A Memory Away (14 page)
Authors: Taylor Lewis
Tags: #Gay & Lesbian, #Literature & Fiction, #Fiction, #Gay, #Romance, #Contemporary, #Gay Romance, #Genre Fiction, #Romantic Comedy
Kyle
swallowed and fought to keep a clear head. Jonah had no idea of how deeply he felt about him and the absolute worst thing he could do now was panic and give the game away. The best course of action was undoubtedly just to ride it out – he tried desperately to ignore the hard thigh pressed between his legs which gave that phrase a whole other meaning – and just laugh it off and send Jonah on his way when he made it clear he wasn’t going to fall into bed with him. Kyle’s breath caught when warm lips pressed against his ear and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly – stay strong, stay strong, stay
strong
.
“I really should have done that,” mused
Jonah, nosing under Kyle’s jaw and tilting his head back to bare his throat to press a line of dry kisses there. “I should have told you that and I should asked you to come out of that club with me so I could take you home and we could have been in a proper bed.” He felt Kyle stiffen and continued quickly, “And I should have gotten your number, made sure I wasn’t going to lose you before I even realised I’d found you.” Kyle froze and Jonah took advantage of his momentary stillness, raising his head to confide in his ear, “See, I keep having these dreams, they just won’t seem to stop no matter what I do.” He pulled back to look in Kyle’s eyes and smiled hesitantly, “I keep seeing you in my head, kissing me and stuff – “ He took a deep breath when Kyle stared at him with hurt eyes and tried to yank out of his arms and finished roughly, “And I keep seeing you letting me hold you on the couch when we watch TV and going to the supermarket to get the groceries and calling me names when I crawl into bed at three in the morning after being on a stakeout and I’m freezing cold but you wrap around me anyway.”
Kyle
stood like a statue against him, his eyes impossibly wide in his face.
“I know we never did any of that stuff, but I really want to.”
Jonah felt his heart thump hard and heavy against his ribs when Kyle stayed silent and felt his stomach clench with nausea – he wanted this so much he didn’t know what he was going to do if Kyle turned him down. “I really want to wake up with you in the mornings and have you yell at me when I come home bruised at night. I want you to meet all my friends and have them meet you. I want to bring you some of that fruit tea crap you like at the shop just because I’m passing and it’d be a great excuse to see you during the day.”
Blinking like he had just been hit over the head,
Kyle said unsteadily, “I don’t understand. What about Shea? You didn’t say anything about Shea and I....”
Jonah
gently put his hand over Kyle’s mouth and said firmly, “I love Shea but this doesn’t have anything to do with him. I’m going to be there for him no matter what because I’m his dad and that’s what dads do.” He dipped his head, kissing each of Kyle’s eyes closed and then brushed his mouth over his cheekbones and his nose. “This is between you and me. What we want to be to each other.” He laughed roughly and whispered, “I don’t want to be your daddy....” He took a deep breath and laid all his metaphorical cards on his metaphorical table. “And I
really
don’t want to be your friend.”
Kyle
sucked in a harsh breath and looked searchingly up into Jonah’s face, the expression on his own torn between hurt and dawning hope. “What are you saying, Jonah? I don’t understand.”
Jonah
gritted his teeth when he realised that he apparently had one last card left to play -everything riding on this one hand - and talking around the subject wasn’t going to get him what he wanted. It looked like Lopez was right after all. He was really going to have to man up and talk about his emotions. “I’m saying I love you. I’m in love with you. Have been for a while now.”
His eyes huge in his face,
Kyle moved his hands slowly up Jonah’s chest until they rested on his shoulders and it felt like the bigger man’s skin was searing his palms even through the cotton of the t-shirt he wore. “You love me?” Jonah nodded, eyes intent and serious on Kyle’s face as he rolled the words around in his mouth and spoke them again, trying them on for size. “You love me.” He touched Jonah’s jaw with one hand and asked quietly, “Not just because of Shea? This isn’t some misguided....”
Jonah
swooped in and covered Kyle’s mouth with his own, pulling him hard against his body and letting him feel just how very much it wasn’t about Shea. He fisted one hand in Kyle’s hair and held his head still while he poured everything he had into the kiss and only drew back when he was literally seeing stars behind his closed lids. He looked down at Kyle’s face when the younger man sagged against him with his eyes dazed and mouth gasping for air and growled breathlessly, “Not about Shea.”
“I’m beginning to see that,” gasped
Kyle, clinging to Jonah’s shoulders for dear life and feeling a bubble of sheer joy well up inside him. “That certainly told me, didn’t it?” He smiled widely when Jonah winced and touched his jaw again, confessing, “I keep seeing you in my dreams too.” He leaned up and pressed his lips to where his fingers had been touching, whispering, “I see you coming home late and bringing take out because we’re both too tired to cook and Louise has the night off. I see you coming to night showings at the boutique and sulking in a corner in a suit and tie with fizzy wine that you hate just because you know it makes me happy that you’re there. I see you getting mad at me because I can’t stop texting you at work when I know you’re going to be doing something dangerous and I’m going crazy worrying about you.” He pulled himself up on Jonah’s shoulders using them for leverage until he was level with an ear and said barely audibly, “And when you come home and you’re freezing cold from a stakeout I see me wrapping around you, too – right before I slide under the covers, pull down your underwear and suck you into my mouth until you’re so hot you feel like you’re going to burst into flames.”
Jonah
’s eyes, which had drifted closed when he listened to Kyle whisper his own version of how he had been dreaming of their future together, popped open and he spluttered, “What?”
Kyle
smiled, wide and bright, and said, “I’m assuming that you actually see sex in your dreams too, right? We’re not just going to be spending the rest of our lives keeping house and holding hands?” A flicker of uncertainty crossed his face. “Or are you still going to be going out to clubs and....”
“No!”
Jonah interrupted, bringing his hands up and cupping Kyle’s face to say with desperate sincerity, “No, clubs. I just want it to be you and me from now on. I don’t want anyone else.”
“Okay,”
Kyle nodded as best he could in Jonah’s hold, his arms wrapping around the other man’s back as he pressed close. “Okay, Jonah.” He tilted his face up, eyes locking onto Jonah’s and shining like jewels in the subdued light of the garden. “I want that too, so much. I love you. I want you with me like that.”
Jonah
stared down at him for a moment and muttered under his breath, “Thank God.” before bending his head and taking Kyle’s mouth in a thankful kiss. He pulled away after a few moments, moulding the other man tight to him and whispering roughly, “Tell me how it was the first time. Tell me what we did. I want to know how it was for us.”
Kyle
shivered and pressed his open mouth to Jonah’s neck, licking the warm skin there. “We danced together, it felt like for hours, but we didn’t say a word and just touched each other until the club was about to close.”
Jonah
nodded and pressed his hands to Kyle’s back, feeling the muscles and strength there so different to his own, but no less powerful in their own way. “Was the music like this?”
“N...no,”
Kyle gasped as Jonah’s hands drifted lower and cupped his ass with intent. “It was pounding, all bass and noise.” He let his head fall back when Jonah scraped his teeth over his throat and shivered again. “This is...this is softer. Better for us now.”
“Mmm,”
Jonah made a noise of agreement in his own throat. “What else? What happened when we stopped dancing?”
“
We didn’t,” Kyle was so hard it hurt and he was having trouble keeping a clear head with the scent of Jonah close to him and the feel of him wrapping him up in his arms. “You cupped my face and made me look up at you and kissed me.”
“Yeah?”
Jonah groaned low and dirty when Kyle’s hands drifted to his own ass, small, strong fingers kneading him through the denim of his jeans. “Like this?” He suited actions to words and kissed Kyle again, both of them moaning into each other’s mouths. “Was it like this?”
“Yes,”
Kyle pressed harder against Jonah, grinding himself mindlessly forward. “You pulled back and touched my face….” He moaned again when Jonah did just that, his fingers tracing the line of his cheek. “You asked me how old I was.”
Jonah
grinned suddenly, wolfish in the dim light and said firmly, “Old enough.” He cupped Kyle’s ass and dragged him onto his toes, grinding them together. “What else?”
Kyle
laughed and bit at his jaw, gasping when Jonah forced his hips to grind forward with even greater force. “Just this. You hauled me up on my toes in the middle of the club and rubbed us together and asked me if I wanted to hook up.” He caught the flash of regret on Jonah’s face and said firmly, “Which I did. I was nineteen and horny as hell. That was the only thing I wanted to do right then.”
Jonah
hesitated for a moment and then nodded acceptance, renewing his grip on Kyle and bending his head to nip at the skin of his neck again. “Then what?”
“We...we...got off the dance floor.”
Kyle squirmed when Jonah licked beneath his ear and then yelped in surprise when his ear lobe was bitten. “Megan and Danny both tried to talk to us but we made it to the bathroom and got what we needed – “
Jonah
ignored the moan of disappointment from Kyle when he let him go for a moment and delved into his jeans pocket to bring out a golden metallic circle and a small packet of lube and said triumphantly, “Way ahead of you. Top of the line this time.” He hauled Kyle back in when he sputtered with laughter and nudged his hips forward. “Then?”
“Then we were outside.”
Kyle turned his head and looked to make sure the way was clear before looking back at Jonah with mischievous, smoky eyes and hooked his fingers in his belt loops to make him follow as he backed up into the garden wall. “You pressed me up against the wall and kissed me again….”
“I’m a fucking genius,”
said Jonah, shoving the condom and lube back in his pocket so he had both hands free. “Seriously, I have the best ideas.”
Kyle
gave a low, breathy laugh and fumbled for Jonah’s belt. “You know what would be a better one? Doing it again.” He groaned helplessly when Jonah followed his instructions and managed to free Jonah’s belt, pop his button and pull down his zipper in one simultaneous action. “You know....” He sucked in air when Jonah released his mouth and almost buckled at the knees when his hand closed over his cock. “You were a lot smoother last time.” He stroked his hand slowly over Jonah’s dick and whispered, “And you weren’t wearing underwear then either.”
Jonah
shuddered at the slow drag of Kyle’s palm over him and managed to get an iron grip on his control so that he could pull his head back and glare at his lover. “I am plenty smooth.” He bent his head and kissed Kyle again, using enough force that the hand driving him out of his mind faltered for a moment, and managed to fumble Kyle’s pants open. He shoved inside, grinning when he felt his wrist rub against silk when he delved under Kyle’s boxers and asked devilishly, “Were you wearing pretty panties then too?”
Kyle
shook with pleasure when he found himself enveloped in the warm dampness of Jonah’s palm. He gathered himself enough to wrap his free hand around the back of Jonah’s neck to yank him down into a kiss before starting to slowly twist the hand holding Jonah’s cock in a way that had the other man cursing and gasping into his mouth. He kissed Jonah hard and desperate, unable to believe he was here again and unbelievably thankful to be so, before he wrenched his mouth away and said hoarsely, “You shoved your hands up under my shirt, licked my neck….” He cried out when Jonah did what he said and had to swallow twice before he could get out his next words. “Then you asked if you...you could fuck me.”
Jonah
shuddered hard, his head dropping to Kyle’s shoulder and he said in a low rasp, “Tell me you said yes and I didn’t have to spend another God knows how long trying to convince you.”
Kyle
laughed shakily and tightened his grip around Jonah’s cock. “Are you kidding? When I could feel this waiting for me? You told me it would be safe and you would make it good and….” He gave another firm stroke. “Then I told you yes and you flipped me around and...Jonah!” He cried out in surprise when Jonah did just that, plastering himself against the wall in an all too familiar position when his pants and underwear were dragged over his ass and halfway down his thighs, and then freezing when his shirt tails were dragged up and his lower back bared. “Jonah?” He jumped when he felt warm breath against his skin and then a soft mouth pressed against his birthmark.
“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
Jonah’s voice sounded choked with emotion rather than lust and Kyle jumped again when the mouth came back and Jonah said quietly against his skin, “I’ve wanted to do that for so fucking long.” He pressed another kiss, saying with satisfaction, “Now I know this is real. I know what it feels like now.”
swallowed and fought to keep a clear head. Jonah had no idea of how deeply he felt about him and the absolute worst thing he could do now was panic and give the game away. The best course of action was undoubtedly just to ride it out – he tried desperately to ignore the hard thigh pressed between his legs which gave that phrase a whole other meaning – and just laugh it off and send Jonah on his way when he made it clear he wasn’t going to fall into bed with him. Kyle’s breath caught when warm lips pressed against his ear and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly – stay strong, stay strong, stay
strong
.
“I really should have done that,” mused
Jonah, nosing under Kyle’s jaw and tilting his head back to bare his throat to press a line of dry kisses there. “I should have told you that and I should asked you to come out of that club with me so I could take you home and we could have been in a proper bed.” He felt Kyle stiffen and continued quickly, “And I should have gotten your number, made sure I wasn’t going to lose you before I even realised I’d found you.” Kyle froze and Jonah took advantage of his momentary stillness, raising his head to confide in his ear, “See, I keep having these dreams, they just won’t seem to stop no matter what I do.” He pulled back to look in Kyle’s eyes and smiled hesitantly, “I keep seeing you in my head, kissing me and stuff – “ He took a deep breath when Kyle stared at him with hurt eyes and tried to yank out of his arms and finished roughly, “And I keep seeing you letting me hold you on the couch when we watch TV and going to the supermarket to get the groceries and calling me names when I crawl into bed at three in the morning after being on a stakeout and I’m freezing cold but you wrap around me anyway.”
Kyle
stood like a statue against him, his eyes impossibly wide in his face.
“I know we never did any of that stuff, but I really want to.”
Jonah felt his heart thump hard and heavy against his ribs when Kyle stayed silent and felt his stomach clench with nausea – he wanted this so much he didn’t know what he was going to do if Kyle turned him down. “I really want to wake up with you in the mornings and have you yell at me when I come home bruised at night. I want you to meet all my friends and have them meet you. I want to bring you some of that fruit tea crap you like at the shop just because I’m passing and it’d be a great excuse to see you during the day.”
Blinking like he had just been hit over the head,
Kyle said unsteadily, “I don’t understand. What about Shea? You didn’t say anything about Shea and I....”
Jonah
gently put his hand over Kyle’s mouth and said firmly, “I love Shea but this doesn’t have anything to do with him. I’m going to be there for him no matter what because I’m his dad and that’s what dads do.” He dipped his head, kissing each of Kyle’s eyes closed and then brushed his mouth over his cheekbones and his nose. “This is between you and me. What we want to be to each other.” He laughed roughly and whispered, “I don’t want to be your daddy....” He took a deep breath and laid all his metaphorical cards on his metaphorical table. “And I
really
don’t want to be your friend.”
Kyle
sucked in a harsh breath and looked searchingly up into Jonah’s face, the expression on his own torn between hurt and dawning hope. “What are you saying, Jonah? I don’t understand.”
Jonah
gritted his teeth when he realised that he apparently had one last card left to play -everything riding on this one hand - and talking around the subject wasn’t going to get him what he wanted. It looked like Lopez was right after all. He was really going to have to man up and talk about his emotions. “I’m saying I love you. I’m in love with you. Have been for a while now.”
His eyes huge in his face,
Kyle moved his hands slowly up Jonah’s chest until they rested on his shoulders and it felt like the bigger man’s skin was searing his palms even through the cotton of the t-shirt he wore. “You love me?” Jonah nodded, eyes intent and serious on Kyle’s face as he rolled the words around in his mouth and spoke them again, trying them on for size. “You love me.” He touched Jonah’s jaw with one hand and asked quietly, “Not just because of Shea? This isn’t some misguided....”
Jonah
swooped in and covered Kyle’s mouth with his own, pulling him hard against his body and letting him feel just how very much it wasn’t about Shea. He fisted one hand in Kyle’s hair and held his head still while he poured everything he had into the kiss and only drew back when he was literally seeing stars behind his closed lids. He looked down at Kyle’s face when the younger man sagged against him with his eyes dazed and mouth gasping for air and growled breathlessly, “Not about Shea.”
“I’m beginning to see that,” gasped
Kyle, clinging to Jonah’s shoulders for dear life and feeling a bubble of sheer joy well up inside him. “That certainly told me, didn’t it?” He smiled widely when Jonah winced and touched his jaw again, confessing, “I keep seeing you in my dreams too.” He leaned up and pressed his lips to where his fingers had been touching, whispering, “I see you coming home late and bringing take out because we’re both too tired to cook and Louise has the night off. I see you coming to night showings at the boutique and sulking in a corner in a suit and tie with fizzy wine that you hate just because you know it makes me happy that you’re there. I see you getting mad at me because I can’t stop texting you at work when I know you’re going to be doing something dangerous and I’m going crazy worrying about you.” He pulled himself up on Jonah’s shoulders using them for leverage until he was level with an ear and said barely audibly, “And when you come home and you’re freezing cold from a stakeout I see me wrapping around you, too – right before I slide under the covers, pull down your underwear and suck you into my mouth until you’re so hot you feel like you’re going to burst into flames.”
Jonah
’s eyes, which had drifted closed when he listened to Kyle whisper his own version of how he had been dreaming of their future together, popped open and he spluttered, “What?”
Kyle
smiled, wide and bright, and said, “I’m assuming that you actually see sex in your dreams too, right? We’re not just going to be spending the rest of our lives keeping house and holding hands?” A flicker of uncertainty crossed his face. “Or are you still going to be going out to clubs and....”
“No!”
Jonah interrupted, bringing his hands up and cupping Kyle’s face to say with desperate sincerity, “No, clubs. I just want it to be you and me from now on. I don’t want anyone else.”
“Okay,”
Kyle nodded as best he could in Jonah’s hold, his arms wrapping around the other man’s back as he pressed close. “Okay, Jonah.” He tilted his face up, eyes locking onto Jonah’s and shining like jewels in the subdued light of the garden. “I want that too, so much. I love you. I want you with me like that.”
Jonah
stared down at him for a moment and muttered under his breath, “Thank God.” before bending his head and taking Kyle’s mouth in a thankful kiss. He pulled away after a few moments, moulding the other man tight to him and whispering roughly, “Tell me how it was the first time. Tell me what we did. I want to know how it was for us.”
Kyle
shivered and pressed his open mouth to Jonah’s neck, licking the warm skin there. “We danced together, it felt like for hours, but we didn’t say a word and just touched each other until the club was about to close.”
Jonah
nodded and pressed his hands to Kyle’s back, feeling the muscles and strength there so different to his own, but no less powerful in their own way. “Was the music like this?”
“N...no,”
Kyle gasped as Jonah’s hands drifted lower and cupped his ass with intent. “It was pounding, all bass and noise.” He let his head fall back when Jonah scraped his teeth over his throat and shivered again. “This is...this is softer. Better for us now.”
“Mmm,”
Jonah made a noise of agreement in his own throat. “What else? What happened when we stopped dancing?”
“
We didn’t,” Kyle was so hard it hurt and he was having trouble keeping a clear head with the scent of Jonah close to him and the feel of him wrapping him up in his arms. “You cupped my face and made me look up at you and kissed me.”
“Yeah?”
Jonah groaned low and dirty when Kyle’s hands drifted to his own ass, small, strong fingers kneading him through the denim of his jeans. “Like this?” He suited actions to words and kissed Kyle again, both of them moaning into each other’s mouths. “Was it like this?”
“Yes,”
Kyle pressed harder against Jonah, grinding himself mindlessly forward. “You pulled back and touched my face….” He moaned again when Jonah did just that, his fingers tracing the line of his cheek. “You asked me how old I was.”
Jonah
grinned suddenly, wolfish in the dim light and said firmly, “Old enough.” He cupped Kyle’s ass and dragged him onto his toes, grinding them together. “What else?”
Kyle
laughed and bit at his jaw, gasping when Jonah forced his hips to grind forward with even greater force. “Just this. You hauled me up on my toes in the middle of the club and rubbed us together and asked me if I wanted to hook up.” He caught the flash of regret on Jonah’s face and said firmly, “Which I did. I was nineteen and horny as hell. That was the only thing I wanted to do right then.”
Jonah
hesitated for a moment and then nodded acceptance, renewing his grip on Kyle and bending his head to nip at the skin of his neck again. “Then what?”
“We...we...got off the dance floor.”
Kyle squirmed when Jonah licked beneath his ear and then yelped in surprise when his ear lobe was bitten. “Megan and Danny both tried to talk to us but we made it to the bathroom and got what we needed – “
Jonah
ignored the moan of disappointment from Kyle when he let him go for a moment and delved into his jeans pocket to bring out a golden metallic circle and a small packet of lube and said triumphantly, “Way ahead of you. Top of the line this time.” He hauled Kyle back in when he sputtered with laughter and nudged his hips forward. “Then?”
“Then we were outside.”
Kyle turned his head and looked to make sure the way was clear before looking back at Jonah with mischievous, smoky eyes and hooked his fingers in his belt loops to make him follow as he backed up into the garden wall. “You pressed me up against the wall and kissed me again….”
“I’m a fucking genius,”
said Jonah, shoving the condom and lube back in his pocket so he had both hands free. “Seriously, I have the best ideas.”
Kyle
gave a low, breathy laugh and fumbled for Jonah’s belt. “You know what would be a better one? Doing it again.” He groaned helplessly when Jonah followed his instructions and managed to free Jonah’s belt, pop his button and pull down his zipper in one simultaneous action. “You know....” He sucked in air when Jonah released his mouth and almost buckled at the knees when his hand closed over his cock. “You were a lot smoother last time.” He stroked his hand slowly over Jonah’s dick and whispered, “And you weren’t wearing underwear then either.”
Jonah
shuddered at the slow drag of Kyle’s palm over him and managed to get an iron grip on his control so that he could pull his head back and glare at his lover. “I am plenty smooth.” He bent his head and kissed Kyle again, using enough force that the hand driving him out of his mind faltered for a moment, and managed to fumble Kyle’s pants open. He shoved inside, grinning when he felt his wrist rub against silk when he delved under Kyle’s boxers and asked devilishly, “Were you wearing pretty panties then too?”
Kyle
shook with pleasure when he found himself enveloped in the warm dampness of Jonah’s palm. He gathered himself enough to wrap his free hand around the back of Jonah’s neck to yank him down into a kiss before starting to slowly twist the hand holding Jonah’s cock in a way that had the other man cursing and gasping into his mouth. He kissed Jonah hard and desperate, unable to believe he was here again and unbelievably thankful to be so, before he wrenched his mouth away and said hoarsely, “You shoved your hands up under my shirt, licked my neck….” He cried out when Jonah did what he said and had to swallow twice before he could get out his next words. “Then you asked if you...you could fuck me.”
Jonah
shuddered hard, his head dropping to Kyle’s shoulder and he said in a low rasp, “Tell me you said yes and I didn’t have to spend another God knows how long trying to convince you.”
Kyle
laughed shakily and tightened his grip around Jonah’s cock. “Are you kidding? When I could feel this waiting for me? You told me it would be safe and you would make it good and….” He gave another firm stroke. “Then I told you yes and you flipped me around and...Jonah!” He cried out in surprise when Jonah did just that, plastering himself against the wall in an all too familiar position when his pants and underwear were dragged over his ass and halfway down his thighs, and then freezing when his shirt tails were dragged up and his lower back bared. “Jonah?” He jumped when he felt warm breath against his skin and then a soft mouth pressed against his birthmark.
“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
Jonah’s voice sounded choked with emotion rather than lust and Kyle jumped again when the mouth came back and Jonah said quietly against his skin, “I’ve wanted to do that for so fucking long.” He pressed another kiss, saying with satisfaction, “Now I know this is real. I know what it feels like now.”
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