A Passionate Discovery (Self-Discovery Series) (35 page)

The next
step Carla took was to find employment agencies that dealt with business
graduates, bookmarking those sites and adding them to her mental to do list for
the morning. All in all she felt pretty productive as she turned off her laptop
and set it aside, it was getting late and she couldn’t think of anything else
she could do to aide in her job search just then. She wasn’t tired however,
sleeping in so late had really messed her body clock up, so she decided to
settle down and watch some television until she got tired.

Flipping
channels Carla groaned when she saw a commercial for Jason’s law firm. It
seemed as if everything was conspiring to make her think about him, she thought
as his beautiful face stared at her from the screen. Turning the channel
quickly she demanded that her heart stop racing; it didn’t listen.

As her
mind dwelled on the previous night she realized she couldn’t avoid the
situation any longer. No matter how hard she tried not to think about him, Jason
was on her mind. Turning off the television she replayed the scene in her mind;
did some submissives enjoy rape scenarios, she wondered.

It didn’t
seem possible to her that someone could actually derive pleasure from the
thought of being attacked and raped. Then again, she realized, it was no
surprise she couldn’t imagine people enjoying such activities, until she had
met Jason she hadn’t even considered the possibility of enjoying straight sex.
Maybe women really did like that kind of thing, and she was just too naïve to
consider it; after all, hadn’t she found herself enjoying things in the past
week that she would never have even thought of before then.

Though she
had only just turned it off Carla took up the laptop and switched it back on.
As soon as it had powered up she Googled rape fantasies.

It didn’t
surprise her all that much to discover that men often fantasized about rape,
though they generally wanted the victim to become turned on so that it was no
longer rape. What did flabbergast her was the discovery that many women enjoyed
the fantasy; she discovered numerous mentions of it on websites that dealt with
sexual and psychological matters, and even more mentions on forums about the
lifestyle.

Carla
couldn’t believe that women would fantasize about something that was so
degrading. Even more unbelievable than them fantasizing about such a scenario were
the stories of them going through with it.

After a
moment she found herself laughing at her thoughts. She imagined a lot of women
would find it degrading to have a guy spank them but she had enjoyed the
experience; more than just enjoy it, she had been turned on by it.

While she
was looking around she came across a list of the top ten fantasies by women.
Curious she read through the list, wondering just what it was that women
fantasized about. To her amazement, everything on the list was something she
had done during the course of the previous week and more. One by one Jason had
taken her through every scenario that women fantasized about, but lacked the
courage, or the opportunity, to experience.

Sitting
back, the list on the screen before her, Carla found her mind wandering,
wondering if she had simply overreacted massively the night before. What Jason
had done had freaked her out, that was for sure, it had been way beyond what
she was ready to experience, a part of her wasn’t sure she would ever be ready
for it, but how would Jason have known that, given her reactions to the other
scenarios he had introduced her to.

If she had
been asked before the start of each new scenario she would almost certainly
have expressed some level of horror at the thought of what Jason had wanted her
to do. Even when the scenarios began she was uncomfortable and unhappy with
them, but each time she had found herself being turned on, and ultimately
enjoying what she had done with Jason, on some level.

How was Jason
to have known that she wouldn’t have enjoyed the rape scenario when she had
enjoyed everything else?

He wasn’t
an angel, by any means, she remembered clearly the occasions when he had gone
into full Dominant mode, on those occasions he had actually scared her, but he
wasn’t an unfeeling bastard either. The truth was, she thought, he had tried to
expand her horizons, to awaken her sexuality and show her her true nature, and he
had done that, at least in part.

How could
she hate him when she had felt more alive since meeting him than she ever had
before? She couldn’t, at least not completely.

Making up
her mind she pushed the laptop aside and got to her feet. Nibbling her lip
nervously she walked into her bedroom and picked up the iPhone.

“Carla.” Relief
filled Jason’s voice as he answered the phone, “I’m so glad you called me.”
Seeing her number on the caller ID of his phone was unexpected, but deeply
pleasing. He’d been worried that she would never speak to him again, and the
thought had destroyed him.

“I think
we need to talk.” She spoke the words softly, her heart aching just from the
sound of his voice as he uttered her name.

For the
first time in the past day, since Carla had run out on him and he’d heard how
she was reacting to his stupidity, he felt as if he could breathe. “I would
like that very much,” he said, trying to keep a tight rein on the happiness he
felt. “Where would you like to meet?” If it meant he could see her again, and
have a chance to make amends for what he had done, he was prepared to do
anything.

“Could we
do it at your house, tomorrow night?” She wanted to see him right then; she
wanted to get in her car and drive straight over there, but knew she had to get
herself together and think about what she needed to say before she saw him.

“Would
nine o’clock work for you?” He held his breath anxiously while he waited for
her answer, terrified that she would change her mind now she was speaking to
him. He also worried that if he said anything more than was absolutely
necessary he would say something wrong and scare her away.

“That
would be fine,” Carla told him, not sure what else to say. She hated the
stiffness in her voice and her uncertainty, and wished things could go back to
how they had been during the first few nights, before he had begun pushing her
further than she was prepared to go. The trip, that was where it had all begun
to go wrong, she thought; the trip had been wonderful, and terrible.

“I’m
really sorry about last night,” Jason apologized, desperate to keep the
conversation going, to stop her hanging up, as he sensed she was about to do.
He was terrified that he would say something wrong, but he was even more
terrified that if she hung up the phone she would have the time to rethink her
decision and not come. “I wish I could take back last night, take back
everything I did to hurt you.”

“I’m sorry
too.” What are you apologizing for? You did nothing wrong. A part of her mind,
which she quickly shoved aside, said. “I should get some sleep,” she told him,
feeling as though she was going to break down, or do or say something stupid,
if she didn’t get off the phone.

“I don’t
want to keep you up if you’re tired.” Despite his words Jason didn’t want to
end the call, he wanted to demand that she get in her car and drive straight
over. He knew he couldn’t do that though, if he did he would lose her forever.

“Goodnight,
Jason,” she whispered softly.

“Goodnight,
Carla.” He refused to hang up and waited until the line went dead on him before
replacing the receiver. She’d agreed to meet with him, he thought, a smile
stretching his lips, that was a start. Now he just needed to make sure when she
came over she would never want to leave again.

It took
hours after their conversation for Carla to finally fall asleep.  She had no
idea what would happen tomorrow night and wondered if she was crazy for wanting
to meet with him. 

Was she
risking putting herself in danger? It was a possibility, and one she had to consider
very seriously, despite the sincerity she’d heard in his voice when he said he
was sorry. She was not ignorant of the chance she had agreed to take but she
was desperate to see Jason again, her heart beat fast just thinking that she
was less than twenty four hours away from possibly being in his arms once more.

He had
pushed her beyond everything she was comfortable with, and in the process he
had changed her from an almost shy virginal young woman to a sexually
adventurous lady. Everything about him confused, excited and terrified her; he
pushed all her buttons, both the right ones, and the wrong ones.

It was
insane for her to need someone as much as she needed Jason, but at least when
she was with him she felt something. Though she could barely remember the
person she had been before meeting him, there was one thing she was sure of,
she didn’t want to go back to being that person.

As sleep
finally pulled her into its embrace Carla found her dreams consumed by Jason.

He stood
on a sandy white beach, waiting for her, his arms outstretched as rain lashed
down and lightning split the sky. Ignoring the rain, which soaked her in just a
few moments, she crossed the beach to where he waited. She hesitated just
outside of his reach, uncertain, and then took the final step, allowing him to
enfold her in his arms and pull her into an embrace.

Their
relationship was like a summer storm, she thought in her dream, volatile and
unpredictable. Anything could happen, but that was what made it so exciting.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

“You know
this is insanity, right?” Scarlett was furious with her friend; she couldn’t
believe Carla was willing to put herself back in a situation that might well
lead to her being hurt again, either physically or emotionally. Sitting at the
kitchen island she looked over at her best friend as though she needed mental
help.

“I know it
seems that way to you, but I’m going to drive myself nuts if I don’t talk to
him.” Her nerves were strung tight enough as it was, without Scarlett’s
feelings on the subject piled on top of what was already a monumental decision
for her.

“Dammit, Carla,
it will get easier if you just give it time. There’s no need to throw yourself
back on the fire when you barely escaped it last time!” Exasperated Scarlett
threw her hands up and walked away. They had been talking in circles for the
last twenty minutes, and nothing she had said had made a dent in her friend’s
resolve. The expression on Carla’s face made it clear that her mind wasn’t
going to be changed. “Do you really expect me to stand by and watch you destroy
yourself over him?”

“I expect
you to be my friend and accept that I can make my own choices and deal with the
consequences!” She was getting pissed off. She’d told Scarlett what she
planned, and had expected some kind of reaction, but she’d also expected her
friend to support her.

“I’ll
always be your friend, even when you’re being about as stupid as a person can
be. I love you, Carla. But when he hurts you again, please remember that I did
warn you.” Grabbing her purse Scarlett headed for the door; she had no desire
to stand by and watch her friend fuck up her life, if she was going to through
with it she would have to do so on her own.

Carla
cringed as the front door slammed shut and she forced herself to take a few
deep breaths to calm her nerves. The last thing she’d wanted was to make her
best friend unhappy with her, but she had to make the decision for herself, and
despite the valid points from Scarlett she was the one who had to live with the
consequences.

The chime
of the doorbell distracted her from her thoughts, to her intense relief; she
didn’t have a clue how she was going to fix things with Scarlett, though she
knew she would have to sooner or later.

Signing
for the package she thanked the delivery guy and kicked the door closed behind
him with her foot. The package was just over a foot square, and a reasonable
weight, and she studied it curiously as she carried it into the kitchen. She
tore the wrapping off the moment she was in the kitchen and then set the box on
the island while she grabbed a knife.

With the
sealing tape slit she opened the box, and found herself looking at a quantity
of bubble wrap. Her curiosity increasing Carla lifted the item from the box and
proceeded to remove the bubble wrap, which took her a while since there seemed
to be a lot of it.

Finally
she managed to uncover what Jason had sent her. To her surprise she found
herself looking at a marble chessboard. It was beautiful, she couldn’t deny
that, but to say it was an unusual gift for her to receive was putting it
mildly. She had never played the game in her life, and had never even spoken of
the game with Jason, which made her wonder why he had sent her the board.

Studying
the board, which was about ten inches square and two inches deep, Carla noticed
that a crack ran around the side of the board, just below the top. When she saw
the pieces that should go with the board weren’t in the box she realized they
must be within the chessboard.

Carefully
she lifted the top of the board off to reveal a velvet lined interior, in which
sat the thirty-two pieces of the set. Half were carved from ivory, but she
wasn’t sure what the black half of the set were made from. Running her fingers
over the delicate objects she admired their beauty, she loved them, even though
she had no idea what the pieces were called.

Almost
afraid to actually touch the pieces Carla lifted an ivory horse from its
recessed slot in the velvet cushion. Examining it closely she marveled at the
level of detail in the carving. It didn’t seem possible that anyone could have
made such a small figure so lifelike.

Replacing
the horse she read the card that had come with the gift.

This game
should have been where we started, sweet girl. In chess, when there is no move
left to either escape or win the game it is called a checkmate. The person who
is checked loses. I concede, Princess, checkmate. Truly, RH.

Carla
wasn’t quite sure what Jason meant by the message, it was cryptic and left her
confused. She thought about calling him to find out the meaning but quickly
stopped herself. What if checkmate meant he was surrendering, that he was going
to let her go? She wasn’t sure she could deal with that, not when she’d found
the courage to give him another chance.

In an
effort to put such dismal thoughts from her mind Carla fetched her laptop and
set it on the counter next to the chess set. Turning it on she settled on a
stool and googled chess, figuring that she should at least find out the name of
the various pieces, and where they went on the board, even if she didn’t have
the slightest clue how to play.

Following
the instructions on the site she found she set the board up, placing the
thirty-two pieces so they matched the image on the laptop. Along the way she
discovered their names. In the corners of the board sat the rooks, which looked
like castles, while next to them went the horses, or knights as they were
known. In the middle of the board’s back row went the King and Queen, who sat
facing one another, while outside of them, next to the knights were the
bishops. The last pieces that Carla set up, and the most numerous, were the
pawns.

With the
board set up, and the pieces identified, she continued to learn what she could
about chess. She guessed, based on his decision to send her the set, that chess
was a game that Jason played, which suggested it would be a good idea for her
to learn it, if she could.

The rest
of the day Carla spent attempting to learn chess, which didn’t go very well.
She was confused by the time she finished reading the instructions on the
website which told her how the various pieces moved. When she got bored of her
attempts to learn chess she finished up the letters and applications she had
been doing before Scarlett woke and learned of her plans, and then kept herself
occupied with whatever tasks she could find.

The day
seemed to stretch on forever, despite her efforts to distract herself, but
finally half seven arrived, and when it did she began getting ready. She’d
already had a bath as one of her time passing activities but still felt the
need to have a shower and wash her hair again.

Drying
herself off Carla pulled on the red lace bra and panties set she had selected.
She then slid on a black garter belt before settling onto the edge of the bed
so she could pull on a pair of sheer black stockings, which she clipped to the
belt.

Her hands
shook as she lowered a pale pink dress over her head. It was one of the least
revealing outfits that Jason had bought for her and she loved how it clung to
her small waist and then fell over her hips, stopping just a few inches above
her knees. The dress felt soft as butter against her skin and while it was
modest enough to satisfy her it also made her feel sinfully sensual.

She told
herself that she was only going to the mansion to talk to Jason, she had no
intention of allowing things to go further than conversation, they had too much
to discuss, and she honestly didn’t know what was going to happen with their
relationship. The outfit made her feel sexy however, and that increased her
confidence, which she hoped would help her get through the meeting.

After
settling the dress over her hips Carla made her way into the bathroom, where
she studied herself in the full length mirror behind the door, wanting to make
sure she looked as good as she felt. Satisfied that the outfit presented the
image she was after she moved on to her makeup and hair.

She
brushed her hair until it shone and hung in soft waves down her back, and then
she stood in front of the sink to apply her makeup. She kept it to a minimum,
doing her best to accentuate her natural features with her limited makeup
skills. 

After
about ten minutes she was satisfied with her efforts and put the makeup away
before making a final check in the full length mirror to be sure she was as
perfect as she could make herself.

Returning
to the bedroom, she slid her feet into a pair of white three inch heels,
grabbed her purse and left the condo. With each step her legs shook; she was
relieved that there was an elevator in the building for her to use because she
was sure she would have fallen and broken her neck if she’d had to negotiate
stairs.

As she
drove the canary yellow sports car through the New York streets, Carla found
herself feeling more nervous than she had when she went there for her first
night with Jason. She hadn’t thought that was possible, but her heart was
racing and her hands were slick on the wheel of the car, making her fear it was
going to slip through her hands and result in her crashing.

She was
relieved when she made it safely to the mansion, though she had to sit in the
car for a minute or so while she got herself under control, and dug out a
tissue so she could dry her hands.

When she
no longer felt as though she was going to make a fool of herself the moment she
opened her mouth Carla got out of the car. Thanking the handsome young man who
had patiently held the door open while she sorted herself, the same young man
who had been there the first time she came to the mansion, Carla handed him her
keys.

While the
young man slid behind the wheel and drove off to park her car Carla forced her
legs, which just then seemed to have the consistency of jelly, to carry her up
the steps to the front door.

The door
opened before she had a chance to ring the bell and the usually stoic servant
greeted her with a warm smile. “Master Jason is waiting for you in the gardens,
Ma’am.”

“Thank
you.” She managed to force the words through lips that were suddenly parched.
Her heart raced as she followed the servant through the house, thumping so
loudly she wouldn’t have been surprised to discover he could hear it.

Her eyes
widened as she stepped through the veranda doors Jason’s servant held open for
her and she saw the trail of white and red rose petals.

“Enjoy
your evening, Ma’am.” Edwin closed the doors as he retreated back into the
mansion, a smile on his face.

Carla
looked behind her for a moment at the doors and then slowly began following the
trail of rose petals. The path illuminated for her by a series of torches that revealed
little beyond the petals, giving her no clue to where she was going or what she
should expect. It was like something from a fairytale.

Her heart
thudded loudly in her chest with each step she took as she wondered what she
was going to find at the end of the trail.

Finally
the rose petals ended, stopping at a large gazebo. Sheer white curtains
surrounded the gazebo, rippling in the gentle breeze that blew through the
garden. Finding it hard to breathe Carla forced herself to keep going until she
reached the curtains, which she parted hesitantly.

A gasp
escaped her lips as she saw what awaited her, and her heart leapt into her
throat. In the middle of the gazebo was Jason, waiting for her on one knee; he
was dressed in a black tuxedo that fit his incredible body perfectly, in his
hand was a velvet covered box that he held out toward her.

Carla knew
she would remember the look on his gorgeous for the rest of her life. Always
before he had been confident, certain of what he was doing, now he seemed
nervous, even more nervous than she felt herself.

“I know
I’ve been a stubborn, blind fool, and you deserve someone who could give you so
much more. I have never felt this way about another woman though, and the
thought of not being with you destroys my soul.

“I know I
don’t deserve you, but if you will do me the honor of being my wife, I promise
to spend the rest of my life making sure that you have everything your heart
desires. Carla, will you accept my ring and agree to marry me?” Finishing his
little speech he opened the box to reveal a diamond ring.

Carla
opened her mouth to respond, but found that no words would come out. While it
was true that she hadn’t really known what was going to happen that night, she
did know that an offer of marriage was definitely not something she had
anticipated.

She didn’t
know what to say. His proposal had her thoughts and emotions in a whirl,
leaving her with no idea how to react. All she could do was stand there and
stare at him, open-mouthed.

“Sweetheart,
please say something.” Jason heard his heart pounding in his chest as he waited
for Carla to answer his question, to tell him yes, to tell him no, to respond
in some fashion. The silence from her was worse than a refusal, though part of
him wondered how anything could be worse than her refusing him.