Affairs & Atonements (22 page)

He collapsed onto the edge of his bed.
This wasn’t true. It can’t be.

She fell into a chair and began sobbing. “I’m so sorry, Ashton. I wished she was gone. But not like this. I didn’t mean for her to die.”

“She isn’t dying,” he muttered. “She can’t.”

“I’m sorry.” She shivered, clutching her knees to her chest. “I’m sorry.”

“I have to go into town and do a bit of shopping,” Christy announced as she entered the kitchen. “Will you be able to pick JR from school?”

“Yeah. Can you bring us some beef ribs? We’re running short on our batch.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll drop in at Dave’s and see if he’s got some fresh cuts.”

“Don’t get too much if it isn’t.”

Christy smiled. “You know, I’ve heard that last instruction for the past eight years consistently and there is no hope on seeing its end, is there?”

Margaret chuckled as she continued on to knead her dough of flour. “Well here’s another. Check on the laundry at the Kims.”

Christy wrapped her arms around the older woman’s slim, frail waist.

“What’s wrong, honey?” Margaret asked with a tinge of worry.

“Nothing, except that I want you to know how much I love you,” she muttered against her shoulders. “You’ve always been the mother my mom should have been.”

“Oh come now, honey.” Margaret patted her hand. “You’ll get me all emotional.”

Christy released her and slumped tiredly into a chair.

“Is this all about Ashton?” Margaret asked slowly.

She didn’t answer, letting the tear staining her cheeks say it all.

“Has he called yet?” Margaret sighed.

“Yes. JR’s spoken to him. I don’t think I can. Not yet. It’s too soon.”

Margaret clasped her hand. “It’s only right to take your time. As much as I like Ashton, he shouldn’t have put you through all this mess when he knew he was engaged.”

“It’s my fault. If I had been stronger, there was nothing he could have done to make me love him again.”

“Don’t be too harsh on yourself. It isn’t easy to not have gone there when you still had a soft spot for him all these years.”

“I’m such a fool, Margaret. I even let Chad go. But I couldn’t lie to him anymore.  Not when I’m still emotionally hung-up on Ashton.”

“You’re doing fine.” Margaret assured. “If Chad is meant for you, he’ll be there waiting for you when you’re ready.”

But it isn’t Chad I want.
She closed her eyes, trying to find some of her lost common sense.

*****

“Hello, Mary,” she said, the little doorbell chiming above her as she entered the Kims’ store.

The mid-thirtyish woman smiled broadly at her. “Hello, hello. I have laundry all ready for you.”

She raced off to the back of her store and returned with a basket of neatly pressed clothes.

“Here,” the woman said happily. “All done.”

“Thank you so much, Mary,” Christy said, handing the money over the counter. “How is Helen doing in school?”

“Very good, very good. Sean, he excel at piano. Teacher said he play very well.”

“That’s so wonderful. I’m sure both you and John must be proud.”

“Very much, very much.” Mary nodded her head gleefully. “And how is Ash?”

Christy froze briefly, wondering how she had known Ashton. But then she realized it was JR she was referring to.

“He is fine,” she blurted with slight embarrassment. “Although he prefers to be called JR now.”

“JR?” The woman repeated. “Good, good. Like me before Mi Young and now Mary.”

Christy laughed. “Yes, something like that.”

She picked up her basket and waved at her as she stepped out of the store. Outside, she grumbled to herself. She must stop with her absurdity regarding Ashton.

She shook her head, determined to be stricter with her emotions and then began to cross the street to the other side. She heard the squeal of tires. She turned towards the noise and her eyes widened. The car came out of nowhere, hitting her squarely into her abdomen. The pain rushed up her and almost immediately numbed her. Her body fell onto the road, her laundry littering it all around her. She heard screams and cries.
Please, stop,
she wanted to shout at them. But her voice refused to emerge from her throat.
Stop screaming. My head… it hurts.
Her eyes closed, her mind drifting into nothingness.

*****

“Margaret,” Ashton said as he rushed up to her in the aisle of the hospital. “Is she okay?”

Margaret shook her head and sobbed. “I don’t know. I hope so, Ashton. She is all I have.”

“Can I see her?” His face was lined with exhaustion from worrying. He had booked an immediate flight to Seattle the moment he had learnt of her accident. Christy was his life. It was she who drove him. His work didn’t matter anymore. They could fire him for all he cared. It was with her where he belonged. He shouldn’t have taken so long. He should have broken it off with Naomi. He should have been here with Christy. Maybe if he had, this would never have happened.

“Visitations are limited,” said Margaret, sniveling. “Chad is with her at the moment. I’ll get him to add your name to the visitor list.”

His color drained. This was her wife and he would have to get permission from another man to see her?

“I didn’t fly all the way from Philadelphia to be told I would be on some goddamned list. I want to see her now.” He almost shouted out. He made to march towards the doors of her room but Margaret moved quickly, standing in his way.

“I know how you’re feeling. But this is not the time, Ashton. Let Chad handle this, please.”

“I’m her husband!”

“Yes. But Christy wasn’t too happy with the way things turned out between you. I have to respect that, Ashton. I only called you because JR insisted that you should know. The poor boy is sapped from worrying about his mother. And right now he needs you more than anyone.”

“Move, Margaret.”

“Chad will only have you removed. You know he can do that. Don’t make things worse for yourself.” She put a hand on his arm to comfort him. “I like you a lot, Ashton. And I really did wish things would have worked out between you and Christy. But for Christy’s sake, I can’t let you in at the moment. I …I don’t know how she’ll take it. I can’t risk it, Ashton. I just can’t. Go home. Go home to Puyallup, to your son.”

*****

He walked tiredly into the house. Jane was waiting for him at the kitchen table, her eyes plagued with concern.

“Hi, Jane,” he said slowly.

“Hi.” She rose up from her chair. “How is she?”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I didn’t get to see her.”

She nodded her head in understanding. “I haven’t seen her either.”

But she’s my wife. I should have every right to be by her side.
For the first time in all these years, he could feel his rights as her husband slipping away from him. And he was too helpless to do anything about it.

“Where’s JR?” he asked.

“In his room. He hasn’t eaten much at all today. I worry about him too, poor kid.”

He climbed up the stairs wearily and towards his son’s bedroom. He had to protect him. No one will ever take his son away from him.

He opened the door and the boy looked up at him in surprise.

“Dad,” he cried. “You came.”

“Of course, I would. Where else would I go?”

“I missed you.” The boy sobbed on his shoulder. “I miss Mom.”

“I miss her too, champ.”

“What if she dies?”

“Let’s not go there, yet.” He rubbed his back, soothing him. “She’s fighting to live and we have to help her survive.”

“But how?”

“We have to stay strong and pray that she will. Every little bit that we do counts.”

“You think she really will?”

He ran his hand through the boy’s hair. “Do you remember how we rescued Rusty in the woods? He was such a baby and we thought he would never make it. But you took care of him. Fed him, kept him warm. It was a miracle he survived and miracles happen all around us, all the time. So let’s pray Mom has a miracle of her own too, okay?”

The boy nodded. JR seemed to be comforted slightly. But he on the other hand, had no faith in the words he had uttered to his son. He was breaking up inside from knowing he was on the brink of losing the love of his life forever.

*****

His phone rang and his eyes sprang open. Jane had left sometime in the night while he had been with JR. And from the silence reigning in the house, he guessed Margaret hadn’t returned from the hospital either. He had fallen asleep on the lounge while waiting all night for her, hoping to hear of some news.

He grabbed for his phone, giving the ID a quick glance before answering it.

“Margaret?” he said into it.

“Ashton,” she said slowly.

His heart stopped, fearing the worst.

“She’s not doing so well,” Margaret mumbled in an ominous tone. “Could you bring JR to see her?”

It must be terrible if she wanted JR to visit. His eyes welled and he quickly wiped his tears away in case JR came down the stairs and saw him balling them out.

“We’ll be right there. But Margaret… I…”

“Yes,” she said. “I’ve spoken to Chad. You can see her too.”

He got JR out of bed as quickly as he could and then huddled him downstairs without trying to alarm him.

“Is Mom okay?”

“Yes,” he muttered, grabbing the keys to Christy’s crew cab. “She can’t get visitors through the day so we have to see her now.”

He hurried up to the vehicle with JR close behind him and then slid behind the wheel. He revved up the engine and as soon as JR had settled into his seat, he raced out into the main street and towards the hospital, praying silently that he was imagining her worse than she really was.

*****

“Nan.” JR rushed up to her.

“How are you doing? Have you eaten? Jane said you weren’t eating too well,” Margaret asked, her face lined with stress and exhaustion.

“I had a quick breakfast. Can I see Mom?” the boy asked eager to hop inside the room.

“Your Uncle Marshall’s here,” she said. “As soon as he comes out, you and your Dad can go see her.” She turned to Ashton. “They’re only allowing a maximum of two people at a time.”

Ashton nodded, his face grown ashen with worry. He collapsed into a chair; his head leaning against the wall. He waited only ten minutes before Marshall stepped out of the room, but it had seemed like an hour.

He rose up from his chair as Marshall strode up to him solemnly.

“How is she?” Ashton asked, his mind too pre-occupied with Christy rather than his manners to greet her brother.

“It’s best if you see her for yourself,” he replied, rubbing his forehead. “I’ll take JR in first so you can have some time with her alone.”

He nodded, letting his son go ahead with his uncle. It was for the best. If JR saw him breaking down, he’d lose all hope as well.

After another anguishing ten minutes, he finally stepped into her room. His eyes immediately clouded with tears the moment he saw her. The pulsating sound of the defibrillator invoked a dismal and dooming atmosphere, inevitably raising the anxiety inside him.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hey,” she replied in a frail voice, giving him a small faint smile. “I didn’t expect to see you.”

“How could I not come?” He sat down beside her bed, looking down onto her face. His hand reached out for hers, his fingers grazing hers.

She clasped his hand, her tears flowing freely down her face. “Thank you. I never thought I’d be able to see you again.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here beside you.”

“What about Naomi? Is she coming too?”

He picked up her hand and brought it to his lips. “Naomi and I… we aren’t together anymore.”

“I’m sorry…”

“No, I am. I should have told her about us much sooner. If I had …” His lips trembled, his tears running down his face and wetting her hand. “This wouldn’t have happened.”

She let go of his hand to thread her fingers through his hair and he gladly moved up, tucking his face by her side.

“I got hit by a young speed crazy driver. This has nothing to do with you.”

He began to sob softly. “Don’t go, Christy. Please…”

“You will take care of JR and Margaret?”

“We’ll do it together.”

She sighed and closed her eyes. “I love you.”

“Stay… stay with me,” he pleaded. “Please stay.”