A Tragic Wreck (15 page)

And maybe he should be, too.

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, Olivia lay on her couch, her tank top and gym shorts no longer fitting properly. She clutched onto Nepenthe, desperate for him to work his magic and take away her sorrow. For the past few weeks, she had remained a relative recluse in her little beach cottage. Hoping to avoid Cam, she no longer took her coffee on the front porch. Instead, she tortured herself nearly day and night, looking at photos of Alexander on the internet.

New photos poured in on an almost daily basis. Her heart would catch in her throat once in a while when she stumbled across a photo of her and Alexander that had been taken early in their relationship. But she was now just a footnote in his life, reporters never even finding out her name. She didn’t want to be in his life. She had to keep reminding herself of that.

As she started to drift off to sleep, she heard a loud banging on the door. Olivia remained on her couch, refusing to get up and answer. The banging continued. After several minutes, she got up, swearing as she swung open the door.

“Hey. There you are,” Cam said, a wild look in his eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked, taking in Olivia’s disheveled appearance, wondering if she had heard the news. When he received the text from Elsie that afternoon, he quickly jumped in his car, speeding through town to Olivia’s house, hoping she had no idea.

As Cam's eyes surveyed her body, Olivia immediately felt self-conscious. In the back of her mind, she tried to remember the last time she showered. Her face felt oily and she was sure the grease in her hair would give the Exxon-Valdez spill a run for its money.

“I’m fine, Cam.” She started to close the door.

“Hey. Hold on,” he said. “I thought maybe you’d want to go have oysters or something later. We can watch the shrimp boats come in. It’ll be fun.”

Oysters. Why was it always oysters?
“No, thank you.” Olivia tried to close the door again, but Cam put his hand on the jam, preventing her from closing it all the way. He regretted leaving things the way he did all those weeks ago. He should have kept a better eye on her but, for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to knock on her door each and every morning. He would drive up, walk up the stairs, and just stand on her deck. Now, looking at how broken she looked, he regretted his decision. She needed a friend and he failed.

“Listen, Libby. I know things have been off for you since the last time we, well, ya’ know.” He looked at her, hoping she would open up to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, Cam. I don’t want to talk about it. All I’ve done my entire life is fucking talk about it and, well, I’m all talked out. So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to crawl back into my hole and return to my future of being the crazy cat lady.”

“Okay. I was just trying to be a friend.” Cam took a step back and stared at her, not knowing how to react. “We don’t have to talk. I can just keep you company.”

“That’s what Nepenthe is here for. Have a nice day.” She turned around and Cam took in her side view.

“Wait, Olivia,” he said, making her stop. “When was the last time you ate anything?” He sounded worried.

Olivia searched her brain. It was probably the same day she showered and she couldn’t be sure of what day that was.
 

“You have no idea, do you?”
 

She looked down, not wanting to look into Cam's concerned eyes. She didn’t need his help. She didn’t need anyone’s help. She could take care of herself, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to turn everything off. That way, it wouldn’t hurt anymore.

She retreated into her house, not closing the door. “If you’re so worried about me, feel free to come in then.”
 

Cam stepped into the house, taking in his surroundings. All the shades had been drawn and no lights were on. The house was dark and depressing. He walked into the living room toward the front windows. “First things first, vitamin D is important.” He opened the shades and sunlight streamed into the living area.

Olivia squinted her eyes, not being accustomed to any light other than the glow from her laptop. Cam walked over to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, hoping to find something that she could eat. He found a few containers of Greek yogurt and, after checking the expiration date, grabbed a blueberry-flavored one, opening it.

“Here. Eat this,” he said, thrusting the container into Olivia’s hands as she sat on the couch, eying him with disgust. “I’m not kidding, Libby,” he barked. “You’re on the verge of being malnourished. You need food.”

She rolled her eyes, and shakily began to spoon the creamy substance into her mouth.

“See. You’re so weak you can’t even raise your spoon.”

“I’m eating, okay? So you can leave if all you’re going to do is criticize me,” Olivia sneered.

“I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay.” He sat down next to her, his eyes trained on the woman he had grown to care immensely for over the past few months.

Olivia took another spoonful and thought about that. Was she okay?

“Then you’ll be stuck here a while because I don’t think I’ll ever be okay.” And that was the truth. She was done hiding from her own feelings. She was in pain. She pushed away the one good thing in her life and, in the crosshairs, lost her two best friends. She had no one. She was all alone. It was exactly what she wanted, but now that she was alone, she felt lonelier than she could handle.

“I’m not going to ask you if you want to talk about it, but just tell me what to do and I’ll do it,” Cam said, clearly concerned.

Olivia raised an eyebrow, remembering their last encounter when he said the same thing.

He laughed. “Well, except that. That didn’t work out too well, did it?”

Sighing, she leaned back into the couch. “Can you turn the clocks back a few months? I made the biggest mistake of my life. Why do I always do this?” she cried out. “You saw it. You tried to get close to me so I kicked you out and avoided you for the past God knows how many weeks. And why do I do that?” she laughed. “Because I’m scared I’ll get close to someone and then they’ll leave me. Does that make sense? I’m scared of being alone so I push everyone away, and the result is the same. I still end up all alone.”

Cam stared at her, not knowing how to respond without setting her off. “Is this about Alexander Burnham?” he asked quietly.

Olivia shot up and glared at him, her eyes narrow. “How do you know about him?”

“I’m sorry. I just figured as much. Elsie told me what she talked to you about at the bar that night, and since then, you’ve been locked in your house. You’ve barely eaten. It looks like you haven’t slept. You haven’t been taking care of yourself. I’d guess you’re dealing with a broken heart here. It’s got all the signs,” he said, smiling, trying to lighten the atmosphere in the room.

“I was the one to do the breaking so I have no reason to be upset. It’s my own damn fault. I pushed him away, and then he found me and begged me to go back to him. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, telling him to forget about me. He’s moved on, and it’s exactly what I wanted. But, if it’s what I wanted, why does it hurt so damn much?”

Cam pulled Olivia close, trying to calm her down. “Sometimes, to protect ourselves, we hurt the people who mean the most to us. It doesn’t make us a bad person, and it doesn’t mean we’ve moved on. I can guarantee that he hasn’t moved on, Olivia. If you were mine, I wouldn’t let you go without a fight.” He pulled a strand of her hair, tucking it behind her ear.

“I didn’t let him fight. I left without saying a word. I told him everything in a letter, making sure he wouldn’t find it until I was three hours out of town.” Tears kept streaming down her face. “And then, when he found me, I made it quite clear I no longer cared about him. I lied through my teeth.”

“Well, maybe it’s not too late. Maybe it’s time to go back to Boston. At least give him a chance to tell you to your face that he’s happier without you. I think you need closure.”

She pulled back, looking at Cam. “I can’t do that. I left town, running like the coward I am. I can’t go back and face everyone.”

“Can’t? Or won’t?”

“You sound like my therapist,” Olivia laughed.

“I just want to help you. Yes, when I first started noticing you, I wanted nothing more than to get in your pants…”

“And you did,” Olivia joked.

Cam held up his hands in surrender. “Hey. I’m just trying to be honest here. You’re a beautiful young woman. And that night, after you kicked me out, I realized you were still hung up on some other guy. And that’s okay. When you were nowhere to be found the past few weeks, I got worried. I know when people are depressed. All the signs were there. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t do something stupid.” Also, Elsie’s text still hung heavy over his head. He wondered how long he could keep Olivia occupied without her finding out about that news. He knew that he would have to tell her, but he wanted to make sure she was emotionally in a better place before he did so.

She processed everything Cam said. Was it that obvious she was bat-shit crazy? “I need a glass of water,” she said, getting up from the couch.

“Libby, let me ask you a question,” Cam said as she grabbed a bottle of water and poured it over ice.

“Okay. Shoot. But, first, I just want to make sure you’re not expecting me to pay your hourly rate.”

Cam laughed. “No. I’m just here as a friend wanting to help out a friend.”

“Okay. Go ahead with your question then.” She leaned against the kitchen island.

Cam stood up, walking into the kitchen and sitting on a barstool. “Have you always had problems communicating your feelings? It just seems like you hide them from everyone, and even lie to yourself about them.”

Olivia stared, wide-eyed. “You barely know me…”

“Yes, I know,” Cam said, interrupting her. “But I know people. So just humor me and answer the question.”

“I guess I’ve always had problems with that. It goes back to the whole ‘worried that people would leave’ thing. I always worry that once people know how I feel, it would make them run.”

“So you run instead, keeping all your feelings locked up inside.”

“Yes, Dr. Cameron,” Olivia responded sarcastically.

“So how do you communicate your feelings? You can’t keep them all locked inside. No one could survive carrying that burden.”

Olivia lowered her eyes, looking at the floor, noting how dirty it had gotten.

“Libby,” Cam said, bringing her attention back to him. “It’s New Year’s Day. You’ve been here for nearly three months, running from your feelings. Just confront those feelings and let the chips fall where they may.”

Olivia thought for a minute. She knew he was right. “Fine. I’ll do it. But what am I going to say to Kiera and Mo?”

“And they are?”

“My best friends. This is the second time I’ve run out on them.”

“Well, you’re going to have to deal with that. Call them. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to hear from you.” Cam stood up and walked over to the couch, lying down. “Take a shower. Freshen up. I’ll wait here.” He grabbed a fitness magazine off her coffee table and started flipping through it.

Olivia eyed him suspiciously. “For what?”

“I’m taking you out to dinner so go get ready.”

“I don’t need you baby-sitting me, Cam. So either leave and let me get ready in private, or leave and don’t come back.”

His mind began to race. What if he left and she found out? Could he risk that? Should he just tell her? But maybe she wouldn't return to Boston if she found out, and she needed to go back for her own sake.

“I mean it, Cam. Get the fuck out.”

Sighing, he raised himself off the couch and walked over to the front door, opening it. “Fine. I’ll be back in an hour and we’ll go for oysters.”

“No oysters,” Olivia said, raising her hand.

“Okay. Okay. No oysters. Promise. See you in a little bit, Libby. We’ll celebrate your last night on the beach.” He hated that he was leaving her, but knew she would become even more suspicious if he insisted on staying with her while she got ready for dinner. He hoped he made the right decision.

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LIVIA
took a shower. It was the first time she had looked in the mirror in days, or possibly weeks. The reflection looking back disgusted her. Her face was sunken, her skin clearly too big for her frame. As she got ready, she threw on a pair of jeans that wouldn’t stay up. She felt weak and needed to sit down. She wondered how she would get through dinner if she could barely stand to get ready.

As she collapsed on her bed, she heard a ding on her laptop, signaling her to a new Google search alert. She had set one up several weeks ago for Alexander, realizing that it was far easier to keep track of any new developments that way. As she clicked on the e-mail, she felt her heart shatter into millions of tiny pieces.

With shaky hands and desperately trying to subdue the painful lump in her throat, she navigated to the link contained in the e-mail. The story seemed to be headlining not only various gossip websites, but also more respectable news outlets. Olivia looked at the article, staring at a photo of Alexander standing next to
that
woman. They were clearly out at a formal gathering for New Year’s Eve, him in a tuxedo and her in a tight fit silver gown. Beaming, she stood in Alexander’s arms with her left hand placed on his chest.
 

And on the ring finger of her left hand sat an enormous diamond.

Olivia scrolled down and read the news article through her tears.

One of the country’s most eligible bachelors is no longer eligible after proposing to his now fiancée, Chelsea Wellington, at a swanky New Year’s Eve Ball last night in New York City. Although they have only been dating for a few months, the couple appears to be rather excited to get on with their future, their eyes focused on a February wedding. Good luck and congratulations.