A Real Disaster (9 page)

He opened his eyes and stared at me.

I closed my eyes and felt the heat of
his breath get closer to me.

“I don’t think so Nash.”

I opened my eyes and backed away.

“How about I just sit here and keep you
company? I read somewhere that if you have a concussion that you have to stay
awake to make sure of one thing or another. I don’t want you stay here, awake,
by yourself.”

“Can you stay?”

I knew I shouldn’t stay with him. I had
class the next day and I had none of my stuff with me. Turner was expecting me
for dinner. There were so many things I needed to do but my something was
pulling me to stay.

“Sure I’ll stay,” I found myself saying.
“If you really don’t want to be alone I’ll be here with you, it’s not a
problem.”

Nash smiled.

“Thanks,” he said. “One day I’ll get
that kiss...”

Goosebumps crawled on my body.

“I know you want it as bad as I do.”

“Whatever you
want to believe Nash.
So…
Now what do we do?”

“Whatever you
want to do.”

“Well, I would love to go to the beach.
I have never seen the ocean that has been my lifelong dream to do so.”

“I think it is a little late to go to
the beach.”

“I know. I was just making a joke. I'm
going to go soon though because I’ve never seen it before.”

“You should... I can't believe you've
never seen the ocean.”

“Yeah, me neither… Anyway, how about we
watch Disney movies?”

I was that girl in college that still
loved to watch Disney movies. A couple of my cousins were the exact same way so
I knew I wasn't the only one.

“No way.
Please not
Disney movies!”

“Oh come on. If you want me to stay in
you’re going to have to watch some with me. A lot of them are on Netflix.”

“Fine...”

I looked over at him and we smiled at
each other.

*
         
*
         
*

“You can’t honestly be telling me that
Monsters Inc.
is better than
Toy Story,
” I argued. “
Toy Story
has a plot, it has feeling!”

“Like
Monster’s
Inc
doesn’t? Come on! Boo is
adorable!”

“Yeah but the friendship between Woody
and Andy is unforgettable!”

Nash threw a pillow at me and I caught
it easily. I chucked it back at him and, unfortunately he didn’t have as quick
of reflexes. The pillow bounced off his face before dropping onto his lap.

“Nice,” Nash said.

It was nearly four o’clock in the morning
and we were filling our time with Disney movies thanks to me, bad TV shows, and
stale popcorn. My eyes were heavy and I yawned, stretching up as I did. I
wanted to sleep and that’s all I wanted. I wanted to throw an old t-shirt on,
crawl into bed, and close my eyes. I was so tired that my vision was doubling.

“Hey are you okay?”

“Fine,” I said as I swayed.
“A little sleepy, maybe, but fine.
I’m not used to pulling
an all-nighter.”

“Haven’t you ever had a sleepover? You
and your girlfriends, in your pajamas, gossiping until the sun rose? Isn’t that
what girls do?”

“Not since I was twelve,” I admitted.
“In high school I wasn’t very social. I liked being home by myself more than I
liked being with other people.”

“Funny, I was the complete opposite. I never
wanted to be home and when I was home I was jumping out of my skin.”

“Why?”

“Boredom.”

“Oh,” I said. “Kind of like now?”

Throughout the night Nash and I had went
through movies, junk food, and bad TV shows. We talked and joked, teasing each
other about our tastes in about everything. Now there was nothing left to do
and I felt like the night was dragging.

“I guess… You probably had a million
things to do tonight.”

“Not anything that couldn’t get moved
around,” I told him.

“Well, in any case, I owe you. You kind
of went above and beyond helping me, considering you didn’t even like me
before.”

I shifted back.

“That’s not true,” I told him, but I
hesitated. “Okay it was a little true. But you came off as such an asshole! You
were leering at me in my skirt.”

“Well your legs were sexy,” Nash argued.
“What was I supposed to do? Pretend that I didn’t notice?”

“You used a lame ass line on me too!”

“Yeah, I did. They usually work on most
girls.”

“I’m not most girls. You’re not going to
be able to just say some lame line and I’m going to sleep with you. Why do you
want to be with me anyway?”

“Because you’re sexy and for some damn
reason you won’t put up with my shit. Most girls would jump at the chance to
kiss me.”

“Whatever Nash...”

Girls did jump at him though and I
didn’t want to have to compete.

*
         
*
         
*

I didn’t remember falling asleep but
when I opened my eyes, Nash was lying next to me, his head propped up on his
hand, and grinning. It was the slight brush of his fingers against my cheek
that brought me back to the land of the living.

“Hey there beautiful,” Nash murmured as
my eyes fluttered open.

I was disoriented and groggy.

What time was it?

Where was I?

What happened?

It took me few minutes before my brain
caught up with my body. I was at Nash’s house, keeping him company. I had no
idea what time it was but the sun filtering through the window hinted at
daylight.

My heart started to beat fast as I
realized I was lying next to Nash. His arm was wrapped around me. I moved away
and
laid
on my back far enough that I didn't feel like
I was close enough to cuddle with him.

“How are you feeling?” I asked
immediately, my heart’s pace slowing down. “How’s your head?
Your
jaw?”

“Both are fine,” Nash said.

I looked at him, confused, before my
mouth split into a grin.

“You’re so lame,” I said as I pulled
myself up to the sitting position. “What time is it?”

“Nearly noon,” Nash said and immediately
my heart went into my throat.

“Oh my God, I missed my class!” I
screeched, jumping off the bed.

I rummaged around the cluttered floor
for my bag and shoes. My head was spinning. How could I forget class? It was
the first class of the semester and I missed it!

“Calm down.”

“Calm down?! How can I calm down?” I
demanded. “I missed class, Nash, and it was the first one! I can’t even imagine
what the professor thinks of me! He’s going to hate me if he doesn’t already!”

I grabbed my stuff and shoved my feet
into the shoes. As I moved I calculated how quickly I could get to the
professor’s office. Maybe I would be able to talk to him, explain what
happened. I could tell him about Nash and the concussion. Hopefully that would
sway his opinion.

“Lily, calm down,” Nash said again.

He tugged at my arm, pulling me onto his
lap. I struggled as Nash wrapped his arms around me. Bad memories came flashing
back to me…

“Get off of me!” I seethed. “I have to
go talk to my professor. I have to make this right. I screwed up, Nash, I
screwed up badly.”

“No you didn’t,” Nash said. “It’s okay
if you miss a class. The first two weeks of school are when people drop classes
and add classes. The classes don’t really start until that period is over. I
doubt you missed much, if anything, today. I promise.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, doubt filling
my head.

“I’ve been at this school longer than I
care to remember. Don’t worry so much.”

I let myself relax and I tugged his arms
apart, slipping out from between them.

 
“You need to relax a bit or you’re going to
give yourself a heart attack.”

“No I’m not. I’m resilient. I’ve been
this neurotic since I was younger.
What’s
going to
give me problems is you holding me like that. Don’t ever do that again…”

I took a deep breath.

“Sorry, won’t happen again. I’m
surprised that you haven’t had a heart attack though. Why are you so hard on
yourself?”

I shrugged, unable to explain it to him.
How could I explain my ‘good girl’ status and need to be perfect? It was a self-imposed
purpose, an obsession really, and my parents’ approval fueled it. When everyone
expects you to be perfect, and you succeed, it becomes like a drug. You want to
succeed over and over again, no matter what the cost.

“Because I’m good and I’m good at being
good. That’s who I am,” I told him. “I want to be the best, act the best, and reach
the highest.”

“But at what cost?”

“At whatever cost it takes,” I answered
immediately.

Nash furrowed his eyebrows together.

“It’s not as bad it sounds, I swear.”

“Good because it sounds like you’re a
bit psychotic.”

“Thanks,” I said warily. “That’s so
nice.”

“I never said I would be nice. I’m not
nice… I’m honest.”

“Well maybe some people don’t want the
honesty.”

“Those are the people who usually need
it the most.”

I rolled my eyes at him.

My brain was beginning to work on
overdrive trying to figure out what was going on with Nash and I. Everything
was moving fast, faster than I thought it ever would. He didn’t ask me out but
tried kissing me and called me…

Sexy…

These were cautionary signals.

We were hanging out and joking as
friends too though. Just because there was no explanation for what was going on,
didn’t mean I wanted it to end. I didn’t. But I also didn’t like the
uncertainty. Turner could be right about him too.

I sighed and rubbed my temple with my
hands.

 
“I
really should get going,” I said.

“Do you have to? I thought that we could
go out, have some lunch.”

“I can’t,” I said, even though it was a
lie. “I have to go meet up with some people.”

“People like Turner?”

That wasn’t on my list of
to-do’s
but now Turner crept into my mind.
 
I had already missed most of my class and
Nash had persuaded me that it wasn’t a big deal.

“Maybe… He seemed so angry yesterday,” I
said for an explanation. “He was practically foaming at the mouth and, well,
you know the rest. I do want to see if he’s okay... I want to try to talk to
him…. But…”

“Why?” he asked, cutting me off. “You
just go back to the guy who has no control over himself?”

I paused. That was a good question and I
didn’t have a set answer for him.

“Because he’s my friend,” I said
finally. “Just like you.”

Nash shrugged but there was a frown on
his face.

“Do what you want,” he said and
disappointment seeped into my heart.

I was hoping that Nash would put up
fight, even a little one, trying to get me to stay. But he didn’t. If anything,
he was trying to get me to leave quicker.

What the hell did I do? Was he jealous?
Actually jealous that another guy might have a chance with me? What did I get
myself into?

“I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, see you around,” I agreed.

I glanced at Nash over my shoulder one
last time before exiting his room. I let myself out into the warm day and
headed back to school, leaving my heart behind.

Chapter
Nine

And so it began. Every day, I got up,
packed my stuff, and trudged off to class. If I woke up early enough I would
grab breakfast but if not I grabbed a coffee to keep me from passing out. I
hadn’t seen Nash outside of class since I thought he had a concussion, and I
saw Turner even less. Sometimes, if he was in a good mood, Turner would meet me
at the dorm and we would walk to class together. Then, the moment he saw Nash,
he would frown and stomp away like a school boy whose toy was taken away from
him. This went on, day after day, for weeks. I barely had time to breathe let
alone relax and it was starting to show.

“Can you turn that down please?” I asked
Sabrina.

She had the television on full blast and
she was watching
Maury
, or as I liked
to call it, white trash crap. Going on a show to determine the paternity of
your child was bad enough, but when you went on the same show multiple times,
that was ridiculous. I was embarrassed for these girls.