A Younger Man (6 page)

With a silent command not to hide, Noah held his ground. “I don’t merely now
suspect
” he made quotes with his fingers, “I was gay while I was married. I’m not on the fence about it. I know now I always was, but I pushed what I was feeling down. I didn’t allow myself to focus on it. I never acted on it while I was with my wife, but I was always gay.”

“What changed?”

How to explain the many wet dreams about Sirus, and the puppy-dog crush, without dragging him into this mess?
Swallowing down specifics, Noah answered, “I found myself experiencing feelings for one particular person that were so strong I couldn’t deny them, or what they meant about me, anymore.”

Noah then—finally—closed his mouth. Only, Zane remained quiet too, studying Noah like a carnival sideshow curiosity. The air turned oppressive. Noah wiped at sweat pouring down the sides of his face.

“Anyway,” Noah spilled, driven to fill the awkward silence, “I’m divorced, those feelings for that guy didn’t ever become anything, and so now I’m trying to figure out how the hell I’m supposed to live the rest of my life.”

“So you’re going out with a man.” Zane appeared as if he were still trying to process Noah’s confession into information he could understand. “Tonight.”

“Yes.” Feeling put under a microscope, Noah wiped his face with his drenched T-shirt. “Jesus Christ. I don’t know why I told you any of this. Or why I said I was even going out with a man in the first place. It’s not relevant to you or your life in any way, shape, or form.” With a start, Noah jerked up straight.
Crap.
“I wasn’t trying to use it as a come-on or anything. I swear.”

As if coming out of a trance, Zane stood up straight too. His stare cleared and zeroed in on Noah. “No, it’s fine. I didn’t think that. I’m not gay or anything, but shit, you’ve been so nice to me, it’s not like I’m all of a sudden not gonna want to live in your cabin or talk to you anymore just because you are.”

“It’s not my cabin, but thank you.” Noah hadn’t even realized he’d been strung so damn tight, waiting for something resembling acceptance from Zane, until his muscles released upon Zane’s
“It’s fine.”
Noah breathed a thousand times easier. “Hell, maybe I just didn’t want things to be weird between us down the line, since you’re bound to find out. It was hard for me to start telling people why Janice and I got divorced. Once I did, there were a lot of guy friends who didn’t shun me or anything, but I could see in their eyes that they thought I’d been picturing them naked for the twenty years I’d known them, thinking I’d been fantasizing about fucking them when I was having sex with my wife—when in fact I never fantasized about any of them. They acted different around me once they knew.” Noah’s chest ached for the friendships that had slipped to acquaintances upon the news of his homosexuality. “Maybe I didn’t want to start out one way with you and then have it change when you found out.” He shrugged, out of steam. “I don’t know.”

“It’s fine.” Zane brushed Noah’s worries aside.

“It is fine,” Noah promised. “Don’t worry about me saying inappropriate things to you, or putting moves on you, or anything like that.”
No more accidental, innocent touches either.
Noah made that vow to himself. “That’s why I’m going out on all these dates.” He nodded, needing to back up his words with action. “I’m trying to meet someone who is also gay, and who is appropriate for me.” Characteristics that matched his were exactly what Noah needed in a mate; then maybe his life would return to order.

With a shrug, Zane said, “Maybe you’ll meet him tonight.”

“Maybe.” Noah shrugged too.

“Okay, so…” Zane pointed behind him and started backing up to the Accord. “I have to get going if I want to get food before picking up Duncan and Hailey.”

Noah put his ass in gear too. “Right. Go.” As he opened his driver’s side door, he called, “I’ll come by this weekend to give you some of those home improvement basics you requested.”

Rather than shouting back, Zane got in the car and pulled up alongside Noah. He rolled down the passenger window and leaned across the seat. “Make it Sunday. I have to work on Saturday.”

Noah stooped down so he could see Zane. “Sounds good. See you then.”

With a smile, one of those genuine ones that lit up his pretty eyes, Zane waved and drove away. Noah got behind the wheel and drove himself home to shower for his date, with one passage repeating on a nonstop cycle in his head:
No matter how sweet and cute he is, Zane Halliday is not gay. And just as important, he is not age appropriate for you. Stop thinking about him and find someone who is.

* * * *

Later that night, long after Zane had settled his brother and sister in bed, he sat outside under a star-filled sky and let the breeze from the water drift across his skin. In just his underwear, he’d dragged a chair from the porch down to the dock, sat in the glow of a lantern he’d found in the kitchen, and nursed a can of soda that for one of the few times in his life he wished were a beer. He didn’t drink, though; couldn’t afford to be incoherent or passed out if something happened to his siblings and they needed him.

Zane hadn’t been able to sit still or focus all night. Not even a shower and crawling into bed had settled him down enough to relax and sleep. Too much filled his mind and he could not turn off his brain. The money he’d earned today was already gone. He’d taken just a small portion to use for food and had given the rest of it to Clint with a promise that he would pay again as soon as he could. The piddly amount he’d given would not satisfy Clint for long, if at all, but Zane had nothing more to give.

When Zane had originally borrowed money from Clint, the first of three times total, he’d made the disastrous mistake of believing that his old job—working at a T-shirt factory—would still be there. His bosses of three years had assured him they had a plan to keep their heads above water until business picked up again. Then the dozen employees had gone into work one day to find the doors locked and the owners long gone. When the first paycheck had bounced a few weeks prior to the plant closing, a coworker had said to get the hell out right then and find something new. But Zane and a handful of others had stuck with the small business, believing that if they just filled the orders in the next few weeks, everything would be fine.

Now I’m royally fucked.
Zane could not sustain himself and his siblings on the income generated working part-time as a line prep/server in a local home-style eatery. Two perks kept him working there, rather than moving on to another part-time job that might give him a few more hours. First, the owner was a nice lady, whose family happened to have a hundred-year history with the restaurant; thus Zane didn’t worry about the business collapsing around her. More important, on the days he worked, the owner always sent him home with food, while allowing Zane his dignity by saying it was time to make a new batch of this or that, whatever, and if Zane didn’t take the leftovers, then they would be thrown away.

Groaning, Zane scrubbed his face and scratched through his hair. Job security and a pleasant work environment weighed heavily against his need to at least find another part-time job, one that would be compatible with the one he had, or better, one good full-time job. Patty would come and check on Duncan and Hailey in person soon. Zane’s sleepless night revolved around what she would do when she discovered that as of right now he only had a roof over his head for himself and his siblings due to the charity of a stranger.

A charitable stranger who happens to be gay.
Patty would have a field day with the information. Her idea of gay people consisted of guys who dressed in leather or guys who wore drag. And to her mind anyone gay who didn’t dress that way openly just did so in private. Zane could only imagine what she would think of Noah, and what terrible things she would be certain he was hiding behind that gruff, incredibly masculine exterior. Not to mention how much she would freak out if she knew Zane had invited Noah to eat dinner with him and Duncan and Hailey.

With that thought, Zane couldn’t help wondering how Noah’s dinner with another man had gone. Zane was rather proud of the fact that he was becoming one heck of a good cook. Without a doubt he knew Noah would have enjoyed the pork chops, apple salad, and red potatoes he’d made for dinner tonight. He grinned as he recalled Duncan and Hailey gobbling up every bite.
Except it wouldn’t have been a date if Noah had come here
, Zane’s smile fell abruptly,
and Noah probably doesn’t care about the food so much on these evenings as he does the company.

Whoever had gone out on that date with Noah surely had to be ecstatic that he’d lucked out with such a nice guy. Zane might not have ever gone on a date, but surely sincerity and kindness in a mate mattered more than anything else. Sure, a person would want the guy to be handsome, but if he was a jerk who couldn’t be trusted, what good did attractiveness matter? Not that Noah had to worry about other men thinking he was ugly; he had a ruggedly attractive thing going for him; he had a big, muscular frame that looked tighter than most guys half his age. If a person bothered to look twice they would see Noah had such fine character that it made his eyes a deep, rich brown a person could easily find more intense and inviting than the purest emerald green or sapphire blue.

Wait.
Zane jerked up in his chair.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
He didn’t have any reason to sit here and assess Noah’s attributes, and he didn’t have any business caring if other men saw Noah as attractive. Zane wasn’t gay; the few times he hadn’t been so exhausted or caught up in his family issues that he’d given himself five minutes to think about dating, kissing, or even sex, he had always imagined a girl as the other half in any of those scenarios.
Or woman, now
, he corrected.

Which just went to show how long it had been since Zane had even given himself time to seriously dream about romance and love. Last time, he’d been a teen thinking about high school and girls. He was almost twenty-five now, and in every way except romantic and sexual experience, he was a man.

And now, the first time you give yourself a minute to think about dating, it’s on the heels of a very attractive person, who has been very kind, admitting that he’s gay.
Noah’s confession had to be why Zane’s thoughts had drifted to thinking about men on dates, and to what other men viewed as sexy and desirable. It wasn’t Noah specifically lingering in Zane’s mind, but rather just same-sex dating.

Not that Zane would be anyone’s dream—be they woman or man. First, he only had a part-time job and a high school education. And second, when he wasn’t at work, he spent all of his time taking care of his brother and sister. Not exactly exciting and alluring to a potential partner. Then there was the fact that while he had decently nice arms and shoulders, and his chest wasn’t bad, he otherwise leaned toward being a bit too slim for his liking, and probably anyone else’s. He didn’t have much of a tan or healthy glow to his skin either; paleness gave credence to his working indoors. Although after working with Noah today, Zane might get some color to his face and arms. His skin was a bit pink and warm; with luck it would turn into some healthy color over the next few days.

Just as Zane started to feel a bit better about himself the crunch of tires on gravel broke the stillness and silence of the night.
It’s him. He’s home.
It didn’t take more than another minute for Noah to pull his truck to a stop alongside his cabin across the lake.
Shit.
At the same time Noah doused his headlights, Zane blew out the lantern and cast the area into almost full darkness. Only the full moon and the lights from the stars offered a glow to the night sky.

Zane didn’t have to look at a watch to know the lateness of the hour. It had already been well past midnight when he’d come outside, and that must have been over an hour ago.
Noah’s date must have gone well.
Where he sat, Zane stared across the lake at the shadowed image crossing the front of his cabin at such a late hour. Zane squeezed the wood arms of the chair under his fingertips as he observed. His breathing became more labored too.

Interior and exterior lights suddenly flooded Noah’s cabin. For just a moment, Noah stood in his open doorway, light surrounding his commanding frame.
God, he is magnificent.
Zane’s cock thickened with blood and pushed hard against his belly right where he sat.
Oh hell.
Zane couldn’t deny his very real, physical response to Noah Maitland—and Zane wasn’t even gay.

That meant whoever Noah had gone out on a date with was probably already completely in love with the man.

Zane crushed the wood under his hands even more. He didn’t like the thought of that one bit.

Fuck.

* * * *

As soon as Noah flicked on the lights and closed his front door, he made a beeline for his couch. With a groan, he threw himself onto the plush taupe suede. He should probably get up to take a shower, or at least change his dirty clothes, but right now he could not make his body move.

In the middle of his date—which had been going decently well—Janice had called with an emergency situation. Her boyfriend had volunteered to fix a leak in the kitchen sink, but instead had caused a geyser to erupt that they couldn’t stop. Noah had apologized to his date—his second with a guy named Ramsay, Ram for short—and had driven home to fix the pipe and help clean the mess, all with Tom drilling Noah with his glare. They’d only just finished sweeping water out of the kitchen a half hour ago. Noah would go back over at some point tomorrow to assess the kitchen overall and decide if anything had gotten water damage and needed further repairs.

Need to make a call tomorrow to see if I can do damage control with Ram too.
The look in the redhead’s eyes as Noah had explained the situation with his ex hadn’t exactly said Ram believed Noah’s excuse for ending their date early. Noah had experienced a few similar situations, where a date had gotten a very convenient call during dinner, one that had pulled them away from the date, so he could understand Ram’s skepticism.
If he could see me now
, Noah grimaced as he pulled off his damp, dirty shirt and tossed it to the floor,
he’d be a believer.