A Sense of Duty: A Former Navy SEAL Falls in Love and Begins a New Journey with his Private Consulting Company: Dark Horse Guardians (27 page)

He left the room as he searched for his laptop in his bedroom. Ben entered the room and found the photos he wanted to show her. He adjusted the pictures so they filled the computer screen. Lara viewed a stunning slide show of a small bungalow on a white sandy beach on St. John Island. Happily, Ben scrolled through scene after scene, explaining the rare beauty of the place. St. John was not overdeveloped, but left in its natural state. He especially loved the outdoor shower. "You would love it, Lara, and I would love to have you there with me." Lara wondered if other women visited the St. John bungalow with Ben. Did Sienna ever go there with him? She tried to repress that thought. Instead, she said, "How about first class seats on the plane?" Ben smiled, "Consider it done." He was pleasantly surprised that Lara agreed to go. Ben excused himself momentarily and signed into his webmail account, sorting through new mail and responding to some messages quickly. He then shut the machine down and put it back in his bedroom.

~Lara: New Year's Eve~

New Year's Eve arrived, and Lara needed to put her plan into action for her mother and Rusty to share an intimate evening together. Ben loved the idea of Lara playing cupid. Rusty and her mother both thought they were coming to a party…not completely a lie…it would be a party for two. She carefully decorated her tiny apartment for New Year's Eve and laundered the sleeping bag and robe that guests used for overnight stays. A delicious dinner was prepared and left in the kitchen warming in the oven. A cold bottle of Champagne chilled in the ice bucket. Soft music played, as Lara answered the door. Rusty stepped through the porch doorway and walked up the creaky staircase. When he entered under the mistletoe, Lara gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and he laughed. "Mistletoe…I have not seen this for a while, Lara. Who else has been kissed here in this spot?" He was teasing her now. Rusty got comfortable in the parlor as Lara placed a hot mug of coffee in his hands. "Where are the other guests?" he asked. "She will be arriving in a few minutes." Lara responded. His eyebrows raised, Rusty studied her for a moment. The doorbell buzzed and Lara escorted her mother up to the tiny apartment. Lara's mother looked lovely; her black and silver hair pulled back with a feminine barrette, dressed in a white wool suit, her green eyes clear and bright.

Mother and Rusty sat in the parlor enjoying coffee and catching up. "When will your other guests arrive, Lara?" her mother queried. Finally, Lara had to tell them the truth. She sat in the parlor and calmly explained they would be spending New Year's Eve getting to know one another better. The dinner was all cooked and waiting, champagne chilling, and they would both sleep here in the apartment. Rusty could use the sleeping bag for the couch; mother could sleep in Lara's bedroom. "It's all been arranged." she said with finality. Their eyes were riveted on Lara as she spoke. They seemed to be amazed at the level of detail, planning and deception that it took for her to pull off this arrangement. But, it worked. "I will be staying at Ben's tonight. And, don't worry, it's platonic. I have told Ben we won't be intimate until his divorce is finalized." Lara didn't know why she felt she had to tell them all of the gory details about her relationship with Ben. Maybe, somehow, she was reinforcing the boundaries in her own mind. As she left her apartment, Lara heard them talking and laughing again. She felt as if she had done a good deed.

Secretly, Lara was excited to have a legitimate excuse to spend the night in Ben's apartment. As she entered his condo it was dark and Einstein happily welcomed Lara when she turned on the lights. She busied herself with dinner preparation while Ben finished working in his office on campus. Another phone message from Sienna was waiting on Lara's phone. Lara made the decision to contact Sienna again, at a convenient and quiet time. At that moment, Ben bounded through the door. Einstein rushed to greet him. "How did everything go?" he asked about her mother and Rusty and the set-up New Years Eve arrangement. "Perfectly," Lara smiled. "Just think," Ben said, "Your mother could be falling in love just a wall away from us…
falling in love
." Repeating the phrase, Ben scooped her into his strong arms embracing Lara with agility. Nestling his face into her neck, he caressed her softly. Ben let his breath out slowly, "Lara, this is a special night for us, too. We are having a sleepover." He nibbled her neck in an effort to make her laugh; it worked. "Ben, you know the rule, no intimacy until you are legally divorced."

~Ben~

Ben had lost round one, but that didn’t mean he would give up the fight. He grabbed Lara pulling her to him. She allowed him to caress her neck. He felt the warmth of her skin and inhaled the faint smell of vanilla musk. Ben obsessed about kissing her but knew he would be pushed away. As he released her from the snug embrace, he excused himself. Smiling, he flashed his dimples, "I need to go take a cold shower." He hesitated as he stood in the doorway, "Can we at least sleep in the same bed tonight, if I promise to be a gentleman?" Lara smiled, "I will think about it." Ben laughed, "So will I, while I am in the shower." Ben's blue eyes lingered on her. He wanted to hug her and cuddle close. Sex wasn't the only aspect of a physical relationship. Maybe he could explain to Lara that touching her, in any way, brought him a sense of closeness. Tonight might be the night she would allow him to at least embrace her and kiss her. She couldn't blame a guy for trying.

~Lara~

Lara's plan for the evening was to distract Ben from his physical advances with something shiny. She was at Rupert's shop again and came upon an incredible 11th century coin minted in Dublin Ireland. She had it made into a pendant for him. The coin had a Celtic cross on one side and the word Dublin on the other. Actually, the artifact was no longer shiny, but was pure bronze with a dark gray-blue patina and quite valuable. Lara's motive was to prompt Ben to reminisce about his roots, hoping the ancient coin would stir something in him. After dinner, she would spring it on him.

New Year's Eve proved to be a good night to stay inside as the wind was howling and the temperature fell into single digits. Ben emerged from the shower wearing a black T-shirt and running pants. Lara's eyes followed him; her heart quickened as he gently embraced her. He smelled of lavender and sandalwood soap. Arriving at the table in the candlelit dining room, his blue eyes met hers. "Ah, now I see why you love this place, the atmosphere is wonderful, especially with you in it." He had the sound of contentment in his voice. Lara served a simple salmon dish with roasted vegetables and a lemon meringue pie.

Watching Ben eat, Lara noticed he made fast work of it. He always had an insatiable appetite. She wondered if he had the same appetite in the bedroom and sensed that he did. Lara had to stop entertaining these thoughts. She was already finding it difficult to fend off his polite advances. But she had to remain true to herself. In the back of her mind, there lurked the possibility that Ben might never get divorced. He could go back to Canada and his wife and son, leaving Lara behind broken-hearted. She had seen this happen to other women and wondered how they could be so stupid. She had to protect herself.

Retiring to the warmth of the parlor, they sat near the fireplace. Lara retrieved the small package for Ben and put it into his lap. "What's this?" he looked surprised. "It was hard to top that Christmas present…" Lara
voice was soft. "But I'll try with this." She watched Ben as he opened the box and slowly removed the ancient 11th century coin from its purple velvet sack. He felt the weight of the pendant in his hand for a moment; then slipped it on. It looked perfect on his solid chest. Ben's expression became serious as he fingered the coin, his eyes riveted to it.

Allowing a moment of silence to lapse between them, Lara waited patiently. She knew Ben was recalling past memories and she hoped he would open up and let her in. His blue eyes met hers, "Lara, there are some things you need to know about me. You somehow knew I had a connection to Dublin. I spent many summers there with my grandparents as a child. It's a magical place to me. My brother, Patrick, was killed on 9/11…" He stopped speaking for a moment as the memories flooded back. His pain was palpable, but he continued, "Patrick, my older brother, was a stock broker working for a large firm in the corporate headquarters in the New York City office. He perished as the hijacked airliner impacted the building. The brokerage firm he worked for lost one-third of its workforce. Even though he was six years older than me, Patrick and I were inseparable. I was a junior in high school in 2001. It was a life changing moment for me. I decided I wanted to be a Navy SEAL. I spent my senior year in high school training and was fortunate enough to be recommended to the U.S. Naval Academy by Senator Sam Cohen. I spent the next four years in Annapolis. I spent the next two years of my life training to be a Navy SEAL and the next six years in Iraq and Afghanistan.
"

He paused then continued, "
Lara, I'm telling you this because you need to be aware that this is
who I am
. My brother's horrific death on 9/11 filled me with a sense of duty." Not wanting Ben to stop talking, Lara touched his hand. His beautiful blue eyes locked with hers, "It's as if you knew …when you gave me this coin…" It was a poignant moment. He took a few seconds then continued, "Once I fulfilled my eight years of service, I retired from the SEALs…but only to create Dark Horse Guardians. The work that is performed through my company is called black ops. We gather intelligence for the CIA and other foreign intelligence services abroad, such as the Mossad. I say "we" because there are about thirty of us. It's most important that
no one
knows
who the operatives are in Dark Horse. It would put our lives in danger if we were known. We don't want to be looked upon as heroes. We are not doing this for the glory. We don’t want the spotlight on us like professional athletes or Hollywood movie stars.
We are the opposite of that
. We need to blend in and live most of our lives in disguise. All of the operatives have front jobs. My front job, as you have probably surmised, is the teaching position here at the university. The Dark Horse work must remain secret. We are working to serve justice for those who can no longer speak. It is my life's work to continue the fight against radical Islamic terrorism. September 11
th
was like a bell ringing inside of me for a heavy weight fight. Instantly, I knew what I had to do. I know I can never bring back those who perished, but I sure as hell can spend my life punishing those responsible."

Lara held his hand as he continued. "I've caused and witnessed carnage in Iraq and Afghanistan that I could never share with you. As a result of constant combat, I have problems with sleeping and hyper-vigilance. The medical diagnosis is Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I'm working on it and have been doing better for the past year. I've worked with a counselor and learned to practice deep breathing, visualization and transcendental meditation. That's why I eat a healthy diet and exercise. It helps me sleep. And, Einstein has been a god-send. For the past two years before coming here, I lived in the cottage on Prince Edward Island with Einstein. It may sound crazy, but the work I am accomplishing with Dark Horse seems to help. I feel as if I have control over what I'm doing. I'm not under the thumb of the government putting up with the red tape and the bullshit. I also feel like I am doing something productive, digging up intel, running back-door missions, eliminating targets, Dark Horse is providing a valuable service, making
the world a better place. This work is filled with risk and danger, but I can't change what I do. It defines who I am. The beautiful part of our relationship is that I feel you accept me for who I am. You don't want to change me or judge me.

When I set up Dark Horse, I knew there was a lot of actionable intelligence in the Northeast quadrant of the United States. Plus, it was a short flight to Langley Air Force Base where I'd be getting orders. I needed a job that I could use for cover, and the adjunct professor's position at the university was arranged through the Central Intelligence Agency and my uncle Harris.
But, the main reason I chose Portland Maine was you
. I studied you for two years before moving to Portland to meet you. Harris arranged our meeting at the piano recital. I waited that long because I wanted to be sure I was ready to be with someone. I'm full of scars, Lara. Not just the ones you can see."

It was eerie listening to Ben tell her the details. Two years ago, he had her dossier. Ben knew Lara was a marksman and proficient with many weapons. He knew she was obsessive-compulsive and knew her IQ and her credit score. Ben knew about her close relationship with Don Henderson and her love of martial arts. He knew everything about her background, even the post traumatic stress that she suffered after the rape. He knew she murdered her attacker eight years later without detection. He even knew it was a double tap execution with hollow points. Her intuition was right all along.
Meeting Ben was not coincidence
. He found her, tracked her down, investigated her, and vetted her. Dark Horse, for Ben, was a mission that would never end. Lara just hoped it would not shorten his life. She was already in love with him. Ben had finally opened up to Lara. His hand touched the ancient coin, "This piece is special, Lara. I'll never take it off. It will be a touch stone that will bring me back to Dublin and Patrick, and to you, and my sense of duty."

Lara's heart ached as she listened to Ben. She moved closer and pulled his head into her lap. He curled up and closed his eyes as she stroked his thick black hair. He was silent now. It was obviously agonizing for him to speak deeply about this subject. She had a lump in her throat and choked back tears. Finally, she knew much more about Ben. She knew what drove him to do this dangerous work. Lara felt a deep sense of sadness as she gazed upon the handsome warrior lying on his side. Six years on the battlefield. Even when he had breaks from the combat, he was training in work-ups for his next deployment.
He volunteered for it.
She suddenly realized how much Ben had given of himself. His sense of duty touched her. Stroking his hair, she felt him drifting into slumber. Watching him twitch as he slept, she knew she could never completely comprehend what he had been through. His life experiences were extraordinary, only shared with a select brotherhood of men who were bound by a hardened silence. Knowing all of this only made her love him more. Lara feared losing Ben before ever having him.