A Tragic Wreck (20 page)

“You singing tonight?” Mo asked, wondering whether he should tell her that Alexander was sitting at the bar.

“Yup. And if either of you say the ‘A’ word, I will leave immediately and never speak to you again. Got it?”

Kiera sighed. “Libby, you need to talk about it eventually. You know that, right?”

Olivia took a sip of her much needed gin. “Of course I do. But only when I’m ready. It’s just too painful right now,” she quivered. “So, please, I beg you both to give me time.”

Mo draped his arm around her, kissing her temple gently, wishing he could take away the pain that so clearly consumed his friend’s entire being. “Of course, Livvy. We get it.”

“He said I would always be his ‘Eve’, and I have no fucking clue what that means!” Olivia downed the rest of her drink, signaling the server to bring her another one as she got up from her chair, leaving Mo and Kiera alone.

“He what?” Kiera asked under her breath.

“It’s that song, K. The one he did right before he asked you-know-who to marry him. Livvy's his Eve. She came crawling back, begging for another shot. He knows that she’s still the only one for him. He wants her back, but he’s just too scared to admit it. That’s what that song’s all about. It's about something beautiful arising out of pain.”

“Well, then, why the fuck is he torturing her?”

“He’s doing the same thing she always did. He’s too scared to get hurt again so he’s sticking with the sure thing.”

Kiera turned around and shot daggers in Alexander’s direction, wanting to hurt him for destroying her friend.
 

~~~~~~~~~~

Alexander signaled the bartender for his check as the M.C. jumped back on stage. Carter said he was held up on another assignment, but would report to Olivia’s house as soon as he could to make sure she was alright. But what if she wasn’t? Alexander needed to go over there and check on her. He was starting to shake with apprehension about what he had said to her and the way he just let her walk away from him, knowing that there could be a possible threat to her life out roaming the streets of Boston.

“Okay. Next up, an old favorite back from parts unknown.”

Alexander’s heart stopped. Could it be?

“Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Olivia Adler!”

The crowd roared with applause as Alexander watched Olivia rise from her table on unsteady legs and walk toward the stage, positioning herself behind the piano. It felt like no time had passed at all since that first night back in August when he watched her perform on that very stage. That was less than five months ago. Everything had happened so quickly. But things were very different now.

“Thank you,” Olivia murmured into the microphone. “You’re all probably wondering where I’ve been.”

The audience clapped in response.

“Well, it’s kind of a long story, but the short end of it is that I got spooked, I guess. I got scared, and my gut reaction is to run when that happens. So that’s what I did,” she explained to the crowd, her voice shaking. “I ran to a beach in Florida, and I pushed away the one person that meant the world to me. Then I came crawling back only to find out that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. Which kind of sucks, but I guess I deserve it.”

Olivia took a deep breath as she surveyed her captive audience. “Anyway, as I sat around my house today, I debated what song to do tonight. I didn’t even want to come, but my persistent therapist was fairly persuasive in making sure I made an appearance here. This song came on my iPod and I knew it was perfect. This is
What Did I Ever Come Here For
by Brandi Carlile. I hope you all enjoy.”

Gingerly placing her fingers on the piano, she played the opening chords of the song before her voice filled the bar. It felt good to be back there, doing what she did best. It was all she knew. It was all she had left. Alexander had taken everything else from her. He took her heart and she now knew that she would never get it back. He continued to hold onto it, even though he was going to marry Chelsea.

As she sang, she thought about her decision to leave Alexander all those months ago and how, at the time, it seemed like her only option. His words still haunted her.
It will destroy me, too
. She still heard him saying that in her dreams. Was her inability to deal with her past still destroying him?

Alexander stared intently at Olivia as she sang about being away, then returning only to have her heart ripped out. She was right. It was the perfect song for the situation because that’s exactly what happened. Olivia showed up, desperately wanting him to take her back, but all he did was push her away to protect his own heart. How was that any better than what she had done to him? How was it any different?

“Hey. You okay, bro?” Tyler whispered.

“Yeah. I’m good.” Alexander stood up, throwing several bills on the bar.

“Wait. Where are you going?”

“I don’t know, Ty. I just can’t be here right now. I shouldn’t be here. I should be home with Chelsea.” He walked toward the front door of the bar.

Tyler leapt up, running to catch up to Alexander as Olivia sang about a worn out soul. “Do you mean that?”

“What?” Alexander looked at Tyler with a questioning expression on his face.

“Do you really think you belong at home with Chelsea? If that’s truly what you think you want, I will support you one-hundred-and-ten percent. You know I will.”

Alexander glanced over at the stage, his eyes meeting Olivia’s. He inhaled sharply at the expression on her face, and their eyes remained locked for several long seconds. Bowing his head slightly, he shook it, unable to look into her sad brown eyes anymore…eyes that always looked large on her face but now looked like they didn’t even belong there.

He walked outside, Tyler following close behind.

“Alex, please. Think about it.”

“I
have
thought about it, Tyler,” he replied, stopping in his tracks to face his brother. “I’ve thought about it so much over the past few months. And then even more so over the past few days. At first, when I let her walk away from me this past Monday, I kept kicking myself for not screaming out her name and pulling her into my arms, telling her that I forgive her. But I don’t know. She’s only going to run again. And next time, I don’t know if I could possibly survive it. So I need to do this for me. I need to move on and regain control of this situation, and marrying Chelsea is the only way I know that I can.” He turned, walking briskly in the direction of his car.

“Goddamnit,” Tyler muttered, following his brother and trying to catch up to him. “Don’t you think that’s a little rash?” he shouted.

Alexander turned around again, stopping in front of a brick building, the chilly Boston air sending shivers down his spine, causing his teeth to chatter.

“Have you thought about how hypocritical you’re being?” Tyler asked quietly. “You push her away because you’re scared of getting hurt. That’s the exact thing she did to you. What makes it okay for you to do it?”

“Don’t you think I know that?!” he yelled, running his hands through his hair, glaring at his brother. “And it doesn’t make it okay, but I need to do it.”

“Call it self-preservation,” a sweet voice interrupted.

Alexander and Tyler both turned to see Olivia standing to the side.

Tyler lowered his eyes, unsure of how much of his and Alexander’s discussion she had overheard. Alexander couldn’t do anything but stare into those big brown eyes. He was drawn to her eyes as much that day as he was the first time he gazed into them.

Noticing a tense situation, Tyler cleared his throat. “Well, I’ll just leave you two alone. I’ll call you tomorrow, Alex.” Tyler turned, leaving Alexander alone with Olivia.

“Olivia, I…”

“Alexander, please.” She pulled her jacket tighter around her body, desperately seeking warmth. “Don’t say anything. Let’s just pretend we never ran into each other. I’m sure that’s what you want. That way you can go on with your life. I know I threw your perfect little world into a tailspin the minute I came back to town and I’m sorry. I just thought…” She trailed off, not knowing how to finish her sentence without breaking down.

Alexander took a step toward her, their bodies almost touching. Olivia whimpered at the intense feeling coursing through her from the proximity of his strong muscular body to hers once more. She looked up into his green eyes, wondering if she still had the same effect on him that he had on her. Seeing the desire pooling behind them, she had her answer. She quickly lowered her head, looking down at her boots as she stood on the snowy sidewalk, hopelessly trying to avoid his gaze.

“Look at me,” Alexander said.

Olivia shook her head. “No, Alexander!” she cried. “Please. I understand your reasons. Believe me, I do. But I just can’t stand to look into your eyes right now. They haunt me enough in my dreams already. Every night for the past four months that’s all I’ve seen. Your eyes. I could draw them from memory. I just can’t bear to look at them right now, knowing that you don’t…”

Alexander wrapped his arm around Olivia’s waist, pulling her body close as electricity coursed through his entire being from the feeling of her delicate frame crushed against his.

“Please…” she whimpered, her head buried in his chest as she inhaled his scent, still avoiding his eyes. “My heart can’t take it, Alex. Please. Set me free,” her voice pleaded with him, still keeping her eyes turned down.

“You… You can’t mean it.”

Olivia brought her hand to her cheeks, wiping her tears and trying to hide the pain in her face. “You’re getting married to someone else, Alexander. Please. I need you to release this hold you still have on me. I’m trying to stay so strong, and then you pull me back in and I fucking crumble in your embrace. You made your decision. Now I need you to honor it so that I can survive.”

Alexander’s heart sank as he released her. “What do you mean, Olivia? Survive what?”

She took a deep breath and turned to walk toward the subway station. “Life without you in it.”

“Olivia, love.”

She stopped in her tracks at the mention of that term of endearment. She heard his voice calling her that in her dreams, only to wake up knowing that his new love was Chelsea.

“Please. You broke me, Olivia,” Alexander explained, wanting her to turn around and face him. “You, of all people, must understand.”

Olivia nodded slowly. “I understand.” Looking over her shoulder, her eyes finally met his. “And I wish you all the happiness in the world,” she said, turning her head forward. “But, please, release me.”

Alexander took several deliberate steps, standing mere breaths behind her. “I don’t think I can.”

She sobbed. “That’s not fair. You need to. You’re getting married. Why are you marrying her if you won’t let me go?”

He placed his hand on her stomach, pulling her back into him as he leaned down and kissed her hair, attempting to soothe her sobs. “Because you already have my heart. You’ve had it for longer than I think you realize,” he explained. “And I don’t want it back, but that still doesn’t mean I am prepared to leave Chelsea. She cares about me.”

“And she’s a sure bet,” Olivia muttered, finally realizing his reasons for pushing her away.

“Yes. She won’t run when things get tough, and I need that control in my life, Olivia. And with you, I am anything but in control. You’ve got to understand that.”

Olivia turned around to face Alexander. “Do you love her, Alex?” She searched his eyes for the answer she already knew.

He rolled his eyes. “Why does everyone ask me that?”

She shrugged. “It’s a simple question,” she said quietly. “Do you love her? Does she set your body on fire with a simple touch? Does the thought of her bring a smile to your face? Do you miss her when you’re at work? When you get a new text message, does your heart race as you run to your phone, desperately hoping that it’s her because just the thought of a kind word from her sends butterflies dancing in your stomach?” Olivia took a step closer. She leaned in and whispered in his ear, her breath hot on his neck. “When you get home from a long day of work, do you want nothing more than to just bury yourself inside of her, savoring the closeness of your two bodies?” She stepped back, staring into his eyes. “Alexander, do you love her?” she quivered.

Alexander stood there, speechless at Olivia’s words. With each question, he could answer yes…but not about Chelsea. Only Olivia made him feel that way, but he couldn’t tell her that. It was too painful to admit. As much as he wanted to scream to the world that he loved Olivia, he didn’t. He stayed mute, as he so often did those days.

“You may want to answer that question before you marry her.” Olivia turned and made her way down the steps to the subway station, leaving Alexander in the snow, watching her walk away from him yet again.

O
LIVIA
COLLAPSED
ON
THE
couch after finally getting home from Open Mic, not wanting to leave her house ever again. She couldn’t go anywhere. The entire city reminded her of Alexander. The Commons. Open Mic. Her work. MacFadden’s. Everywhere she turned, there was yet another reminder of what she lost.

Days drifted by and Olivia stayed in the confines of her house, refusing to go into her bedroom, the smell of Alexander on the sheets still ever-present. She spent most of her days on the couch, curled up in a ball. Kiera and Mo had called and texted multiple times, but she wasn’t ready to face them just yet. Thankfully, her friends knew enough to give her some space and time. They say that time heals all wounds. Olivia prayed that was true.

As she checked her e-mail each day, a new Google search alert would appear, discussing new details about the Alexander-Chelsea wedding. Photos emerged of the happy couple at a variety of pre-wedding activities. Engagement parties. Bridal showers. An internet poll was already taking bets on when their first child would be born. Over the weeks, tears wouldn’t flow anymore. But the dull ache was still there. It had never left.