A Swithin Spin: A Princely Passion (20 page)

“I’m not sure what I’m suggesting, but yes, a bit of fun to start with. We can see where it goes from there.”

Where it goes from there
? What did Antal mean by that? The quality of that collar suggested more than “
a bit of fun
.” He looked into Antal’s eyes, and deep down he knew that Antal suggested a bit of fun as a way to assess the situation, to give them an out if what he was suggesting didn’t work for them. No one could mistake the underlying seriousness in Antal’s eyes. That significance increased even as Kilan shook his head. A collar was too formal. The item symbolized a bond between semaris partners. By accepting it, he would be telling Antal -- agreeing to something… He…

Someone stepped into the corridor behind Antal, and Antal deftly palmed the collar out of view, laughing as if they’d just shared a joke. The respite was short-lived. When the passer-by had gone through the door at the far end, Antal produced the collar again. He moved his finger so that the collar swayed. Something about the way Antal did that and his gaze suggested he was enjoying this. As much as he tried not to, Kilan’s gaze followed the swaying movement. It took him a moment to accept that it had an almost hypnotic quality. He tore his gaze away.

“This isn’t the way you’re supposed to ask me,” he accused, needing some way to be on the defensive. Such things could be used in harmless play, in which case his wearing the collar would have just been funny. However, obviously what Antal proposed wasn’t just play, his intention clearly serious.

“I know. I apologize for that, but it feels right to ask you here, now, to jolt you into accepting.”

As he’d struggled to look away from the collar, so now did he struggle to look away from Antal’s gaze.

“Be honest, Kilan. If I had asked you
formally
” -- Antal stressed the word -- “you would have panicked and refused.”

As if he wasn’t panicking now. Antal was right though. Given a formal semaris proposal, he wouldn’t even be contemplating the idea. Antal had done the right thing taking him unawares. Even so, he couldn’t do this.

Kilan shook his head. “I don’t know what gave you the idea but --”

“Kilan.” Antal’s tone admonished. His gaze and voice seemed to say they both knew he was lying, but Kilan couldn’t go ahead without protest.

“What makes you think I should wear the collar? Why not you?” He tried to sound forceful, but his voice sounded hushed, even defeated. Antal didn’t answer the question. He simply stepped closer, dangling the collar, his voice doing all the work, bringing Kilan’s desires alive with promise.

“Let me put it on you, Kilan. Don’t consider it an official acceptance. We can discuss the…
finer
points when we have time. For now, just wear the collar…for me. Do it to please me. Do it to see how it feels.”

Afraid someone else would step into the corridor any moment and seeing implacability in Antal’s eyes, Kilan nodded. At least those were the reasons he gave for accepting.

“
See how it feels
.” He could do that. What astounded him was the idea that he very much wanted to know.

Antal moved close enough to slip the collar around his neck without making a fuss. Even so, the moment the leather touched his skin, Kilan started to tremble. That trembling seemed to move through him, threatening to shatter everything he’d ever thought of himself. He hated responsibility, but this was letting go of control on a completely different, deeply intimate level, a letting go he understood was essentially a lie. He was allowing Antal to do this, and for that he felt undeniably stupid. He felt ridiculous, absurd, intimidated, oddly desirable, and willing. He could have gone on examining his emotions, but he daren’t. He couldn’t stand it another minute. He had assumed it would be such a simple thing. Let Antal put the damn collar around his neck, button up his tunic, get it out of sight. Now he knew why he’d believed the width significant. Someone had designed the collar narrow enough to be discrete yet wide enough to remind the wearer of its existence. The feeling unnerved him. The only distraction was his concern as he immediately realized the style of his tunic couldn’t possibly hide the collar. He latched on to that fact as a way to ignore his feelings.

“I can’t go into council like this!” he hissed, not even trying to disguise the panic in his voice.

Without saying a word, Antal pulled at the silk scarf he wore around his neck. He swiftly slid it around Kilan’s neck, tying it in place. “There.”

“You’re sure?”

Antal nodded. “No one can see it. Trust me.”

“Trust you?” Kilan barked out a laugh.

“If we take this further, then that’s what it’s all about: trust.”

“I do…trust you. You’re completely trustworthy.” The other man appeared a little uncomfortable of the declaration, but he gave a single curt nod of acceptance. Kilan didn’t care for Antal’s modesty; he trusted Antal with his life. That wasn’t even an issue, but if his life, then why not his body, his heart? “Antal…” Kilan hated that he sounded so young, but he felt completely adrift. In all the times he’d imagined the two of them bumping into each other again, not once had he envisioned anything like this.

“I know.” The warmth in Antal’s voice said he understood everything Kilan was feeling right now, suggested he understood more than Kilan knew. His gaze caressed. “We’ll talk later. I think you’re quite late enough for council as it is, don’t you?”

Oh…by the comet
! Kilan jerked. He’d have to run, and even then he needed a little luck. If they’d closed the doors on time, he’d have to knock. The guards would open the doors enough for him to slip inside the council chambers, but every eye in the place would turn in his direction. He didn’t think he’d be able to stand that while wearing a collar, even if no one could tell. They’d take his blush owing to his tardiness, but he’d definitely blush. He just knew he would. Maybe he could stop on the way long enough to remove it.

“Are you free tonight?”

Kilan nodded.

“I wasn’t going to be, but I’ll make sure I am.” Antal grinned. “Delegation, it’s a wonderful thing.

“Keep it on,” he added, clearly referring to the collar and speaking as though he had read Kilan’s mind. “Keep it on all day. Come to me tonight wearing it.”

With those words, Antal leaned in to whisper in his ear before stepping away, moving back into the main corridor as though they’d simply been having a conversation, as if he didn’t leave a shaken young man behind.

“
That’s an order
.”

Stunned by the parting message, struck by the confused feelings of arousal and mixed emotions that ensued, Kilan just stood there.

Oh by the comet
… Kilan didn’t know what he was going to do. He needed time to think. He needed to… He needed to get to the council chambers! He took off at a run, ignoring the smirks of those thinking, There goes the young prince, late again. Better to let them think that than suspect the truth.

Swallowing caused the collar to squeeze his throat. Once started, he couldn’t seem to stop. He didn’t have time to stop to remove it, and nowhere private enough presented itself. Strangely, every time the collar pressed into his throat, it felt as if a small flush of blood pumped into more intimate parts of his body, and that was nothing compared to the thoughts tumbling around in his mind.

Chapter Twelve

“
Oh go on, I was only teasing you. Just like your father, the pair of you
.”

With his mother’s words reverberating in his head, Antal cast his gaze over the room. He should have been spending the evening with his family but had dropped by to let his mother know he couldn’t make it, using some feeble excuse. At least, he had felt feeble. His mother appeared to believe the small deception well enough. Part of his new attitude was the vow not to neglect his family. Even Ryanac went out to his family farm at least once a month, although he usually took Markis and Uly with him for the shared delight of his mother’s cooking. Even Antal had tasted those home-cooked meals. His own mother might not be such a great cook, but that was no reason not to visit, especially since Antal’s family lived within the city. Antal shouldn’t have found it nearly so difficult to get home as much as he did. His mother had laughed when he’d broken his promise to spend the evening with them, comparing him to his father.

Am I like my father
? He guessed in a way he was: dedicated, ready to laugh, but never neglectful of duty. Of course, he’d taken that to a point where it had almost ground him down, and as much as he faced his imperfections, he should take the time to acknowledge his accomplishments. He needed something or someone in his life as a release, to ease his stress. Kilan was someone he could not only have great sex with, but Antal saw enough good qualities in the prince to want to know him better and maybe even help him through his own troubles. Maybe he looked for just another way to take control, but then the type of sex he was looking forward to also involved careful management. Antal couldn’t deny the small smile that tugged at his lips. He was also rather like Ryanac in more than one way, if not nearly so intense. One of those ways was his love of sex, a love he’d denied for too long. Having reawakened his interest, he wanted more of what he’d shared with the prince. He wanted Kilan.

As to his own troubles, he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t still have things to work out, but he had told Kilan the truth. He’d delegated. He was learning how to do things a different way, and his life could only get better. Antal’s parents were proud of him; he had no need to prove himself as capable as his father was. Antal couldn’t help wondering how proud they’d be if they could see him now, not because of anything he planned to do -- sex and a same-sex relationship were nothing to worry the Swithin -- but because of his initial indecision. Even knowing what he wanted, what he looked forward to doing tonight, what
had
he been thinking of when he bought that collar?

He’d thought of seeing the expression on Kilan’s face when he presented it to him, that’s what. He’d been thinking of how fetching Kilan would look in oh
so
many different scenarios over the last few days. He had no problem with that. The trouble lay in that he couldn’t see beyond this evening. His mother’s comment -- meant to convey that his father had the habit of breaking the odd promise owing to duty -- had shaken him up because Antal had unconsciously always seen himself in exactly the same way he saw his father. He wanted to be successful in his work, in love, and in raising a good, happy, and equally successful family. If he formed a relationship with Kilan… Well, it didn’t mean he couldn’t have those things -- to the Swithin even two people constituted a family -- but his life would be different from the way he had always imagined.

It’s just a bit of fun
. Repeatedly saying that didn’t change the fact that he was looking forward to seeing Kilan again a whole lot more than he should for
just a bit of fun
. He wanted more than fun. He looked forward to this evening, even if his being in command of Kilan was merely an illusion of authority. The more he’d thought about it, the more the idea had appealed. He struggled to let go. In a dominant semaris role, he could hold on to the appearance of power even if truly Kilan was the one in charge. His control would not be over Kilan but over himself. In order not to break such a bond of trust, he would need to remain alert to the prince’s needs. He would need discipline. Odd how the line of power could shift between two semaris partners, sometimes going back and forth, but he had seen it happen. It made two people who could connect on such a level strangely equal.

He’d prepared the room. They had wine. They had something to nibble on…meaning food. Antal blinked at the direction his thoughts were taking. The bed had clean sheets on it, but as his room was situated in the palace, it had clean sheets on it each day. He was Uly’s Sonndre, and that meant his place would always be close to the man he protected. His life would always differ in that way from his father’s existence. It might make things difficult for a wife. Kilan already lived in the palace.

Antal blinked, startled by his thoughts. Was he trying to find reasons not to have a wife one day? Worse, was he trying to justify his feelings regarding Kilan? What he looked for in a partner was someone to relax with, and with Kilan, he certainly didn’t have to worry about discussing his duty, for Kilan presented no threat to security. Kilan already read all the documents Antal had to keep secret. Time apart was not an issue, for they saw each other often, these last few days being an exception owing to Antal deliberately wanting time alone.

A knock at the door interrupted his deliberations. Grateful not to have more time to think, Antal walked over and opened it. Just as he expected, Kilan stood on the other side. What he hadn’t expected was for Kilan to look so natty.

“You’ve let your hair down,” Antal said as he stepped aside so that Kilan could enter.

Kilan raised a hand to the side of his head, running his fingers down, combing through his hair as if Antal made him self-conscious. He even walked a little stiffly -- nerves, Antal was certain, and not an erection, even though he intended an erection would be forthcoming. “A braid seemed a little formal for the outfit,” the prince muttered.

It would have been at that, but Antal didn’t believe that was what Kilan had wanted to say. Antal took a moment as he closed the door to appreciate Kilan’s efforts. He wore a loose tunic and even looser fitting pantaloons in black, decorated with dark bronze embroidery. Had Kilan chosen the bronze as the closest hue to match his eyes or because it complemented the colors in the scarf that Antal had tied around Kilan’s neck earlier in the day? The casual outfit still amounted to a more presentable mode of dress than Kilan usually favored when he relaxed. As Antal moved past him, he let his hand brush across Kilan’s hip. As he’d suspected, Kilan wore no undergarments.

“The braid looked too formal for the outfit or for the evening’s entertainment?” Antal’s reward was Kilan looking down at the floor in a very meek gesture. He couldn’t tell if Kilan reacted to the question or his touch, and he didn’t care. He just loved seeing it happen.