A Sister’s Gift (18 page)

I consider for a bit. He’s preoccupied, I know. It’s not just the family business he’s trying to prop up on everyone’s behalf, it’s his dad’s health that’s always at the forefront of his mind, even though he doesn’t go on about it.

‘You go first,’ I offer. ‘You’re the one who’s been away for a week. Tell me all about Trieste.’

He’d been looking at me, but now he turns away, his face to the ceiling.

‘It was…more than I expected,’ he says thickly.

‘What was?’ I feel a pang. ‘The place, do you mean?’

‘Signor Bonomi put us up in a wonderful little cottage – a converted watermill, actually,’ he smiles softly. ‘You’d have loved it. It was only a little place, but so peaceful. We woke up every morning to the sounds of a babbling stream, and birds singing and cows calling – all very rural bliss. It didn’t have a garden, but there was a huge overgrown field at the back where you could keep horses or that’d be just perfect for dogs to run around in…’

‘I didn’t realise you were going out there with a view to
buying a property,’ I tease gently. ‘I thought you were looking for
work.’

‘Yes, of course we were. And that side of it went well…’ He opens his eyes fully now. ‘In fact, you might say, rather too well.’

I give a small laugh. ‘How so?’

‘I got the impression Signor Bonomi would be happy to give us a
lot
of work,’ he says carefully. ‘And it would be the kind of work my dad loves the best – the actual, out-in-the-field measuring up and assessing and surveying actual buildings, as opposed to the stuck-in-the-office chasing invoices and customers side. It’d make his life one hell of a lot less stressful.’

lt’d make it less stressful if he’d just retire
, I think, but I know that’s not going to happen.

‘What’s so bad about that?’

Richard doesn’t answer immediately.

‘The work wouldn’t all be based in this country, love. It would entail me travelling more, being away more. And I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about that. Especially now we’re trying for a baby. I’m not sure how
I
feel about it. It’d mean sacrifices for both of us, no question about that.’

I consider his words for a moment or two. ‘Are they sacrifices you feel happy making?’ I ask at last.

‘We’d have to talk about what exactly that would mean, wouldn’t we?’ He gives me a significant look. ‘You know I don’t like the idea of leaving you for too long.’

‘I miss you so much when you’re away,’ I confess.

‘Do you miss me?’ His breath is hot and moist near my ear. He leans in and tickles my ribs suddenly, making me laugh, and I have to squirm backwards out of his reach. ‘Tell me what you miss most.’

‘Someone strong to put the rubbish out,’ I gasp from the other end of the bed. ‘Someone to fix the latch on the garden gate when it gets broken.’

‘Ah, I thought as much.’ His low voice reminds me of chocolate
and for a second I get the strong urge to lean over and nibble his ear. ‘And here was me thinking that I’d hooked myself an independent woman.’

‘I still miss you like crazy when you’re gone.’ I lean into him again, kiss him softly on the lips. ‘I don’t know if I’d really be happy for you to be away so much of the time, darling.’

‘I know that.’ He pauses, measuring his words. ‘It’s just that at the moment I don’t know how else I’m going to solve this. There really is a dearth of work in the UK at the moment. I’ve been racking my brains to come up with a solution.’ He draws his face back a little now, comtemplating mine. ‘Unless of course you would consider leaving England altogether?’

‘Leaving?’ I gasp, pulling myself up onto my elbows. ‘Of course not! We can’t…I can’t leave. That’d mean leaving behind our home.’

‘We could make a new home,’ he suggests softly.

‘I thought you understood how much this place means to me…I thought Florence Cottage meant the same to you too?’ I stutter. ‘I feel really hurt that you could even suggest we should leave it, Rich.’

‘Darling, it is a
house.’

‘Our
home,’
I remind him. ‘Flo’s ancestral home. And I promised to keep it for her. You know that.’

He searches for my hand under the covers, gives my fingers a little squeeze. ‘I know that,’ he breathes. ‘I know you mean to stay loyal to her. And to this place and to the promise you made, but…sometimes life throws things in our way, opportunities, that can melt away even the most cast-iron of our decisions. We
can
change our minds. It is permitted.’

‘Except I don’t want to…’

‘Because this place has meant so much to you, I know.’ He nods his head, understandingly. ‘It’s represented security, stability. Even…an ancestral line, of sorts, because it’s been in Flo’s family for so many generations. I can understand all that.
You didn’t have your parents around, so I guess the cottage has come to symbolise your roots for you instead…’

‘My parents have nothing to do with this,’ I protest.

‘Hollie, that might be just what the problem is. They didn’t have anything to do with you. They should have. They left you two girls with Florence – well, OK, your
mum
left you both with Florence. But let’s not pretend that’s any substitute for the real thing.’

‘Richard, the way I feel about Florence Cottage has nothing to do with the fact that my parents weren’t around. It didn’t affect me that they weren’t, anyway. We coped perfectly well because we had Flossie…’

‘Oh, Hol,’ he says feelingly. ‘How can you say that? How can you think that? I mean, being brought up your whole lives by a friend of the family, having to do without your mum and dad…?’

Outside the first threads of light are just beginning to filter in through the cracks in the curtains. I hear the downstairs door click which means that Scarlett is up, letting poor ageing Ruffles out for his morning pee.

‘I never really think about it,’ I say after a while. ‘We had Auntie Flo and that was good enough.’

‘You got used to it,’ he says feelingly. ‘But you must have wondered about your mother? When you were a kid, I mean? You must have wondered why she made the choices that she did. Maybe for you, even more than for Scarlett, that would have been a tough thing to accept?’

‘Because Scarlett hardly knew her at all, you mean?’ I can feel his fingers gently stroking the hair away from my face and the faint stab of an old sadness that I push away by putting my arms around him, pulling him towards me. ‘Well, you talk of sacrifices, Rich. Doing something that we don’t want to do because we believe that in the end it’s all for the best. Mum had put a hell of a lot of work and years into her Amazon projects. She wanted to stay behind long enough to make something of them.
We all knew that. It was a sacrifice she made, leaving her children behind so she could fulfil her vocation.’

‘How very noble of her.’ There’s an irony in Richard’s voice that doesn’t escape me. ‘And how very understanding of you two kids.’

‘What do you mean?’ I give him a surprised look. ‘What’s brought all this on, anyway?’

‘Oh, nothing. It’s just…you defend her so staunchly and yet it’s not something I could ever see you doing, is it?’

‘Going to the Amazon?’ I try and laugh it all off now, nibbling softly at his ear.

‘No. Leaving your two little daughters with a family friend while you bugger off to the jungle.’

‘Rich!’ I admonish. ‘She always meant to come back. She would have. Besides, it wasn’t all that bad,’ I say defensively. ‘We did have good old Auntie Flo, and she was the best. She did everything for us, Rich. Everything that Mum would have if she’d been around.’

He lifts an eyebrow at that. ‘It isn’t the same though, Hol. Mums are…well, they’re
mums
, aren’t they?’

‘Maybe. Not all mums are like your mum, Rich,’ I remind him lowly. Christine has got to be one of the kindest, most selfless and loving people that I ever met. She’s lucky to have you as a son too, I think, because not all sons appreciate their mums as much as he does, either. Richard adores Christine. If he weren’t so attentive and sweet to me too I’d be almost jealous.

‘Hey.’ He tugs at my nightie as a sudden flood of tears swells in my eyes and rolls down my cheeks. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad. I love you. I love you more than anything, don’t cry. It’s just…I wish you could see, you don’t need Florence Cottage to keep you safe any more, not while I’m here. You’ve got me. We could go anywhere in the world and I’ll always be here for you.’

‘It isn’t…that,’ I stammer. The thought has hit me like the
flat edge of a sword: all this talk of mums, and what are the chances I’m ever going to be one?

‘What if it doesn’t work this time with Scarlett?’ I whisper. ‘She’s not the most patient person in the world, is she? The month and half she’s been here, hanging around – I think it’s nearly killed her.’

‘She’s mercurial, I grant you,’ Rich continues. ‘That’s just Scarlett, isn’t it? But I think she really wants to help you, love. This was never going to be easy for her, was it?’

‘When I first asked her, she said no.’ I look at him carefully now. ‘Did she ever say anything to you about why she changed her mind?’

‘She changed her mind,’ he gives a low laugh, ‘because that’s what Scarlett does. You’ve always said it yourself, she’s like a weathercock, turning every which way according to how the wind blows.’

Though usually to suit her own devices, I restrain myself from adding.

‘She could do with some of your steadiness now, though, that’s for sure.’ He kisses my nose. ‘You’ve got to be the bedrock for her. Just like you’ve always been. She’ll stick it out, never fear.’

‘You think?’

‘Sure. Take a few days off work. You two can go out to places together, keep her calm and happy. Do a bit of sisterly bonding – whatever it is that girls do. Keep her calm and happy.’

‘Fine. I can do that.’ Not the best time in the world for me to take leave, what with all the problems on the bridge, but I’ll do what I can. I look at him suddenly, remembering how this conversation all began.

‘Rich. Did you really mean what you said just now about wanting to move to Italy?’

He shrugs, lays his head gently back down on the pillow. And then, because even after ten years of marriage he’s never quite got over his shyness enough to actually
say
when he wants us to
make love, I slide back under the duvet gratefully. I know what he wants. It’s what I want too.

I might not have had my mum around as a child and I may never get to hold my own baby in my arms either. But at least I’ve got Rich. He loves me and I love him and I need to appreciate that.

Because nobody’s ever going to take him away from me, are they?

‘I haven’t heard anything from Gui all week, do you know that?’ Scarlett clicks off her phone crossly, hoisting her feet up onto my dashboard, and I look at her in surprise. It’s the first time she’s given any inkling she might actually be missing her boyfriend.

‘You’ve been in fairly close contact up to now,’ I remind her. Whenever she’s not sitting there texting her friends, she seems to be on the phone to them. Him too, surely? ‘Maybe work just got busy or something?’

She rolls her eyes. ‘Maybe he’s just got pissed off ’cos I keep putting off the date when I tell him I can come home?’

‘Oh, Scarlett,’ I say feelingly. ‘Are you worried he might be…well, drifting away? Because you’re not there?’

‘He’s a man, isn’t he?’ She looks at me sharply. ‘I don’t suppose he’s going to wait forever.’

What does she mean?

‘He does know, doesn’t he?’ The thought hits me suddenly. She must have told him by now. She shakes her head, her eyes suddenly watering and vulnerable.

‘I didn’t dare, Hollie. I know I said all that stuff about not being his property and all that, and I’m not of course, but I have been worried about how he’d take it. I thought I’d rather make sure it had happened first – before bringing it up.’

‘Oh.’

‘It’s not been easy for me, being here either. Seeing the way you and Rich are with each other – especially after he came back from Trieste the other night. I know you two little lovebirds can’t bear to be parted from each other. Just because I’m not in a steady relationship doesn’t mean I don’t wish that I was.’

‘I’m sorry, Lettie,’ I bluster. ‘I never knew you felt that way. I assumed you had Gui in the wings and…’

‘He mightn’t stay in the wings too long if it turns out I am pregnant though. Don’t you see?’

It looks as if she’s backed herself into a Catch 22 situation. What can I say?

‘How about Rich?’ She looks at me suddenly. ‘He’s been a bit quiet recently, hasn’t he? He’s hardly spoken to me for days…’

‘He’s just preoccupied at the moment. Work and his dad and all. Honestly, I don’t think he’s given you a second thought…’

She shoots me a dark glance.

‘I didn’t mean it that way,’ I placate. ‘What I meant was, he’s not available for anyone at the moment because he’s got so much on his mind. He was even talking about us relocating to Italy the other day,’ I share. ‘That’s how worried he is.’

‘I got the impression he’d
love
to move abroad.’ Scarlett winds down the window on her side and sticks her face out towards the cold breeze.

‘You did? When? Have you two spoken about it before, then?’

‘Not exactly spoken about it, but it was sort of intimated.’ I watch her take her gum out of her mouth and roll it up into a little ball. ‘He’s not such a stick-in-the-mud as you are, Hol. I think he’d rather like a bit of adventure in his life.’

I feel my shoulders stiffen.

‘The nearest you ever come to having an adventure is going for an acupuncture session with your Mr Huang,’ she taunts now.

She didn’t have to accompany me on my acupuncture visit this morning. She wanted to come. She
insisted
. Just because
time is going so painfully slowly for both of us at the moment. Every hour on the clock takes an absolute eternity to tick by. And for the whole of the past week we’ve both been waking up so early, too, as if there aren’t already enough hours in the day to have to get through. I keep expecting her to tell me, any minute, that her period has come and that my hopes are dashed again. I don’t want to think that. I want to stay positive, but I have had this happen to me so many times. Part of me can’t believe that it could ever be any different, that anything could ever change. So at the moment, because it is my day off and I have no work to distract me, we’re just waiting, finding things to do to fill in the time.