A Sinful Calling (4 page)

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licia bit into her chicken sandwich and ate a couple of kettle potato chips. Levi had grilled various kinds of meat, and they were now sitting next to each other inside their four-season gazebo, having lunch.

“This is really good,” she said. “So tender and juicy.”

Levi smiled. “Why, thank you very much, my beautiful wife. You know I'm the grill master.”

“Yeah, okay, grill master,” she said, laughing. “Whatever you say.”

“I am, and you know I am.”

“Like I said, whatever…you…say.”

Levi bit into his cheeseburger and drank some raspberry lemonade.

Alicia looked at Levi and shook her head.

“What's wrong?” he asked.

“I know we just talked about this last night and again this morning, but I still can't get over it. Raven actually wants to become co-pastor.”

“Well, if I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. Because I don't believe Dillon wants that anyway.”

“Even if he doesn't, I still know who Raven is. She's sneaky, manipulative, and deceitful, and there's no telling what she'll say or do to get Dillon to give her what she wants. Dillon really loves her, so what if he decides it's better to keep his wife happy?”

“I doubt that'll happen. I also doubt that the elder board will even consider voting in favor of Raven.”

“Have you forgotten that Dillon founded NFCC and the parent ministry? So, technically, he can veto any decision the board agrees on, even if they vote on something unanimously.”

“I understand that, but to date, Dillon has never done that.”

“Well, even though I love my brother, I also know that there's a first time for everything. When Dillon first reached out to me saying that he'd started his own church, I was happy for him and glad he and I could finally become close. He ended up being the only family I had when that situation with Phillip happened. But when you decided to sow thousands of dollars into the ministry, we should have created a set of bylaws and had an attorney draw up new legal documents.”

“He'd already incorporated by then.”

“Still, we should have made sure that you or I or both of us had some sort of say-so when it comes to crucial decision making. My brother is very different than he used to be. He's much kinder and has a lot more compassion for people than he did before, but this whole Raven drama could change everything.”

“Yeah, but regardless of how much he loves Raven, he's not naïve. And I just don't see him sharing his position with her. It's just not who he is or something he's ever talked about.”

“I've never heard him talk about it, either, but this is the first time Raven has made her intentions known, and I promise you, she won't stop until she gets what she wants.”

“Well, it's not like we can say anything unless she becomes more serious about this.”

“As far as I'm concerned, she did that yesterday.”

Levi didn't comment any further, but if Alicia had it her way she could talk about this particular topic all afternoon.

They sat quietly, still enjoying their food, but when Levi finished his last bite, he wiped his hands with a napkin and looked at Alicia. “You know, Raven is actually the least of my worries.”

“Why is that?”

“You and I have our own problems to deal with.”

Alicia was stunned by his comments but waited to hear what he had to say.

“I'm really worried about you. I'm worried about us.”

Alicia didn't have to wonder anymore what he was talking about, because she knew where this conversation was heading. “I keep telling you everything's fine.”

“That's what you say, but you know that's not true. On most nights, you barely sleep at all, and I have no idea how you function. But worse than that, you're starting to distance yourself from me again, and baby, I don't like it. You did the same thing right after Phillip died and the only difference then was that instead of not sleeping, you slept all the time. You were extremely depressed, and you hardly even went out of the house.”

“I know, but I haven't been distant because I'm depressed. I'm really busy at work right now. Much busier than usual.”

Levi ignored her response. “When are you finally going to decide to forgive yourself and mean it?”

“It's not as simple as that, but I'm trying. Baby, a man died, and it's all because of the way I lied and how selfish I was. I should have told him that it was you I loved, and that I couldn't marry him again.”

“I hear that, and I agree, but what's done is done. I'm just as guilty as you, but we can't change what happened. We have to move on with our lives because if we don't, we'll never be completely happy.”

“But I am happy.”

“Only to a certain extent. You're happy for a while, and then you start withdrawing from me the way you've been doing for more than a couple of months now. It's been a roller coaster ride ever since we got married, and it's really starting to bother me. I've tried to be patient, but I think we need counseling.”

Alicia frowned. “Why?”

“Because this has gone on long enough. I thought prayer and loving you as much as possible would be enough, but it's not.”

“It
is
enough,” she said, resting her hand on the side of his face. “Baby, you know I love you with all my heart. I've loved you since the first time we met, and that same love grew even stronger once we reconnected.”

“That might be true, sweetheart, but we don't spend quality time together. Not to mention, when we're making love, it's almost like you're not even there.”

“Only because I've been a bit on the tired side lately. And it's like I told you, I'm a little overwhelmed at work. I have a lot going on with all the meetings and preparation for upcoming projects. I'm also working with staff members in every department for the rest of church operations. Then, on top of that, I've been stressing over writing and submitting the synopsis for my next novel to my publisher. I should have done that a long time ago, but all my responsibilities at the church won't allow me to.”

“I know you're busy, but I also think something else is bothering you.”

“What?”

“You miss seeing and talking to your dad the way you used to.”

“I do, but there's nothing I can do about that. When my family made the decision not to genuinely accept you as my husband, they also made the decision not to have a close relationship with me. My dad has preached many sermons about how when a man and a woman get married, they become one. He's always said that a man's wife and a woman's husband must always come before family and friends, yet he isn't happy about you and me getting married.”

“I agree, but I still wish you and your dad were close again. Forget that he doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm fine with that. But you, on the other hand, have been a daddy's girl all your life, so I know deep down you're heartbroken over this. More than you're willing to admit.”

Alicia's eyes filled with tears, and she swallowed hard, trying to pretend her strained relationship with her father wasn't affecting her to the extent Levi was describing. But truth was, she sometimes thought about nothing else. She couldn't believe so much had happened so fast, and that she'd lost almost everything that had mattered to her. All because she hadn't been faithful to Phillip either of the times she'd been married to him.

Alicia thought about all the skeletons from her past, but then tried pushing each of them from her mind. She worked hard not to obsess over any of them, but there were times, like now, when she was forced to think about Phillip's death. She also thought about how much she missed her dad and brother, Matthew. But more disturbing were the other insane thoughts that consumed her.

The first time this had happened was the night Phillip had died, and that kind of irrational thinking had tormented her ever since. She didn't think she was capable of hurting herself, but for the last few months, a voice had begun speaking to her. She didn't hear it daily and sometimes not even weekly, but it was becoming louder all the time. First it had convinced her that Phillip's death was her fault and only her fault…that he would still be alive if it hadn't been for her…that she'd still be close with the family she loved if she hadn't committed such a terrible sin as adultery. And the voice told her lots of other horrifying things, too, except now, it told her that she no longer deserved to live and that the only way to make things right on Phillip's behalf was to kill herself. She didn't want to believe the voice, but it was bold and it sounded as though it knew what was best. It seemed to give the kind of logical advice she wouldn't be able to keep ignoring. Not even if she wanted to.

D
illon watched as the twelve lead elders of the church filed into the main conference room, just down the hallway from his study. It was Tuesday morning and time for their weekly staff meeting, and as Dillon observed them chatting and taking their seats, he felt proud. They were all very loyal to Dillon and the church, and Dillon compensated them nicely. Many of the men would have done their best even if they weren't being paid, but Dillon had learned as a teenager that when you rewarded people financially, they tended to work a lot harder. They were a little more dedicated and consistent. So, unlike he'd seen in some churches, he'd decided his elders would be paid great salaries. The elders were full-time employees who worked Tuesday through Friday and also on Saturday when they were needed. He also made sure Levi was paid exceptionally well, what with him being elder of the addiction ministry as well as chairman of the entire board; something that was the least Dillon could offer him, given how much time and money Levi had invested into the church overall.

Everyone quieted down and Levi said, “This meeting is officially called to order, and while our main topic for today is an upcoming marketing campaign, I think we should discuss any new business or specific issues going on within our individual ministries.”

“I'll start,” Elder Robert Freeman proclaimed.

Dillon almost frowned, but he didn't. What else was new? When did Elder Freeman
not
want to discuss his ministry before anyone else could share anything about theirs? He was elder of the men's ministry, but there were also eleven other ministries that were just as important: prayer, marriage, singles, funeral/loss and grief, conflict resolution, illness and shut-in, addiction, children's, teen, hospitality, and finance. There was also the women's ministry, but because Raven was the overseer, it was considered a separate entity from those that the twelve elders were responsible for.

Elder Freeman was sixtysomething and a good man in general, but Dillon was starting to regret his decision to appoint him as one of the leaders of the church. Sometimes he was way too vocal, and he acted as though he knew everything. He also offered his opinion whether it was asked for or not.

Dillon interrupted him. “That's fine, Elder Freeman, but if you don't mind, I'd like Elder Payne to go first today. He's already shared with me a little of what's happening with one of our married couples, and I'd like us all to give our input.”

Elder Freeman sighed and leaned back in his chair more forcefully than normal. He wasn't happy, but Dillon didn't care. Elder Freeman was part of the leadership, yet there were times when Dillon had to subtly remind him who was actually in charge at New Faith.

“Why don't you go ahead,” Levi told Elder Payne.

Elder Payne folded his arms. “Well, to put it plainly, the couple Pastor Black is referring to has been married for forty years, but they're contemplating divorce.”

“Wow,” Elder Vincent Barnett said. Vincent was Dillon's best friend and confidant, and while he was elder of the singles ministry, even he obviously couldn't understand how any husband and wife could be married for all those years and now want to end everything.

“I know,” Elder Payne said. “It's shocking and heartbreaking. But this is the deal: The wife has had two affairs, and the most recent was just two months ago.”

A couple of the other elders laughed under their breath, and soon the rest of them had half smiles on their faces.

“How old are these folks?” Elder Freeman asked. “Because I'm guessing they're as old as I am.”

Elder Payne nodded. “They are. Somewhere in their middle sixties.”

“What a shame,” Levi said, and most of the other elders mumbled in agreement.

“The devil is always busy,” Dillon said. “But my hope is that we can try to help these people. They've been married four decades, and I'd hate to see anyone throw all that away.”

“Well, why is her old behind still sleeping around in the first place?” Elder Freeman wanted to know.

“She says she doesn't know,” Elder Payne answered. “But she's extremely remorseful and apologetic. She's also begging her husband to give her another chance and says she'll never do anything like this again.”

Elder Freeman pursed his lips. “Yeah, right. When did she have the first affair?”

“Years ago.”

“Hmmph. I wonder if two affairs is all she's really had. How do we know she's telling the truth?”

“We don't,” Dillon said, “but it's not our job to decide that one way or the other. Our job is to try to help save their marriage.”

Elder Freeman shook his head, dismissing Dillon's comment.

“I agree,” Levi said. “So if anyone has some suggestions for Elder Payne, let's hear them. Or actually, Elder Payne, why don't you tell us how you've advised them thus far.”

“I've been praying with them, and I've also given them the name of a Christian marriage counselor who is one of the best in the area. The wife has begun seeing her, but the husband refuses to go. And sadly, I can't say that I blame him. I know God wants us to forgive, but if my own wife stepped out on me, not once but twice, it would be very hard to trust her again.”

Elder Freeman rested his arms on the table. “Well, if it were me advising them, I'd tell them both to get over it and move on. Stay together no matter what, because God doesn't like divorce. When they got married, they took lifetime vows. End of story.”

Dillon squinted his eyes. “But that's just it, Elder Freeman; you're
not
the one advising them. Elder Payne is.”

The room fell silent, and Dillon hated having to put Elder Freeman in his place in front of all the others. If only he would just shut up sometimes and allow the other men to say a few words. As it was, the younger elders hadn't commented, likely because they couldn't see where their opinions would even matter.

Elder Freeman twiddled his thumbs, but never as much as looked at Dillon.

“Maybe we should ask Lady Black to get involved,” one of the younger elders finally said. “She oversees the women's ministry, so maybe she and some of the other ladies can meet with the wife, and then, Pastor, it might be good for you and Lady Black to meet with them together.”

“I think you're right,” Dillon said, remembering how great of a Christian counselor his dad was. Dillon had lots of ill feelings toward Curtis, but he couldn't deny how good his father was when it came to helping his members who had marital problems. If he and his dad had been on better terms, he'd call and ask him what he should do, but Dillon would never give him the benefit of knowing he needed him for anything.

They discussed the troubled couple for a few minutes more, but when the fact that the wife had had two affairs came up again, Dillon looked at Levi and thought about his sister Alicia. She'd had two affairs on Phillip as well, and she'd had both with Levi. In their case, tragedy had even struck, and this was likely the reason Levi wasn't saying much anymore.

But then Elder Payne asked for his opinion. “So what do you think, Elder Cunningham?”

At first Levi hesitated, but then he said, “Well, it's no secret to any of you that I can relate to all of this. I'm ashamed of what my wife and I did, and I certainly don't condone infidelity. My wife's husband divorced her the first time we had an affair, and then you all know what happened when she married him a second time, and he found out we were seeing each other again. It was a total disaster, and I'll go to my grave regretting the terrible choices we made. Still, I think the couple in question should fight for their marriage. They should give it their all. I realize how hurt the husband is and that when people hurt you and betray you, it's hard to forgive them and even harder to trust them again, but I believe it can be done. Especially with prayer, open communication, and making sure God is the center of the marriage from this point on.”

“Amen,” Elder Freeman chimed in. “That's all I was trying to say. God wants married people to work out their differences. No matter how serious they are. That is, unless physical abuse is involved. Even mental abuse can be unacceptable, too, depending on how severe it is. But anything else…I say it can be fixed.”

Dillon wondered if Elder Freeman would ever change. Giving input was good, but why did he always have to have the last word? Make it seem that he'd already said what needed to be done, and anything the rest of them suggested meant nothing?

Levi turned the page of his legal-size notepad. “The next order of business is the new marketing campaign. Pastor Black, why don't you tell us what the overall theme will be.”

Dillon leaned forward. “Well, as you know, we've already been outlining a few ideas, but our main goal will be to introduce all twelve of your ministries to the city of Mitchell and the overall community. What I want is for New Faith Christian Center and New Faith Ministries, Inc., to be known as the church organization that goes out of its way to help people. Not just in one or two areas of their lives, but in all areas. I also want to portray the twelve of you who lead the ministries as twelve men who can, in many ways, be compared to Jesus's twelve disciples.”

Dillon waited for a few nods of approval, but when no one as much as blinked, he hurried to explain what he meant.

“Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not trying to equate myself to Jesus, but because I did in fact select every last one of you, I do believe you represent His disciples.”

This last comment made Elder Freeman lean forward, too. “Okay, that's all fine and well, but I think we need to be very careful when it comes to comparing ourselves to Jesus and his twelve apostles. Because if we aren't, this campaign of ours might start to sound more like blasphemy.”

Dillon frowned and laughed out loud. “As usual, Elder Freeman, you're taking things way too seriously. I mean, way, way too seriously.”

“I just like to do things the right way. Making sure we don't disrespect God and His Word.”

Dillon raised his eyebrows but held his temper. They discussed a few more points of the marketing plan, along with a couple of other pieces of business, but thankfully, Elder Freeman kept quiet.

When the meeting adjourned, everyone walked out, but Dillon stopped Levi.

“Hey, man, you got a minute?”

“Of course,” Levi said, closing the conference room door and sitting back down. “What's up?”

“I know I've said this many times before, but today is one of those days where I just want to thank you again. You know, for everything you've done to help build up the ministry. We certainly wouldn't be where we are without your support.”

“It's no problem, and you're quite welcome. I was glad to do it.”

“You're like a brother to me, and you've made a world of difference here.”

“All I knew was that when I got out of prison, I wasn't going back. I also knew that I was going to live for God and not find myself pulled back into the life. Selling drugs made me a lot of money, more than most people make their whole lives, but it was wrong. That's why I wanted to make sure every dime was put to good use. Before I met you, I was going to open a restaurant, but investing in God's work has been a lot more rewarding. The church has grown tremendously, and I'm glad to be a part of it.”

“I'm glad you are, too, and you already know how happy I am that my sister and I worked out our differences. We couldn't stand each other, but what the devil meant for bad, God had a much bigger plan for.”

“Amen to that.”

“The other thing I wanted to talk to you about is the marketing campaign. I want you to play an even larger role than you have been when it comes to promoting the church. Particularly when it comes to our twelve ministries. We have a lot of people in the city struggling with addiction, and what I want is for you to share how you were once a drug dealer who did prison time, yet now you've turned your life over to God and will help anyone any way you can. I know this will mean becoming even more transparent about your past than you have been, so we'll only do it if you're okay with it.”

“It's true that I will always be ashamed of the life I led, but I'm not ashamed of the way I've turned it around. So whatever you need me to do, I will.”

“I really appreciate that.”

“Although, I have to say, while I'm fine with helping anyone I can, I'm starting to think that your sister and I are the ones who need help the most.”

“How so?”

“You know I love Alicia with every breath I take, but for the first time since we got married, I'm not so sure we can survive the whole Phillip situation. I believe she loves me completely, but since Phillip died things haven't been the same. There's been a slight disconnect between us. We've never been able to get back to where we were.”

“I'm sorry to hear that. Have you talked to her about it?”

“I have, as recently as yesterday. But she won't admit that the problem is as bad as it is. She doesn't see that her guilt is affecting her more and more…and that it's starting to wear on our marriage in a pretty harsh way.”

“Do you want me to talk to her?”

“Do you mind? She's not going to be happy that I told you anything, but I don't care about that. I just want us to get help. I've been trying to handle this on my own and praying things would get better, but they're not.”

“I've been praying for God to give her peace as well, because I can tell Phillip's death still haunts her. I'll make sure to talk to her today, though.”

“Thank you for that. I hate putting you in the middle of this, but…”

“Don't say another word. Consider it already done.”