A Mother's Secret (33 page)

Joshua had been so overwhelmed when Miracle responded to the CPR that he had lost himself in the moment and hugged her. Holding her close was like paradise. He’d never experienced such an emotional rush, and he hoped it would last forever. He’d felt her respond to the touch and move closer while holding on to him. Although he knew it was inappropriate for him to touch her, he didn’t want to let go. He caught himself before he almost kissed her. He’d been close to giving in to temptation, but he didn’t want to ruin his chances with her by being too forward.

He was captivated by her as she talked, occasionally responding to her questions about the horses. He longed to remember every detail of her. He attempted to memorize her voice, her dark chocolate eyes, and her beautiful round face. He felt himself falling deeply in love with her. His thoughts drifted as he realized he wanted to spend all night talking to her and learning more about her. He wanted to know everything about her, and he wanted to make her his.

“Joshua?” Her voice broke through his trance as he guided the horse up the rock driveway toward her house. “Are you listening to me?”

“
Ya
.” He gave her a sideways glance. “You were talking about Miracle and how beautiful he is.”

She laughed. “No, I wasn’t. I was asking you how many mares you’ve foaled before. I knew you weren’t listening to me
for the last few minutes. You’re in your own little world.” She swatted at his arm, and he was thankful that she felt comfortable enough to tease him.

He grinned at her. “I heard you. I was just testing you to see if you remembered what you said.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.” She sighed. “You’re not very
gut
at fibbing.”

“That’s a
gut
thing, right? You’ll always know you can catch me in a fib. So If I tell you I was working in the barn, and I really went fishing, you’ll know the truth just by looking at me.” He raised his eyebrows, and she shook her head while gracing him with another beautiful smile.

She tilted her head. “Does that mean you’re not going to answer my question?”

“What question?”

Carolyn blew out another frustrated sigh. “I asked you how many mares you’ve foaled before.”

“Oh.” He considered her question. “Honestly, I’m not certain how many horses I’ve foaled because I’ve helped
mei dat
with a few also. I’d say probably two dozen or so.”

“Wow. That’s a lot.”

“
Ya
. It is.” Joshua stopped the buggy near her brother’s barn and then turned to face her. “I guess it’s time to say
gut nacht.
” Sadness consumed him as he spoke the words. He didn’t want the evening to end even though he knew it had to. He felt like a teenager again, and the realization astounded him.

“
Ya
,” she said with his disappointment reflected in her eyes. Was she just as disappointed as he was that their evening together was over?

Joshua climbed out of the buggy and met her in front of
the horse. “
Danki
for your help tonight. You were a
wunderbaar
assistant.” He touched her hand. “
Gut nacht
.”

“
Gut nacht.
” She gazed up at him, and for the second time tonight, he was overpowered by the urge to kiss her. He had to get out of there before he gave in to that urge and crossed a line that could cause her to push him away. He had to take this slow despite his longing to ask her to marry him.

Marry?

The word coursed through him and it felt right. The idea of marrying Carolyn Lapp felt right.

“I hope to see you soon,” Carolyn said.

“You will,” Joshua promised before heading to the buggy. He waved as he guided the horse back down her driveway. He spent the ride home smiling and thanking God for leading him to Carolyn Lapp.

Carolyn waved as Joshua’s buggy disappeared into the darkness of her driveway. She sighed and hugged her middle while contemplating her wonderful evening with him.

“Carolyn!” Her brother’s voice bellowed from the porch behind her.

She gasped as she spun to face the house. “Amos?” She made her way to the porch and found his silhouette sitting there. She stepped into the light glowing from two lanterns. Amos had been waiting for her. “Why are you still up?”

“Rosemary was worried about you. She said you were going to be home shortly after she arrived.” Amos’s stare hardened. “She said you wanted to finish planting before the rain. It seems
it would be difficult to plant in the dark.”

“It’s not how it looks,” Carolyn insisted as she climbed the porch steps. “Josh had a mare that was having trouble giving birth. The veterinarian who lives across the street from him was out of town, and Joshua needed help. I only stayed because Daniel and Benjamin had already left when the mare took a turn for the worse. I offered to help him because I once helped
Daadi
with a foal when you and
Dat
were gone. That’s it. There was nothing inappropriate going on between us.”

“You were alone with a man, Carolyn. You’re both unmarried. It looks bad no matter how many excuses you list.” Amos shook his head. “This isn’t
gut
at all. Do you know how this makes
Mamm
and
Dat
look? They’ve already had to defend you once. How will they feel if they have to make excuses for you again?”

Carolyn’s annoyance boiled into anger. “I never asked anyone to make excuses for me. I made a mistake, one mistake, and I faced raising Benjamin alone head-on, without his father to help me.” She shook a finger at her brother. “And everyone forgave me except for you. You’ve never let me forget it. In fact, you’ve reminded me about the mistake every moment you’ve had a chance to throw it in my face.”

Amos glared at her.

“I’m going to bed now.
Gut nacht
.” She started to open the front door.

“Wait.” Amos stood. “I’m not done talking to you.”

She faced him, hoping to finally get an apology from him after fifteen years of listening to his criticism.

“You do realize that you could ruin your chances with Saul if you’re not careful. He came to visit you tonight.” He gestured to where Saul had apparently been sitting. “When I went out
to check on the animals, I found him waiting on the porch for you. He asked where you were, and I told him you were at Joshua Glick’s farm.”

“
Danki
for telling him the truth.” She pushed the door open. “I’ve done nothing wrong. I was helping Josh with his mare.”

“You have feelings for Joshua, don’t you?”

She nodded. “I do, but Saul is a
gut
man too.”

“Does Joshua know about Benjamin?”

“I’m going to tell him.” Carolyn’s voice was hesitant.

“You need to tell him the truth.” He stood and started toward the porch steps.

“I will in my own time. It’s my business when I tell him.” She hoped her voice was confident this time, despite her frayed nerves.

As she watched Amos walk to his house, Carolyn leaned against the door frame. She was emotionally and physically exhausted after helping with the foal, hugging Joshua, and then coming home to her judgmental brother and his accusations. Her mind was swimming with excitement for Joshua and agitation toward Amos. She needed to rest and sort through all the confusing feelings. She found herself torn by her love for Joshua and the practicality and kindness Saul could offer her. With which man did she belong?

Despite all the confusion, Carolyn knew one thing for certain—she was falling head over heels in love with Joshua Glick, and she prayed he felt the same way about her.

Joshua was checking on Daisy and Miracle the following afternoon when his mother marched into the stable.

Mamm
slammed her hands on her wide hips and glared at him. “What’s this I hear about Carolyn Lapp staying here all night with you?”

“Hi,
Mamm
.
Wie geht’s?
” He leaned against the stall door and deliberately ignored her question. Nothing was going to ruin his good mood. He was still flying high after his evening with Carolyn.

“Don’t get sarcastic with me, Joshua!” She eyed him with discontentment. “I heard from neighbors that you took Carolyn home very late last night. Apparently she was over here with you alone. What happened?”

Her accusatory tone caused resentment to heat up inside him despite his determination to hold on to his good mood. “Do you see that
schee
foal?” He pointed toward Miracle.

“
Ya
.” She shrugged. “I’ve seen many
schee
foals in my lifetime. You’re avoiding my question, Joshua, and I’m getting impatient. I want to know what happened.”

“I’m telling you what happened. You need to be quiet and listen for once.”

She flinched.

“That foal was in trouble last night while Daisy was trying to give birth. Cameron Wood, the veterinarian who lives across the road, wasn’t home, and Danny and Ben had already gone home. Carolyn was here working on my garden—at my request.” He gestured toward Daisy as Miracle suckled. “I had no help, and Carolyn was gracious enough to stay and help me with Daisy.”

“Do I look stupid?”
Mamm
looked unconvinced. “You’ve helped many mares foal over the years. Why would you need that
maedel
to help you?”

Joshua took a step toward her. “
Mamm
, I had to turn Miracle, and then he wasn’t breathing when he was born. I had to do CPR. I needed help. Stop assuming the worst about Carolyn Lapp. She means a lot to me.”

His mother gasped. “You have no right to talk to me that way, Joshua.”

“And you have no right to make accusations about Carolyn. She was a wonderful help to me. Nothing inappropriate happened here last night. We both witnessed a birth. She helped me clean up, and then I took her home. That’s all that happened, and I was thankful she was here.”

Mamm
lifted her chin and studied him. “You need to be careful about perception. People get the wrong idea sometimes.”

“I can’t stop what people say or what they think. I can only tell you the truth.” He turned back toward the horses.

“I guess you’re interested in this Carolyn Lapp then.” Her voice brimmed with disappointment.

He looked back over his shoulder at her. “
Ya
, I am.”

“Have you told her that you care about her?”

“Not yet, but I think she knows.” He studied her expression. “Why are you asking me about her?”

“I know Lena cares for you.” Her expression became hopeful. “You know she’s waiting for you, right? She would make a much better wife for you.”

“Actually, that’s not true.” He sighed and ran his hand down his face. “
Mamm
, I’ve told you more than once that I’m not interested in Lena. I don’t know how else I can make you understand this.”

“I understand, but Lena is going to be crushed.”

“No, she’s not. Lena told me that she’s not interested in
dating me.” Joshua shook his head. “She already said she only wants to be friends.”

“She did?” His mother looked stunned.

“I’m surprised she didn’t tell you that. She’s probably dating someone else.”

“Well, I’m surprised to hear this,”
Mamm
said, obviously struggling to take in this new information. After a moment she said, “I’m going back into the house to start supper for you.”

“
Mamm
, you don’t need to make me supper. I can fend for myself.”

“No, no.” She smiled at him. “I don’t mind.”

Mamm
hurried out of the stable, and he stared after her, pondering why her mood had suddenly brightened. He shrugged and then looked back at the mare and foal while remembering the previous evening. He smiled as he thought of the hug and almost kiss he’d shared with Carolyn. He couldn’t wait to see her again.