A Younger Man (41 page)

As Zane studied the woman before him, a sad sickness started mixing with the righteousness boiling inside him. “I honestly can’t tell if you’re trying to con me, or are being sincere right now.”

Her moves openly frantic, Patty shoved the papers in front of her back to Zane. She parted her lips, opening and closing her mouth like a fish, before finally sputtering, “This could all be falsified, and how would I know? It’s certainly not beneath you.”

“It’s all real.” Zane didn’t flinch; he needed her to understand he was not bluffing. “I’m willing to take it to the nearest police station to prove it.”

Beneath her makeup, in a way no foundation could cover, the color fled from Patty’s face. “You wouldn’t.”

Zane’s gut kicked in fully, and pure loss and heartache flooded him.
She truly didn’t know.
He looked at this woman again—this sad, lonely widow—and like a line of dominoes, things started falling into place and creating an obvious picture. Other memories from Zane’s childhood fizzed to the surface and filled in the color to create a complete image.

Everything within him slowing down, Zane softly shared, “You know, I always used to wonder what you could possibly think was so awful about my mom. What could she have done to make you hate her so much? Up until just now I thought it was because she was so poor, and she didn’t have the greatest education, and you thought your brother married beneath himself when he fell in love and offered for her.”

Patty lifted her pert surgically-enhanced nose in the air. “He did.”

“No,” Zane settled into his seat as the wheels inside spun a new truth for him, “I see now it wouldn’t have mattered who my mother was. It was really about Burt and how he felt about your late husband—who existed before he ever met my mother.” The fact that without the file from yesterday Zane wouldn’t even have been able to remember the names of Patty’s children resonated with so much more meaning for him now. “Burt never wanted me to get to know your boys, even though the oldest and I are almost the same age, I think. And whenever you would come to see Burt, you always came by yourself. I think Burt knew—or at least suspected—that your husband was a small-time criminal, and he feared by example the man would lead his sons to become the same. Burt never wanted me around that; maybe because he didn’t approve, or maybe because he feared I might see that path as the easy way out and turn to breaking the law myself. I don’t know. Either way, it hurt you that Burt didn’t like your husband, and so when he met my mother you punished her in the same way.”

“Your mother was trash.”

Zane only smiled as familiar love tightened his chest. “My mother liked pretty, sparkly things, but she was the farthest thing from trash.”

Patty snorted and sneered. “I don’t really care what you believe.”

Every gesture Patty now made screamed at Zane of a sad woman with regrets, a woman reaching to preserve her pride, someone desperate to try again with a new family. “Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But here’s what is going to happen.” Zane leaned forward, all business again. “You’re going to give me every copy of those photos you have, that your lawyer has, and that your investigator has, along with any memory cards or USB sticks, or whatever, that contain files of them. Anything that has evidence of those photos is to either be handed over to me or wiped clean. Then we’re going to go with my lawyer to your lawyer and we’re going to sign a legal agreement stating that you are fully aware that I’m a gay man, and that you still support my custody of Duncan and Hailey, and that you will never attempt to take them away from me. Oh,” Zane couldn’t forget the two men outside who’d done so much for him, “and neither your lawyer nor mine will hear one word about this conversation between the two of us. Clear?”

Patty drummed her fingers against the arm of her chair. “And what proof do I have that you won’t turn my sons over to the authorities anyway, once I’ve signed this statement—if what you’re even saying about them is true.” Bravado Zane now recognized as false laced her words.

“You have my word, which I’ve never once broken to you,” Zane reminded her, “even though at every turn I knew you were wishing you could take Duncan and Hailey away from me.” Because Zane could see her more clearly now, he let up the reins and gave her the only thing she needed to survive. “I’ll also let you continue to see Duncan and Hailey, because I do understand that twisted up in all this ridiculousness, you genuinely love them. More important to me, they love you. They need you. I know you share good, fond stories of your childhood with Burt with them; they’ve told some of those tales to me. I want them to continue to know their father through you, just as I talk about him with them too. I have no interest in taking that away from any of you.”

Patty tried to cover it with a cough, but Zane heard the little noise of need and saw the way she put her hand to her heart. “You really won’t take them away from me?”

“I’ll even put that in the agreement. As long as you keep your end, I’ll keep mine.” Zane raised his brow. “Deal?”

The woman didn’t reach her hand across the table. “If I agree, I want a few things out of you first.”

Without the words, Patty had already said yes. Zane understood everything from here on out was just to save face. He settled in again and said, “Then let’s talk…”

* * * *

Outside, Noah got up from the glider to pace the length of the porch. He’d already done it a dozen times, but if he had to he would get up and move a few dozen more times to keep himself sane. He could not hear a damn word from inside, and every bit of the warrior in him wanted to storm into the house and take care of this mess for his man.

Christ, I love him.
Noah owned the truth body and soul, but right now that grip of emotion had him twisted up into a thousand tight knots inside, rather than wrapping around him with a sense of peace.
Not knowing if he is okay in there is killing me.

Noah went for the door.

“Don’t go in there.” Noah’s father spoke with quiet authority from his position on the glider. “It is not your right.”

Noah shot his father a glare. “You don’t even begin to understand how much I believe in my gut that it is my absolute right,” he said in a low, clipped tone. “My place is at Zane’s side.”

Hoyt laid just as hard a stare back on Noah. “You do understand what he’s doing in there right now, don’t you?”

With a spin and one step, Noah bent down in his father’s face, and hissed in a low voice, “He’s fighting fire with fire. He’s doing the only thing he believes he can to keep his brother and sister at his side. If you think I’m going to get up in arms or call him out or leave him for making the wrong decision in regard to using this information, then you are sorely mistaken.”

Hoyt shot up into Noah’s space. Height for height, build for build, the men were an even match. “But he is also breaking the law, and he clearly understands that.” Hoyt spoke in as commanding a whisper-quiet tone as Noah had. “He doesn’t want you in there because I suspect he doesn’t want you to be a party to it or a witness in case something was to go terribly wrong today or sometime in the future.” With an audible breath, Hoyt added, “Respect that,” and adjusted his suit jacket before taking a seat once more.

Noah threw himself into the glider next to his father and muttered, “Since when did you become such a believer that one man could care for another so much that he would want to protect him from harm?”

“Hey.” With something powerful vibrating through him—Noah could feel the energy arcing off his father—Hoyt spoke in a furiously soft tone. “I’ve never believed that gay people aren’t sincere and can’t love each other as much as other people. And contrary to what you seem to believe of me, I would never for one second think that young man inside is unfit to care for his siblings—or that any other gay man or woman would not be a suitable caretaker for a child, for that matter.”

Hoyt jerked his head and met Noah’s stare, and the familiar hellfire of burning judgment ripped a new gash in Noah’s heart. “What I don’t understand is how I could have a son who loved a girl enough to choose to go to the same college she went to, just so he could remain with her, and then also love her enough to marry her, and obviously be able to make love to her, because he played a part in giving me two grandsons. What I don’t understand is how that man, a man I thought I knew, a boy I thought trusted me and told me everything, could have such a loving marriage with a woman for two decades and then just up and decide he has to be gay. How could that man at some point not think to himself, not examine the possibility that, maybe there’s something going on in his brain that is making him think he is gay, but it’s not really true?”

Jesus.
Noah rubbed his hands over his face and up into his hair. “Because it was never spontaneous like you keep saying it was. I’ve always felt this way.” Sighing, he added, “I’ve wanted to talk to you about this, but you aren’t open to listening to me.”

“But you loved Janice,” Hoyt insisted with passion. “I know you did. I could see your heart in your eyes when you talked about her as a young man. And I saw that you loved the life you built with her. I cannot accept that the boy I raised had it in him to be so deceptive toward such a kindhearted woman, and to his parents, and with his children, for so many years. That’s not who you are.” Hoyt squeezed his son’s shoulder with imploring strength. “You’re an honest man. I know you are, which is why I can’t understand this.”

“All of what you said is true,” Noah promised, his voice cracking with love for his father, “but so are my feelings for men. Specifically my feelings for Zane. Christ,” Noah slid down on the glider and tipped his head against the backing to stare up at the slat ceiling, “this is so hard to explain and have make sense. But I want to try; all I’ve ever wanted was the chance to try to help you understand. I never lied to you and Mom, and I don’t feel I ever lied to Janice, and you know how much I love my boys. I would never wish away a part of my life that gave them to me. But there was this other part that was there too, always beneath the surface, but never explored. When I started having strong feelings for one specific man, feelings I could not ignore, I knew things had to change. It was only at that point that I felt I was no longer being honest in my heart and in my life, and that is why I instigated the divorce.”

“I don’t understand that.” Hoyt had gone almost too quiet to hear. From the corner of Noah’s eye, he could see his father look down to the treated floor and clasp his hands between his spread knees. “I’m not trying to be cruel. I just don’t get how you could have had romantic, loving feelings for Janice for so long and then all of a sudden have those same feelings switch to a man.”

Old frustration and pain welled in Noah and lifted to the surface. “Because the feelings weren’t exactly the same, but nor were any of them ever false; you need to hear me when I say that. Listen,” reeling himself in before he said the wrong thing, Noah forced himself to unclench his fists, “this is way too complicated for me to explain when we’re sitting on someone else’s porch. I’m not even asking that you ever understand me. I’m just asking for you to start listening to me again. I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you play with my kids. I miss the respect you used to have for me. I miss your ear, and your advice.” Noah’s voice caught, and he wiped away an errant tear. “I miss
you
, Dad.”

His nod jerky, Hoyt whispered, “I know.”

“Okay.”

A long moment of tense silence stretched between the men. Then, still without looking at Noah, Hoyt reached across the space between them and covered Noah’s hand with his. “I love you, son.” He gave Noah’s hand a gentle squeeze and held on. “I’m sorry I haven’t said that to you in such a long time.”

Shit.
Noah could barely speak. “I love you too, Dad.” He then turned his hand under his father’s and held on for dear life as the first remnants of one of his biggest prayers was answered.
He still loves me.

Only a few minutes passed in peaceful silence between the two men on the porch before the front door opened to the soft murmurs of Zane’s voice. Noah shot up and rushed across the porch, his worry and fear and love all exploding to the surface at once. He ate up Zane with a scrutinizing, possessive stare; darkness lived under Zane’s eyes—but that had been there for days. At the same time, a bright light behind those same eyes—something that hadn’t been there this morning—now glowed too. The new illumination, along with a looseness in Zane’s frame, allowed Noah to exhale for the first time in nearly two weeks.

Needing to touch, Noah caressed Zane’s cheek and temple, craving the life-beat within. “Everything went okay?”

Zane nodded, and he even offered Noah a wan smile. “Patty is gathering a few things and making a call to her lawyer. We’ll meet her there.” With a slight shift, Zane then put his attention on Hoyt, who now stood as well. “She would like for all of us to go speak with her attorney right now and get an agreement signed that assures me the continued custody of my brother and sister, but also promises that she maintains visiting rights and gets to keep them in her life.”

Hoyt said, “We can do that,” and then began to make his way down the steps. “I’ll wait in the car.”

Noah dipped down and scrutinized Zane for telling tics or giveaways of additional distress. “You’re okay with letting Patty keep those rights?”

Zane’s back remained straight and nothing in him wobbled. “I am.” His sigh filled every molecule of air around them. “We’ve all lost family and are still hurting in different ways. I don’t want to add to splitting us up even more.”

Admiration Noah couldn’t fathom filled his being. He slipped his arm around Zane’s waist and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “You’re a gentle soul.”

Zane chuckled softly. “More like a tired one.” He rubbed his cheek against Noah’s upper arm and then looked up at him with exhaustion etching new shadows into the corners of his eyes. “I’d like to get this done as fast as possible so I can get home to Duncan and Hailey.” Seth had already planned to spend the day at the lake with Matt, so he’d agreed to make Zane’s cabin home base for the day rather than Noah’s and to keep an eye on Duncan and Hailey too. “Is that okay?”