A Pretty Pill (13 page)

“Mum
, I see you’ve met Jade, the woman of my dreams!” I throw out there, stopping behind my Mum’s chair and shoving my hands in my jeans pockets. I’m a dick I know, but with her, it comes naturally.  Mum swings her head around to face me.

“Really?” my Mum gasps.

“Um... no, not really Sabrina. I go to the same gym as Ben.” Jade grumbles.

“Oh... but...” Mum begins to fluster.

“No, really!” I interrupt, “I keep asking Red here to go out with me, but she doesn’t!  She thinks I’m an arsehole!” I explain.

“Ben!” Mum scolds
, as I turn her around.

“Well she does!” I say, grinning.

“Jade, I’m so sorry... he’s actually a really nice young man!  He’s looking after me because of my cancer... and he’s such a good son!” Mum argues, going into damage control.  This is Mum’s type of girl... not my usual ‘brand’, and she’s digging her heals in.

“It’s okay Sabrina
, I’m sure he’s a very good son, and a really nice person. I just fail to
see it myself
.” She says; the last bit directed entirely at me; daggers leaping from her eyes... a hint of acid thrown into her voice for good measure, despite my Mum’s presence.

Mum gasps...
at first I think she might be almost in tears, so I look down, but what I see is pure delight!

“I’m not the one with multiple personality issues.” I throw back.  “You’re nice with everyone but me... I’m starting to think you’re a lesbian.” I growl.

I expect Mum to jump in, but her face is bright and excited.  Instead, Jade stands abruptly, putting her height into the fray.

“I’d prefer a woman to you... and
all my personalities agree with me that you’re a douchebag!” she seethes, and then momentarily adds, softly I might add, “Sorry Sabrina... it’s no reflection on you!”  My Mum just gives her a megawatt smile and her hand softly moves in front of her, indicating our need to continue arguing.  Jade complies.

“You just can’t accept that I’m not interested!” she says angrily.

“You’ve seen me nearly every weekday for eight weeks, and I know you’re interested!” I growl.

“How do you get interested from me telling you to fuck off
all the time?” she says gravelly, and in a tone that withdraws the insult from other’s possibly listening in.

“You don’t
indicate that at all.  You’ve offered to have dirty sex with me on no less than dozens of occasions!  You just refuse to actually date me.” I argue.

I realise my Mum is right there, seated below us in her wheelchair.  But I also know
by the look on her face that she loves every minute of this... I love it too!

“You’re totally delusional... there’s a mental health unit, just that way!” she indicates the direction with her hand
, pointing.

I ignore her barb
, “From the very first week you’ve indicated your desperation... even when I first introduced myself and asked you to coffee, you talked about having sweaty sex and giving me a blow job.” I explain.

Oh. My. God!
  I think I’ve just single handedly managed to secure a hit on me. She’s positively seething, and her face is beetroot red.  She’ll be sicking her apparently psycho brother on to me by the end of the day, but for some reason I just can’t help myself, so I continue.

“
And you’re constantly telling me I can spend my pleasurable time in your arms; in one of your beds and that you’ll look after me and show me heaven... and then there are all the references to pornographic photos being exchanged between us and visiting brothels.” I finish goading and look at my Mum, whose jaw is hanging open and ‘catching flies.’  Her eyes are completely bugged out. I think I just killed her... no, she’s breathing... just!

Looking back at Jade, there’s no way I could confuse her with dead.  She’s so red and angry looking, it’s amazing she hasn’t been able to summon demons from the fiery gates of hell to her call to kill me.

“You are a delusional, self congratulating, chauvinistic, loudmouth louse of a dickhead donkey fucker!” she snarls, and then continues, “If your dick gets anywhere near my vagina, you’re going to need a surgical team to reattach it.” She warns, before swiftly reaching down to the bench to collect her gear to leave.

I’m not finished
, and my Mum definitely doesn’t want to go yet, but I do the only thing I can to buy more time with this vixen.

“Jade.” I say with a pleading tone.

She swings around, her green eyes burning, “What?” she snaps.

“Can you help me get my Mum in the car?” I ask as nicely as I can
. I’m struggling not to laugh. I loved the insult she threw at me, it was gold...
dickhead donkey fucker?  Priceless!

She stands there
, her eyes are closed and she’s slowing down her breathing.  She stays that way a few more seconds.  And then in her sweet voice she turns to my Mum.

“Come on Sabrina; let’s get you in the car as quickly as we can so you don’t get too wet!”

***

“I never thought I’d see the day!” My Mum reverently states.

We’re already driving in the rain toward Merewether where my Mum and me at the present live.

“What did you see?” I ask, scanning the traffic for idiots that drive stupidly in the rain.

“My son... head over heels with a woman who can match him.” She explains.

“Hah!  I think you’re the one that’s a bit delusional mum... those drugs have altered your brain chemistry.” I say half heartedly
. I’ve started to realise the gravity of my attraction to Jade myself, I know she’s right!

“You know I’m right!” my Mum says. 
Didn’t I just think that?

“Jade’s not interested in me... she’ll have my balls cut off and make me eat them before she
lets me take her out for even one cup of coffee!” I lament.

“Oh no
, that’s not true!  She does like you, she just doesn’t realise it yet.” She says, holding up a finger to emphasise her point.

“Isn’t that the same as not liking someone?” I ask confusedly.

“No, she’s definitely attracted to you... she’s just fighting it!” she explains.

“Oh goodie... I just love a woman in denial.” I say sarcastically.

“Don’t behave like a smartarse... you do like it. She’s the first woman you’ve actually met that ticks all your boxes!” she suggests.

“No way... she’s got little tits, no booty and she’s too tall.” I
argue.

“
And yet you look at her like you want to touch everything she’s got regardless!” my Mum proposes.

She’s right
, I do... more than once!

Jade.

That jackass i
s way too conceited.  He just can’t understand how someone wouldn’t be attracted to his gorgeous steel grey eyes, the dimples in his ruggedly handsome face and his killer smile... not to mention his physique!  I can definitely remain oblivious to all those things; because he is a complete and utter... he is...
fuck it.
.. he is a first class arsehole!

The remainder of the week saw me avoid
ing him easily, because I remained on evening shifts. His Mum probably tore him to shreds over his aggressive comments towards me and our ‘relationship’ status.  I know I wanted to. 

F
or the life of me, and I can’t understand it; I just can’t hate him!  In fact, despite having argued and fought with him with extreme regularity over the last eight weeks, I miss the cheeky banter when I’m on a run of evening shifts! 

It
’s like sharpening your claws on the best scratching post in existence; and then finding out you aren’t allowed to use it anymore.

Interestingly enough,
my Sunday at the end of this week is already proceeding well.  Shae has some issues with covalent bonds and electron sharing from Chemistry.  She understands the theory and can’t see why she keeps getting things incorrect, because really, it’s quite easy.  We sit at the dining table and I get her to show me her working out, until I can see what she is doing and correct her.  By being able to see the pattern to her problem, I can show her the issue.  It is a productive morning for her.

After mid-morning Chemistry with Shae, I go
ride into Hamilton and take a stroll along Beaumont Street.  Checking out some of the boutique stores and ducking in to the newsagency to grab my monthly bike magazine.  Sunday isn’t the best shopping day, but it is less crowded, and those shops that aren’t open at least have very interesting window displays.  It is only when I step out of the newsagency, that I am confronted with Sabrina in her wheelchair, and a smirking Ben, pushing her along.

Ben is looking remarkably good today.  Normally I see him in boardies and a singlet t-shirt, and a pair of joggers.  But today he’s wearing a pair of loose fitting dark denim jeans and dirty, once white skate shoes
, along with a black hoodie.  The slightly baggy nature of his outfit hides his muscled and toned body... but regardless of it, his look doesn’t alter that he’s slim and tall.  His light brown hair has lengthened since I first met him, and now it’s bordering on entering his eye line... and it’s scruffy, like bed hair!  His steel grey eyes are looking at me with sudden amusement.

I give him a snide look and snarl at him.

Sabrina hasn’t seen me yet, but he’s grinning from ear to ear at the sight of me and flashing his dimples.

I go to leave left of centre, and I hear him call out to me.

“Red?” he asks, like he didn’t just see me and know it’s me.  I stop dead in my tracks, because his call is immediately followed by his mother’s own recital of my name.

“Jade!  Oh Jade
, please stop!” she pleads.

Arsehole!  Using his
own mother to prevent my escape
.

I turn back around and look at him.  He’s smug
, he’s a seriously smug dickhead!

“Are you two stalking me?” I say lightly
, trying not to sound rude, but seriously wanting to.

“She’s not... but I am!”  Ben replies.

“Ben, behave!” Sabrina requests.

I just stare at him hoping for some previously unknown superpower to manifest itself so I c
an hurt him, like really hard.  I imagine him in ice. A big, cold block of ice.  Yes, freeze powers!

“We came down to Hamilton to grab a nice coffee and brunch
; can I tempt you to join me?”  Sabrina asks.

I look down at this woman who spawned Satan and see her pleading expression
; her large blue eyes like summer skies, her blond hair cut crew-cut short, because she is losing it.  I was going to say no, but now I can’t.  She’s giving me big pitiful eyes!

“Where were you heading?” I ask, sighing loudly.

“Nowhere in particular... do you know somewhere good, perhaps a favourite?”  She asks.

“I... sure
, come on.  I’ll show you the best little coffee house along this street, and they have amazing bagels and cakes.” I acquiesce.

“Come along Ben
, I have a date with the prettiest woman in all of Newcastle, don’t dilly dally!” she says.

Ben.

Fate keeps giving me these little shoves.  Jade just stepped out on the footpath directly in front of me
, looking more gorgeous than I’ve ever seen her.  She’s in tight dark grey denim jeans that hug her legs and probably her arse to, if I get a chance to see; and she has black, well-worn work boots on. She’s got a dark grey skivvy on underneath an oversized deep avocado green jumper, which drags off of one shoulder.  Her hair is out and tumbling down her back. Unbelievable!  It really is like a movie... like how unreal is all that!  She walks out like she’s the main actress on a movie set, looking amazing!  On top of that, we’ve had two chance happenings in less than seven days; and all on a week I would’ve missed out on seeing her because of her work commitments!

It’s possible that I walked past her several times before I bumped into her at the gym, but I wouldn’t have really noticed her
before the gym incident, because as previously explained, she’s not my usual type.  The fact that my type has changed over the last nine weeks, and during that same time I’ve been obsessively attracted to this girl, is a completely foreign concept to me. I want to dive in headfirst and enjoy the experience, but she won’t let me!

We’re sitting in front of a tiny little cafe. Mum is eating a blueberry muffin, actually, she’s picking at it, and she’s sipping on a flat white sitting in front of her.

I’ve gone for
a cappuccino, a mug; and Jade is drinking a chai latte.

“Tell me about yourself.” My Mum enthuses, looking Jade directly in the eye and not giving her room to skirt around the request.

“Okay... if you ask a question Sabrina, I’ll answer to the best of my ability!” she smiles back.  I note that I have been excluded from this conversation... by both of them.  Mum through body language, and Jade through ignoring me, and pointedly giving my Mum permission to ask questions only.