A Sister's Wish (11 page)

“Wait a minute. Fire? And Mr. Kinsinger died? What about you?” she asked in a rush. “Were you hurt, too?”

Seeing how alarmed she was, he cursed his tongue. “Sorry. I forgot that you wouldn't have known about all this. Last December, a fire broke out at the mill in one of the warehouses. Five men died, Mr. Kinsinger being one of them. I wasn't hurt, though.”

“I'm thankful for that.”

Everything in her voice and expression showed that she meant it. There was that lump in his throat again. He cleared it, hoping to control the emotions he couldn't seem to keep at bay whenever he was with her. “I'm, ah, thankful, too. But even though I wasn't hurt, a lot of us have been having a difficult time dealing with it all. It's been a hard time . . . for the Kinsingers most of all. Lukas jumped right into his
daed
's role while Levi decided to take a leave of absence.”

“I can understand him doing that, but I bet Lukas didn't care for his brother's decision.”

“I wouldn't have thought so, but he's never really complained too much about it.” Leaning back in his chair, he said, “I have a feeling Lukas might understand Levi's need to take a break from his life more than anyone. They have a lot of employees and are under a lot of pressure.”

“Are any of the Kinsingers married?”

“
Jah
. Lukas married Darla Kurtz a couple of months ago. Do you remember the Kurtz family?”

She smiled sheepishly. “Kind of. It's all kind of a blur.”

“I'm not surprised. Well, Darla was the oldest of seven. She and Lukas have been friends forever. Rebecca was recently married to a man who moved up here from Pinecraft.”

“Then, Levi is on his walkabout. And Amelia?”

He swallowed. “She's not married.”

“Are you two close?” She suddenly smiled. “She used to have such a crush on you. Do you remember?”

“I remember.” He seemed to remember everything where Amelia was concerned. “We are close now. Well, kind of.”

“You like her, don't you?”

He should lie, but he was tired of pretending he didn't have a heart like everyone else. “
Jah
. I do.” Uncomfortable with both the conversation and the feeling that he was suddenly back in grade school, he pushed away from the table and stood up. Picking up both of their plates, he said, “We should clean up and get you settled.”

Tess easily cleared their glasses and then grabbed a dishtowel. “You wash. I'll dry.”

“Deal.” Starting the faucet, he squirted dish soap and ran the hot water over the plates, wiping them with a soapy sponge.

“Does Amelia not like you?”

“I think she does.” He hesitated again, then decided to be completely honest. After all, if anyone would understand, it would be her. “
Nee
. That ain't right. I know she does.”

“Then why aren't you all smiles? I don't remember a lot about Amelia, but I do remember that even when she was a little girl, she was beautiful.”

“She's still that way.”

Tess tilted her head to one side, studying him. “You're handsome, too. What's the problem?”

“Lukas and Rebecca ain't real happy with my past.”

“What past?”

“You and I both know I wasn't an angel during my
rumspringa
.”

“I doubt your friends were, either.”

“You know what they are referring to. About me being arrested and spending almost a year in prison.”

“But you were baptized. Your sins were forgiven.”

“The Lord has forgiven me, but that doesn't mean Amelia's family wants someone like me tainting a sweet girl like her.”

“That's ridiculous!”

“They have a point. I've got a past and even have the ink in my skin to remind me of it the rest of my days.”

“Oh, who cares about that?”

He didn't think it was possible, but he felt like chuckling. “They do.”

“They are lucky you are alive, Simon,” she said, her voice full of an emotion she didn't even seem to be attempting to suppress. “The things you had to endure? Well, a weaker person wouldn't have survived.”

Against his will, Simon realized that she was giving him the words he'd been craving. “I thought so, too. But I guess my tattoos aren't the only things that aren't going to fade. No matter what I do, my past isn't going to go away.”

“There are other girls.”

“This is true.” But there was only one woman who had claimed his heart.

He turned off the water and faced Tess. “The other day when I came home, I came across a kid. An English kid. He had a black eye and was holding his side like someone had kicked him.”

Her gaze was wary again. “What happened to him?”

“You know what was wrong.”

“What did you do?”

“I went over to talk to him. At first, he tried to ignore me, but I didn't give up. I offered to give him some ice for his face.”

She sat up straight. “Did he take you up on it?” Her tone was now full of hope.

“
Nee
. He looked like he was thinking about it, though.” Grabbing a plate, he started drying it. “I told him he could stop by anytime he needed someone to talk to.”

“That's nice of you.”

“Maybe.” He shrugged. “You know how it is.”

She looked down at her feet. “I wouldn't have told anyone anything.”

“Me, neither. Well, not the first time. But later, I might have,” he added. When his sister raised her chin again and looked at him with wide eyes, he smiled slightly. “Guess what? When he was running off, I asked him for his name.”

“Did he give it to you?”

“
Jah
. It's Justin.”

“That means he's starting to trust you.”

“I hope so. I'd like to be someone a kid like him could trust.”

“I think you already are.”

Turning to the small kitchen window, he pointed at the run-down barn. “Tess, I've been thinking about the barn on the back of my property.”

She walked to his side. “I noticed it when I drove up here. It looks like it's in pretty bad shape.”

“It looks worse than it is. Inside, it's sound.”

Watching him intently, she said, “What about it?”

“I was thinking maybe I could make it into something for teenagers.”

“Like what?”

“I don't know. Like a safe place or something.” His words felt stilted because he was still formulating his plan. “I can't help but wonder what things would have been like for us if there had been a place for us to go.”

“Jill found me.”

“And I eventually went to prison.” Remembering too much, he shook his head. “I don't know what would have happened to me if I hadn't gotten arrested.”

“Are you saying that prison helped you?”

He grinned. “I wouldn't go that far. But it wasn't all bad, you know? For the first time in over a year, I knew I was going to have something to eat and someplace to sleep.” He hated how pathetic that made him sound. However, he was determined to be honest with her. No, honest with himself.

“That counts for a lot.”

He was glad she understood. “I keep thinking about Jeremy.”

“Me, too.” A vacant, lost look appeared in her eyes before she blinked. “Simon, would you have gone to some man's barn here in Charm?”

“I would if I knew the man wasn't going to yell or hit me. I would if I knew he wasn't going to lock me in a dark cellar. What about you?”

The dark shadows that filled his memories flickered in her eyes. A muscle in her jaw twitched before she visibly regained her composure. “I don't know if I would have gone to a stranger's barn or not. Maybe I would have.”

“Even if I never went, I would have liked knowing that someone cared.”

“
Jah
. That would have been nice.” After staring at him hard, she slowly nodded. “Are you going to do something with the barn, then?”

He shrugged. “Like I said, I'm thinking about it. I don't want to make a place to encourage kids to disrespect their parents. But maybe they need someplace to go sometimes . . . just in case. Don't you think?”

“Jah.”
She turned to stare at the barn again. “Can I help you?”

“Does . . . does that mean you ain't going to disappear on me again?” he asked.

“It does, if you want to know me.”

“I want to know you.”

As if he'd just given her the best gift in the world, she smiled. It lit up her whole face and warmed his heart. “From now on, I want us to be there for each other, Simon. From now on, all you have to do is let me know you need me and I'll be there. But, hey, Simon? Do me a favor, would you?”

“Anything.”

“Don't give up on Amelia Kinsinger.”

“I'm not giving up. She doesn't want me.”

“I think she does. She is working through it.” Tentatively, she wrapped a hand around his bicep. “She's young and she's sheltered. And maybe, in her own way, just as scarred by her past as we are.” Lowering her voice to almost a whisper, she added, “Everyone needs a second chance, you know.”

“Maybe they do.”

“Go call on her. It can't hurt, right?”

It probably would hurt his heart, but Tess did have a point. Amelia meant more to him than just about anything. And that meant that he couldn't give up on her. “I'll call on her again soon.”

“Not soon. Tomorrow.”

He sighed. “Fine. Tomorrow.”

Looking pleased, Tess said, “Now you can show me my room for the night and then take me out to that barn.”

“I can do that. I'll do whatever you want.”

Chapter 11

Thursday, October 8

L
ukas stared at the neatly folded letter that had been nestled in the bottom drawer of his desk since the day it had arrived. After telling himself that he needed to be bigger than his weaknesses, he opened it up and read Levi's short letter again.

Hi Lukas,

As promised, I am checking in. I'm in Florida and am working construction. I didn't want to chance seeing anyone I know in Pinecraft, so I got hired on with a crew that mainly does work in commercial buildings on some of the outlying islands and keys.

The work is hard. Half the time, I'm working outside and it's as hot as you might expect. After the first week, I got the hang of it, though. I drink gallons of water, slather on sunscreen, and keep my head down.

You'd be impressed with my new ability to take directions,
too. I'm so glad not to have the responsibility of a whole company on my shoulders that I have dived into crew work. I don't ask a bunch of questions. Simply listen and do what I'm told. My crew leader seems to be impressed with my work ethic!

If only Daed could witness that.

Lukas read that again and found himself smiling. Yes, their father would have been quite entertained to see his bullheaded youngest son transformed into an obedient, quiet worker who asked no questions.

Smoothing out the letter, he read some more.

Lukas, I know I left you in a bind at the mill. I know there's more work than ever to do and you need every hand available. I feel bad about that. We both know that you need me to manage shipping and receiving.

However, after witnessing how Darla's brother Aaron took out his frustrations and anger on his siblings, I decided that gaining some distance wouldn't be a bad thing. Of course, I would never harm our sisters, but I don't trust myself at the moment. I've become a bit short tempered and hard. I need to get back to myself. Until that happens, I know I'm gonna feel as if an integral part of me has gone missing. I dream about the fire but have nightmares about causing an accident that harms men who report to me.

I couldn't survive if a nightmare like that came true.

That has been hard to come to grips with. You are the strongest man I know, Lukas. It's hard for me to realize that I'll never be the man you are.

I don't know if I'll find the missing parts of me here in
Pinecraft, but I do know that I'm so tired and sore at the end of each day that I don'
t care. All I yearn to do is sleep.

In closing, be assured that I will come back. I am planning to return in six months. That said, if you need me, all you have to do is let me know. I'll drop everything and be there right away. I might be trying to find myself, but I don't need to be reminded that you, Rebecca, and Amelia are the most important people in my life.

I don't know if any of this makes sense. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. All I can say is that I hope one day you will forgive me.

Below is my contact info.

     
Levi.

Just like the first time he'd read the note, Lukas felt a knot in his throat. His brother's words were open and honest. Levi had also admitted some of Lukas's darkest fears. What was different, however, was that his brother was strong enough to admit them while Lukas was too afraid to be considered weak.

Lukas wasn't sure why he'd never told Rebecca or Amelia that he'd sent Levi a couple of letters, just to keep him informed of things. He should have.

He should have also shared Levi's note with them. He had his reasons, though.

Mainly, it was because Levi's words had resonated with him. After the fire, he, too, had felt as if he was missing a part of himself. Luckily, he had found enough of that missing part in Darla.

But what if he'd never had Darla? What if she hadn't been by his side, easing his worries and allowing him to just be “Lukas”? He was pretty sure he would have buckled under the pressure.

Rebecca, on the other hand, had thought she needed to get away from the mill and do something else. It was only when she'd been allowed to spread her wings and volunteer at Charm School that she'd realized she was happiest doing exactly what she'd been doing.

Lukas had worried that Amelia was struggling just as much as the rest of them. And now that he realized Simon had been the only one she'd trusted enough to lean on, Lukas knew he'd made a bad mistake. He should have thought more about the ramifications of his actions.

He should have discussed his concerns about Amelia and Simon with Levi. He and Levi had always bounced ideas off each other. Their give and take had helped each of them in countless ways. When Levi had left, he'd lost that.

Maybe he needed Levi to come home as much as Amelia did.

He'd pulled out the letter, intending to reread it, then write a letter of his own and mail it off, but suddenly he felt a new urgency. Picking up his office phone, he punched in Levi's construction company's phone number.

A receptionist picked up the phone. “May I help you?”

“Yes. I need to leave a message for Levi Kinsinger, if he is still working there?”

“Levi? Yes, he is. He has a voice mail. Shall I connect?”

“Yes. Thank you.” Seconds later, he heard Levi's voice mail recording.

The moment he heard a beep, he said, “Levi, it's me. Listen, Amelia had an accident. It's nothing serious, but she was in the hospital overnight. And, well, she asked for you. She wants you to come home.” He paused, then forced himself to say the rest. “I'd like you to come back, too. I've understood why you needed
to get away. So I hope you'll understand why I need you back. Thanks.”

When he hung up, Lukas returned the letter to the drawer and forced himself to leave his office. If he stayed in there much longer, he was going to dwell on all the other ways he might have messed things up, and that wasn't good.

Seeing Rebecca busily working at the reception desk, he wandered her way.

She looked up in surprise. “Hiya.”

“Hi.” Resting his elbows on the countertop, he took in the stack of papers, folders, and calendars in front of her. He had yet to figure out how his sister could continually make so much happen out of so much clutter. “How's it going?”

“Busy.” She pointed to the visitor log, where vendors signed in. “Lots of meetings are going on today. Every time I look up, someone else with an appointment is walking through the door.”

Feeling instantly more at ease, Lukas nodded. Work issues were far easier to understand than personal ones. “Everyone needs to get their inventories set before Christmas.”

“They're doing that, for sure. I think we might have a record year, Lukas.”

She didn't look all that excited about it, though. Actually, she looked more jumpy than usual, which was saying a lot. His sister Rebecca rarely sat still. Her fingers were absently playing with the pencils on her desk, stacking and unstacking them. She looked agitated, too, and he was fairly sure it had nothing to do with work.

“Anything else going on?” he asked tentatively. “Have you talked to Darla or Amelia today?”

“Darla stopped by on her way to the store.”

“Really?” Unable to help himself, he glanced out the front office window. “Is she nearby? She didn't stop by to see me. Is something wrong?”

“Not at all. She wanted to get some egg noodles to make Amelia some fresh soup. She also wanted to share that Pierce came by again.”

“He visited for the second time in two days? That's kind of pushy.”

Rebecca grinned. “I thought so. According to your wife, he's stopping by early so he doesn't upset our evening routines.”

“What evening routines?” Lukas worked at the mill and then he worked at home.

She chuckled. “I said the same thing. He's persistent, I'll give him that.”

“I think he's taking advantage of the fact that she doesn't have her parents or brothers there to make sure he stays in line.” He normally would never use his position at the mill for personal reasons, but he was starting to think there was a time for everything.

It irked him to no end that Pierce wasn't an employee at the mill. If he had been, Lukas would already be walking his way to give him a piece of his mind. As it was, he had no way to monitor or even attempt to control the man's behavior with his sister.

Not that he'd ever again tell Amelia that he thought she needed monitoring.

“He's a wily one, for sure and for certain. Eager for Amelia's attentions, too.”

“Too eager.”

With a little sigh, she looked him in the eye. “Lukas, I'm just going to say it. I don't like Pierce courting Amelia. They ain't a good match.”

“You're right about that.” Though there were a couple of reasons he'd never been a big fan of Pierce Brenneman, he only shared the most obvious. “He's kind of weak.”

“He's weak and sneaky. And he talks too much, too.”

Lukas grinned. “Huh.”

“Oh, stop. I know I talk a lot, but that man is going to drive me crazy if we have to share meals with him on a regular basis. And what if he joins our family?” Before he could comment, she waved a hand. “We have nothing in common.”

“He's courting Amelia, not us,” he said mildly. “Ain't so?”

“That's the problem. I don't think he's actually interested in Amelia.”

“Of course he is.”

“
Jah,
but I get the sense that he is also courting us. He takes time to chat with me. He's talked about you like you are something mighty special.”

“I'm not?” he teased.

“Not that special,” she retorted. “I think Pierce likes Amelia but really likes the idea of being a part of the Kinsinger family.” She wrinkled her nose. “I hate that. Our sister deserves more than that.”

“I completely agree. I, also, ain't a real fan of his, but we don't want to jump to conclusions.”

“But what if I'm right, Lukas? We need to protect her.”

“Last time we tried to protect her, it didn't end well. We should stay out of her love life.”

“Because of Simon?”

“Of course because of Simon. We pushed him away. We can't push Pierce away, too. Amelia will get mad.”

Rebecca frowned. “I kind of think she has reason to be mad at us already.”

“I know.”

“And, since we're confessing our transgressions . . . well, I should tell you that I think we made a mistake with Simon,” she added in a rush.

“I've been thinking that, too.”

“Simon loves Amelia. Her—not her beauty or her family's name. I think he would love her even if her last name was Miller and she was homely.”

“He's loved her for years.” Unable to stop himself, Lukas remembered how devastated Simon had looked when Lukas had told him that he'd never be good enough.

How could he have been so cruel?

How could he have interfered like he had? If his siblings had stepped in between him and Darla, he would have been irate.

Furthermore, Simon was his best friend.

Rebecca was still fussing with pencils and chastising them both. “I know we were worried about his past, but that was unfair.”

“I feel the same way.”

“Since we're in agreement, what do you think we should do?”

“Nothing. I know Simon. He'll come around. He's tough and determined. He might have backed off, but he's not going to let our interference ruin his future. He ain't that kind of man.”

“I'm not so sure about that. Amelia got mad at him. I don't think he's going to risk her being upset with him again.” After moving some of the piles of paper on her desk into even more piles, she said, “She loves him and I treated her like a teenager who doesn't know her own heart.”

“Did she tell you that she's in love?”

A line formed between her brows. “Not directly, but she alluded to it. She's got a broken leg and a broken heart, too.”

“That's a little dramatic.”

“Doesn't mean it isn't true.”

“What do we do?”

“You need to go take a walk down to the warehouse, locate Simon, and ask to talk to him.”

“I don't want to have this discussion on company time.”

“Stop being such a worrywart. You run the company, Lukas. You should be able to talk to one of the two hundred employees about whatever you want.”

“Your name is Kinsinger, too. Want to come along? Mercy could take over here for a while . . .” Simon might be a little kinder if Rebecca was standing by Lukas's side.

Just then the phone rang. She snatched up the receiver with a relieved grin. “Sorry, I'm simply far too busy,” she whispered before clicking onto the line. “You have reached Kinsinger Lumber. How may I help you?”

He turned, went out the door, and started walking toward the back warehouses. Rebecca was right. Even if this wasn't the best time, it was time. And that was going to have to be good enough.

“
U
H-OH.
T
HE BOSS
is coming,” Trent, the youngest member on Simon's team, said under his breath.

Simon glanced up from his clipboard and looked down the crowded, narrow aisle in the back of Warehouse Four. Sure enough, there was Lukas walking toward them. He barely glanced at anything around him. Instead, Lukas looked completely focused on one thing: him.

“Did you know he was stopping by today?” Trent asked anxiously. “Is he doing evaluations or something?”

The boy couldn't get it through his head that Kinsinger's didn't work that way. Lukas didn't have time to trot around the facility doing inspections.

“
Nee,
I didn't know he was coming. It's a surprise.” And not a welcome one.

Trent brushed back a chunk of the bangs that always seemed to settle over his eyes. “He don't look real happy, Simon. Did we do something wrong?”