A House of Cards: Deconstructing Ethan (12 page)

Gabriel entered first and as we neared the center, he stopped. He turned around in the small space and looked at me. Curiously, I watched him and he took my hand in his again. He squeezed it lightly before leaning in toward me. Turning my head slightly to the right, as did he, in anticipation, he hesitated just before his lips reached mine. I could feel his warm breath on my face and to my utter shock, I wasn’t unnerved by that. Acknowledging the uncertainty in his approach, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his very gently. His thumb grazed my cheek as he cupped my face and my fingers trailed lightly on his back. It was a very soft, but sweet kiss, and I found myself wanting more. He must have too because he squeezed my hand just once, turned and led me from the enclosure.

After we finished exploring the balcony, we headed back out to the Jeep. As we walked through the garage, he took my hand. When we got to the Jeep, he opened the door for me again, but before I got in, I leaned over and gave him a tender kiss on the cheek.

We pulled the Jeep around to the free lot in front of the museum and walked over to the beach. It was a beautiful afternoon and it was too early to head to dinner, but we didn’t want our time to end. Taking our shoes and socks off, we sat in the sand.

“When did you change your name to Bryant?” he asked me quietly. I glanced at him, not surprised he knew, but curious as to how he had found out.

“That’s how you entered it into my cell phone. I thought for a minute I didn’t get your number,” he answered my unasked question. He looked down at my shirt and then back up at me again. “I was disappointed for a minute at first, until I realized that was you -I didn’t know an Ethan Bryant.”

“I changed it as I was starting my first year of college” I answered, looking out over the waves as they made their way to shore. “I wanted a new name, a chance at a new life. I got the new name, but…for the first few years, I was still that scared little boy. It took a while for me to find my place.”

“I know how that feels. I was always just „Morris’s kid’. I never had an identity of my own. It took me a long time to figure out who I was. Sometimes, I still don’t know.” He picked up a rock from the sand and threw it into the water. It was strange that we had so much in common even though our lives were completely different. He had those same feelings of insecurity and inadequacy that I did. Yet, he toughed it out, day by day, just like I did.

We sat in the sand and talked until well after sunset. We covered everything from our childhood to college, sports and careers, even our families and, finally, about Jayden and Lexi. I didn’t fill him in on the details of our situation, but I had a feeling that one day I would need to. Gabriel was easy to talk to and it surprised me. While I’d known him since we were in kindergarten, I hadn’t seen him in nearly twenty years. Since then, we had grown into two completely different people but that friendship, that connection, was still there.

The ride home was quiet, the mood felt…pensive, like we were on the edge of something. We pulled into the drive behind Jayden’s car and he turned off the engine. Turning in his seat, he put his hand on my arm.

“Ethan, I…I’d really like to see you again,” he admitted. I put my finger under his chin to tilt his face up so that he was looking at me.

“I’d like that too,” I told him honestly. He smiled and asked if he could walk me up to the door. Chuckling at his antiquated request, I agreed.

We reached the porch and he stood facing me, nervous, excited. I pulled him into my arms, one hand in his silky hair behind his neck, one at the small of his back. He put one hand on my cheek and the other at my hip. After looking at each other for a moment, he leaned forward, tilting his head slightly as his lips met mine. That kiss started out much like the one at the museum, but then it deepened and while I didn’t feel that all consuming wildfire burst through me like I did when I kissed Jayden, I felt a nice warmth; definitely something I could get used to, something safe and comfortable. As our mouths moved gently against each other, I felt his hard body press against mine. His chest, his hips, everything just melded against me and I started to get hard.

Oh yeah, I could definitely work with this…

J
ournal entry: Childhood Memories

Gabriel and I are not the kids that we once were. The days of playing ambulance driver and racing little metal cars in the dirt are long gone. It’s strange, though, how we continue to be compatible even though we’ve both changed so much. It’s like an underlying current between us, almost like we were supposed to be friends. I felt so comfortable with him yesterday. But now, I have to wonder, is that really all we were meant to be? What are the odds that we would both turn out to be gay? What if, even before either of us needed it, fate was giving us a way to be happy? What if this was what Lexi had been trying to explain to me? It wasn’t exactly it, I knew that, but maybe this level of intimacy is all that I am capable of.

Gabriel and I made plans to see each other again on Friday. We were just going to hang out at his place for a movie, beer and pizza. During our talks, I had told him that I’m not overly comfortable around other people. He said that staying in was fine with him, then he’d have me all to himself. The playfulness in his voice was light, teasing – but the flirtation made me wonder what it would be like to have him naked on his knees, those innocent blue eyes gazing up at me through his soft blonde hair. He would be a sweet and affectionate lover, something that I was looking forward to. Even though my sexual needs were already being met with my sessions with Jayden, I had a feeling that with Gabriel it would be more about intimacy than gratification.

On Sunday, of course, we would be going to my parents’ weekly brunch – together. My mother was thrilled that Gabriel and I have reconnected and that I was keeping my word in coming to see her. She called earlier to find out how the date had gone. I thought that it would feel odd having such a casual relationship with her but, instead, I welcomed it. Her unconditional love and support was like a salve on my broken soul. It pains me to think that I denied myself, and her, this connection for so long. It also pleased me that she approved of my relationship with Gabriel. She made sure to tell me that she had always liked him and she was so thrilled that we were finding happiness in each other.

So, Lexi approved, my mother approved, Gabriel was happy and I was – well, warming to the idea, I suppose. But, there was some nagging thought in the back of my head that just would not be silent. It was like waking up with a song in your head. Even though you could not recall the lyrics, it was stuck there wheedling its way into your consciousness.

“Hi Connor,” I said with a soft smile as I walked into the kitchen to find him sitting at the table in just a pair of running shorts, eating cereal. It was evident that he spent a good deal of time at the gym because his body was hard and lean under his flawless sun-kissed skin.

“Hey, Ethan,” he replied with a grin. “How was your date?” knew that he was asking out of polite concern. Connor knew only that Jayden and Lexi had flown out to Washington to be with me and then brought me back to stay with them for a while. For all he knew, I could just be going through a bad break up. He knew nothing about my history or my current emotional upheaval and while I thought that his concern would annoy me, it touched me instead.

“It was really good,” I said with genuine enthusiasm. “We’re going to get together again on Friday night.” I finished just as Jayden entered the room dressed for a session.

“I want you both in the room in thirty minutes,” he said, rather sternly before grabbing a cup of coffee and leaving the room. Connor and I looked at each other briefly before I shrugged. He went back to his cereal while I grabbed a bagel and coffee and headed upstairs for a quick shower.

I didn’t bother dressing before I walked down the stairs and into the playroom. It was odd to me that I felt so comfortable walking nude around someone else’s house – but then I’d always felt comfortable with Jayden and Lexi. When I entered the room, I saw Connor already in position, even though we still had about five minutes. Joining Connor on the floor in front of Jayden, I assumed my pose as Jayden took a few more minutes to set things up and then walked over to stand in front of Connor.

“Greet your Master properly, Connor.” Jayden told him in a low voice and Connor immediately moved forward on his knees to press his lips to Jayden’s bare feet. Then his lips traveled slowly up Jayden’s leather clad thighs. When he reached Jayden’s pelvis, Jayden put his fingers in Connor’s long, blond hair and pulled his face hard against his crotch. Jayden’s eyes closed and his head dropped back as he rubbed his growing erection against the boy’s face. I looked away.

For some reason, that I could not readily identify, this bothered me. The motion of Connor standing caught my attention and I refocused my gaze on them. Connor had moved past Jayden’s chest now and my heart clenched as I watched his lips press softly against Jayden’s. His hand came up to trace the contours of the boy’s face as their lips continued to meet eagerly. This time I didn’t just avert my eyes, I actually turned my head so that I wouldn’t have to watch their display of affection. Watching it made my insides burn, it made my eyes burn, it made my throat burn. I had never had such a feeling.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that the sound of Jayden’s voice in front of me startled me. “Stand Ethan,” he demanded softly and I did. I placed my hands behind my neck still reeling from the unexpected wave of emotion that had just threatened to drown me. He walked around behind me and I could feel his soft breath on my neck as he leaned in close to me. He whispered, “You don’t like watching me kiss Connor, do you?” He kissed my neck gently as his lips moved up to my ear and a shiver ran through me.

“No.” The word burst from me, almost as a cry.

“I didn’t like watching you kiss that boy on my front porch last night either,” he said in a low voice before grasping me by the upper arms and turning me to face him. His mouth was on mine before I could even process that I had turned. His arms went around me and he pulled my body tightly against his. My arms went around his neck, almost unconsciously, as our kiss deepened. Trapped between

his clothed body and my naked one, my erection pulsed with the friction we created, while his hands traced freely over my back, and it suddenly occurred to me that this was about more than just the session; that he was trying to convey something with this kiss that he couldn’t express aloud. Whatever it was, I desperately wanted to return it. He pulled back slowly, both of us breathless in our excitement. Our eyes met and, for the first time in a long time, he held my gaze. Then he put his hands on the sides of my face and pulled me down to kiss my forehead. He never said a word before he turned to start the session.

“Follow me, both of you,” he said, back to his dominating business-like tone. Connor and I followed on our knees to the suspension frame. All of the rigging had been removed, so it was just an empty frame. Under the frame sat a low padded sawhorse lengthwise so that it was parallel with the top of the frame. I looked at Jayden, I had never seen that kind of set up before.

“I want each of you to stand at opposite ends of the horse and straddle over it,” he said as he walked over to the back wall. Connor and I each threw a leg over the horse and stood waiting. We were about the same height so there was a good three or four inches of space between our bodies and the horse if we both stood up straight. Jayden came back a moment later with four sets of leather cuffs, securing them around our wrists and ankles. Then he attached the ring from each ankle cuff to the legs of the saw horse and our wrists to the metal hooks in the top of the bondage frame. We were immobilized, naked and at his mercy. He walked out of my line of vision and I looked at Connor. Bound to the frame, his body was beautifully stretched. When he looked up, catching my eye, he winked.

A moment later, Jayden was back carrying two realistic looking rubber dildos, each with a suction cup at the base and one was slightly larger than the other. Taking the larger of the two, he stuck it to the horse beneath Connor before applying lubricant to it and having Connor slide himself down onto it. As I watched, Connor’s eyes closed and his body tensed. When it was my turn, Jayden stood beside me and attached the dildo to the horse, but then instead of putting the lubricant on the toy, he slid his fingers gently inside of me. I rocked back slowly against his hand, closing my eyes, as a low moan escaped me while he also stroked my cock, working me carefully, relaxing me. As I gave a low open mouthed groan, he pressed the tip of the dildo inside of me. I bent my knees and allowed it to go deeper, slowly, until it started to become uncomfortable and I stopped. He kissed me softly on the temple and stood back.

“I want you to ride those cocks, work yourselves on them and show me how much you want it. If you do a good job, maybe I’ll let you bring yourselves off.” He leaned back against a nearby table and I watched Connor for a moment before I heard Jayden clear his throat. Grabbing the top of the frame, I began pulling myself up and down. I could think about nothing but the feeling of bouncing on the fake cock. As I used my legs to control my movements, I felt my cock slapping against my stomach. I couldn’t hold it, I couldn’t stroke it and the feeling was maddening. My eyes closed and a series of rhythmic whimpers and grunts escaped me as I lost myself in the sensation. The only thing I had to control was my own pleasure.

“Oh yeah… fuck…” Connor repeated and I opened my eyes to watch him grind himself against the sawhorse, burying the dildo deeply. Jayden moved to stand next to him again, and began to stroke the boy’s straining erection as he continued to move. When he spoke to Connor, it was in such a low, encouraging voice that I almost didn’t catch it.