Afloat and Ashore (3 page)

After the death of my father, I had never bethought me of the manner
in which he had disposed of his property. I heard something said of
his will, and gleaned a little, accidentally, of the forms that had
been gone through in proving the instrument, and of obtaining its
probate. Shortly after my mother's death, however, Mr. Hardinge had a
free conversation with both me and Grace on the subject, when we
learned, for the first time, the disposition that had been made. My
father had bequeathed to me the farm, mill, landing, sloop, stock,
utensils, crops, &c. &c., in full property; subject, however, to my
mother's use of the whole until I attained my majority; after which I
was to give her complete possession of a comfortable wing of the
house, which had every convenience for a small family within itself,
certain privileges in the fields, dairy, styes, orchards, meadows,
granaries, &c., and to pay her three hundred pounds currency, per
annum, in money. Grace had four thousand pounds that were "at use,"
and I had all the remainder of the personal property, which yielded
about five hundred dollars a-year. As the farm, sloop, mill, landing,
&c., produced a net annual income of rather more than a thousand
dollars, besides all that was consumed in housekeeping, I was very
well off, in the way of temporal things, for one who had been trained
in habits as simple as those which reigned at Clawbonny.

My father had left Mr. Hardinge the executor, and my mother an
executrix of his will, with survivorship. He had also made the same
provision as respected the guardians. Thus Grace and I became the
wards of the clergyman alone on the death of our last remaining
parent. This was grateful to us both, for we both truly loved this
good man, and, what was more, we loved his children. Of these there
were two of ages corresponding very nearly with our own; Rupert
Hardinge being not quite a year older than I was myself, and Lucy, his
sister, about six months younger than Grace. We were all four
strongly attached to each other, and had been so from infancy,
Mr. Hardinge having had charge of my education as soon as I was taken
from a woman's school.

I cannot say, however, that Rupert Hardinge was ever a boy to give his
father the delight that a studious, well-conducted, considerate and
industrious child, has it so much in his power to yield to his
parent. Of the two, I was much the best scholar, and had been
pronounced by Mr. Hardinge fit to enter college, a twelvemonth before
my mother died; though she declined sending me to Yale, the
institution selected by my father, until my school-fellow was
similarly prepared, it having been her intention to give the
clergyman's son a thorough education, in furtherance of his father's
views of bringing him up to the church. This delay, so well and kindly
meant, had the effect of changing the whole course of my subsequent
life.

My father, it seems, wished to make a lawyer of me, with the natural
desire of seeing me advanced to some honourable position in the
State. But I was averse to anything like serious mental labour, and was
greatly delighted when my mother determined to keep me out of college
a twelvemonth in order that my friend Rupert might be my classmate. It
is true I learned quick, and was fond of reading; but the first I
could not very well help, while the reading I liked was that which
amused, rather than that which instructed me. As for Rupert, though
not absolutely dull, but, on the other hand, absolutely clever in
certain things, he disliked mental labour even more than myself, while
he liked self-restraint of any sort far less. His father was sincerely
pious, and regarded his sacred office with too much reverence to think
of bringing up a "cosset-priest," though he prayed and hoped that his
son's inclinations, under the guidance of Providence, would take that
direction. He seldom spoke on the subject himself, but I ascertained
his wishes through my confidential dialogues with his children. Lucy
seemed delighted with the idea, looking forward to the time when her
brother would officiate in the same desk where her father and
grandfather had now conducted the worship of God for more than half a
century; a period of time that, to us young people, seemed to lead us
back to the dark ages of the country. And all this the dear girl
wished for her brother, in connection with his spiritual rather than
his temporal interests, inasmuch as the living was worth only a
badly-paid salary of one hundred and fifty pounds currency per annum,
together with a small but comfortable rectory, and a glebe of
five-and-twenty acres of very tolerable land, which it was thought no
sin, in that day, for the clergyman to work by means of two male
slaves, whom, with as many females, he had inherited as part of the
chattels of his mother.

I had a dozen slaves also; negroes who, as a race, had been in the
family almost as long as Clawbonny. About half of these blacks were
singularly laborious and useful, viz., four males and three of the
females; but several of the remainder were enjoying
otium
, and
not altogether without
dignitate
, as heir-looms to be fed,
clothed and lodged, for the good, or evil, they had done. There were
some small-fry in our kitchens, too, that used to roll about on the
grass, and munch fruit in the summer,
ad libitum;
and stand so
close in the chimney-corners in cold weather, that I have often
fancied they must have been, as a legal wit of New York once
pronounced certain eastern coal-mines to be, incombustible. These
negroes all went by the patronymic of Clawbonny, there being among
them Hector Clawbonny, Venus Clawbonny, Caesar Clawbonny, Rose
Clawbonny—who was as black as a crow—Romeo Clawbonny, and Julietta,
commonly called Julee, Clawbonny; who were, with Pharaoh, Potiphar,
Sampson and Nebuchadnezzar, all Clawbonnys in the last resort. Neb, as
the namesake of the herbiferous king of Babylon was called, was about
my own age, and had been a sort of humble playfellow from infancy; and
even now, when it was thought proper to set him about the more serious
toil which was to mark his humble career, I often interfered to call
him away to be my companion with the rod, the fowling-piece, or in the
boat, of which we had one that frequently descended the creek, and
navigated the Hudson for miles at a time, under my command. The lad,
by such means, and through an off-hand friendliness of manner that I
rather think was characteristic of my habits at that day, got to love
me as a brother or comrade. It is not easy to describe the affection
of an attached slave, which has blended with it the pride of a
partisan, the solicitude of a parent, and the blindness of a lover. I
do think Neb had more gratification in believing himself particularly
belonging to Master Miles, than I ever had in any quality or thing I
could call my own. Neb, moreover liked a vagrant life, and greatly
encouraged Rupert and myself in idleness, and a desultory manner of
misspending hours that could never be recalled. The first time I ever
played truant was under the patronage of Neb, who decoyed me away from
my books to go nutting on the mountain stoutly maintaining that
chestnuts were just as good as the spelling-book, or any primer that
could be bought in York.

I have forgotten to mention that the death of my mother, which
occurred in the autumn, brought about an immediate change in the
condition of our domestic economy. Grace was too young, being only
fourteen, to preside over such a household, and I could be of little
use, either in the way of directing or advising. Mr. Hardinge, who had
received a letter to that effect from the dying saint, that was only
put into his hand the day after the funeral, with a view to give her
request the greater weight, rented the rectory, and came to Clawbonny
to live, bringing with him both his children. My mother knew that his
presence would be of the greatest service to the orphans she left
behind her; while the money saved from his own household expenses
might enable this single-minded minister of the altar to lay by a
hundred or two for Lucy, who, at his demise, might otherwise be left
without a penny, as it was then said, cents not having yet come much
into fashion.

This removal gave Grace and me much pleasure, for she was as fond of
Lucy as I was of Rupert, and, to tell the truth, so was I, too. Four
happier young people were not to be found in the State than we thus
became, each and all of us finding in the arrangement exactly the
association which was most agreeable to our feelings. Previously, we
only saw each other every day; now, we saw each other all day. At
night we separated at an early hour, it is true, each having his or
her room; but it was to meet at a still earlier hour the next morning,
and to resume our amusements in company. From study, all of us were
relieved for a month or two, and we wandered through the fields;
nutted, gathered fruit, or saw others gather it as well as the crops,
taking as much exercise as possible in the open air, equally for the
good of our bodies, and the lightening of our spirits.

I do not think vanity, or any feeling connected with self-love,
misleads me, when I say it would have been difficult to find four
young people more likely to attract the attention of a passer-by, than
we four were, in the fall of 1797. As for Rupert Hardinge, he
resembled his mother, and was singularly handsome in face, as well as
graceful in movements. He had a native gentility of air, of which he
knew how to make the most, and a readiness of tongue and a flow of
spirits that rendered him an agreeable, if not a very instructive
companion. I was not ill-looking, myself, though far from possessing
the striking countenance of my young associate. In manliness,
strength and activity, however, I had essentially the advantage over
him, few youths of my age surpassing me in masculine qualities of this
nature, after I had passed my twelfth year. My hair was a dark auburn,
and it was the only thing about my face, perhaps, that would cause a
stranger to notice it; but this hung about my temples and down my neck
in rich ringlets, until frequent applications of the scissors brought
it into something like subjection. It never lost its beauty entirely,
and though now white as snow, it is still admired. But Grace was the
one of the party whose personal appearance would be most likely to
attract attention. Her face beamed with sensibility and feeling, being
one of those countenances on which nature sometimes delights to
impress the mingled radiance, sweetness, truth and sentiment, that men
ascribe to angels. Her hair was lighter than mine; her eyes of a
heavenly blue, all softness and tenderness; her cheeks just of the
tint of the palest of the coloured roses; and her smile so full of
gentleness and feeling, that, again and again, it has controlled my
ruder and more violent emotions, when they were fast getting the
mastery. In form, some persons might have thought Grace, in a slight
degree, too fragile, though her limbs would have been delicate models
for the study of a sculptor.

Lucy, too, had certainly great perfection, particularly in figure;
though in the crowd of beauty that has been so profusely lavished on
the youthful in this country, she would not have been at all remarked
in a large assembly of young American girls. Her face was pleasing
nevertheless; and there was a piquant contrast between the raven
blackness of her hair the deep blue of her eyes, and the dazzling
whiteness of her skin. Her colour, too, was high, and changeful with
her emotions. As for teeth, she had a set that one might have
travelled weeks to meet with their equals; and, though she seemed
totally unconscious of the advantage, she had a natural manner of
showing them, that would have made a far less interesting face
altogether agreeable. Her voice and laugh, too, when happy and free
from care, were joyousness itself.

It would be saying too much, perhaps, to assert that any human being
was ever totally indifferent to his or her personal appearance. Still,
I do not think either of our party, Rupert alone excepted, ever
thought on the subject, unless as it related to others, down to the
period Of which I am now writing. I knew, and saw, and felt that my
sister was far more beautiful than any of the young girls of her age
and condition that I had seen in her society; and I had pleasure and
pride in the fact. I knew that I resembled her in some respects, but I
was never coxcomb enough to imagine I had half her good-looks, even
allowing for difference of sex. My own conceit, so far as I then had
any—plenty of it came, a year or two later—but my own conceit, in
1797, rather ran in the direction of my athletic properties, physical
force, which was unusually great for sixteen, and stature. As for
Rupert, I would not have exchanged these manly qualities for twenty
times his good looks, and a thought of envy never crossed my mind on
the subject. I fancied it might be well enough for a parson to be a
little delicate, and a good deal handsome; but for one who intended to
knock about the world as I had it already in contemplation to do,
strength, health, vigour, courage and activity, were much more to be
desired than beauty.

Lucy I never thought of as handsome at all. I saw she was pleasing;
fancied she was even more so to me than to any one else; and I never
looked upon her sunny, cheerful and yet perfectly feminine face,
without a feeling of security and happiness. As for her honest eyes,
they invariably met my own with an open frankness that said, as
plainly as eyes could say anything, there was nothing to be concealed.

"Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus;
Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits;—
I rather would entreat thy company
To see the wonders of the world abroad."
Two Gentlemen of—Clawbonny.

During the year that succeeded after I was prepared for Yale,
Mr. Hardinge had pursued a very judicious course with my
education. Instead of pushing me into books that were to be read in
the regular course of that institution, with the idea of lightening my
future labours, which would only have been providing excuses for
future idleness, we went back to the elementary works, until even he
was satisfied that nothing more remained to be done in that
direction. I had my two grammars literally by heart, notes and all.
Then we revised as thoroughly as possible, reading everything anew,
and leaving no passage unexplained. I learned to scan, too, a fact
that was sufficient to make a reputation for a scholar, in America,
half a century since.
[1]
After this, we turned our attention to
mathematics, a science Mr. Hardinge rightly enough thought there was
no danger of my acquiring too thoroughly. We mastered arithmetic, of
which I had a good deal of previous knowledge, in a few weeks, and
then I went through trigonometry, with some of the more useful
problems in geometry. This was the point at which I had arrived when
my mother's death occurred.