A Measure of Love (14 page)

“Please,” she whimpered into his hair, writhing deliciously beneath him.

“Tell me.”

“I want you.”

“You have me.”

“I want you inside . . .”

Riley took a deep breath and pushed himself to his hands at either side of her head. She was beautifully flushed. “You’re sure? I mean, I know you said, but—”

Her fingers on his lips stopped him. “I’m ready.”

He smiled and kissed her tenderly. “Come with me.”

He clambered to his feet and held a hand out for her to take, leading her back to the truck. Telling her to wait by the truck bed, he slipped the keys into the ignition so that the electrics gave a gentle whirr and he plugged a cord into the voltage outlet on the dash.

The laugh he heard from Lexie told him his plan had worked. Around the back of the truck cabin, he’d stuck small pink and white fairy lights. And, in the truck bed itself, once he pulled back the tarpaulin covering it, he’d laid out a couple of large blankets and at least six pillows.

He fidgeted when she turned to him. “I like to plan ahead.”

Lexie snorted and started clambering into the truck bed, dropping back onto the blankets. She kicked off her flip-flops and exhaled. Riley watched her stomach and chest rise and fall with his heart in his throat. She was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen, but the enormity of the situation began to weigh heavily.
Fuck.
They were really going to do this.

Noticing that he hadn’t moved to join her, Lexie looked up. “You okay?” she asked, leaning back on her elbows.

He smiled and ran a hand through his hair. “Just . . . watching you.”

She smiled. “You going to watch all night, or are you going to join me?”

Without a second thought, Riley kicked off his own flip-flops and climbed into the bed, crawling up her body and making her squeal as he blew raspberries on the parts of her belly that he could see. He kissed her repeatedly until she stopped laughing and dissolved into him, holding him so damned close, clutching him as though terrified he would leave.

“It’s okay,” he whispered into her skin. “You’re okay.”

“I love you,” she said, her words quiet but fervent. “God, I love you so much.”

Riley’s breath stuttered from his lungs and his eyes quickly became very hot. He placed his forearms at the sides of her head, framing her, protecting what was so precious to him. “I love you, too,” he whispered, nuzzling her temple. “All the world, Lex. Always.”

Their clothes came off slowly, both of them taking their time despite Riley wanting nothing more than to go a thousand miles an hour. Lexie pushed him onto his back, taking charge as he loved her to do, and kissed his chest and his throat, driving him beyond distraction. She seemed to grow extra hands when they had hardly any clothes on, rubbing him in ways that had him cursing and pushing his fingers between her legs to touch her until she begged for more. He was still learning and discovering new things about how to make her call out his name, so he loved that she was so vocal. She had never been shy about what she wanted, telling him exactly what she liked: There. More. Easy. Faster. Inside. More. Don’t stop. Oh God, don’t stop.

She shattered in his arms, his fingers wet with her, his heart full of her and his mouth desperate for more of her. She was glorious under their stars and the lights that seemed to make her skin glow. With shaking hands, Riley rolled on a condom and held himself above her. Staring into Lexie’s eyes, her glasses lost among their clothes, he saw what he’d always hoped for: love, adoration, and everlasting friendship.

He lowered his chest to hers, her soft breasts so warm against him, and let his index finger dance across her cheek. “You’re so beautiful,” he said. “Thank you.”

She exhaled a laugh; the movement rubbed her body against his. “What are you thanking me for?”

“For being my best friend,” he answered. “For coming to New York and for loving me.”

She lifted her head and kissed him. “All the world. Always.”

And, as they kissed, Riley pushed his body carefully, slowly, gently into hers, knowing that he would never love anyone else for the rest of his life.

Riley’s legs powered him forward, the force of his feet pounding the pavement matching every heavy thump of his heart. With every stride, he prayed that the memories of Lexie’s seventeenth birthday would fade. But even after running with Seb for over thirty minutes, he’d swear the smell of her from that night was still all around him.

Sweat was dripping down the side of his face by the time they turned down their parents’ street and began sprinting toward the house. Seb won the not-really-racing-but-we’re-totally-racing race by a mosquito’s ball and dropped down onto the lawn, stretching his legs and back. Riley simply dropped to the lawn next to his brother and breathed like an eighty-year-old with emphysema.

“You’re getting slow in your old age, son,” Seb commented as he stretched his glutes.

“Fuck off.”

“It’s the beard,” Seb continued. “You’re not streamlined anymore.”

Riley turned to his brother, squinting in the June sun. “You know, the more you bitch about my beard the more I think you actually love it. And the more determined I am to keep it.” Seb chuckled and lifted his arms above his head. “Besides, I know you’re only jealous because instead of awesome facial hair follicles you have
girl’s
hair.”

With a tight-lipped smile across his face, Seb flicked him the bird. Riley laughed, rolling onto all fours and pushing himself up. The house was quiet when they entered. Joan was at the hospital with Aunt Carol and, with Park improving day by day, Maggie and Rosie had gone home. Park was still in HDU, but his progress was good. It had been two days since he’d opened his eyes and he was now sitting up and eating. Riley and his brothers were taking turns to be there with their mother. Today, it was Tate who’d gone.

“So Tate told me about the Disney store awkwardness,” Seb commented once the two of them were showered and changed. They each sprawled across a couch in the living room, not really watching the programs on the TV.

Riley sighed and nodded. “ ‘Awkward’ is one word for it.” He winced at the memory and the subsequent recollections that had battered his brain ever since. It seemed grossly unfair to have to deal with remembering the happiest times in his life so vividly when he and Lexie were practically strangers to one another now.

Seb tilted his head. “You seem morose, dude.”

Riley threw the TV remote down onto the coffee table. “It just sucks, you know?” He rubbed the tips of his fingers against his temple. “I mean, we were together for so long and now it’s like we don’t even know one another.”

Seb shrugged. “So change it.”

“What?”

Seb waved a hand toward the doorway. “Go and get to know her again.” Like it was that fucking easy. Seb rolled his eyes when Riley pressed his lips together and looked back at the tube. He scoffed. “You’re a fucking coward.”

“You’re damn right!” Riley snapped, taking himself and his younger brother by surprise. He shifted in his seat, embarrassed by his outburst, but his anxiety about being back home was at an all-time high.
He was usually so placid, but between seeing Lex and his father being in hospital, he was wound tight as hell. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Fuck that.” Seb sat forward. “Look, we’ve been going in circles about this for years. Talk to me. What are you so afraid of? So you said some shit that wasn’t so nice. Fine, I get it, but life moves on. You were both idiots back then. Don’t look at me like that—you know Lex had her moments, just like you did.”

It was true. Lexie could stand her ground and cut to the quick when she wanted, but that wasn’t why Riley was so terrified of reconnecting. He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes. “I’m just . . . okay, what if we do get to know each other again, become friends? What then?”

“Then you’ll feel better?”

“But that’s the thing,” Riley lamented. “I won’t. I was never able to be just friends with her. And that hasn’t changed. Besides, I live in New York and apparently she’s back living here. It wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t work now and we both knew it wouldn’t then, which is why we . . .”

Jesus, the nostalgia was stifling.

Seb stared at Riley for a long time, his dark eyes astute. “You’re scared of getting hurt.”

Fuck, it sounded so precious when put that way, but Seb had hit the damned nail on the head. Riley was a fairly open guy and could admit to a lot of things, but the fear of having his heart broken again was not one of them. It was the main reason why he’d never told Carter or Max about Lex. He didn’t want to think about the pain or the events that caused the absolute cluster fuck that became his and Lex’s relationship.

Riley was silent for a long time before he found the courage to speak. “Do you have any idea what it took to walk away from her?” Seb’s gaze dropped to the floor. Pressing his lips together,
he shook his head. “It broke me. It was as if I left a part of myself here, and every time I came back and she and I— I never got it back. I never will.” Riley rubbed his palms down his face, feeling his cheeks heat with the embarrassment of stating such a thing, but shit, there it was.

“Riley,” Seb said softly. “Man, you need to move on.” Riley opened his mouth to argue that he had, or was at least doing his best. “Fucking everything with a pulse and tits is not moving on. It’s compensating.”

“And who are
you
compensating for?” Riley asked sharply.

Seb cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t turn this around on me, because you know I’m right.”

Riley exhaled heavily and turned to look out the window. “But it’s not that simple.” He dropped his hands between his knees. “When I saw her the other day . . . Man, it was like everything came back—the fun we had, the laughs, how happy we were.” He shook his head of the unease he’d seen in her eyes. “But that was so long ago. I think our time has passed.”

“I think you should talk to her.” Seb held up a hand. “Just a chat. Clear the air. And then maybe you can move on properly.”

“A chat?” Riley slumped back into his seat, a small part of him grudgingly aware that what Seb was saying was right. Maybe he and Lex
could
talk and put whatever happened between them in the past where it belonged. Sure, they’d never be the best friends they once were, but maybe it would help Riley shake off the hurt and guilt that had been skulking quietly within him for years. “I’ll think about it,” he muttered, although whether it was to Seb or himself, he wasn’t sure.

·   ·   ·

The following day, Riley drove his mom to the hospital and sat for three hours, awkward and uncomfortable in the only chair that occupied his father’s
room while his mom perched on the edge of Park’s bed. The tension between the two men was still tangible, but Joan did her utmost to clear it, indirectly making the two of them speak to one another. In addition to being ridiculous, it was kind of exhausting.