A Real Disaster (15 page)

Chapter
Fourteen

 
“Oh my God.
You should've told somebody. You are a victim
and you shouldn't have had to take that. No one should!”

“I know that now. I was so young at the
time I was scared. I wish all young girls that get in my situation go to the
authorities right away. Nobody should be doing that to anybody.”

“Does Nash know any of this?” Sabrina
asked finally.

I shook my head.

“No, of course
not.
How could I tell him something like this? He wouldn’t look at me the same way.
No one ever does when they find out this stuff. That’s why I tend to keep
everything a secret. I don’t want to be treated differently. I don’t want
people look at me with pity. I just want to be normal.”

“You
are
normal,” Elizabeth said. “This… Whatever happened to you,
doesn’t affect whether or not you’re normal. You’re a
victim
Lily. You didn’t
ask
for this. Whoever thinks that somehow you allowed this is
stupid.
”

I was relieved that neither of the girls
turned away from me. I wouldn’t know how to handle it if they did. They were
the closest friends I had here and I didn’t want to ruin that.

“But you should talk to Nash,” Sabrina
said. “Maybe not tell him the whole story but tell him something. Don’t keep
shutting him out because you’re scared. He doesn’t want to hurt you.”

“How do you know?”

I looked at Sabrina, convinced she
wasn’t paying attention. Her head was down and she was fiddling with her phone.

“Sabrina?”

“I know that Nash has some type of
reputation as a heartbreaker but trust me, he’s not as horrible as people make
him out to be,” she said, finally looking back up at me. “Deep down, he cares
more about people than they realize.”

 
“How
do you know all of this about Nash and Turner?” I questioned.

Sabrina seemed to know Nash and Turner
better than she let on.

But why?

How?

“I… It’s not important,” Sabrina said,
brushing off my question. “I just know them, both of them.”

The more she evaded the question, the
more I was itching to know.

“Tell me,” I pushed. “You seem to know
them a lot more than just meeting them a year ago. Come on, I won’t tell either
of them what you said.”

“It doesn’t matter how,” Sabrina said,
her eyes narrowing. “Stop pushing it, Lily, okay? Just drop it.”

I opened my mouth to argue but I knew it
would be no use. Sabrina wasn’t going to tell me at all. Whatever secret she
was keeping I knew she would take it to her grave.

Maybe I could ask Turner… Turner had to
know the answer that I was so desperately seeking.

“Okay, I’ll stop,” I said and Sabrina
looked at me with surprise.

I figured she was waiting for more
arguing, more complaining on my part. I was just going to have to get the
answers from another source.

“So are you going to talk to Nash?”
Elizabeth asked.

“No.”

The light mood vanished and I was back
to facing my own dilemma.

“I can’t. I don’t know what to say.”

There was a knock on the door and I
frowned. I wasn’t expecting anyone and I didn’t think Sabrina was either.

“Well you better think of something
quick because there’s your knight in not-so-shining armor.”

I looked at my roommate, panicking.

“What did you do?” I whispered as there
was another knock on the door. “I told you that I didn’t want to speak to him!
Now what the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Look, I know you don’t want to speak to
him. But I also know that you like him a lot and you’re just scared. You don’t
want to get hurt and I get that but you can’t run from this forever.”

After the third knock on the door
Sabrina sat up straight.

“Come in,” Sabrina called and the door
swung open.

My hands were clammy and all of a sudden
my throat was dry. I tried to ignore the gnawing in my stomach as I stared at
him. Sabrina stood up and took Elizabeth by the hand.

“Come on Lizzie, we have to go get some
nail polish and stuff.”

She gave me a meaningful look.

“See you two later.”

Sabrina and Elizabeth disappeared into
the hallway and closed the door behind them, trapping me in the small space with
Nash.

What was I going to do? What was I going
to say? He was staring at me. I
had
to say something.

“Hey there,” Nash said. His voice was
soft and tentative.

“Sabrina said you wanted to talk.”

“I guess,” I bit out and then hung my
head. “I do want to talk… I just don’t know what to say.
Or
how to say it?”

“Say what?”

“I don’t know, that’s the problem,” I
wailed, throwing up my hands.

Nash took a slow step towards me and
reached out his hand until it clasped mine.

“Why are you here? I told you that I needed
you to leave me alone. I can’t be around you, not right now and maybe not ever.
You… You make me feel too much.”

“Why is feeling a bad thing?” Nash
asked.

“Because you
make me feel vulnerable.
Like there is a chance that I can be a normal
girl.”

“But you are normal.”

“And what if I’m not? What if you know
nothing about me and you only think you do? What if there’s this whole other
side of me… A dark side… That I’m hiding?”

“I know all that I have to know about
you,” Nash said. “I know that you’re beautiful, smart, witty, and tough. I know
that you’ll be the one who keeps me in line and yet keeps letting me know how
much she loves me. I know that, even if you put up a tough front, all you want
to do is
be
loved. This is all I need to know about.
The supposed dark side, the stuff you don’t want to tell me, it doesn’t matter.
I don’t care about your past, whatever it may be. You’re here, today, right
now, that’s the only person I need. It’s the only person I want.”

“I’m just no fun.”

“Yeah you are. We can have fun together.
I want to enjoy warm nights with you walking through campus. I want to take you
to my concerts and be able to look at you while I’m playing. I… I want you, period.”

How easy it would be to let myself be
swept up with Nash. I could picture us, the two of us, walking around hand and
hand. I could picture waking up next to him and having some breakfast in the
early morning sun wearing nothing but his button down shirt. I could picture it
all and it all seemed so… Perfect.

But there was no real perfection.

Things wouldn’t stay like that. One day
everything would fall to pieces, just like my past, and I would be left with a
shattered heart in my hands. It already happened once and we weren’t even
dating. What happens if it happened again after we were involved? It was a
chance that I wasn’t sure I wanted to take.

But if I didn’t take a chance with my
life who would?

“Please,” Nash begged. “I know that I fucking
screwed up and I know that you don’t trust me but, please, just give me another
chance. Let me prove to you that I can be the guy you want… No…Deserve to
have.”

“Okay,” I whispered, finally relenting.
“I’ll give you another chance.”

Nash turned me to him and tilted my head
up with his two fingers. His lips pressed against mine, neither hesitant nor
pushy. He was giving me the chance, the option. I would set the mood and pace.

The dampness of my mound greatened with
the touch of our lips and I shifted, halting our kiss only to pull my shirt
from my body. Nash did the same and then my bra was gone. Wrapping his
well-toned arms around me, Nash pulled me close until our bare chests were
touching. I moaned and Nash nibbled my ear lobe before sucking on the sensitive
skin right behind it. I moaned again and my hands found the button of Nash’s
jeans. My heart hammered and my hands trembled as I tried to pull the button
free. Nash trailed kisses from my ear down my neck, stopping to tease his
tongue against my collar bone. His hands worked my pants and underwear down
until they were pooled in a pile around my ankles. I shifted, releasing my
ankles from their shackles.

“Nash,” I gasped as his fingers found my
sweet, throbbing clit.

“Yes,” he said to me. “What do you
want?”

“I want…” I panted.

Now Nash was rubbing my clit with his
fingers, slowly, tantalizing me as he stared at me.

“Tell me what you want,” Nash said. “I
want…”

I couldn’t think, let alone come up with
a coherent sentence. As Nash played with me with one hand, he slid his own
pants and boxers down, kicking them away from us.

“Nash!” I growled in frustration.

His pressure against my clit grew and a
knot of delight tightened in the base of my stomach.

“Please Nash.”

“Not until you tell me what you want,”
he said, even though he knew exactly what I wanted; what I needed. “So tell me...
Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

Putting my hand over his, I tried to
push his fingers in, but he resisted, keeping me on the edge. I was wound
tighter than a brand new guitar and I was teetering at the edge with no hope of
falling over into a flood of release.

“Nash,” I whimpered as I tried again, in
vain, to get him to help me over the edge.

“No,” Nash said fiercely. “Not until you
tell me exactly what you want.”

He’s was trying to kill me! He was
trying to drive me mad with unresolved passion.
I paused, staring at him through passion filled haze.

Fuck this.

I pulled myself away from him. He
paused, momentarily surprised, and I used that time to push him down onto his
back, his erection standing stiff and straight.

“What the-”

The rest of his words were cut off as I
swung my leg around him and straddled his lean torso. I didn’t know exactly
what I was doing but that didn’t stop me from trying. Gripping his hands and
keeping them pinned above his head, I lowered myself onto him, pausing only to
let my body get used to the new sensation. Now it was Nash that groaned.
Leaning my body forward, I put my lips next to his ear.

“Tell me what you want,” I whispered as
I ground against his penis, lifting my body up and back down.

Bracing my legs, I continued my rhythm
as Nash thrashed about.

“I want to touch you,” he moaned, begged
really.

“No,” I said with a wicked grin.

I was enjoying this far too much.

“No touching, only watching…
While I touch.”

“And how are you going to stop me?” Nash
challenged. “You can’t let go of me so you can’t touch yourself. You’re going
to lose…”

 
“Oh God,” Nash murmured as I continued
to grind on him. “God damn you’re sexy, Lily.”

I finally let go of Nash freeing his
hands to grab my breasts. I slid one of my hands down my body and began to play
with my own clit, pinching it and rubbing it. Heat built up in my body and my
legs trembled.

“Fuck,” Nash moaned. “Come here, now.”

I shook my head even as my stomach
clenched.

“Fuck yeah
!.
Keep going...”

He grabbed my breasts harder and rocked
into to me taking complete control. With a guttural cry, I finally let myself
go and shook as the orgasm overcame me. Seconds later Nash moaned and his body
jerked.

 
“Fuck,” he murmured, drowsily.

Nash pulled me close tucking me against
his body. Closing my eyes, I drifted off to sweet oblivion.

*
         
*
         
*

Hours later my eyes opened and I saw
Nash staring down at me, my hair twirled around his fingers.

“Hey there,” he whispered as he brushed
his fingers over my cheek. “Sleep well.”

“Yeah,” I admitted.
“You?”

“Great now that you’re next to me.”

Nash rolled on
his back and pulled me to him until my head was on his chest and I could hear
his heart beating. Despite everything I said to Sabrina, and the drama that
Nash and I had been through, I finally felt like a weight was lifted off my
shoulders. I didn’t know what would happen tomorrow, or even the end of the
week, but it felt right, now. I wanted to live in the moment, taking it one day
at a time.

“Let’s go away this weekend,” Nash
suggested. “Let’s go away and have some time together, just you and me. What do
you say?”

“I can’t,” I murmured against his chest.
“I have midterms to study for.”