A Sinful Calling (7 page)

D
illon moved to the side of Raven, breathing heavily, and all he could think about was Porsha. Here he'd just made love to his wife, the woman he loved, but she simply couldn't satisfy him the way Porsha did. Raven held her own, there was no refuting that, and there had also been a time when Dillon craved being with her, but ever since sleeping with Porsha the very first time, his feelings had changed. It wasn't something he'd counted on happening, and he wondered what it would mean for him and Raven down the road—how it would affect their future as husband and wife. He'd been thinking that he could handle this—being married and having a plaything on the side—but his feelings and attraction for Porsha had grown faster and more intense than he'd been prepared for. Things were escalating in a number of ways, and he had to find a way to keep them in order. He had to gain some sense of control over what was evolving.

Raven nestled her head against the side of his chest and rested her arm across him. “No matter how many times we make love, it always feels like the first time. You still make my world complete.”

Dillon wrapped his arm around her. “I'm glad.”

“I hate it when we fight, and I'm so glad you called me this morning. Although, I have to admit, there's nothing better than make-up sex.”

“Yeah, I guess not. It's always the best,” he said, trying to sound as enthused as she was.

“So are you ready for round two?” she asked.

Dillon laughed. “Whoa, I don't think so. Not yet, anyway.”

She drew circles on his chest with her finger. “Well, you'd better
get
ready, mister.”

“What's gotten into you?”

“I don't know, but I need more of you tonight. We had a bad couple of days, and I just want to be close to you.”

Dillon rubbed her arm and closed his eyes. Only three months ago, he would have felt the same and he'd be raring to make love to her again. But that was pre-Porsha.

“And baby,” she said, “thank you again for hearing me and for saying I can attend the elder board meeting next Tuesday. It really means a lot to me.”

“You're welcome.”

“Was Levi okay with it?”

“I never got to talk to him, but I will tomorrow, and of course it will be fine.”

“I'm so excited about this new chapter in my life. I've been through so much over the years, and who would have guessed I'd be a pastor one day?”

Dillon wasn't sure whether to comment or keep quiet, but since he couldn't think of the right thing to say, he chose the latter.

That didn't stop Raven, though. “We're going to be able to do so many great things together, baby. Not only will we take the church to new heights, but we'll be well on our way to go national. We'll be broadcasting on television, just like your dad, in no time. And he only has about five thousand members. Although, the reason he's able to do it is because of all the money they bring in through the ministry. Having a church is great, but the key to having any real success is when you create a ministry and treat it as a corporation. That's when you can begin reaching out to people nationally and worldwide. Money comes in from all across the globe, and the next thing you know, thousands and then millions are contributed.”

Dillon opened his eyes, but he still didn't say anything. She'd gained a wealth of knowledge while working for his dad, and she knew exactly how to nurture and build a ministry to the highest levels. She thought everything through and knew exactly what to do and when, and Dillon couldn't take a chance on losing her. He wouldn't go as far as taking her on as co-pastor, but he had to be more careful when it came to his feelings about Porsha. He had to keep Raven happy.

They chatted a few more minutes until Raven's phone rang.

She reached toward the nightstand for her cell. “I wonder who that is…Oh, it's Dana.” She sat up on the side of the bed, then stood up. “Hey, girl.”

Raven slipped on her robe and sat over in one of the chairs. Dillon already knew she was going to be on the phone for a while because when Raven and Dana spoke, it was rarely for less than a couple of hours. They were very close, and Raven also felt indebted to her because Dana had been the only person who'd stayed in touch with her while she was in prison. Dana had even visited her in person and periodically placed money on her books, and Raven did everything she could to make up for it. When they went to breakfast, lunch, or dinner, Raven paid for it. When they went shopping, Raven usually bought Dana something nice, and she was there for her no matter what.

Dillon lay there, listening to them talking about everything and also nothing and enjoying themselves, so he flipped on the television. The first thing he saw was a commercial advertising the Fourth of July fireworks show that would be taking place three days from now. This made him think about Alicia and how excited she'd been earlier today. She'd literally walked down to his office just to tell him about her conversation with her mom. She'd been as giddy as a small child, and Dillon was glad for her. But for some reason, Alicia's news and this commercial made him think about his dad. Why couldn't his father love him and treat him like a son? That's all Dillon had ever wanted, yet his dad continued to ignore him. Not to mention, he was likely in full planning mode for the holiday, preparing to spend it with his three prized possessions: Matthew, Curtina, and Matthew's son, little MJ.

Dillon got to his feet, pulled on his navy-blue silk pajama bottoms, and grabbed his phone. He walked out of the bedroom, through the hallway, and down the stairs. As he went into the family room, he clicked on his Contacts icon and scrolled down to his dad's number. Maybe if he tried calling Curtis one more time, things would be different. Maybe if Dillon reached out to him and apologized—again—for all that he'd done in the past, his dad would adjust his attitude. He might have a change of heart the way Alicia's mom had this afternoon.

Dillon dialed the number and waited.

Curtis answered on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Hey, Dad, how are you?”

“I'm good. You?”

“I'm fine. I hadn't spoken to you in a while, so I thought I'd give you a call.”

“It's good to hear your voice,” Curtis said, but there was no feeling behind his words, and that irked Dillon.

Still, he kept calm and tried not to take it personally. “So what are you all doing for the Fourth?”

“Not a whole lot. Just hanging around the house mostly.”

Dillon paused, hoping his dad would invite him and Raven over. He knew it wasn't logical, even more so when it came to Raven because of all the money she'd stolen, but still Dillon hoped…and prayed.

But when his dad fell silent again, he said, “You know, Dad, if you're interested, I would love to have you serve as guest speaker one Sunday.”

“My schedule is pretty full right now, but I appreciate the offer.”

“What about later this year?”

“I don't think so. My speaking calendar is already in place, and I'm not planning to add on much of anything else.”

Dillon knew this was just an excuse, and that if his dad honestly wanted to visit his church he could.

“I wish you'd reconsider.”

“It's not likely.”

His words were nonchalant and cold all at the same time, and Dillon couldn't take it any longer. He'd been living back in Mitchell for two years, yet his dad still wouldn't let go of the past. He claimed he'd forgiven Dillon, but he treated him like an enemy or worse. He acted as though Dillon weren't even related to him.

Dillon wanted to curse him out and hang up on him, but it was the desperate little boy in him that couldn't give up. He'd made the decision to forget about his dad and move forward with getting revenge on him, but deep down, he just wanted a relationship with him. He
needed
it, and he wanted to be a part of a family. If his dad would accept him back and love him like a son, Dillon was even willing to make amends with Charlotte and move mountains to get along with her if he had to. Whatever it took to make things right with his dad would be worth it.

“Look, Dad, can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“When is this going to end? When are you going to genuinely forgive me?”

“I forgave you a long time ago.”

“But you couldn't have meant it.”

“I only say what I mean, so I'm not sure what the problem is.”

“You can't forgive someone, especially your own son, and still hate them.”

“First of all, I don't hate anyone. I love everyone just the way God expects us to, but I'm also not a fool. I know very well who I can trust, and who can never be trusted.”

“But I'm not the same person. I did some awful things, but I've turned my life around. I haven't hurt anyone since I moved back here. I became a pastor, and I've worked hard to live by God's Word.”

“Good. That's what you're
supposed
to do.”

Curtis was trying Dillon's patience. “But that still doesn't change the way you feel?”

“You're my son, but you're not right. When you schemed behind my back with Mariah,” he said, referring to his second ex-wife, “and had me beaten nearly to death, I understood why. You blamed me for the death of your mom, and you hated me for not being a father to you. And I forgave you. But then, after I did all I could to try to build a relationship with you, including giving you a half million dollars, you still tried to cause a public scandal and blackmail me. And don't get me started about the way you slept with your own brother's wife. I'm certainly not some innocent saint, because Lord knows I've done enough dirt to last a lifetime, but when a man sleeps with his brother's wife, it doesn't get much lower than that.”

“So that's what this is about? Matthew, and what I did to him? Your precious little golden boy?”

“Call him whatever you want, but Matthew would never hurt anyone the way you have. He's a kind young man with a huge heart, and he doesn't have a deceptive bone in his body. He's nothing like the way I used to be and nothing like the way you are now.”

“Wow. So this is how it's always going to be with you and me?”

“I don't see how it can be any different. As my child, I love you, but I can't allow you to hurt anyone else in this family. Some people live by the three strikes rule, but with you, two times was enough. You showed me who you were and what you were capable of.”

“I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm glad I know where we stand. I'm glad you admitted that you want nothing to do with me ever again.”

Curtis didn't respond.

Dillon almost hung up without saying good-bye, but he changed his mind. “You take care, Dad.”

“You, too.”

Dillon removed his phone from his ear, staring straight ahead. His body felt numb, and though he was hurt, he now had full clarity. His father had written him off and mentally erased him from the family for good. This wasn't what Dillon had hoped for, but he knew he had no choice but to accept it. His dad was very wrong about one thing, though. He claimed he knew who Dillon was and what he was capable of, but sadly, he had no idea. He didn't have a clue, and Dillon would prove it to him soon enough. The amount of pain Dillon was planning to unleash would make national news. It would bring his father to his knees, and this made Dillon smile. It also made him laugh a little.

A
licia held her head back, and the soothing hot water sprayed across the front of her body. She'd finally slept a little better last night thanks to the call she'd made to her mom, but she still felt tired, and a good shower always made her feel more refreshed. It was said that a person should take a warm shower at bedtime to relax and a cold one in the morning to wake up, but Alicia had found that taking a hotter-than-normal shower anytime was what she loved. She wasn't sure why, but she'd always been that way. So much so that when she and Levi showered together, he immediately cooled down the temperature because it was too much for him.

Alicia slowly rotated her body, allowing the water to stream across her back, and smiled. She still couldn't get over how quickly things with her mom had changed. The two of them had always been close, and when Alicia had spoken to her yesterday, it had felt as though they'd never drifted apart. She'd been able to feel her mother's love, smile, and tears right through the phone, and even now, she wanted to cry again. Not because she was sad, but because she was so excited she could burst. A heavy burden had been lifted from her, and she couldn't wait for her and Levi to have dinner with her mom and James. She also couldn't stop thinking about the warm smile on Levi's face when she'd told him, because this was something he'd wanted for a long time as well. He didn't talk about it as much anymore, but in the beginning, he'd blamed himself for the breakdown of Alicia's relationship with her family. Alicia had told him otherwise, but he'd still felt bad about it.

Now, if only her dad could surrender his disapproval. If only he could recognize how wrong he was for alienating his own daughter and her husband. Yes, she'd had an affair with Levi behind Phillip's back both times she'd been married to him, but she and Levi weren't perfect. More important, neither was her dad, and if anyone were to review his list of sins, they'd be reading and thinking for a very long time. Her dad had done a lot, and he'd done some pretty vicious and cruel things to people. Today he was a good man, but Alicia remembered all the way back to when she'd been a small child and her parents were married. No one knew it, but her father had gone as far as putting his hands on her mom. He'd threatened and blackmailed people in the church to get what he wanted, and he'd slept around on all three of his wives: Tanya, Mariah, and Charlotte. Then there was this whole thing with Dillon and how the situation had played out with his mom. So Alicia couldn't understand how her father could judge anyone. It just didn't make sense, but all she could think was that he somehow had a problem with forgiving his own children who had hurt him, even though he regularly forgave others.

Alicia turned back around, facing the water again, and with no warning, Phillip's bloody body flashed in her mind. She blinked a couple of times, but the image only became clearer. She then saw herself throwing her vehicle into park on the side of the highway and jumping out of it. She was remembering the night Phillip had found out she was sleeping with Levi again, and he'd forced her to drive toward Chicago at gunpoint. But when Alicia had discovered that he was planning for them to go to Levi's former residence, she'd known he was going to kill both of them. This was when she'd decided her only chance at surviving was to stop the car and try to flag down a passerby on the highway. But in the end, the gun had accidentally gone off.

Alicia's heart beat faster, and she tried to think about something else. But the visions and reality of that night remained in full effect. She saw Phillip's lifeless body over and over again. It was almost as if she were watching a one-scene movie, and soon she burst into tears and leaned her head against the ceramic wall.

“Dear God, please help me,” she whispered. “Please release me from my sins. I'm so sorry for what happened.”

You still don't get it, do you?
, the voice said.
No one can help you, not even God. You killed one of His own. A man who loved Him, honored Him, and taught His Word. You hurt Phillip two different times, and he had a nervous breakdown because of it. He lost it, and now he's dead. And it's all your fault. It will always be your fault, and you know what you need to do.

Alicia began hyperventilating and trying to catch her breath. But the voice never let up.

Okay, what you need to do is just breathe. Take deep breaths, but do it slowly.

Alicia listened and breathed in and out.

That's better. Now, try to calm yourself down, because getting upset won't change anything. It won't change what the truth is. You made a mistake, a man is dead, but what's done is done. All the crying for the next decade won't bring him back, and there's only one way to end the tears and guilt. It's time you realize that so you can end all your misery. You say you love God, but God doesn't want any of His children to suffer. Right?

Alicia nodded yes.

Then you know what you have to do. It's time to make things easier for your family. All they want is for someone to pay for Phillip's death. They don't like that an innocent man died, yet the person responsible is walking around scot-free. They just want you to do the right thing. It's the only way they can truly love you again and find peace. It's all up to you, though.

Alicia grabbed the top of her head and cried loudly. “No, please don't do this. Please just leave me alone. I'm begging you.”

She cried so hard her chest heaved in and out, and then she dropped to the floor of the shower. The water drenched her hair, but she just sat there curled in a ball.

“Baby, what is going on in here?” Levi asked, opening the glass door and turning off the water. He helped Alicia to her feet. “Baby, what's wrong? Why are you crying?”

Alicia held on to him, still weeping uncontrollably as he walked her out of the shower. He grabbed a large bath towel and wrapped it around her. When she settled down some, he dried her hair and then her body.

He then escorted her into the bedroom and sat her on the bed until he was able to pull one of her robes from the closet. He helped her put it on and then sat down beside her and hugged her.

Alicia leaned her head against him and started crying again.

“Baby, what happened? And please don't tell me ‘nothing,' because I know something's wrong.”

“I'm sorry,” she whimpered. “I'm so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Causing you so many problems. I know I haven't been myself, but I'm okay.”

“No, you're not, and it's time you get some help.”

“I'm fine.”

Levi turned her face upward and looked at her. “Then why were you sitting on the floor of the shower, nearly hysterical?”

She hesitated, but went ahead and told him the truth. Not about the voice, though. “I thought about Phillip and how he died. I saw his body and all the blood, and I couldn't handle it. But I'm not going to think about that anymore. I'm going to pray harder than I have been.”

“Prayer is good, but I think you need to talk to someone. I told you that before, but now it's time you call someone to make an appointment. If you don't do it, I will.”

“That's really not necessary.”

Levi removed his arm from around her. “Why do you insist on doing this? Pretending that everything is okay, when you're clearly about to have a nervous breakdown?”

Alicia grabbed his arm with both hands. “Baby, I know it seems like that, but it's really me who's causing this. I think about things, and I make them worse than they really are. I'm completely aware of everything that's going on. I'm not losing my mind.”

“I didn't say you were, but anyone can have a nervous breakdown. You don't have to be crazy for that to happen. And I wish you'd stop making excuses,” he said matter-of-factly.

Alicia could tell he'd had it with her, so she agreed to what he wanted. “Okay, I'll do it. I'll call Melanie tonight to see if her psychologist can recommend someone.”

“Maybe you can see the same person.”

“Her doctor specializes in eating disorders, but I need a grief therapist.”

“Well, just as long as you see someone. That's all I want.”

“I will. I promise.”

“I hope you're telling the truth, baby, because this is serious. This problem you have is tearing you apart, and when you're hurting I'm hurting.”

“I know, and I'm sorry. I'm going to take care of this, okay?”

Levi didn't seem fully convinced, but when she kissed him he finally wrapped his perfectly chiseled arms around her and kissed her back. She felt his tense body relaxing more and more, and she knew when he laid her down on the bed and untied her robe that they were good.

She loved this man, and she wanted them to be happy. And they would be. He thought she needed to see a shrink, but he was wrong about that. She just needed to focus on the positive aspects of her life and stop thinking about Phillip and her dad. It was time she forgave herself. That way she could begin healing and truly forget what happened, once and for all.