A Shameful Secret (18 page)

“He would not?” Charlotte looked shocked as Hester was silent. “You have seen him recently? Tell me who this scoundrel is and I shall talk to him.”

“That would only make him angry,” Hester said. “I am not saying that he would speak, but he might and that would be terrible. I had thought that perhaps I might tell Paul and he would accept the truth, but . . .” She shook her head. “I do not know what to do for the best, cousin.”

“Well, you can do nothing until Paul asks you,” Charlotte said in a bracing tone. “If you insist that you must tell him the truth, then perhaps that will be for the best. I am sure that he will be able to set your mind at rest.”

“Yes, of course,” Hester said sure that it was hopeless for Paul would not risk bringing such a terrible scandal into his family. He might not care for titles, but he must care for the old and honorable name of his family. She lifted her head, forcing herself to smile. “Well, I am no worse off for having faced the truth, because I always knew in my heart that it could never be.”

Charlotte shook her head at her. She could see that Hester was breaking her heart over this business, but there was nothing more she could do or say for the moment. She could only pray that things would turn out happily for the girl she loved.

On the surface of things, the evening passed very pleasantly. Both Charlotte and Hester performed a piece on the pianoforte for the pleasure of their hosts, and Lady Longstanton sang for them, a very pretty, amusing ditty that made them all laugh. However, Charlotte was not the only one to notice the occasional sadness in Hester’s eyes.

* * * *

It was Paul who felt the most concern, for he could not help wondering if perhaps Hester was missing a certain gentleman. He would have liked to speak to her and discover her feelings on the matter, but he had given his word and was therefore honor bound to keep his silence, which did not improve his own mood.

After dinner, he and his father withdrew to the billiard room to play for an hour or so, joining the ladies in time to drink a dish of tea with them. He reminded Hester that they were to ride in the morning, smiled, and said goodnight to her, leaving her to go up to her room feeling more uncertain than ever. She could not but be aware of a change in his manner and, remembering that he had been speaking to Richard Mortimer alone, her fears of betrayal made for a sleepless night.

However, in the morning, he was everything that she could wish for in a perfect host, helping her to mount and making sure that she was comfortable before they set out. Once they began to ride, it was as if all constraints had fallen away, and they galloped side by side, laughing at each other in shared pleasure.  Paul glanced at her, seeing the pleasure in her face, knowing that like him she would have liked their ride to go on much longer, but also that he had to get her home. When he helped her down, he looked into her eyes and thought he could see his own longing reflected there.

“Thank you for a lovely ride,” she said. “You do not know how happy you have made me these past few days. Riding is such a privilege for me and I have loved it so.”

“You speak as thought you think it may end, Paul said, frowning. “I thought you knew that I wish only to please you, Hester?”

“You are very kind . . .” “I hope that we shall . . .” She broke off as a carriage arrived. “Oh, I must go . . .”

Paul let her go with a smothered curse. He had been a damned fool to give his word to Mortimer—after all, everything was fair in love and war, and he was damned if he was going to lose her to a man who was not exactly honorable, even though he had helped to save Hester. Yet, it seemed that he had lost his opportunity for the moment, because a lady had descended from the carriage and he knew at once that things would not be quite the same. Her voice rose on a whining note almost at once, and he saw Hester’s face change color, understanding without being told that she was already receiving a lecture for something that was not her fault. It made him angry, and he wanted to rush to Hester’s aid but knew that as yet he did not have the right.

“Good morning, Mrs. Weston,” Paul said extending his hand to her. “I am very glad to make your acquaintance.”

“And I yours, sir—or perhaps I should say Lord Crawford?”

“As you wish, Mrs. Weston, though I am usually known as Captain Crawford, or Paul to my friends.” He gave her a smile he hoped would melt her heart towards him. “And now I am sure you must be tired—perhaps you would like to come in and meet my mother, who will be happy to see you in our home and will, I am sure, make you comfortable?”

“How could I fail to be comfortable in such a house as this? As I was telling Hester, it has been a terrible journey, and I feel as if I have been shaken to bits. I fear that one of my headaches is coming on.”

“Then you must ask my mother to order you a tisane for our housekeeper makes the most marvellous cures, as I am certain Mama will tell you. Let me take you to her now.” Paul offered his arm, which she took with every sign of pleasure, glancing over her shoulder at Hester.

“I see you have been riding, Hester. I dare say it is the reason you are looking so much better. That awful pallor has gone.”

Paul resisted the temptation to jump to Hester’s defence though he sent her a look of indignation.

Accompany the others into the house, she was met by her hostess who beamed at them all and swept Mrs. Weston into a perfumed embrace.

“How lovely that you could come,” she said. “I have been looking forward to meeting you so much, my dear Araminta. I hope I may call you that for we were once friends I believe—though a long time ago. If you recall, we met at Lady Hereford’s ball before my engagement party. And then I was whisked off to the country, and you married Mr. Weston and somehow we have not met since then—which is a great shame, but something that shall be instantly repaired. Come up to my private sitting room, and we shall have a lovely gossip—unless you would prefer to rest after your terrible ordeal. I always find travelling so exhausting, do you not agree?”

Hester watched as her mother was whisked off upstairs without a murmur of protest. “I must go and change,” Hester said turning to Paul, who had lingered in the hall admiring his mother’s technique. He had seen difficult guests become kittens under his mother’s wing before this but it never ceased to amuse him for she had them eating out of her hand in no time. “Thank you for being kind to Mama. She does suffer a little with her headaches.”

“It was my pleasure,” Paul said. “It is Geraldine’s dance tomorrow. I believe that Richard Mortimer may return in time to attend.

“Oh . . . . well, if you invited him I suppose . . .” Hester hesitated.  She looked at him oddly before running up the stairs. Paul watched her go, suppressing the desire to call her back and tell her that he wanted her to marry him very soon. There was only one more day to wait and then he could speak and retain his honor.

* * * *

Alone in her room, Hester was allowed time enough to change into a fresh gown and tidy herself before a maid arrived to summon her. She was requested to attend on her mother, which she did immediately. Mrs. Weston was scolding a maid who could not find something, but she stopped as soon as her daughter walked in and shooed the maid away.

“You may come back in twenty minutes, girl. I wish to speak to my daughter.”

Hester braced herself for she was very afraid that she would be in trouble once they were alone. She waited for the tirade to begin and was surprised that her mother stared at her thoughtfully for a moment.

“Well, Hester,” she said at last. “What have you to tell me?”

“I have had a lovely time with Charlotte,” Hester replied. “Tomorrow we attend Geraldine’s dance. It is her birthday, and she is to be engaged to the man she loves.”

“Yes, well, it is good that you have made friends with the gel. She is Lord Crawford’s cousin, and it will be pleasant for you to have an acquaintance in town when you marry.”

“What are you saying, Mama?” Hester’s heart caught with fright. “Captain Crawford has not yet asked me to marry him. I do not think we should assume that he will do so.”

“Rubbish!” her mother said in a chiding tone. “It is just like you, Hester, to see the worst in every situation. Lady Longstanton is convinced that it is only a matter of time before her son takes a wife, and she likes you very much.”

“But, Mama, you know that Papa said I was never to marry.”

“Your father is dead, Hester. I always thought him too harsh over that . . . business. I think we should put the past behind us and forget it ever happened. Only a few of us ever knew the truth after all. Your great-aunt and your father are dead, and neither Charlotte nor I will betray you. Dear Robert knew only that you were in disgrace—so there is no one to betray you.”

Hester did not correct her as she had Charlotte, for she did not want to quarrel the moment her mother was in the house. It would make no difference to the outcome, for nothing would persuade her to deceive Captain Crawford.

“So, you have no objection to my marrying?”

“Of course not, you silly girl,” Mrs. Weston gave her a smile that was almost affectionate. “It is a wonderful match for you—for the whole family. Your brother is in debt, and I think Captain Crawford might be willing to give him a helping hand . . .”

“Oh, Mama!” Hester said. “You must not ask him!”

It was enough that she would ask him to forgive her shame, to ask for money as well was too much.

“Do not be selfish, Hester. You will be wealthy and should not begrudge your brother a small sum. Besides, such arrangements are made all the time. I am sure Captain Crawford can well afford to give your brother something.”

Hester looked at her, feeling acutely unhappy. How could her mother be thinking of such a thing when Captain Crawford had not even asked her to marry him as yet? It was so embarrassing, so shaming.

“You will say nothing until he has spoken?”

“Of course not. Naturally, I shall make Robert’s problem known to him when I have the opportunity. I dare say it will not be necessary to ask outright for he is clearly a generous man, and I am sure he would want his future brother-in-law to be comfortably settled.”

Hester cringed. She had always known that her mother was ruthless in the matter of emotional blackmail, but she had not minded for herself. She was horrified at her mother’s words and wished that her mother had never come to Longstanton Hall, but she was here, and Hester was powerless to stop her making hints. Perhaps the result would be that Paul would decide he did not want to be connected with her family and let the visit pass without making her an offer.

Hester was able to escape her mother’s scolding when they went downstairs to join Charlotte and Lady Longstanton in her favorite parlor. For the rest of that day and the evening, she was allowed a respite from her mother’s tongue and was smiled upon when Paul took her into the orangery for a little stroll that evening. However, the next morning Mrs. Weston came to her room as she was dressing.

“I trust you slept well, Hester?” she asked, giving her a most particular look. “Have you anything to tell me?”

“No, Mama. Except that I thought I would wear the pale green silk this evening. My maid has hung it out for me. I hope you think it a good choice?”

“Really, Hester, you can be so very annoying. You know very well what I meant. Did Captain Crawford speak to you when you were in the orangery last evening?”

“We talked of many things—but he did not ask me to marry him, if that is what you mean?”

“You are a foolish girl!” her mother said crossly. “Could you not have brought him to the point, given him a few hints or something? When I was young, the gels wore tight corsets, and it was easy enough to faint into a gentleman’s arms. I think that usually works.”

“I would not dream of pretending to faint,” Hester said, her cheeks pink. “I am sure that if Captain Crawford wishes to speak with me, he will do so when he is ready.”

“You throw away your chance at your peril,” her mother warned, a note of malice in her voice. “After what you have done to me—to our family—you should be grateful that I gave you this chance. If you let me down, you will never be given another.”

Hester felt the sting of tears but refused to give into her emotions. Her mother was only saying what she had expected her to say, and she was fortunate to have been given this chance of happiness.

“Thank you, Mama, you are very kind,” she said with a quiet dignity and wondered at the look of guilt or grief on her mother's face before she turned away. “I wish that I might oblige you.” Hester’s words were no more than a whisper, but they were echoed in her heart a thousandfold. No one would ever know how much she wished that she might be Paul’s wife.

However, she hid her fears as she went down to join the other ladies. There was to be no riding for Hester that morning, because they had planned a quiet day in order to be fresh for the ball that evening. They left midway through the afternoon, arriving at Holbeach Hall at a little after three to take tea with Geraldine, her mother and Lucinda, who had arrived earlier that day.

After greetings had been exchanged and Hester’s well-being assured, she gave Geraldine the present she had bought for her and was thanked by a starry-eyed girl who was so excited that she scarcely knew how to contain herself.