A Real Disaster (12 page)

Turner began to wipe at my body,
cleaning up my chest.

“Are you okay?” he asked when he was
finally finished wiping everything up. “I didn’t hurt you or anything, right?”

No.

But if it was
over, what a horrible experience.

“No, I’m fine,” I said.

Was I fine? What started as a hand and
blow job ended
…

Weird…

He ripped my bra off, held me down, and
then came on me. All horrible reminders of my past that I wanted to forget.

“Good,” Turner said, kissing me.

I moved my head to the side to stop the
kiss. I sighed, frustrated. I shifted on the bed, pushing myself away from
Turner. I quickly grabbed my clothes that were scattered across the room.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, why?”
I lied.

“I don’t know, you keep moving around
and you’re frowning.”

Turner hoisted himself up on his arm and
stared at me.

“Did I force you into this? Did you
think that you had to do this to make up for something? Are you upset with me?”

“I don’t think any of that,” I told him.
“I’m not upset and I definitely don’t think you forced me into something…”

That wasn’t the problem at all.

“So then what’s going on in that head of
yours?”

I shifted again, uncomfortable with the
path that the conversation was heading. My past was the problem. Now he
reminded me of it, but I didn’t want to explain it to him or anybody else.

“Nothing, really, I’m okay.”

“You’re lying,” Turner accused. “You
can’t even look at me.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not upset.”

I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince
him or convince myself. My mind was a mess of my past and present.

“Lily, talk to me. I don’t want you to
leave upset again.”

Turner wasn’t going to give up until I
said something, but what was I supposed to say? I looked at Turner, torn
between telling him the truth and keeping it to myself. Turner stared at me and
then his mouth split into a grin

“I know what’s wrong… You’re horny.”

“Seriously
Turner?
You’re way off!”

“What then?”

“Just don’t worry about it.”

I put my clothes on in silence.

However, Turner couldn’t keep quiet any
longer.

“Well, do you want to hang out for a
while then?”

“I don’t know. I have some stuff to do,”
I said.

“What about we go out for some ice cream
tomorrow night?”

“Um…”

“Come on,” he begged.

I might as well
agreed
to stop the begging.

”Fine,” I said, throwing on my shoes. “Meet
me at 7 at my dorm.”

“Awesome.”

Then I left his apartment.

*
         
*
         
*

The next day, I finished my homework
around 5 PM, took a quick shower, and got dressed. Around 7 I grabbed my purse
and left my dorm room.

“Hey!” Turner yelled down the hall as I
closed the door.

I walked towards him and waved. I could
only hope he wouldn’t bring up what happened the night before.

Turner had thrown on a pair of faded
jeans, a white shirt, and a jacket. He looked pretty cute when he washed up. The
two of us went downstairs to the front sidewalk that led to the ice cream shop.

“I don’t feel like driving. Do you want
to just walk there? It’s not like it’s that cold out.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Turner
agreed.

He grabbed a hold of my hand and linked his
fingers through mine. I wanted to push his hand away. After being held down by
him I just wasn’t that into him.

As a boyfriend
anyway.

Friends sure.

Together we walked to the ice cream
shop. The night air was crisp and nippy. The sun had set, taking whatever
warmth with it. Unable to wrap my arms around myself, I shivered a little.

“Are you cold?”

“Yeah,” I said nodding.

Immediately Turner shrugged off his
jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders.

“Better?”

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine,”
I told him.

“I’ll be fine
too.,
”
Turner assured me. “I’m not the one shivering anyway.”

I didn’t know what I wanted. I already
regretted what had happened the night before. My mind just took over after
seeing Nash and another girl all over each other. Turner was so nice to me and
I was hurting. It was a mistake. How was I going to let him down easy without
losing him as a
friend.

We continued to walk.

“I didn’t think I could recover from
that horrible first date. I thought that was it; I thought I was toast. I’m
glad I’m not Lily...”

He smiled at me.

“Yeah, It takes more than one horrible
date to send me running,” I responded, giving him a fake grin.

“Really?
Even though you
hadn’t dated much? I thought that I completely ruined it for you.”

“”Nah.”

The way he was acting made it obvious he
thought we were together.

I didn’t want to hurt him.

I still wanted to be friends.

“Well, well, well, look at the happy
couple.”

My head whipped around to the voice.
Nash was standing there, partially hidden in the shadow, smoking a cigarette.

I wrinkled my nose. He just had to show
up.

“Nash,” Turner said and I felt him tense
next to me.

 
I
threw a little prayer up that the two of them wouldn’t get into an all-out
brawl.

“What do you want?” I asked Nash.

“Nothing,” Nash sneered and stumbled
closer.

I could smell the alcohol on Nash’s
breath.

“And I’m doing much better, thank you.
You’re pussy punch didn’t keep me down for long.”

“Whatever, now if you’ll excuse us,”
Turner responded.

“Wait a minute!” Nash cried. “Tell me
about this happy couple. When did you guys get together? Last time I checked
Turner, you let this lovely woman stumble back to her dorm, drunk, while you
partied.”

“Nash-” I said under my breath.

“How do you know that?” Turner asked.

His eyes narrowed as he stared at Nash.

“Because I was
the one who had to bring her back.
She was in no shape to walk all on her
own.”

Turner turned to me.

“Is it true?”

“I didn’t ask him to walk me home,” I
tried to explain. “I was walking home and he saw me. He just wanted to make
sure I got there safe.”

It was beginning to take a lot of effort
trying to keep them both happy.

“And that’s all?”

“Well-” Nash started.

If this led to me spending the night at
Nash’s then I knew there would be another fight. This time, Nash wouldn’t hold
back.

“That’s all,” I said, cutting Nash off.

I shot daggers at Nash but he pretended
not to notice. What the hell was he trying to do? What the hell was his
problem? Would Nash really tell Turner about our night together? Yeah, he
would.
Anything to get a rise out of him.

“Come on
Turner,
let’s go get that ice cream.”

“I’ll see you two love birds later,”
Nash said.

He dropped the cigarette onto the dirt
and rubbed it out with the toe of his sneaker.

“You know where to find me sexy.”

Now he was trying to get a rise out of
me.

Nash turned and sauntered away. Turner
didn’t budge until we couldn’t see Nash anymore.

“That son of a
bitch!
What the fuck is he getting at?! What was he trying to prove?!
Bastard!”

“He was just trying to get under your
skin. Ignore him. He’s not worth it.”

In that moment, I truly believed my
words. I wasn’t sure if it was because Nash was angry at me still for leaving
his place the other morning, or because of his immense hatred for Turner, but
he
was
acting like an asshole. He
knew those words would hurt Turner, humiliate him even, and yet Nash didn’t
care. Turner’s shoulder’s sagged and he hung his head.

“I guess this is yet another date that
was ruined.”

“Just focus on other stuff. How about we
go in and get some ice cream?”

I didn’t want to tell him the truth that
this wasn’t a date for me to begin with. I’d rather make everyone happy. It was
obvious Nash was angry at me already even when everything was his fault.

This was a real disaster.

“Of course,” Turner said.

He spun me around until I was facing him
and then with his finger Turner lifted my head. His lips felt tender as they
begin to massage against mine.

“Stop Turner,” I told him, pushing him
back.

 
“Sorry,
I’ve just wanted to do that since we left the dorms.”

“Okay, but not out in public.”

“Sorry…”

Chapter
Twelve

“So, uh, what do you like to do in your
spare time?” Turner said for the eighth time.

I smiled at him as he flushed but my
smile was forced.

“I’m sorry. I know I keep asking the
same question but my mind went blank. I’m just so nervous.”

Nervous about what, I wanted to ask.
This was our third so called date, and our first date was disastrous and the
second one was going good until he held me down in bed. I tried to put it to
the back of my mind but it kept coming back to me, reminding me that I didn't
like Turner as a boyfriend.

“There’s no reason to be nervous,” I
said, trying to lighten the mood. “I think we’re close enough to skip the
polite conversation, don’t you think?”

Turner flushed again as the spoon he was
holding slipped from his fingers. It clattered against the ice cream bowl and
others around us jumped, glaring at us. I bit the inside of my lip to refrain
from rolling my eyes.

God, could this get any worse?

“Sorry,” Turner mumbled. “I guess all I
know how to do is fuck up. I mean, obviously that’s all I know how to do
because that’s all I’ve
been
doing.”

And here comes the self-pity.

“You’re not fucking anything up,” I
lied.

I tried not to sneer as Turner rubbed
the back of his neck with his hand. At first Turner’s awkwardness was a turn
on; something that made him cute and vulnerable.
But now…
It was becoming annoying. The guy sitting in front of me wasn’t the guy I
originally met and it was a complete turn off. I didn’t want to be mean to him
though.

 
“Is
it good?” I asked.

“It’s amazing,” Turner gushed.

“Oh wow, it’s late. I think once we
finish we should get going. I have a lot to do.”

“Want me to keep you company in your
room?” Turner said with a wink. “Or, if you’d rather, I can take you back to my
place. We could pick up where we left off?”

How could I go back there when
everything already sucked right where we were?

“I wish I could,” I said, feigning
regret. “But I have a test to study for…
A big one.
If
I don’t ace this, my G.P.A. will drop.”

Turner frowned and actually put his
milkshake down.

“That’s a bummer. Do you want me to help
you study? I’m used to pulling all-nighters. I can get us some coffee, some
donuts, and we can make a night of it. Nothing else, I promise.”

“Thanks for the offer but I think this
is kind of a solo job, you know?”

Turner shrugged but he lost his smile as
he finished the milkshake.

“Okay,” he said after a minute.

“Not a problem. Maybe we can hang out
this week.”

“Maybe,” I said lightly.

The two of us stood up and exited the
place, surrounding ourselves with the cool night. I turned my head up to the
stars and silently wished that things could get better.

“Do you want to do something this
weekend…
After your test?”

I clamped my lips shut tight, not
wanting to say yes but feeling too bad to say no. Turner wasn’t a horrible guy.
It was just that the more I hung out with him, the less I felt for him. We were
good as friends and that was all I could do… But how could I tell him that? And
what happened at his place didn't make things any better. It was a huge mistake
on my part. The way it ended made it hard for me to see myself with Turner,
ever.