A Younger Man (16 page)

Heat radiated from Noah in powerful waves, surrounding Zane in a drugging, wonderful cloud. With Zane’s hand tingling where Noah touched him, and the sight of Noah’s bare, glorious chest only inches away, Zane could barely process what Noah said, let alone form the words needed to hide his many problems. “I-I’m working it out.”

“You can talk to me whenever you want. About anything.” Without moving a muscle, Noah seemed to envelop Zane and cover him in warmth. “I hope you know that.”

“Yeah.” The word, the emotion behind the truth—that he could trust this man more than any other—scraped Zane up inside. “I…” Zane moved even closer, their chests nearly touching, and both his and Noah’s breath caught. The balmy, late spring air suddenly seemed to crackle with crispness, bringing new vitality to the early evening. Noah trembled too.
Oh my. So beautiful.
Zane lifted up on his toes, so close he could see every line fanning from the corners of Noah’s amazing eyes. He leaned in—

Right then the crunch of tires on gravel, and Matt shouting, “Seth! Seth! You’re here!” ripped through the silence like a sonic boom, and Zane and Noah jumped a mile apart.

His heart still racing like crazy, Zane became acutely aware of what he’d almost let happen.
I almost kissed Noah.
A car, with Matt hanging out the passenger window—the kid waving at a now approaching Seth—came to a stop in front of Noah’s cabin. Zane had never been so grateful for an interruption in his life. A half dozen feet away, Noah stood, red-faced, his body rigid as hell, and Zane could only think the same burning discomfort had a tight grip on him too.

Matt tore out of the car and hugged Seth. An older man emerged from the driver’s side, moving at a much slower pace, and kept very close to the vehicle. The guy had to be at least twenty feet away but Zane categorized the graying blond hair, square jaw, tall frame, and strong shoulders as if he stood right next to him.
Noah’s father.
The man did not look at Noah for more than a heartbeat—obvious tightness throughout his body, and ruddiness filling his face when he did—before averting his stare to his grandsons.

This was the man who’d been at the heart of so much pain in Noah’s life recently. Zane took an automatic step to Noah’s side. Nothing in him would allow Noah to think he was alone in this moment. “Are you going to be okay?” His fingers itched to take Noah’s hand and hold it tight.

Still stiff as hell, Noah seemed to force an upward tilt to his lips. “I thought that was my line to you.”

“It works both ways,” Zane murmured. “I’m here for you too. You know?”

Noah’s nod was barely perceptible. “I’ll be right back.”

As Noah made his way to his father, Zane knew he should walk to the edge of the dock and immerse himself in conversation with Duncan and Hailey, where they still played in the water. But as Matt ran toward the cabin with his bag, and Seth held back at the car as Hoyt approached Noah, Zane could not command his legs to take the first step. He managed to shift so that he wasn’t outright staring, but he could do no more than that. Silently asking to be forgiven for snooping, Zane strained to hear every word exchanged between father and son.

“Dad.” Noah’s voice held none of the ease he exhibited with his children. “Thanks for taking Matt with you today. I’m sure he enjoyed seeing all the vintage cars.” A pause, and then, “I know I always did,” slipped from Noah in a much softer tone.

Hoyt, his voice also deep, like Noah’s, but less gritty, said, “I should go.”

“You should stay.” A plea suddenly filled Noah’s reply. “You can eat with us before I go—” Noah jerked to a stop, and Zane looked up to see Noah’s entire body flush red from top to bottom. “Before … before…”

“Say it, Dad.” That was Seth. He rounded the car to his father and grandfather, storming his way into their conversation. “If you can’t tell Grandpa, how are you ever going to have a life? This is what I’m talking about. You’re going out on a date tonight. With a guy you’ve gone out with a couple of times. Tell him.”

Noah glared at his son. “Seth. Stop.”

Taking a step away, Hoyt rubbed his hand over his face. “I can’t do this.”

“Dad.” Noah reached for his father, but the man sidestepped out of his touch.

“No.” Hoyt lifted his arms in front of him, creating a physical barrier. “I know I’m supposed to be able to accept you, and this, just because, but I can’t. I can’t
just get used to
,” he threw his fingers up in quotation marks, “driving up to your home and seeing you holding hands with another man, and almost kissing him—”

“No, Dad,” Noah interrupted, surging forward. “It wasn’t like that.” Noah’s explanation—the fact that he needed to make one—burned heat through Zane too. “Those kids are Zane’s little brother and sister.” Just as Noah said that, Hailey and Duncan came up on each side of Zane, taking his hands. Zane squeezed, reassuring them, as Noah went on. “Zane has custody of those kids because they don’t have their parents anymore, and he doesn’t want them to be apart. I was keeping an eye on them while he went to work. Zane works his ass off for—”

“Why are you explaining yourself?” Seth broke into the conversation once more, shaking his head and throwing his hands in the air. “This is the problem with—”

Hoyt, talking over Seth now, loudly, said to Noah, “I don’t want to know what your boyfriend’s name is, and how you’re carrying on with all these kids like you’re some big family now. I don’t care about him, or—”

“
No. Goddamn. Way.
” Noah’s denial cut across the evening sky. His tone, something filled with rust and ice, overpowered the other two trying to speak. “You have your issues with me, Dad, and that is fine. But you do not get to come to my home and disrespect someone I consider a friend. You don’t get to trash him or his siblings. You do not get to tell me what my kids can and cannot see with me, in relation to any man. That is between me and Janice and whoever I happen to be dating. That is something I have and will continue to talk to my children about, and I will always gauge their level of comfort before I make a move. If you can’t look at me and still see the boy you raised, and the man you have said many times you respected, then maybe you aren’t the man I idolized and wanted to be like from the moment I was born. And if that is the case,” visibly running out of steam, Noah’s voice cracked, “then I’m more heartbroken over losing who I thought you were than you could ever be over learning that I’m gay.”

Hoyt, his face burning, said, “You were married. You have two kids. You already had a family. You can’t all of a sudden be gay.” Shaking his head, Hoyt held eye contact with Noah, almost looking dejected, and hissed in a low tone, “Something must be malfunctioning in your brain.”

Like a cobra defending its territory, Noah drew up straight. “That’s enough. You need to leave.” He drew Seth away from Hoyt, and kept hold of Seth’s arm. “I want to spend some time with my kids tonight before I leave for my date.”

In silence, something it hurt Zane’s heart to watch, Hoyt got into his car. Without looking at his son, he backed out and drove away. Noah stood in place, as if in a state of shock.

Seth, staring as the car disappeared from sight, said, “It’s about time that happened, Dad.”

Noah looked up at the sky, and Zane swore he blinked away tears. “I didn’t want it to go down that way, kid.” His voice was rough enough to crack glass.

Shrinking back, regret filled Seth features. “I’m sorry.”

With a softly uttered curse, Noah yanked his son into a clutching hug. “No. Thank you for the push.” Pressing a kiss to the side of Seth’s head, he said, “Love you,” and squeezed him again.

Seth muttered something back to his father; Zane couldn’t make out the words. Then Seth pulled away and jogged to the cabin, where he met his brother at the front door. As they slipped inside, Noah made his way to Zane, and Zane whispered to his siblings to go gather their things.

Visible tension still held Noah’s body hostage; where he’d been flushed moments ago, his lips were now pale and narrowed to a thin line.

Before Noah could speak, Zane said, “You don’t have to say a word. You don’t owe me a single explanation, and you certainly don’t have to apologize for your father.” Zane quirked a brow when Noah made to open his mouth. “Which, yes, I could tell you were about to do.”

“You shouldn’t be in the middle of anything with my father.” A thousand apologies—humiliation—lived in Noah’s tone and gaze. “You didn’t sign up for that.”

No. That right belongs to Ramsay.
With that truth, Zane’s heart sank into his stomach.
Buck up
. Zane forced a steel rod into his spine before he slumped.
Noah deserves your loyal friendship
. “You should do exactly what you told your father you were going to do. Go spend some time with Matt and Seth,” taking a breath, Zane refused to let his voice waver, “and then go have a blast on your date.”

Commotion behind Noah had him glancing over his shoulder toward the cabin. At the sight of Duncan and Hailey traipsing down the steps, on their way to the car, Noah went even more rigid. He looked to Zane again, his eyes now bleak. “I am so sorry your brother and sister heard and saw some of that.”

Every ounce of visible discomfort and apology in Noah spurred Zane’s need to soothe the man. “Don’t worry about it.” His palms burned once more, and he just managed to hold back from pulling Noah into his arms. “I’ll take care of any questions they have. First and foremost, they clearly had a great day with you and Seth; that’s what they’ll remember.” Switching places with Noah, Zane started backing up to the car. “Thank you for stepping up to help me out. Again. And please thank Seth for Hailey. She’s obviously thrilled to know how to dive.”

“Any time.” Noah held Zane’s stare; his was darkly intense. “I mean that.”

Zane felt stroked by strong, sure hands all over.
Oh God.
Tearing his gaze away, before his cock could twitch visibly, Zane scrambled into the car. “I’ll see you Tuesday.” He waved and then put his full attention on driving, but he could still feel Noah, as if the big man sat next to him in the passenger seat.

On the drive to the other side of the lake, Zane wondered which cabin repair he could tackle tomorrow, which one would be strenuous enough to keep his mind from wandering to Noah—and what that man would do with his time spent in the company of Ramsay.

* * * *

On the couch, in Ram’s arms, Noah rose up on his knees as Ram pushed his hands under Noah’s shirt, going for skin. Noah pressed his mouth to Ram’s, and he even moaned as Ram slid his tongue past Noah’s lips for another deeper taste. His body tingled where Ram touched him. He liked the strength in Ram’s kisses, but when Ram popped the snap on Noah’s jeans and started to push his hand under the waistband of his underwear Noah found himself shaking for all the wrong reasons.

Breathing heavily against Noah’s lips, Ram scraped his mouth against Noah’s cheek and said, “Let’s go to my room.” So close, the blur of desire filled his green eyes. “I have everything we need there.”

Ram stroked his hand deep along Noah’s shaft, and Noah instantly jerked to the other side of the couch. “Wait.” Wiping the sweat beading on his upper lip, Noah wanted to slink away into the night, but he forced himself to look Ram in the eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Christ.
He hated that he couldn’t make his body relax. “I’m not ready to go to your bedroom with you.”

With a push off the couch, Ram grimaced as he adjusted his cock in his khakis. “I can be a patient guy,” his tone held remarkable calm, “but we’ve been moving very slowly for a long time already.”

“I know.” With every reasonable word Ram spoke, Noah wanted to dig himself an even deeper hole where he could go to die. “I like you, and I thought I could do this tonight. But I’m not ready yet.”

Sighing, clearly full of frustration, Ram sat back down next to Noah and looked him dead-on in the eyes. “Maybe you’re just not ready with me.”

“What?” Icy fingers suddenly danced down Noah’s spine.

Another sigh, softer this time, escaped Ram. “God knows you’re sexy, and I sure as hell wanted this to go somewhere. I like you, Noah. I like the way your mind works, and I like the way you look at relationships. We’ve talked a lot, and I get you—I think I do anyway—so I think I’m correctly reading a vibe in you that this hesitation isn’t about not being ready for sex.” Nodding, almost seemingly to himself, Ram added, “It’s more specifically about not being ready or comfortable having sex with
me
.”

“What are you talking about?” Noah’s voice rose to a ridiculously high level, but he could not control the tightness in his throat making it happen. “You’re a fantastic person. I like you, and I even trust you.”

“Which are great things to have in a new friend.” Ram leaned against the couch cushions and rolled his head to meet Noah’s stare. “But you’re not cool having sex with a friend just because you’re both horny. That’s not who you are. You need someone you click with in a different way, and he’s clearly not me.”

Noah opened his mouth to protest, but one look at Ram made him snap his lips shut. Instead, he sank even deeper into the couch. “Fuck.”

“Nope.” The freckled redhead flashed a fast smile that made him truly handsome. “At least not with me.”

“I am so sorry.” If Noah burned with a degree more humiliation he would combust right on Ram’s couch. Shooting to his feet, he said, “I need to get out of your life right away,” and then frantically eyeballed the various surfaces in Ram’s apartment for where he’d tossed his keys.

As Ram stood too, he grabbed Noah’s arm. With a tug, he made Noah face him. “You don’t have to feel like shit about this, you know. I can see that you do.”

“Because you’re probably certain now that I was using you,” Noah implored with passion, “but I swear I wasn’t. You are everything that should be right for me. And you’re kind, and you’re attractive, and—”

Ram slapped his hand over Noah’s mouth. “But I’m not what you want. I’m not in your heart. And for a man like you,” Ram softened his hold, and with a little smile, brushed his fingers against Noah’s cheek, “that’s everything.”