A Love Like This (7 page)

I walked up to him and rubbed his back
lightly. “I’ve told her the same thing, Harris. It’s very hard for
Ellie to be away from you so much.”

“But she won’t come with me. Believe me,
I’ve asked.”

I nodded. “I know. She told me, but to her
it appears you think her job is disposable but it means a lot to
her. She works hard. I wish I had a solution for you.”

“How do you and Ryan…” he began, but the
bathroom door opened and Ellie emerged in a fluffy pink robe with
her hair wrapped in a towel. Her eyes were red and puffy and she
looked stiff.

“Hey,” he greeted her.

“Hey,” she said in return, hanging in the
doorway without really moving toward him.

I got up and gave her a hug. “Okay, I gotta
go. I love you.”

Ellie nodded, her eyes filling with
tears.

“Have faith and listen to his words,” I
whispered into her ear. “He loves you, Ellie. Believe that.”

Her arms tightened around me as she nodded
without saying a word.

I turned and put my arms around Harris.
“Thanks, Julia.”

“I’m waiting patiently for a signed CD as
soon as you get it off the presses.”

There was an uncomfortable silence behind me
as I left the room and I realized how tightly I was wound. The
muscles in the back of my neck burned and my heart was sick for the
both of them.
How in the hell does something like this happen to
two people who love each other so much?

It was almost ninety minutes since I’d
spoken to my husband and I was hoping he was asleep. I worried
about him so much. The residency was so demanding. He didn’t get
enough rest, didn’t eat right and worked himself silly. It was his
habit to worry more about me than himself.

I pulled the keycard out of my purse and
inserted it in the door, carefully turning the handle so as not to
make too much noise and then held it as it closed to keep it from
slamming. He’d left a light in the sitting room on for me, but the
light was off in the bedroom. The darkness was visible through the
crack in the door and I could hear his even breathing. It was a
comforting sound and the love I always felt filled my heart to the
point of bursting. I couldn’t wait to slide in between the sheets
next to Ryan and be wrapped in the strong arms that would
unconsciously come around me, even in deep sleep. I went and turned
off the light and immediately; the entire suite was shrouded in
darkness. I let my eyes adjust for a moment so I wouldn’t knock
into anything and make noise that would wake my husband.

I kicked off my shoes and unzipped my dress,
dropping it in a puddle of fabric at my feet. I continued to peel
off my bra and panties, leaving a trail behind me like Hansel and
Gretel in the forest. Once in the bedroom, I could see Ryan in the
bed. He was lying on his stomach with the sheet dropping low on his
waist, the strong expanse of his back and shoulders visible. His
arms were curled under the pillow he held to his head and his left
leg was bent out to his side.

I stopped to take off my earrings and
necklace and place them softly on the nightstand before lifting the
sheet on his right side. I slid in and curled up behind him,
touching as much of his body with mine as I possibly could. This
was the last night in a while when we’d get to sleep in each
other’s arms and I wanted to get as much of him as I could. He
moaned slightly as my arm went around him and I nuzzled into the
back of his neck.

“Hey, you.” I tightened my arm around him as
his came down to cover mine, the fingers of his hand threading
through mine. I placed my open mouth on his shoulder blade and
prepared to drift off to sleep, sucking in the musky scent of his
skin and letting the heaven of his skin on mine wash over me and
through me.

“You’re supposed to be asleep. Are you
asleep?” I smiled against his back.

“You’re supposed to wake me up, wife,” he
said huskily, turning and taking me into the fullness of his
embrace, almost pulling me completely on top of his body. His mouth
found my forehead as I snuggled into him, my head coming to rest on
his chest and my leg getting sandwiched between both of his. I
started drawing circles on the skin of his chest and abdominal
muscles, mostly because I couldn’t keep myself from touching him.
“Is Ellie okay?”

“Time will tell. Harris came to the room
right before I left, so hopefully they’re talking or making love
right now.”

“Mmmm…” he stirred underneath me. “Harris is
quite upset, Julia. I think he’s as miserable as she is. He said
she doesn’t trust him.”

“I know,” I said quietly into the darkness.
“He told me his side while Ellie was in the bath.”

Ryan’s chest rose and fell underneath my
cheek and I closed my eyes, so grateful that he was mine and
everything was so perfect.

“I don’t know what I’d do if something like
that happened to us. It would kill me to have you doubt me.” His
voice was soft, but urgent in the silence

I lifted my head and rested my chin on his
chest so I could look up at him. Even though it was dark, I could
see his eyes sparkling as he looked down at me. “I wouldn’t. I
couldn’t.”

“Aaron teases me that I’m too in love with
you. I know I tell you a hundred times a day, but I can’t help it,
Julia. I won’t let anything come between us.”

Yet again, his words moved me to the point
where my throat ached and my eyes stung. “If it was a thousand
times, I’d never get tired of hearing it. Aaron can bite me.” I
tried to laugh.

Ryan’s breath rushed out in an amused huff.
“Julia, the other night when we talked about the baby, you seemed
hesitant. If you want to wait, I’m okay with it. It has to be right
for both of us.”

I swallowed at the reverent tone in his
voice. It was like a caress that I could physically feel as it
flowed over me, so loving and safe.

“I want to. More than anything, but I’m just
worried about the timing. This…” I stopped and kissed his chest
with an open mouth and his lungs filled beneath me as he sucked in
his breath. “This… as you say, our
mad love
… it means
everything. These moments between us are so,
so
precious to
me.” I shrugged slightly in his arms. “I want a baby, but I don’t
want to lose
us
. We’re so incredible together. Nothing is
more important than being with you right now.”

His hand that had been stroking my back came
up to thread through my hair and then his thumb brushed my chin.
“Julia, you’ll never lose me. Nothing could make this less than it
is. Having a baby is the most intimate of bonds a man and a woman
can share and nothing will make me happier than to be that close to
you. Just you. It
is
mad love, you know. It drives me crazy.
I sometimes wonder if I’ve imagined it and you. It’s so
intense.”

Tears welled and I closed my eyes against
them. His hand ran down my back and up again, his fingers curled
and the nails scratched softly. Such an innocent touch, yet so
arousing because it was Ryan. I knew what those hands and mouth
were capable of and my body reacted of its own accord. He surged
against me and I knew we wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon. The
answering throbbing started deep within me and I sighed against
him, giving in to the deep-seated need that never ebbed.

I should have known he could read me like a
book. His eyes never left mine and his hands moved down around both
of my upper arms to bring me up so his mouth could close hotly over
mine. Lately, he was ruining my plans to take care of him, to give
him a massage, let him sleep or to taste him. He’d been so hungry
for my body under his and his mouth on mine that I couldn’t deny
him anything. His urgency echoed my own.

My hands slid into his hair as we kissed
over and over, rolling around frantically on the bed until the
covers were on the floor and my legs were curled around his waist.
The air was cool on my bare skin wherever his body wasn’t covering
mine, but the tremors weren’t caused by the cold.

“Uh….Juuuliiiaaa,” he groaned, as his body
finally came into mine and we moved together in the love dance that
was so familiar but surprising in its magnificence at the same
time. He whispered against the erratically beating pulse at the
base of my neck before dragging his mouth up over my jaw and back
to my lips, “Is it wrong to be this happy when other people are
hurting so badly? God, baby,” he grunted as I arched up to take him
deeper into the warmth of my body.

I could feel every inch of him as we brought
each other to depths of pleasure that transcend the physical, both
of us panting love words and calling each other’s names over and
over again, fingertips gently digging at the other’s flesh. Ryan
loved hearing my sighs and moans, so I let them all out as he
brought my body to fulfillment. Words weren’t necessary between us
as we worshiped each other with our bodies and our mouths. It was
breathtaking and soul shattering every time. Tonight our lovemaking
was laced with a bit of the desperation we felt for our friends’
plight and the longing we would suffer in the coming days when we
were apart; our kisses deepened and the touches became more
clinging.

He filled me in every way. Heart, body and
soul; I was bursting and I could feel the intense desperation that
drove Ryan on as he made love to me as no one else ever could,
touching me in places I didn’t even know existed. It was
everything; it was amazing.

I wanted every day of forever to spend in
his arms, secure in the knowledge that he loved me in ways I
couldn’t comprehend and I loved him more than I could ever put into
words.

“Julia…” he breathed as his body poured into
mine.

The love between us was too much and yet…
not enough. If we died drowning in each other’s arms, it would
never be enough.

~3~

I threw the photos down on my desk in
disgust. This is what I get! This is what I get for letting go of a
project even one little bit.
Fucking hell!

“Andrea!” I let go of the button on my phone
that buzzed the intercom in her office. “Get in here,
now
!
Who the hell is responsible for this?”

In fifteen seconds she was rushing into my
office. “Julia, what is it? Do you mean Mike Turner? Kent? Me? What
are you talking about?”

I was too pissed to sit so I stood behind my
desk, glaring down at the photos that now represented hours and
hours of extra work for me, Andrea, sales, layout and editorial.
Time and, literally, tens of thousands of dollars down the fucking
drain.

I glanced up at her and huffed. “Can’t I
even be gone for five days?
Five damn days
?” I asked angrily
and ran my hand through my hair. “This layout is not what I asked
for. The storyboards I left were very clear. Everything was
in-house, so how in the hell did this happen? I mean…
shit
!”

“Uh… I guess I don’t know what you mean,
Julia,” Andrea answered. Her hesitation was clear and she moved
closer to the desk to get a better look. “What did he do? The
pictures are amazing.”

If it were possible, my back stiffened even
more. “Andrea, he knows better, but I thought you were watching
him? I rushed back from Spain as it was. And now…!” I threw my
hands in the air. “There better be a good explanation why this
happened. I mean, couldn’t Editorial get the story? Did Meredith
change the directive?”

She stood looking at me as if I were insane.
“What? Is this for the
New Yorker
project? The AIDS
benefit?”

I shook my head. “No. It’s for the January
issue of Vogue; the fashion feature. Hasn’t anyone noticed that the
clothes on these models are the wrong damn designer? I mean, Jesus!
Get Mike in here and call Kent Jared. Find out if the cover’s been
printed yet and let Denise know what’s going on so she doesn’t
waste time working on the page lay-outs until we know where we
stand. If we’ve caught it in time, maybe we can shift cover stories
between the two months. Dior will be pissed, but that’s the best
case scenario we can get. If the cover is done, we are even more
screwed. We’ll have to re-do the shoot in fast forward.”

Andrea stood frozen as I flopped down at my
desk and put both hands in my hair. I looked up at her and stopped
in my tracks. “What are you waiting for? Go!”

She scrambled out of my office and I stared
as the door closed with a heavy thud. I sighed deeply.

The last week in Spain and dealing with
Ellie’s fragile emotional state had been hard enough. I hadn’t even
been home yet. Ryan was working so I came straight to the office
and right away I was faced with this bullshit. I picked up the
phone to call Meredith. She answered on the third ring.

“Hey, babe, didn’t think you’d be back in
the office today.” She paused a second or two. “Didn’t your plane
just land? I thought you’d be rushing home to that gorgeous man and
humping his brains out.”