A Little Complicated (10 page)

Hell no. No way!

I snatched a towel off the rack above the toilet and went out into the bedroom, tossing it onto him. He still had a cute, sated smile that melted me inside like butter, until he opened his eyes and saw the scowl on my face.

“Shit. Really, Ryan?”

“What?” I looked at him with disdain. “You thought a roll in the hay would change the fact you’re dating my sister.”

“Ryan, I’m not fucking dating—
”

“Whatever.
Dated
... I’m not this disloyal. This was dumb. Friends don’t do this.” I motioned between the two of us then went to put my sweats back on.

“Ryan?” His voice quivered. I looked at him and the pain on his face gutted me. I couldn’t help but be over at him in a flash.

“Brady, I’m sorry.” God, he’s killing me. “Brady, I can’t do this. We should not have done this.”

“But we did,” he said,
pulling the covers over himself to hide his nakedness. I sat on the edge of the bed and put my face in my hands. “You can’t just undo something like this.”

“Even if you’re not dating my sister, you did once. You left me. You were my best friend at the time, too, y’know? And now my sister is trying to become Mrs. Novak. We just, we can’t, Brady.”

I turned to face him. He was staring at his hands. “But I just got you back,” he said pitifully. My heart wrenched in my chest.

“I can’t hurt my sister. You have to understand. I adore you and your little girl, but I love my sister. She’s my family. This would crush her.”

“With her attention span you think she wouldn’t just bounce back?” He was angry now.

“That’s not the point and you know it.” I put my hand on his cheek. “You need anything and I’ll come, okay. Lila needs a sitter or whatever, I’m just upstairs. But me and you, this can’t be. It should never have gone this far.”

He never looked at me, just nodded. “Can you just go? Please.”

I felt like shit. Total shit. I thought it’d feel good to break his heart like I’d thought he had done to mine all these years, but I guess I never realized breaking his heart would just break mine all over again. The least I could do now was do as he asked.

“Ryan?” He called.

“Yeah?” I asked over my shoulder.

“Just so you know, I was sad to be leaving you that last night, that I’d missed my chance with you, not because Ellie and I had stopped seeing each other.”

I didn’t know if it was better or worse knowing that. It stung, really. So many missed moments because he just hadn’t
told me
. “Guess it’s too late for that now, huh?”

“Yeah,” he whispered. His voice was so sad.

I stood and collected my shirt and my hoodie, making sure to grab my cell phone.

Then I left.

CHAPTER TWELVE
Brady

I had never felt as silly as I did getting so upset when Ryan left. I’d known it was going to happen, that he’d leave. I knew there was no hope of us magically getting together, being together. Eight years and a lot of hurt feelings separated us.

But it still sucked. Bad. If this was even a fraction of the hurt I’d dished out when I left and didn’t say good bye to Ryan I understood his anger toward me. Good God, my chest felt like it caved in when he left that night.

Of course, I don’t think he understood just how much this hurt. I’d meant it when I said there’s not been anyone in the running to become Mr. or Mrs. Novak in the last eight years. There had been a couple of one offs but these days even women don’t always find themselves wanting to be saddled with a kid. Then after the accident I’d all but shut myself off with Lila so we could get her better. The night with Ryan had been the first time I’d been touched by another person in over two years.

It had been the first time I’d
ever
bottomed. Ever. He didn’t need to know that, though. But I always knew if there’s someone I’d do that for, it was Ryan Borja. Bottoming for him had been everything I’d hoped. Once his anger and assertiveness had faded and he’d just let go and made love to me it’s like he touched me so deep inside I truly understood what it was to give a piece of your heart and your soul to someone. I don’t even give a damn how flowery that may sound. Being with Ryan had been perfect and if I never got to do it again, I’d count myself lucky for having had it that one time.

Those thoughts followed me all the next day at work
and into my afternoon. As I cleaned up the apartment and waited on Lila to come back I couldn’t shake the sadness that hung over me like a cloud. I resolved myself to take it for what it was though, one of those nights that you always carried with you but was just a bit too good to have forever.

Well, that’s what I thought until my mom and Lila showed up.

They both took one look at the spotless apartment and at my smile, which I guess wasn’t convincing enough, and my mama asked “What’d you do?”

“Dad, I set that up so perfect,
” Lila groused.

“I noticed,” I said drily. They didn’t let my attitude phase them one bit, though.

“What happened?” Lila asked.

“Don’t answer that in front of her!” My mother yelped. I laughed at the look that Lila shot her.

“Wait, why do y’all assume I did something?”

“We don’t
, dear. So what did Ryan do?”

“Nothin’,” I said emphatically. “Seriously. It just is too messed up to fix.”

“Nothing worth having is easy, baby.” Mama shrugged like the whole world was that simple.

“Dad, I’m gonna go away so you’ll have the whole ‘grown up’ talk if you’ll promise to actually have that talk.”

I closed my eyes and sunk down on the couch.

“What. Now you’re
a cat? If you can’t see us, we can’t see you?” Mama asked.

“Shit. I know better than that.”

Mama smacked me on the back of my head. “Don’t talk to your mama like that. I taught you better.”

I ducked and rubbed my head where she’d smacked me. “Good lord. That hurt.”

“I’m gonna go, now.” Lila left, closing her bedroom door behind her.

“Two down, one to go,” I mumbled.

Mama smacked me again.

“What the hell?
”

“It’s called smacking sense into you, son. You look miserable.”

“Mama, there’s just some stuff you can’t fix.” Truer words, they say. Honestly, I felt it when Ryan left the night before. He’d closed the door for good. We’d gone as far as we could. If his friendship was all I could have, I could live with that.

“I’ve never known you not to buck the system, Brady.”

I gave her a tired glance. “There’s not much to do for it, Mama.”

“When they locked your daddy up for beating on us, you didn’t give up, even when we were eating food from the free food pantries at the church and dressing in GoodWill clothes.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Then when you told me you was bisexual you didn’t even let me question you, nobody else either for that matter. We had to take you as you came or get over it. Then you got that little girl pregnant and she didn’t want a baby
so you took her, our little Lila. You worked two jobs and got your GED so you could provide for that baby girl. You wouldn’t let me help none, just babysitting.”

“Well, it was my fuck up…”

“But she turned out to be amazing. That’s because of you. And I know part of it’s because of that Ryan. He influenced you a lot in that short time. I saw a change in you that made me feel so good about where you were in this world. I knew he was young at the time but I knew y’all would find each other when the time was right.”

“Hmph.”

“Don’t make that sound. Sounds like your daddy.” I grimaced at the comparison. She moved over to sit on the coffee table so we were looking each other eye to eye.  “It took you a long time but you finished college without the help of anyone but me. Until Ryan.”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “I’d’ve never got through finals that last year without his help.” That was the damn truth. He’d never known what a godsend he was. Between work and Lila I was one tiny step away from having to spend another semester at school and that job in Arizona would have fallen through.

“Brady, you went out to Arizona and made a career, but you never found any friends or dated anyone. You just lived in your little bubble. I knew it was because you were waiting on that boy. Then Lila got hurt and I thought it was probably gonna break you, but it didn’t. You impressed the hell out of me. You and Lila both did. Now dammit, it’s your turn, sweetheart. You care for him. You’ve faced all that other bullshit.”

I raised my eyebrows. She never used the “big bad words”: shit and fuck. “So, Brady, you’ve got a choice. Are you gonna let yourself down for the first time? Lila, too
? All she’s talked about all night was how great it’d be if you and Ryan could work out. I’ve never seen a child so open to their daddy finding love, especially with another man, but she’s old enough to understand in her own way what you’ve given up for her.”

“I didn’t—
”

“Don’t say that. You coulda given her up and we all know that. You coulda told that little girl to have an abortion or give the baby away but you stepped up and she went off to college and had a normal life while you gave up everything. Nobody does that
, certainly not a teenage boy. You’re one in a million, Brady.” She took my chin in her hand. “Find a way.”

She kissed my forehead and my mind was so busy confirming everything she’d said that I didn’t even hear her leave. She was right. I was too strong for this bullshit. Despite what Ryan said, I knew Ellie well enough to know she’d never stand in the way of love. And dammit that’s what
this was. We loved each other no matter how much he fought it. And no one believed in love like Ellie Borja.

I jumped up, startling myself. Then I laughed. Everything in my chest loosened and that damn dreary cloud that had followed me all day fucked itself right off. “That’s it!”

I went for my phone and looked for the number I needed. I dialed and waited for the person on the other side to answer.

“Hello?”

I smiled for the first time ever at the sound of that voice. “Hey,” I said, hearing just how happy my voice was. “Ellie? Whatcha know good?”

“Heya,
Brady.” Damn she sounded cheerful. “What’s up?”

“Ellie, I need your help with something.”

“Ooh, sounds intriguing. I’m all ears, doll.”

“Okay, don’t be mad. Please, don’t be mad.”

“Well now you definitely have my attention. Let me guess. You want my blessing to jump my brother’s bones.” She was stating a fact she already seemed to know, not asking a question.

“Christ, does everyone know?” I looked at the phone like she could tell how surprised my expression was.

“Didn’t we already talk about this and you blew me off?”

“Oh, right.”

I was silent for a minute, considering my words. She cleared her throat. “Brady, as fun as it is listening to you breathe, I do have things I could be doing.”

I took a deep breath and started. “Right. Right, okay. Well, here’s the thing...”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Ryan

When I showed up for my shift Friday I’d stupidly thought I could commiserate with Tarsha, instead it was now Saturday night shift and she’d only called me stupid and refused to talk to me about it anymore.

I definitely felt like an ass. I picked up my phone more than a few times intending to call and apologize to Brady. I wouldn’t try to be with him, no matter how much I wanted it, but I felt like a complete tool for how I’d treated him the other night. But tonight was his big date with my sister and I hadn’t figured out how to tell her I was a dick who’d slept with the guy she wanted nor had I figured out how to explain that I was a bigger ass for doing what I did to Brady. I knew she’d be pissed at me for both. Fuck. Fuck, fuck
, fuck.

It was too late, now, though as I watched the party of teachers from
Ellie’s school show up one at a time. They were in the party table right by the karaoke set up which meant they’d be drunk and taking up the karaoke station all night so waiting on them would be especially fun. Or not.

Add to that I’d have to face Brady and my sister and I was ready to turn in my apro
n. “Well this should be fun.” Tarsha grumbled, preparing the bar.

“Doubt I’ll be any help while they’re here. There’s like twenty-five of them I think.”

“Great. I’ll be pouring drinks on separate tickets all at different times. By. My. Self.”

I gave her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “I’ll try to help when I can.”

“I won’t hold my breath,” she grumbled before walking back into the kitchen. I watched as the hostess got them settled in and explained gratuity, though they’d been in enough to know the policy well by now. Ellie and Brady were the last to wander in, whispering conspiratorially. It hurt seeing them be all couple-y, even if I knew they weren’t. I trusted Brady enough to know he hadn’t been bullshitting about that. I’d also chosen to believe when he’d told me he’d never slept with my sister. That made me feel a little better, but not better for poaching the guy she was interested in, even if she didn’t stand a chance.