Afloat and Ashore (4 page)

As for myself, I frankly admit a strong disinclination to be
learned. The law I might be forced to study, but practising it was a
thing my mind had long been made up never to do. There was a small
vein of obstinacy in my disposition that would have been very likely
to carry me through in such a determination, even had my mother lived,
though deference to her wishes would certainly have carried me as far
as the license. Even now she was no more, I was anxious to ascertain
whether she had left any directions or requests on the subject, either
of which would have been laws to me. I talked with Rupert on this
matter, and was a little shocked with the levity with which he treated
it. "What difference can it make to your parents,
now
," he
said, with an emphasis that grated on my nerves, "whether you become a
lawyer, or a merchant, or a doctor, or stay here on your farm, and be
a farmer, like your father?"

"My father had been a sailor," I answered, quick as lightning.

"True; and a noble, manly, gentleman-like calling it is! I never see
a sailor that I do not envy him his advantages. Why, Miles, neither
of us has ever been in town even, while your mother's boatmen, or your
own, as they are now, go there regularly once a-week. I would give the
world to be a sailor."

"You, Rupert! Why, you know that your father in tends, or, rather,
wishes that you should become a clergyman."

"A pretty appearance a young man of my figure would make in the
pulpit, Miles, or wearing a surplice. No, no; there have been two
Hardinges in the church in this century, and I have a fancy also to
the sea. I suppose you know that my great-grandfather was a captain in
the navy, and
he
brought
his
son up a parson; now, turn
about is fair play, and the parson ought to give a son back to a
man-of-war. I've been reading the lives of naval men, and it's
surprising how many clergymen's sons, in England, go into the navy,
and how many sailors' sons get to be priests."

"But there is no navy in this country now—not even a single
ship-of-war, I believe."

"That is the worst of it. Congress
did
pass a law, two or three
years since, to build some frigates, but they have never been
launched. Now Washington has gone out of office, I suppose we shall
never have anything good in the country."

I revered the name of Washington, in common with the whole country,
but I did not see the
sequitur
. Rupert, however, cared little
for logical inferences, usually asserting such things as he wished,
and wishing such as he asserted. After a short pause, he continued the
discourse.

"You are now substantially your own master," he said, "and can do as
you please. Should you go to sea and not like it, you have only to
come back to this place, where you will be just as much the master as
if you had remained here superintending cattle, cutting hay, and
fattening pork, the whole time."

"I am not my own master, Rupert, any more than you are yourself. I am
your father's ward, and must so remain for more than five years to
come. I am just as much under his control as you, yourself."

Rupert laughed at this, and tried to persuade me it would be a good
thing to relieve his worthy fether of all responsibility in the
affair, if I had seriously determined never to go to Yale, or to be a
lawyer, by going off to sea clandestinely, and returning when I was
ready. If I ever was to make a sailor, no time was to be lost; for all
with whom he had conversed assured him the period of life when such
things were best learned, was between sixteen and twenty. This I
thought probable enough, and I parted from my friend with a promise of
conversing further with him on the subject at an early opportunity.

I am almost ashamed to confess that Rupert's artful sophism nearly
blinded my eyes to the true distinction between right and wrong. If
Mr. Hardinge really felt himself bound by my father's wishes to
educate me for the bar, and my own repugnance to the profession was
unconquerable, why should I not relieve him from the responsibility at
once by assuming the right to judge for myself, and act accordingly?
So far as Mr. Hardinge was concerned, I had little difficulty in
coming to a conclusion, though the profound deference I still felt for
my father's wishes, and more especially for those of my sainted
mother, had a hold on my heart, and an influence on my conduct, that
was not so easily disposed of. I determined to have a frank
conversation with Mr. Hardinge, therefore, in order to ascertain how
far either of my parents had expressed anything that might be
considered obligatory on me. My plan went as far as to reveal my own
desire to be a sailor, and to see the world, but not to let it be
known that I might go off without his knowledge, as this would not be
so absolutely relieving the excellent divine "from all responsibility
in the premises," as was contemplated in the scheme of his own son.

An opportunity soon occurred, when I broached the subject by asking
Mr. Hardinge whether my father, in his will, had ordered that I should
be sent to Yale, and there be educated for the bar. He had done
nothing of the sort. Had he left any particular request, writing, or
message on the subject, at all? Not that Mr. Hardinge knew. It is
true, the last had heard his friend, once or twice, make some general
remark which would lead one to suppose that Captain Wallingford had
some vague expectations I might go to the bar, but nothing further. My
mind felt vastly relieved by these admissions, for I knew my mother's
tenderness too well to anticipate that she would dream of absolutely
dictating in a matter that was so clearly connected with my own
happiness and tastes. When questioned on this last point, Mr. Hardinge
did not hesitate to say that my mother had conversed with him several
times concerning her views, as related to my career in life. She
wished me to go to Yale, and then to read law, even though I did not
practise. As soon as this, much was said, the conscientious servant
of God paused, to note the effect on me. Reading disappointment in my
countenance, I presume, he immediately added, "But your mother, Miles,
laid no restraint on you; for she knew it was
you
who was to
follow the career, and not herself. 'I should as soon think of
commanding whom he was to marry, as to think of forcing, a profession
on him,' she added. 'He is the one who is to decide this, and he only.
We may try to guide and influence him, but not go beyond this. I leave
you, dear sir, to do all you think best in this matter, certain that
your own wisdom will be aided by the providence of a kind Master.'"

I now plainly told Mr. Hardinge my desire to see the world, and to be
a sailor. The divine was astounded at this declaration, and I saw that
he was grieved. I believe some religious objections were connected
with his reluctance to consent to my following the sea, as a
calling. At any rate, it was easy to discover that these objections
were lasting and profound. In that day, few Americans travelled, by
way of an accomplishment, at all; and those few belonged to a class in
society so much superior to mine, as to render it absurd to think of
sending, me abroad with similar views. Nor would my fortune justify
such an expenditure. I was well enough off to be a comfortable and
free housekeeper, and as independent as a king on my own farm; living
in abundance, nay, in superfluity, so far as all the ordinary wants
were concerned; but men hesitated a little about setting up for
gentlemen at large, in the year 1797. The country was fast getting
rich, it is true, under the advantages of its neutral position; but it
had not yet been long enough emancipated from its embarrassments to
think of playing the nabob on eight hundred pounds currency
a-year. The interview terminated with a strong exhortation from my
guardian not to think of abandoning my books for any project as
visionary and useless as the hope of seeing the world in the character
of a common sailor.

I related all this to Rupert, who, I now perceived for the first time,
did not hesitate to laugh at some of his father's notions, as
puritanical and exaggerated. He maintained that every one was the best
judge of what he liked, and that the sea had produced quite as fair a
proportion of saints as the land. He was not certain, considering the
great difference there was in numbers, that more good men might not be
traced in connection with the ocean, than in connection with any other
pursuit.

"Take the lawyers now, for instance, Miles," he said, "and what can
you make out of them, in the way of religion, I should like to know?
They hire their consciences out at so much
per diem
, and talk
and reason just as zealously for the wrong, as they do for the right."

"By George, that is true enough, Rupert. There is old David Dockett, I
remember to have heard Mr. Hardinge say always did double duty for his
fee, usually acting as witness, as well as advocate. They tell me he
will talk by the hour of facts that he and his clients get up between
them, and look the whole time as if he believed all he said to be
true."

Rupert laughed at this sally, and pushed the advantage it gave him by
giving several other examples to prove how much his father was
mistaken by supposing that a man was to save his soul from perdition
simply by getting admitted to the bar. After discussing the matter a
little longer, to my astonishment Rupert came out with a plain
proposal that he and I should elope, go to New York, and ship as
foremastlads in some Indiaman, of which there were then many sailing,
at the proper season, from that port. I did not dislike the idea, so
far as I was myself concerned; but the thought of accompanying Rupert
in such an adventure, startled me. I knew I was sufficiently secure of
the future to be able to risk a little at the present moment; but such
was not the case with my friend. If I made a false step at so early an
age, I had only to return to Clawbonny, where I was certain to find
competence and a home; but, with Rupert, it was very different. Of the
moral hazards I ran, I then knew nothing, and of course they gave me
no concern. Like all inexperienced persons, I supposed myself too
strong in virtue to be in any danger of contamination; and this
portion of the adventure was regarded with the self-complacency with
which the untried are apt to regard their own powers of endurance. I
thought myself morally invulnerable.

But Rupert might find it difficult to retrace any serious error made
at his time of life. This consideration would have put an end to the
scheme, so far as my companion was concerned, had not the thought
suggested itself that I should always have it in my own power to aid
my friend. Letting something of this sort escape me, Rupert was not
slow in enlarging on it, though this was done with great tact and
discretion. He proved that, by the time we both came of age, he would
be qualified to command a ship, and that, doubtless, I would naturally
desire to invest some of my spare cash in a vessel. The accumulations
of my estate alone would do this much, within the next five years, and
then a career of wealth and prosperity would lie open before us both.

"It is a good thing, Miles, no doubt," continued this tempting
sophist, "to have money at use, and a large farm, and a mill, and such
things; but many a ship nets more money, in a single voyage, than your
whole estate would sell for. Those that begin with nothing, too, they
tell me, are the most apt to succeed; and, if we go off with our
clothes only, we shall begin with nothing, too. Success may be said to
be certain. I like the notion of beginning with nothing, it is so
American!"

It is, in truth, rather a besetting weakness of America to suppose
that men who have never had any means for qualifying themselves for
particular pursuits, are the most likely to succeed in them; and
especially to fancy that those who "begin poor" are in a much better
way for acquiring wealth than they who commence with some means; and I
was disposed to lean to this latter doctrine myself, though I confess
I cannot recall an instance in which any person of my acquaintance has
given away his capital, however large and embarrassing it may have
been, in order to start fair with his poorer competitors.
Nevertheless, there was something taking, to my imagination, in the
notion of being the fabricator of my own fortune. In that day, it was
easy to enumerate every dwelling on the banks of the Hudson that
aspired to be called a seat, and I had often heard them named by those
who were familiar with the river. I liked the thought of erecting a
house on the Clawbonny property that might aspire to equal claims, and
to be the owner of a
seat
; though only after I had acquired the
means, myself, to carry out such a project. At present, I owned only a
house
; my ambition was, to own a
seat
.

In a word, Rupert and I canvassed this matter in every possible way
for a month, now leaning to one scheme, and now to another, until I
determined to lay the whole affair before the two girls, under a
solemn pledge of secrecy. As we passed hours in company daily,
opportunities were not wanting to effect this purpose. I thought my
friend was a little shy on this project; but I had so much affection
for Grace, and so much confidence in Lucy's sound judgment, that I was
not to be turned aside from the completion of my purpose. It is now
more than forty years since the interview took place in which this
confidence was bestowed; but every minute occurrence connected with it
is as fresh in my mind as if the whole had taken place only yesterday.

We were all four of us seated on a rude bench that my mother had
caused to be placed under the shade of an enormous oak that stood on
the most picturesque spot, perhaps, on the whole farm, and which
commanded a distant view of one of the loveliest reaches of the
Hudson. Our side of the river, in general, does not possess as fine
views as the eastern, for the reason that all our own broken, and in
some instances magnificent back-ground of mountains, fills up the
landscape for our neighbours, while we are obliged to receive the
picture as it is set in a humbler frame; but there are exquisite bits
to be found on the western bank, and this was one of the very best of
them. The water was as placid as molten silver, and the sails of every
vessel in sight were hanging in listless idleness from their several
spars, representing commerce asleep. Grace had a deep feeling for
natural scenery, and she had a better mode of expressing her thoughts,
on such occasions, than is usual with girls of fourteen. She first
drew our attention to the view by one of her strong, eloquent bursts
of eulogium; and Lucy met the remark with a truthful, simple answer,
that showed abundant sympathy with the sentiment, though with less of
exaggeration of manner and feeling, perhaps. I seized the moment as
favourable for my purpose, and spoke out.