A Younger Man (2 page)

As part of a routine Zane had been performing for well longer than the time of his stepfather’s death five years ago, Zane listened while he put the casserole he’d cooked on the table, then got the plates out of a high cabinet. Hailey chatted as she retrieved the utensils and set those in place, and Duncan got Zane a glass of water after pouring milk for Hailey and himself. By the time they finished eating, cleaning up, did homework with Zane’s help, and had baths, Duncan and Hailey usually didn’t have the energy to watch more than one TV show before they fell asleep on the couch. Tonight was no different. Zane had to rouse them one by one and help them into the room they shared. He knew he should set a bedtime so he didn’t have to do this, but they didn’t get to spend a whole lot of time relaxing together and just enjoying life as siblings, so he hadn’t forced a nighttime bed routine.

Once Zane had gotten Duncan and Hailey settled, he walked to the window and sat on the ledge. Leaning the side of his head against the cold glass, he watched life happening on the street below. The cars driving by didn’t much interest him, or even fill him with envy. He’d gotten used to going without a vehicle, and he managed all right. Every once in a while, though, headlights would shine over a man and woman making out in the shadows; the brief shock of light would display their passion, and Zane’s chest ached at the sight. He’d never had a girlfriend. Shit, he’d barely even kissed a girl. Just two girls, a couple of times back when he was fourteen—before his stepfather had become ill and Zane had begun taking care of him. Between caring for his stepfather, and his sister being only a baby back then, and his brother still young too, Zane had not had a free moment to even think about girls, let alone go out and kiss one again. Late at night, though, he sometimes pined for a connection to another human being. He wished he had someone to talk to, to trust … to love.

Stop it.
Zane had sole financial and legal responsibility for Duncan and Hailey. If he couldn’t care for them and make ends meet every month then the courts—via his aunt—might come in and take them away.

Just then the couple on the street wound their arms around each other and walked away. As Zane stared, his heart hurt with what he couldn’t have. More than that, though, his head pounded with fear at the thought of losing his siblings. He knew what he had to do.

Zane picked up the phone and dialed. When Clint picked up, Zane said, “I want the money. I’ll take it.”

Clint replied, “Come by the shop and get it in the morning.”

I just took money from a loan shark.
After Zane hung up the phone, he ran to the bathroom and threw up.

Chapter 1

With every ounce of willpower in him, Noah tried to gather his wandering thoughts and put his full focus on his date. It was his second with this man; Beau was his name. They weren’t even through drinks at the bar while waiting for a table when Noah began to question why he’d agreed to a second date with this man in the first place.

Because you’ve been dating men for three months now, yet you haven’t done anything more than eat, go to movies, and get a kiss on the cheek. It’s time to give someone a chance.

Still … Noah just couldn’t see himself having a genuine, deep conversation, let alone something more, with a guy who could spend forty-five minutes complaining about how his tailor had ruined his day by not fitting his suit jacket in the precise style he’d wanted it. And that’s exactly what Beau had done since saying hello at the start of their date.

The buzz of a conversation happening at Noah’s left—one about new trees budding in the backyard of the couple speaking—lured Noah away from the chestnut-haired, suited man sitting across from him. The conversation at the other table got Noah thinking about how he’d agreed to spend Sunday with Janice and Matthew, mowing the lawn and weeding the flowerbeds at his old house. He had to go over there early to make sure the blades on the mower were still sharp; while he was there, he might as well clean the gutters for her too.

Suddenly a voice that was not part of the couple chatting about trees jerked Noah back to his date, just in time to hear Beau say, “This isn’t working for you, Noah, is it?”

As Noah lifted his gaze to his date, heat burned up his neck to his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
Damn it.
He didn’t know how to behave on dates with men. Three months hadn’t taught him much of anything. Sighing, he admitted, “I-I’m not getting a vibe. I don’t know how else to say it.”

Beau shrugged. “It’s fine. It’s not really working for me either. You’re totally sexy, don’t get me wrong, but you’re not exactly the kind of guy I normally date.”

“I—” Noah snapped his mouth shut, and took a moment to regroup. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t need to say anything. It wasn’t a dig, just a fact. Look,” his attention on Noah, Beau slipped a money clip out of his pocket, palmed a few bills, and slid them under the edge of his glass, “why don’t we skip the meal, save ourselves a hundred bucks, and just go back to my place to fuck.”

Noah whipped his head to the left, then the right, scanning the other patrons at the bar.
Good Christ.
They all went about their business, but Noah didn’t understand how none of them had heard what Beau had suggested. To Noah it felt as if the man had shouted the word
“fuck”
at the top of his lungs.

Leaning across the small table, Noah whispered, “What?”

Beau grinned. “The night doesn’t need to be a complete waste. Just because we don’t want to run out and get commitment rings doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun.” The guy put his mouth next to Noah’s ear, and blessedly, this time, lowered his voice. “I’ve seen you adjust yourself twice, and I fuckin’ know you must have a huge cock. I want that thing in my ass at least once before we part ways.”

Jesus.
Noah’s dick twitched, and a wonderful pull stirred in his balls. He couldn’t help it. He wanted sex with another man. Then he looked into Beau’s eyes, at the gleam there, something that had nothing to do with Noah other than the perceived size of his penis, and his heart sank into his stomach.

Shit. Damn. Fuck.

* * * *

As Noah pulled up to his cabin an hour later—alone—he cursed himself and his rigid ways for the hundredth time. Beau had been a very good-looking guy. And fuck, Noah needed someone to be his first, just to get the pressure off him and out of the way. He didn’t want to goddamn fall in love with someone and have no real idea what to do or how to control himself during sex. Experience mattered. Not being a fucking forty-two-year-old virgin—at least where men were concerned—mattered. Beau would have fit the bill for all that criteria nicely. But what had Noah done? Paid for his drink, said
“Thank you, but no, good night”
and driven home.

Noah started up the steps to his wraparound porch, prepared to go inside, shower, and then jerk off to relieve the tension in him, when a beam of light flashed across the lake in his direction. Squinting, Noah looked toward the source, and located Sirus and Grey on their porch, beers lifted in Noah’s direction.

A moment later, Noah’s cell phone rang, and Sirus’s name appeared on the screen. Noah answered with a “What’s up?”

“Come have a beer with us,” Sirus replied. “Tell us how things are going with you before we have to head back to Raleigh in the morning.” Sirus and Grey split their time between Grey’s apartment in the city, due to the venture capitalist’s need to be in a metropolitan area for his business, and the cabin Sirus loved so much.

Noah groaned, and he almost squeezed the bridge of his nose. At the last second he remembered Sirus and Grey could see him and pushed his back up straight. “Sounds good.” He put more enthusiasm into his agreement than burned inside him. These two men had helped him immensely these last few months—Grey a bit grudgingly, but still—and Noah owed them. “I’ll be there in a few. Bye.”

After pocketing his phone, Noah traipsed back down the steps and began the trek around the lake to Sirus and Grey’s cabin. He used the vigorous walk and the sounds of nature filling the breezy evening air to get his head back on straight. By the time he climbed up the steps to Sirus’s porch, shook hands with each guy, Noah breathed a whole lot easier.

“Take a seat.” Sirus pulled out a chair at the small table and set a bottle of beer in front of Noah. “Tell us how the dating is going.”

Noah grimaced. “Just got home from one.” His gaze slid Grey’s way; he met the man’s hazel stare and fidgeted in his chair. This guy knew about Noah’s former one-sided crush on Sirus, and Noah always felt as if Grey wanted to fuck Sirus in front of him whenever they were together in order to remind Noah that Sirus was his.

Giving Grey a good, hard stare in return, Noah then shifted back to Sirus. “You can tell how the date went by how early it is and the fact that I’m already home. Drove an hour away to meet him and everything, only to have us go our separate ways pretty damn fast.”

Empathy filled Sirus’s gaze. “Give yourself time. You’ve only been out for a little over a year, and during most of that time you’ve kept to yourself.”

Using the end of the table, Noah pried the cap off his bottle of beer. “I’ve been dating for three months now.” He took a swig of beer and let the bitter hops slide down his throat before adding, “It’s just not working out.”

“Don’t give up,” and “You’re desperate and trying too hard,” came out of Sirus and Grey respectively.

Noah snarled at Grey. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” He knew Sirus loved this man passionately, and therefore Grey must be a good person, but far too often Noah viewed Grey as an asshole constantly marking his territory. “I fucking know who to call the next time I need some salt rubbed into my wounds.”

While shooting Noah an apologetic look, Sirus squeezed Grey’s forearm. “What do you mean by that, babe?”

Grey lifted Sirus’s hand and pressed a kiss to the back, but at the same time he put a penetrating focus on Noah, and spoke directly to him. “From the moment I met you, Maitland, I sized you up as a fierce competitor, as someone who puts his balls to the wall for everything he wants and cares about. In the beginning, I thought that meant I might have one hell of a fight on my hands if you decided to challenge me for Sirus.” As Grey said that, Noah swore to God the man had hackles and that they rose in defense. But just as fast he settled and added, “My money says you’re quietly forceful in dating in the same way you are at everything you do: you want to be good at it, you think you need to be good at it in order to meet someone special, and you are hungry as hell to have something meaningful in your life again. That’s just the kind of guy you are. All of that, on a very subtle wavelength, is actually making guys step back from you, rather than wanting to get closer to see what you’re about.”

Falling back in his seat, Noah let his beer bottle fall to the table with a
thunk.
“Fuck.”

“I might add,” Grey flashed a one-sided grin, “I can see all of this in you because I know myself very well, and we’re very similar in a lot of ways.”

A sharp bark of laughter escaped Noah. “Not even close, man.”

Grey raised a brow. “Yes we are; very. Only I used what I knew about myself as a way to pick a very particular type of man who would not challenge me, because I didn’t want to love anyone, and I didn’t want anyone to love me. I made sure I never let anyone in my life who would.”

“Until you met Sirus,” Noah said.

“Until I stumbled onto Sirus by accident,” Grey corrected. “He was—is—unlike anyone I’ve ever known, yet I still foolishly thought I could control and manage what we would feel for each other.”

With a chuckle, Sirus leaned over to Grey and pecked a kiss high on his cheek. “And you see how that worked out for him.”

Crap.
Noah rubbed at the tension growing behind his eyes. “So then you’re saying I should stop dating entirely until I get my shit together.”

“No,” Grey corrected, again, but gently this time, “I’m saying become aware of the subconscious agenda you’re projecting like a beacon when you go out on dates and adjust yourself accordingly to correct it.”

Bad dates, his recently unleashed hunger for men, and the desire for a relationship all swirled in Noah’s mind. Fear that whatever choices he made might hurt his family bore down on Noah and made him feel as if he constantly carried a boulder on his back. “It’s something to think about,” he murmured, not sure what else to say.

More sympathy filled Sirus’s eyes. “You have more going on in your life than dating anyway.” An upbeat tempo filled his tone. “How’s business? How are Seth and Matthew?”

Noah breathed a sigh of relief. “The kids are great, and I just agreed to fix up the cabin on the west side of the lake. I’ll work it between…”

* * * *

As Noah circled part of the lake on his way back home, he reluctantly admitted Grey might have more going for him than a handsome face and killer body. Noah was beginning to see the layers in the man, and why Sirus found him so fascinating. The dude had fucking hit the nail on the head when assessing Noah and his demeanor—not to mention his expectations—when going out on these dates. Noah needed to find a way to relax, go with the flow, and stop hoping for an emotional connection before even saying hello.

For Noah, though, one thought kept filling his mind.
“Love and respect the woman you take to your bed, son; no advice I can ever give you will hold you in better stead than that.”
Noah’s father had spoken those very words to him when he was fifteen years old. Noah had such respect for his parents’ marriage that the advice had been easy to take to heart. He couldn’t help feeling the same advice should apply to being with a man. Upon that thought, an ache immediately filled Noah’s chest and he stumbled at the foot of his steps, staying there while he regained his breath.

Since admitting to being gay, and sharing that he intended to pursue a relationship with another man, Noah had suffered a strained, stilted communication with his both of his parents, but mostly with his father. He’d always had such a good relationship with his mom and dad; he loved and admired them so much. It killed Noah not to be able to talk to his father about the turmoil living inside him daily. He was crushed by the loss, and—