Abide with Me (37 page)

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, he just looked a little worried. Everything okay with him and Nicole?”

Raymond laughed and said, “Do you ever stop being a mother?”

“Can’t do it.”

“They’ve hit a bump in the road over when the babies start coming. But they will manage. I think I’ll give him a call when I get back to the hotel to make sure he’s cool. He was trying to be strong for us. But he’s a bit troubled,” Raymond said.

“And since you know I’m a mother twenty-four hours a day, I have a question. Is Trent going to come to Chicago before we take your father back home?”

“I don’t know. I think it depends on how long I’m here,” Raymond said softly.

Mrs. Tyler knew it was a difficult time for her son and that Raymond hadn’t talked with Trent often since arriving in Chicago. When Trent called, Raymond would only speak for a few minutes, often telling Trent he needed to get back to the hospital. Raymond would leave brief messages for Trent when he knew Trent was away from their Seattle home. His mother would also watch Raymond sit for hours looking at his father, unable to say what was in his heart. She knew that Raymond needed to make peace with his demons.

“You know, Raymond, I’m going to tell you something I swore I’d never tell you,” Marlee announced.

Raymond stopped walking and turned to face his mother before asking, “What, Mama?”

“Your father cheated on me once.”

“Pops?” Raymond said. “Pops cheated on you? No! Pops would never do that! And when I asked you before, why didn’t you tell me then?”

“It was our business,” Marlee said firmly.

“I can’t believe Pops would do something like that,” Raymond said, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Well, he did,” his mother said, “he most certainly did.”

“I’m sorry, Mama,” Raymond said as he hugged her tightly. “I know you wouldn’t lie to me about something like that, but it’s still hard for me to believe. I mean, the two of you always seemed so happy together. The one thing I always knew I could depend on was you guys being in love. What happened? How did you deal with it?”

“It was a very long time ago, Raymond. I haven’t really thought about it in ages. And, of course, it’s never happened again.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I know. We were so young then. You were just a toddler and your father had just hung out his shingle. It was tough going. He was trying to build up his practice and I had a little rascal like you running me ragged and I was teaching and working a part-time job. I told your father he should apply at some of the large law firms. I mean, he had finished at the top of his class at Howard, and if he wanted to be a judge, he needed that experience. But large firms weren’t interested in somebody your father’s color. The money was short and so were our tempers. We seemed to be pulling apart instead of pulling together.

“Anyway, one night he didn’t come home. I knew he was lying to me when he called with some silly excuse and it just about broke my heart. Not a day passed before he confessed that he’d been with another woman. Some out-of-law-school clerk who was helping him start his practice. It was like he couldn’t wait to rub my face in it. I thought he must be the cruelest man in the world.”

“Jesus, Mom. What did you do?”

“I did what you’re doing. I ran. Wouldn’t speak to him, wouldn’t listen to nothing he had to say. I just grabbed you and went to my mother’s. I was so angry, so hurt, I couldn’t see straight. But the pain, the anger, the hurt that I thought I’d left behind, followed me around until I had to do something. As bad as your father had made me feel, I loved him something awful. Yes, I wanted to fix him, get even with him, but I couldn’t imagine my life—or yours—without him. But my own mother pointed out that I had been partly responsible.”

“No way, Mama. How could you have been responsible? What he did he chose to do. No matter what, Pops shouldn’t have done that to you!”

The two of them walked toward some concrete steps and sat down, with the racing traffic of Lake Shore Drive behind them and the calm of Lake Michigan before them.

“Son, life is just not that cut-and-dry. People sometimes do hurtful things just to get the other person’s attention. And what I discovered was that I hadn’t been paying attention, or giving attention, either. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered why he hadn’t cheated sooner. Now, maybe he could have just come to me, sat me down, and told me what was wrong, but I probably wouldn’t have heard him. But it was my mother’s advice that meant the most.”

“What did she say?”

“She told me, ‘If you love him,’ she said, ‘really love him, then forgive him, forgive yourself, and move on with your lives.’ ”

“So that’s what you did?”

“That’s what I did.”

“Did it work?”

“Trust me, baby, it worked.” She smiled and grabbed his knee playfully. “It worked.”

“Forgiveness, huh?” Raymond said mostly to himself as he put his arms around his mother, buried his face in her neck, and gently kissed her.

Raymond went to the lobby of the hotel and called Jared’s cellular phone. Raymond didn’t want to disturb his mother, so he went downstairs to the lobby and called Jared. He picked up after a couple of rings.

“Hello, Jared Stovall speaking.”

“Hey, dawg. You miss me?” Raymond asked. He could hear the static of the portable phone in the background.

“Didn’t I just see ya?” Jared joked.

“Yeah, but you’ve been on my mind,” Raymond said.

“So you saw through me, huh?”

“And so did my mom.”

“Don’t worry, I’m cool. I’m down here in Atlanta enjoying Moms and my little sister and when I get home, Nicole and I will work everything out,” Jared said.

“OK. I just want you to know, despite everything I’m dealing with, I’m here for you,” Raymond said.

“I know that. And how are you doing? I’m still trippin’ on what you told me about Trent. I mean, man, I don’t know what I’d do if I ever found out Nicole was stepping out on me,” Jared said. He was shocked when Raymond, out of the blue, had said, “I thought the knowledge that my lover is lookin’ for dick elsewhere could be the worse thing that could happen and now this.” Raymond dropped the bombshell and then stated emphatically that he didn’t want to go into details. Jared had just deeply massaged his shoulders as Raymond stared out into space silently.

“Well, right now, my pops and you are my priority. I deal with Trent later,” Raymond said as he looked at his watch. It was almost midnight and he had thought about calling Trent just to check in.

“Well, I’m here if you need me,” Jared said.

“And you know that.”

“And I might have a solution to my problem,” Jared said.

“What’s that?”

“I still want my own children, and I know one day that will happen. But while I was on the flight to Atlanta, I sat next to this sistah who worked with Big Brothers and Big Sisters. We got in a conversation and I thought about what an impact Nicole and I could make in some of these children’s lives. And there is foster care as well. It will give us some training and help out some of the kids who need to know they matter,” Jared said.

“That’s a great plan. You’d be a great big brother or foster father. I know you’re a perfect best friend.”

“And so are you,” Jared said.

“Let me hang up before we both get too mushy,” Raymond said as he fought back the tears forming.

“I love you, Ray.”

“And I love you back.”

The last thing Nicole wanted was company. With Jared away on business, Nicole was enjoying her solitude by listening to the gospel song “Stand,” over and over. When she became ready to face the world, Nicole would have a new theme song.

As she crossed the living room to answer the incessant buzzing of the intercom, Nicole was startled by her own reflection in the framed mirror near the door. She looked bad. The intercom buzzed annoyingly again and Nicole pushed the talk button.

“What is it!” she yelled at the speaker. She touched the arrangement of chrysanthemums sent by Yancey and Cedric, and breathed in the heavy fragrance of the apartment.

“It’s me, Miss Springer. Clinton. The doorman. I’m terribly sorry to disturb you, ’cause your husband told me you weren’t feeling well, but there’s a Miss Morris here to see you, and she said she come from way across the country to see you.” The doorman lowered his voice to a whisper. “And from what I can tell, I don’t think she’s going to leave
without seeing that you’re all right. What would you like for me to do?”

Miss Morris
, Nicole thought.
Delaney!
“Please tell Miss Morris that I’m fine, but I really can’t see her right now. Tell her …”

“Nicole?” Delaney’s voice came over the intercom. “Girl, I’m on my way up there and you’d better open the door or I’m calling 911. And you can forget if you think Clinton here can keep me from coming up.”

Nicole knew there was no stopping her old friend Delaney Morris. Not when she used that tone. By the time Nicole had put on a robe, turned down the gospel music she was playing, and unlocked the two dead bolts, Delaney was knocking on the front door.

Delaney was shocked at her friend’s appearance. The first thing she noticed was Nicole’s eyes, which were void of the sparkle Delaney remembered. Nicole’s hair was tangled and wild, dark shadows encircled her eyes, and her lips were chapped.

Nicole felt shamefully self-conscious under her friend’s close scrutiny. She felt the tears begin to well up in her eyes as she prepared to hear her friend tell her how messed up she was!

“Bad hair day?” Delaney said.

Nicole couldn’t help herself. She laughed out loud and couldn’t stop giggling. She laughed until her side hurt, and Delaney laughed right along with her. They grabbed each other and held each other so tightly and laughed so hard that Nicole began to choke. Delaney patted her on the back and told her to raise her arms. When Nicole put her hands up over her head, the coughing subsided, but when she took one look at Delaney, with her own tears falling from the corners of her eyes, Nicole began to cry again.

After a few moments, Nicole said, “Delaney, girl, what in the world are you doing here?”

“You got any tea in that kitchen?”

“Tea?”

“Yes, tea.”

“I think so,” Nicole said.

“Then c’mon in the kitchen and I’ll make us some tea. Then I’ll tell if you’ll tell. Should I tell Clinton to take my garment bag out of the storage room?”

“I’ll buzz him later.”

The two friends walked arm in arm into the dark kitchen. Nicole sat at the counter while Delaney opened the blinds to allow the soft light of early evening to flood the room. She turned on the kettle, found the tea bags and two mugs, and set them on the counter. She pulled a barstool next to Nicole’s and put an arm around her friend’s shoulder, drawing her close.

“So you gonna let the bastards grind you down, huh?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’ll give you the short version: Cedric called and told me those bastards had you replaced in the show. He was worried about you ’cause nobody had the chance to say good-bye. I called you. You weren’t answering the phone. I didn’t leave a message. I called Jared’s mother in Atlanta and she gave me his office number. After finally getting through that tough assistant of his, we talked. He told me you were taking it real hard and that he was worried about you. Said he thought maybe you should go see Dr. Huntley, but you weren’t having it. I told him I’d pray for you ’cause I knew you weren’t feeling me these days,” Delaney said.

“You thought I was still upset with you?” Nicole asked with her head held down.

“I figured you’d get over it sooner or later, but Jared called me from Chicago and told me you guys had a big fight. And I know you don’t like to fight. He said the fight was about him wanting you to stop your career and have a baby. I know how sensitive that is for you.”

The high-pitched whistle of the teakettle put a temporary halt to
Delaney’s rapid-fire narrative. She poured the water over the tea bags and handed Nicole a mug. She set her own steaming mug on the table and picked up where she left off.

“Jared said you were sleeping too much, not eating enough, and depressed as hell. He said he didn’t know what to do, that he’d never seen you act like this. But from his voice and our conversation I think Jared’s in worse shape than you. Men hate it when they can’t fix things,” Delaney said. She took a sip of her tea.