Addicted Like Me (28 page)

 

When children become involved in using and selling drugs, their circle of friends will change drastically. The crowd that you once knew and trusted will be nowhere to be found. When Ryan and I met an older man in our neighborhood in Colorado who dealt weed, we knew we had hit the jackpot. He was married, yet had a thing for younger girls. I had him eating out of the palm of my hand. For months before I moved back to Arizona, I would spend countless hours at his home getting high for free.

Meeting the friends your child keeps is essential. Also, meeting the parents can tell you a lot about any teen and help you keep close tabs on yours. You might even consider calling or getting together regularly to share information with other parents about how your children behave, what they like to do, and any changes you've noticed lately.

 

I found out early on in my using that some drugs are even cheaper and easier to obtain than alcohol. The dealer pushes the drugs for cheap, and once the teen is hooked, the dealer then raises the price or sometimes asks for a sexual favor in return for the next high. Drugs are an expensive habit otherwise, which means that
an addicted teen must begin to steal or otherwise barter anything to get money or access to substances.

Once my mom realized that Ryan and I were indeed smoking pot and drinking alcohol, and that none of our chores were being done, she decided that she would no longer give us money. This was the correct choice. She was not going to be an active participant in our drug purchases anymore. The consequence of that choice was that Ryan and I then had to figure out ways that we could still get money to support our pot smoking addiction because neither one of us had hit our bottom and was ready to quit using.

We decided that we would sneak out at night to break into neighborhood cars. Theft is what we turned to when we were desperate. We would dress in all black and wait for our parents to go to sleep, and then meet to scrounge up whatever valuables we could find in the vehicles we hit. People didn't lock their car doors as often as they do now, so it was easy to find many cars to steal from. We found wallets with money, but even just an ashtray full of change was worth robbing the car for. We took purses, clothing, and guns and sold what we could for drug money.

There were also times when I dealt drugs to make money. I brought LSD into a rehab center with me to sell to other patients for more than the price I was able to buy it for. I used the benefit I had as an outpatient to score drugs when I was not at the program. In my own neighborhood I sold to younger kids because I knew they would never notice I was tricking them. I made bags of my
mom's spices that looked like bags of weed, and when the younger kids would call and ask to get drugs, I took their money and went to purchase my own real stash.

 

 

Keeping your home open and available to your teen and your teen's friends will certainly give you a window to notice any new behaviors that may arise. We had kids living in the rafters of our garage. These were friends that had been kicked out of their homes or just simply run away. Ryan and I used this as a means of extorting them for their drugs, or we made them go steal alcohol for us in return for a warm place to sleep. Our mom had set up a couch in our garage, which just ended up giving us a warm place to get high when she was away from the house, instead of freezing our butts off outside to hide from her in the cold and snowy winter months in Colorado.

Neighborhood friends began to use our house as a base. If they wanted to get high, they knew they could just come to our garage, hang out, and use. It was easy for friends to come and go through the garage into the house. If your child is using or has friends that use, take all your valuables out of the home, or they will probably be stolen if you are not home for several hours a day. Don't leave your wallet or purse lying around, especially your bank checks.

 

Teens can now use the Internet to buy prescription drugs. This has made the drug menu bigger, because hundreds of online pharmacies sell medications with no questions asked and no prescription necessary. Painkillers, depressants, antianxiety meds, and stimulants are easy to order and learn more about online. One big problem with prescription drug use is that a teen may not realize that there is very little difference between the amount of medication that can produce a high and the amount that can cause an overdose. Prescription drugs are just as dangerous as illicit drugs.

You can monitor Internet use of your credit and debit cards and investigate packages addressed to your child that arrive in the mail. You can also monitor the types of websites that your child visits by using the history function of your web browser or a program that will do this for you invisibly. Thanks to the Internet, teens can exchange drug information with anyone around the world, so the drug scene today is constantly changing. Parents need to be constantly updating their knowledge of teen drug abuse and the new “now” drugs. Don't feel uneasy with these tactics. Your child will be using a cell phone and the Internet to constantly learn better ways to deceive you.

 

When I was using, I didn't even want to come home for dinner, and when I was home I was sure to stay as far away from my mom as
possible to avoid having to answer uncomfortable questions. Your teen will stay away from your house as much as possible while using because it is not connected to the party scene, dealers, or using friends. Eventually your child will come for something. When your child does come home, what has been going on will be obvious. If your kid comes in with friends and they are particularly ravenous or giggly, you should suspect that they have been smoking pot.

Teens who are involved with drugs will probably be spending the majority of their time away from family and refuse to participate in family activities, so be aware when a desire for privacy develops into isolation. When I was grounded or stuck in the house, I found ways to get high while in the home. Many times I would say I was taking a shower, and I would take my pot into the bathroom. I would stuff a towel under the door and stand on the toilet to blow the smoke into the bathroom fan up in the ceiling. Then I would take my shower as normal, which would cover up the smell of the pot smoke. When I would get high in my room, I would also use empty toilet paper rolls and stuff them with dryer sheets and blow my pot smoke through the roll so that it came out covering up the smell. Another trick is the use of incense.

The history of the twelve steps is a fascinating story. Two desperate drunks who met in Akron, Ohio, founded Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), the first twelve-step program, back in 1935. One had been a Wall Street big shot and the other a surgeon. At the time there had been no known cure for their addiction, and most alcoholics ended up in jails, institutions, or morgues.

Both men had tried many ways to stop drinking and had been hospitalized numerous times. They were both at a place where they felt they were beyond help. Then a miracle happened. In getting to know each other, they began to realize that by helping
each other, they were both able to stay sober. The twelve steps were adopted, and within a few short years, there was a documented success rate of over 75 percent for the pioneer groups that sprang up around the country.

The twelve steps were written from experience and not as a theory. A tradition was born within the “anonymous” twelve-step programs of using only first names. Bill W., one of the founders, said many times that nobody invented AA. Bill often revealed that everything in the program was borrowed from medicine, religion, and experience. The main thing about it was that it worked.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.

Bottoming out is crucial for addicts, because if they can function as normal people for years, addicts will see no reason to quit using the drugs or alcohol. I wasn't ready to get sober until I found that my life had gotten bad enough to make the change. I entered the residential house at the twelve-step center due to the fact that my meth dealer went to prison and my mom would not allow me to stay in her home if I continued to use.

There is no way to force a teenager into addiction treatment. Some parents actually hire third-party professionals called interventionists to come to their home and lead their family through the process. Sometimes the family doctor can help with a referral. Some families unite with their teens' friends to intervene as a group. This was the case with me. Lindsey confronted her mom about my problem, which led to my mother confronting me. A group of people were worried I was going to die at the point when I hit my bottom.

Once I finally entered the residential house, I was able to get away from all the people in my life that enabled my addictions. I was embarrassed at the fact that I was, once again, in another rehab; however, the residential house focused on teen drug abuse and knew how to give me, as a teen, the right tools to fight my kind of addiction. I abused multiple substances, while adults may be more singular in their focus. I didn't discriminate against any drug. If I never used it, it was simply due to the fact that it never crossed my path.

About ten days into my residential treatment, I made a decision to leave and experienced a relapse. This ended up being my moment of clarity, as I realized that I was standing directly at a fork in the road. I was finally involved with a treatment program that focused on teenage addiction, and I knew the program was giving me tools to start a new life. I was in intense group therapy six hours a day prior to my relapse. My knowledge of my using and myself had already begun to change by the time I ran away from the residential house. My head was filled with so much positive healing at that time, but it was in transition against my disease, which was grasping at anything it could to feed itself and stay alive.

There is a saying, “A head full of program and a belly full of booze do not mix.” This is what happened to me during my relapse. It resulted in a bad high for me, and I ultimately made the decision at Steve's house to leave and see the recovery process through because counselors were successfully rewiring my thinking. They had not only addressed my substance abuse but also helped me to navigate finding my own identity that I was neglecting
while addicted to the drugs and alcohol. I began to find alternative methods of dealing with my negative thinking, my depression, and my mood swings.

I had no effective problem-solving and social skills and needed to be taught to build my self-esteem when I began recovery at the twelve-step center. I didn't trust anyone, and I had to start learning how to put trust in others once again. I was shown the tools and given the verbal skills of how to ask for help if I needed it, yet it was up to me to practice these tools regularly and consistently. I was never willing to do that before. I had to start to learn how to accept life on life's terms and decide for myself where and when to apply the correct tools. Of course, once I graduated from the program, I was frightened. I had to find a new group of peers and a support system for myself. I knew that I could not give in to the misconception that I was now healed, because in recovery we believe that we are never fully recovered but are simply recovering.

Graduating from the program, I chose to follow up with twelve-step meetings that I continue with today. I have also continued with the sponsor I met in recovery. This support was essential to face a major trauma I had as a sober adult. I hit an all-time low in my life after my father shot and killed himself due to his own addictive relapse. This happened when I had five years sober, and I felt the anxious beast in me waiting to use that event as an opportunity to draw me into the family legacy I had chosen to break.

It was the most horrendous situation that had ever happened in my life. I could have easily played up the victim role; however, I had been diligent at setting myself up with a tremendous support
system through my sponsor, my meetings, and my peers. I threw myself into as many meetings as possible. For a good month, I constantly surrounded myself with loved ones and support from friends. I allowed myself to experience all the stages of grieving for my dad and allowed my emotions to be released through talking and writing about his suicide so that I did not repress my feelings.