Addicted Like Me (29 page)

I guess I never thought my father would kill himself. A lot of things in life seem like an option, but that never seemed possible. I never thought I would have to deal with suicide ever in my lifetime, and yet after I had to deal with it, the tragedy did not become the thing worth giving up my sobriety for. I was determined not to let the impossible choice of my father ruin my life, and instead I kept it with me as a reminder that the disease of addiction is capable of killing loved ones.

Since the tragedy of my father's death, I have married the man of my dreams, and together we have two children. At times, I get to see glimpses of their grandfather in each of them. I credit a strength and a higher power I found through twelve-step for the ability to move through my pain when it rises and, instead of breaking, to continue on with my life. My father was not there that day to walk me down the aisle, but I know the spirit of my dad was with me and continues to be with me at all the great moments I will experience.

My family has been ravaged by the disease of addiction, and I am unwilling to be a victim of it anymore. Most of my healing came to me through working the steps, which encouraged me to share my story, and in turn I got to help others that share the same history I have. From this I have been given more power
to walk strong in my own life, to fight my own battles, because somewhere in every legacy of addiction, someone has to break the cycle. Why not me, and why not now?

DO IT NOW FOUNDATION, drug fast fact cards:
www.doitnow.org/pages/fastfacts.html

 

NATIONAL INSTITUTE ON DRUG ABUSE:
www.nida.nih.gov

 

PARENTS. THE ANTI-DRUG:
www.theantidrug.com

 

TWELVE STEP, ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS:
www.aa.org

 

THE NATIONAL CENTER ON ADDICTION AND SUBSTANCE

ABUSE AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY:
www.casacolumbia.org

 

THE PARTNERSHIP FOR A DRUG-FREE AMERICA:
www.drugfree.org

 

TEEN DRUG ABUSE:
www.teen-drug-abuse.org

 

A current list of resources can be found on our website at
www.addictedlikeme.com

WE WANT TO THANK our agent, Barbara Poelle, who enthusiastically believed in our work and never gave up when the going got tough. Also, thank you to our editor Katie Meier, who has helped us take our book from good to great.

Much gratitude to Nancy Diluca, Sheri Greenawalt, and Tiffanie Burrey for their constant encouragement and to Susan Cox and Sue Swannack for their generous time and service.

Thank you to Ryan, who graciously allowed his story to be a part of this book. Without you, this book wouldn't be all that it is meant to be. Deepest gratitude to Papa, who has continuously been the rock of our family.

We are sincerely grateful to our husbands, Bob Franklin and Mike King, for supporting us. We love you both.

To Bob M. (you know who you are), who was key to our sobriety: Never forget all of the good that you have done. We also wish to thank all of the people in recovery that we have met along the way that have enriched our lives by unselfishly sharing their experience, strength, and hope.

Finally, a word of deep love and appreciation to Rose Osburne, who told us years ago that this book was meant to be written and shared with others so that our message of hope could be heard.

KAREN FRANKLIN has spent the past twenty-one years recovering from the legacy of her family addiction. She has committed her life to helping others in their personal recovery process. Karen resides in Phoenix, Arizona, with her husband and two dachshunds. She is an avid reader, hiker, scuba diver, and nature lover. Karen has spent twenty-five years in the information technology field and has volunteered since 1989 in facilitating weekend recovery workshops for adults and teens dealing with grief. This is her first book, and Karen plans to continue writing to produce more nonfiction books on recovery issues.

LAUREN KING has spent the past eleven years living a sober life. She has a wealth of experience to share that can help parents of teen addicts to understand adolescent addiction. Lauren is happily married, living in Surprise, Arizona, and is the mother of two beautiful girls. She is currently pursuing a degree in chemical dependency. Lauren has spent her sober years working tirelessly to help others break from addictive family legacies by passing on the gift of sobriety that she has earned. This is her first book. Lauren plans to continue writing on recovery from addiction.

 

 

PLEASE VISIT
WWW.ADDICTEDLIKEME.COM
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1. Describe how history repeats itself with Karen and Lauren's individual stories of addiction? What are some of the most striking parallels?

2. Do you think it is possible that alcohol and drug use could have been prevented if Karen or Lauren had been informed and educated about the “family secrets” regarding the genetic history of substance abuse in their family?

3. What were some of the warning signs that Lauren and Ryan were using? Would it have made a difference if Karen had intervened at an earlier time?

4. Lauren's drug use started innocently with curiosity and wanting to fit in. How do you think it happened that this young girl, who was so against drug and alcohol use, could have been so easily overtaken by addiction?

5. Did the peer pressure or the move to Colorado play a part in Lauren's decision to use drugs? Could she have avoided getting into drugs if she had gotten involved in other activities? What could Lauren have done differently to make friends? How do you deal with difficult feelings or situations?

6. What methods did Lauren use to hide her addiction from her mother? How do you feel that Lauren's addiction alienated her from her mom?

7. Discuss Lauren's progression of doing more harmful drugs as her disease of addiction escalated. What was the attraction of crystal meth for Lauren? How did it hurt her? Do you think her progression is typical of most people who start abusing drugs and alcohol?

8. Denial is a common theme for family members of addicts. How important was it that Karen came out of denial about the addiction in her children?

9. Karen's friend Shirley and Lauren's teen friends Lindsey and Paige played a major role in Lauren's coming to the end of her crystal meth usage. Do you think they contributed to saving Lauren's life? What would you say or do if you had a friend in the same situation?

10. What might the result have been if Lauren had not been willing to take an honest look at her life and realize she
needed to get sober? What do you think were the biggest factors that led to her decision?

11. What were some of the things that were different about the twelve-step program that Lauren attended as opposed to some of the other programs she had been exposed to? What do you think made the biggest difference in Lauren's success in the program?

12. Why do you think Lauren had to change so many things in her life when she entered recovery? Did it work and was it worthwhile? How do you think things would have played out differently had Lauren gone back to her old friends when she completed her inpatient recovery?

13. The fact that Lauren did not relapse during the breakup with her boyfriend and her miscarriage is significant. What do you think contributed to her strength during that difficult time?

14. One of the points stressed in the book is that parents need to educate themselves and take action. What was the impact on Karen's family as she worked to gain knowledge, seek help, and take action around her children's addiction?

15. How will teens who read Lauren's story be impacted? Do you feel her story could act as a deterrent for kids considering alcohol or drug usage?

16. In the book, Rick was told that if he drank again he would end up dead. Discuss what could have driven him to end his life the way he did? Do you think his addiction was the main cause of his problems?

17. What are your thoughts on addiction being labeled a disease? Has the book helped to change your perception on this topic in any way?

18. The book states, “Adolescents whose parents talk to them on a regular basis about substance abuse and genetic predispositions are 42 percent less likely to use drugs; however, only one in four teens reported having these conversations.” How do those statistics speak to you and what can you do to improve the conversation about substance abuse in your homes and families?

19. Although statistics prove differently, one statement in the book referred to teens feeling like nothing bad will happen to them if they try alcohol or drugs. This seems to be true because of the fact that the adolescent brain is not developed enough to understand the consequences of life-threatening situations. How was this true with Lauren?

20. The genetic predisposition for addiction was highly visible in Karen and Lauren's family. Do you feel that the recovery work this family has done may impact future generations? Is there a history of addiction in your own family that should be explored?

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www.sealpress.com/blog
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LOADED: WOMEN AND ADDICTION,
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ADDICTED LIKE ME

Copyright © 2009 by Karen Franklin and Lauren King

 

Published by

Seal Press

A Member of the Perseus Books Group

1700 Fourth Street

Berkeley, California

 

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except by reviewers who may quote brief excerpts in connection with a review.

 

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Franklin, Karen, 1955

p. cm.

eISBN : 978-1-580-05318-1

HV4998.F73 2009

362.29092'273—dc22

[B]

2009004843

 

Distributed by Publishers Group West

 

To respect the privacy of individuals mentioned in the book, the authors have changed some names.