A Sense of Duty: A Former Navy SEAL Falls in Love and Begins a New Journey with his Private Consulting Company: Dark Horse Guardians (28 page)

She tucked a soft pillow beneath his head and left Ben on the sofa covered with a blanket. He was sound asleep. Lara slipped into Ben's beautiful four-poster bed and closed the bedroom door softly.
She curled up under the covers and inhaled Ben's scent, sandalwood. She fell asleep and dreamt of walking with Ben and Einstein. In the dream, he turned and kissed her and told her they could get married. He was a free man. His divorce was final. Lara was elated. But, when she woke she realized it had been a dream…. a wishful one.

New Year's Eve in Ben's apartment had been a roller coaster ride for Lara. As soon as she opened her eyes she twirled the beautiful ring Ben gave her as a Christmas gift and felt her connection to him was irrevocable. She now understood why he had come to Portland Maine. It was opportunistic, geographically, but
he specifically came for her
. Ben was already gone when Lara woke in his bedroom. He slept on the sofa respecting her boundaries. However, he left her a note on the kitchen counter, "Thank you for last night. Enjoy the coffee and breakfast in the oven. I'm in my campus office working. Love, Ben." She detected the aroma of bacon and eggs as she opened the oven door. Pulling out a baking dish, she removed the foil covering it and was delighted to find a full breakfast cooked by Ben just for her. As Lara finished the delicious meal, she touched the phone number for Sienna. Her soft feminine voice answered, "Hello…Lara? Are you available to talk? As I was saying before, there are things you should know about Ben before you get in too deeply." Lara took the obvious bait, "Like what?" Lara could hear Sienna as she inhaled deeply, "Well, he is a difficult person to have a relationship with. He has been absent throughout our entire marriage. I can count on one hand how many times he has come to see his own son. It breaks William's heart, knowing his father is a plane ride away, but Ben chooses work over everything." Lara said, "Go on, I'm listening." Sienna took a deep breath, "I don't know what he's told you about me. But, I will tell you this: I always wanted to be his wife. I am nothing but proud of Ben and his military service. I fell in love with him the first night I met him and got pregnant. He married me out of a feeling of obligation. I always hoped he would love me, but now realize he just didn't. I've finally come to the conclusion that Ben may be incapable of love in the way that a husband loves a wife. He has bedded many women, Lara. You are one of many. Being handsome is a curse. Women throw themselves at Ben everywhere he goes. I wish I never met him. Falling in love with him screwed up my whole life." Lara could hear Sienna's voice catch and the tears began. "I'm sorry, Sienna. I didn't realize…"

Sienna regained her composure. "He's never so much as taken William overnight and now he's telling me I am an unfit mother. I love my son; he is all that I have. I will never marry again. And, there's more, Lara. I suffer from anorexia and bulimia and have since my teen years. I got into modeling in high school. My girlfriends all deserted me at that point. They were envious of my good fortune. In spite of the rigorous modeling schedule, I finished high school and went on to university. I graduated with high honors. With a strong work ethic, I made it to the top, modeling for high-end designers at fashion shows. I landed a contract with a French cosmetic manufacturer. I was on the cover of magazines. But no matter how hard I worked, my childhood friends gossiped about me and spread lies. I was ostracized and alone. The other models at the agency competed with me. My agents insisted that I follow a strict diet. Some days I drank gallons of water and ate a handful of almonds. I was seventeen years old and trusted them." Lara heard her choking up again. "You may be surprised to know this about me, Lara, but I don't have one friend. The only people in my life are my son, my parents, and a few distant relatives. I live a comfortable life financially, but it's an empty existence. I am alone and I am dying." Lara felt a twinge of sympathy. "I'm glad we talked. Would it be all right if I called you again sometime?" Sienna said yes. Ben's wife was nothing like Lara's preconceived notion of her. Surprisingly, Lara could relate to Sienna's experience with her so-called friends. Lara knew how vicious women could be. Although Sienna was six years older than Lara, they were two women, detested by other females because they were beautiful and successful. Except for the eating disorder, they had some life experiences in common.

~Sienna~

Sienna Pierce Keegan had been denied very little in her life, except for the most important thing: love. She grew up in the wealthy Vancouver Pierce family. Her father and mother both inherited significant wealth. Sienna was an only child. She had a nanny from the day she was born. Then she attended boarding schools and the finest university. Her chosen profession was modeling and her father connected her with the best agents money could buy. Her career was fruitful for as long as it lasted, about eight years. She landed magazine covers and advertising contracts and was a runway model at haute couture fashion shows. However, the life she chose fueled her desire to be thinner. It seemed to be an ironic twist of fate. The thinner she got, the heavier she thought she was. The doctors told her it was a mental illness, but Sienna fought with them explaining that her thighs were too flabby; her butt was too big, her stomach protruded. In fact, her stomach was pouched out, but it wasn't from eating too much; the bloat was actually a side effect of starvation. She lost modeling contracts due to health issues and spent much of her time in eating disorder programs and hospitals. She knew she would never get healthy. Everyone had left her, except her son, William. And, Ben was trying to take him away.

At this moment in time, Sienna was bargaining with Ben through her attorney, Robert Townsend. The one thing she would not give Ben was custody of William. This was the sticking point in the divorce proceeding, plus the fact that Sienna was still in love with Ben. She would never get over him, but she was facing the reality that she never had him. Sienna was resorting to extraordinary measures to hold up the divorce. She knew Ben was seeing Lara and had done a background check on her. Clean as a whistle, Lara Reagan O'Connell was. And she knew Ben was crazy in love with the dark-haired beauty because pressure for the divorce had suddenly become a top priority for him. He was not letting up.

Sienna was a lonely woman. She felt the only chit she held right now was delaying the divorce. Her anger now turned inward. She lived a daily life of starvation and purging. The anorexia had taken a toll on the former runway beauty. Experiencing serious heart problems, she weighed a mere one hundred pounds and she was five-feet eight inches tall. As Sienna looked at herself in the mirror without clothing, she thought she looked fat. She was thirty-four years old and dying. In a final act of desperation, she reached out to Lara with the hope that Lara would stop seeing her husband. She knew it was a long shot. Meanwhile, the conversations with Lara had been surprisingly pleasant. She was beginning to believe the things that Lara told her, even the part about not sleeping with Ben.

~Lara~

School and work had a way of distracting Lara from the emotional turmoil taking place in her life. Lara's routine was back to the usual hectic pace after the lazy Christmas break with Eric, Eliot and Ben. And, she successfully played matchmaker for her mother and Rusty. For the month of January, Lara rushed headlong into classes, projects at the firm, martial arts with Don, shooting with Rusty, and now looked forward to graduating and getting on with her life. Ben was now joining Lara at shooting practice with Rusty every other Saturday and they looked forward to lunch afterward, as Lillian would join them. Rusty was grateful that Lara set him up with her mother on New Years Eve. Things were progressing nicely on that front.

Lara continued receiving daily e-mails from Sienna in the midst of her busy life. Sienna laid her life bare to Lara in her lengthy notes. Describing her childhood, void of love, she told Lara about being shipped off to boarding school at age five. Sienna never knew her parents. She didn't know their habits or their likes or dislikes. They were strangers to her. Her mother suffered from depression and was hyper-critical of Sienna. Her father was never present, traveled constantly, his attention fully given to his profession. Frequently, late at night, Lara would call Sienna on the phone and they would talk for an hour or longer. Slowly and systematically, Lara began to understand what made Sienna tick. Lara knew Sienna had been to many counselors and social workers for her problems, but Lara sensed that Sienna had never given them the full picture. Or, the counselors could have been lacking in the skills to help her. Incompetence seemed to be a common denominator in that field for some reason. Nonetheless, Lara was beginning to relate to Sienna in a way she never dreamed she could have.

For the first time in her life, Lara began to understand what made her different than the mean girls who excluded her.
It was the rape early in her life that defined her
. Although at the time, she thought it made her weak and vulnerable, it actually served to make her stronger. She had never examined the benefits from the experience and how the attack actually molded her life in a positive way. She was also gaining insight into the pitiful mean girls themselves. Most of them grew up in the same circumstances as Sienna. Living a life void of parental love, the loss of family connection served to make them slaves to their ruthless peer group. The relentless bullying, teasing, and downright torture was a gauntlet to be run by young girls in order to fit in. Sienna ran that gauntlet and look what it did to her. She was dying to belong, but they still excluded her in the end. Lara refused to run the gauntlet and ended up better off for it. Lara was glad that her parents had given her the foundation and the strength to go it alone, to be her own person, to stand up for what she believed in, no matter how unpopular at the time. Lara understood Sienna's pain better than any licensed clinical social worker ever could.

Meanwhile, another person was e-mailing Lara constantly. Eric called and contacted her daily. She couldn't get away to Aruba with him, but Lara promised to have dinner with him when he returned. She didn't tell Ben about Eric's e-mails. She was too busy playing matchmaker with her mother and Rusty. Love was in the air, as Rusty was now dating her mother. Lillian had called Lara and told her how wonderful New Year's Eve had been for them. Lara was happy that she pushed them into spending the evening together in her tiny apartment. They were in love and Lara was happy for them.

~Eric~

Excited to give Lara the news about his new job in Portland, Eric was driving to his new employer to sign the paperwork. It was a promotion and another big raise and a chance to be closer to Lara. He knew Ben had not been able to obtain his divorce. Eric had been texting Sienna daily filling her in on the most intimate details about Ben and Lara's relationship. Yes, he had to lie about most of it, but all was fair in love and war. He even sent photos of Lara and Ben to her. He was an expert with Photoshop. Eric's texts and photos fueled Sienna's rage and kept the divorce from proceeding. Eric was encouraging Sienna to "get what she deserved" from Ben in regards to assets. After all, it was Ben who left her. She had been a dutiful wife.

Although Lara had refused his invitation to go to Aruba, Eric forgave her. He had a great time with a group of single friends who enjoyed drinking, gambling and lying on the beach. One of the girls from his office went, her name was Pam and all of the guys on the trip had a turn with her. He did the things with Pam that he wanted to do with Lara. Although his tan was fading, he felt refreshed from the winter break. He had already secured a dinner date with Lara. Plus, he was meeting with a realtor. He was taking some time to look at several houses to buy in the Portland Maine area.

~Lara~

As she visited Ben's office after a long day of classes and work at the firm, Lara was thrilled to be in his presence. The events through the holiday season brought them closer. Even though their relationship was not physically intimate, Lara felt she and Ben shared a bond that many married couples never attained. Ben often held her hand and embraced her. He frequently told her how much he loved her. Always trying to brighten her day, he would do the sweetest things like write her a note or send flowers. Ben had trust in her and shared the most intimate details of his life, except for work. But he was opening up to her and it was the closeness she longed for and treasured so much.

Returning from her afternoon at the architectural firm, Lara was heading to Ben's office to walk Einstein on this late March day. Eric had just sent her a text and Lara wanted to avoid conflict, so it was easier to avoid the subject of Eric. "Hello handsome." Ben looked up from his computer and flashed a dimpled smile, his blue eyes lit up. "You are the best part of my day. This is my happy hour." He always managed to touch Lara's heart and make her smile. For such a tough guy on the outside, he was sweet and tender on the inside. Einstein ran to Lara's side and she dropped to her knees to rub his ears and kiss his beautiful egg-shaped head. He was ready for his walk. The March sun was higher now and remained later in the day. The walks were extended and more enjoyable. "I have your fleece jacket." Lara handed it to Ben.
He looked astonished, "Where
was
that? I looked everywhere for that thing." Lara blushed. "I stopped by to pick up my books while you were gone. The fleece jacket was draped on your chair and I picked it up…it smelled like you. It helped me sleep." Ben slowly took his jacket from her hand and smiled. "So, you
did
miss me…"

He grabbed Einstein's leash as they strolled into the fresh air. "It was a fruitful day for me, Lara, how about you?" She thought for a moment. "I have a new client in Portland. It's a John Calvin Stevens house and they want a complete restoration. It will be huge. I am looking forward to it. The owners are thirty-something and they have two small children." Ben was observant. "You seem to be a bit distracted lately. Do you have something on your mind?" Lara had to be careful. He could read her. "Yes, thinking about you most of the time." Lara laughed and flirted with him. He wasn't buying it. "No, seriously, you seem to be preoccupied, and if there is something I can do to help, please let me know. I have friends in high places you know."