tiniest bit of cleavage.

“I was just going to take a sip,” he replied.

Paige walked down the steps and into the kitchen. She took the bottle from his hand and returned to it to the freezer.

“You can’t drink and drive carpool.”

“Is there carpool today?”

“Yeah, but it’s so late the other moms have driven their kids to school already. I’ll probably get some angry texts while I’m in court today,” Paige said, grinning.

She hates driving carpool. The ‘mom’ routine has never been her thing and yet, she keeps trying.

“Thank you for all that you do for the girls,” Ben said. “Most days I don’t even think about the sacrifices you make.”

Paige tilted her head to the side. “What’s come over you lately?”

“I’ve just been thinking. Do you remember that night we met in the bar?”

“Yes, you were very handsome in your uniform. Did you wear it just to pick up women?”