A Flawed Heart (6 page)

“Yes. Do you want me to play something for you?”

“I would love that, but won’t we wake Lydia and Kat?”

“No, they sleep like the dead.
Any
requests?”
He straddles the stool next to the keyboard.

“I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll like anything you play.”

“Sit down,” he says. It’s a command, not an invitation.

I sit on the edge of his bed and he clears his throat. “I’ll
play a song I was listening to earlier tonight. It made me think of you,
actually.”

My heart speeds up at this admission. He turns his attention
to the keys and closes his eyes. His expression changes into one I’m becoming
familiar with—concentration and intense emotion. He strokes the keys and begins
to play the chords. His gruff appearance doesn’t mesh with the fragile notes he
sings. I feel all the walls that I’ve ever put up come down as I watch him reveal
himself through this beautiful song. His rough voice caresses the tender,
gentle lyrics. I feel as though he wants me to share my secrets with him, and he
wants to tell me his. My eyes begin to water. Maybe he feels this connection
too…he bends his head down as he plays, tapping one foot and moving his hips in
time with the music. He closes his eyes as he sings. I watch him pour his heart
out for me.

He finishes the song and stands up from the keyboard, with
his eyes still closed and his head bent toward the instrument. His shoulders
rise and fall as he breathes. I want to go to him, wrap my arms around him and
pull him toward the bed. He opens his eyes and looks at me.
I’m startled by his expression.
Without speaking he stalks toward me, stopping just at the edge of the bed.
He clenches his hands into fists at his
sides.

“Jason, I—”

“Claire, don’t.”

“Don’t what? I’m sorry. I should go…”

I stand,
but he
steps forward and closes the gap between us. He pulls me off the bed and places
my wrists at his shoulders. His mouth is just an inch from mine.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

I’m captured in his strong grasp. I don’t struggle.
He brushes his lower lip against mine
and moans. His kiss is gentle.

“Lie down.”

His tone is full of authority, and I do as I’m told.
As I slide back onto the soft duvet and
into the sea of pillows, my hair spreads out beneath me. He places his hands
and knees on the bed, creeping over to me. His shirt rides up at his waist, and
I see the waistband of his boxer briefs, and the soft trail of hair that runs
from his belly button into his pants.
I
raise a finger and gently brush against it as I gather up the courage to look
in his eyes.
The sea of blue green
bores into me, and he smiles at my touch. He cranes his neck down and nibbles my
ear. This small contact sends me over the edge. I grip the waist of his pants
and pull his hovering body onto mine. I wrap one arm around his neck, and one
leg around his thigh.
His smile
widens.

“Amazing,” he whispers.

“Kiss me,” I reply.

He brings his mouth closer and licks my parted lips. He
moves one hand to my breast, cups it, and then pinches my hard nipple. He
deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I feel his erection growing
and I rub my hips against his crotch. Our bodies are perfectly aligned.

“I wanted you the moment I saw you. You’re so beautiful, so
sweet.”

I love hearing him say these things. I dig my fingernails
into his shoulder blades and he moves his down my neck to my chest. I smell his
unwashed hair. He slips my shirt over my left breast and begins to kiss it. His
mouth is so warm. He stops and looks up at me.

“Tell me what you want. I’ll do anything you want me to.”

I’m at a loss for what to say to him. I’ve never been with a
guy who wanted to please me so much.
I
take his hand and move it between my legs. He smiles, slides his hand into my
panties, and then brings his mouth back to mine and kisses me as his fingers
slide up and down my slit.

“You’re already so wet for me.” He rubs his knuckle in small
circles and I feel my entire body tense, all my nerves are focused on the
burning sensation between my legs.
He
kisses my mouth and my neck; his hot breath is in my ear. I hear him pant and
feel his hard length press into my leg.
I
gasp.

“You feel so good inside.” His pace quickens and I begin to
sweat. I open my eyes to find he’s watching me. He begins to grind his hips
into my thigh. “Don’t look away from me, please, Claire.”

His hands and his words push me over the edge, I cry out, my
whole body warms, and I keep my gaze fixed on his fierce eyes, until the
pleasure I feel causes them to close.

When my breathing returns to normal, he
kisses me again and props himself up on his elbow.
I roll over onto my
side to remain close to him.

“Is that what you wanted to show me?” I ask.

He laughs and runs his fingers through his hair.

“No, we didn’t make it that far. Do you want to see what I
wanted to show you?”

“Of course I do.”

“All right, hold on.”

He gets up from the bed and goes over to his closet. He
fusses with something for a moment and returns to me carrying a blanket, a
sweatshirt, and some socks. He hands me the socks and sweatshirt.

“Put these on.”

“Are we going somewhere? It’s raining isn’t it?”

“No. It stopped a couple of hours ago. Get dressed.”

He zips up his sweatshirt and walks over to the window
carrying the blanket.
He opens the
window, and I watch as the muscles in his back and arms move and flex as he
forces it open.
He turns to me. “Come
on.”

He gestures for me to step through the open window. His window
opens out onto a fire escape.
I step
through the window and he follows. The night sky is clear. Out across the
endless span of rooftops, I can actually see stars twinkling overhead. The air
smells like wet concrete.

He spreads out the blanket. “Sit.”

“You’re
kinda
bossy, you know
that?”

The grin emerges. “Yeah, I do. Now sit.”

He sits next to me, takes out a cigarette and lights it.

“Can I have one of those?” I ask.

“This is the last one I have. We’ll share it.”

He passes it to me once it’s lit and as I take the cigarette
from him my fingers brush against his. I feel the electricity from this small
touch in spite of how intimate we have just been.

“This view is really beautiful.”

“I love it out here at night. It brings me peace.” He stares
out over the rooftops. “So, what were you doing at the gym today?”

“I was swimming.”

“You swim?” He seems surprised.

“Yeah, I was a lifeguard in high school.”

“Why did you run out of the gym? I wanted to talk to you.”

“You saw that, huh? I was nervous I guess.”

“Do I make your nervous?” His eyes twinkle in the light from
his window.

“Yes, you do.”

“Well, I’ll have to fix that.”

I pass the cigarette back to him and he places his arm
around my waist and pulls me closer.

“Are you nervous now?” he whispers.

“Not really.”
I smile
and look down at my hands.
“I saw you
today at the café.”

“You did? I didn’t see you.”

“Yeah, I was with Kat. I didn’t want to bother you, since
you were with your
girlfriend
.”

“She is
not
my girlfriend, Claire. Look at me.”

I turn my face toward his.

“She’s
not
my girl.”

“Okay.”

We sit in silence, smoking together. After passing the
cigarette back and forth several times, Jason flicks it off the fire escape. We
lean back against the brick and look at the stars. I place my head on his
shoulder and he rests his hand on my knee. Our conversation moves from music,
to books, to Ben, to Lydia. He tells me how close he is to his sister, and I
confess how great a friend she has been to me. We talk and laugh in the
darkness for what feels like hours until I feel my eyes getting heavy…

I wake to the buzz of an alarm clock.
When I open my eyes, it’s not my apartment I see.
It’s
Jason’s
perfectly sculpted and intricately inked chest in front of me.
I pop my head up.
He sits up and shuts off the alarm. I look down and find that I’m
fully clothed and Jason’s only wearing his boxer briefs.

“How did I get here? What time is it?”

“Calm down. You fell asleep on my shoulder, on the fire
escape. I carried you in. You sleep like a rock.”

“So, we just…slept?”

“Yes, Claire, we slept. I’m not an animal you know. Taking
advantage of sleeping girls is not my style. I want you fully in the moment,
when I’m with you like that.”
He
smiles and kisses my forehead.

I look at the clock. “It’s eleven already? I should really
go.”
I stand up, looking for my
clothes, when it hits me—Lydia has probably left the apartment already.
She saw that I wasn’t on the couch.
Then I notice
my rain boots have been placed by Jason’s door.

“Did you bring my boots in here?”

“No. Lydia must have.”

I turn to look at him and see the apprehension I’m feeling
reflected in his eyes.
Lydia saw us. Lydia knows.

Chapter Four

I fumble with my rubber boots trying to pull them on while
standing. I feel him place his hands on my hips and his lips on my shoulder.
His soft touch stops my frenzied rush to leave.

“Relax, Claire. Calm down.”

I turn to face him, take a breath, and look into his perfect
face. “Don’t you think this will upset Lydia?”

“Well, it’s not like we did it on purpose. This is just
happening, Claire. We’re not
trying
to deceive her. I’m sure she’ll be
fine with it…with us.”

As much as I love the way that sounds, I need to be
respectful of Lydia
.
“I really think she’ll be hurt. She’s my roommate
and my friend. I’m not willing to hurt her, and being that she’s your
sister,
I’d think you’d feel the same.”

He takes a step back from me and looks away. “Give me your
cell phone.”

“What?”

“Give me your phone. I’m putting my number in it.”

I hand it to him and he steps toward the window, working to
program in his number. He compares my phone to his, and adds my number to his
contacts. He’s still in his underwear. I can
’t
believe I just got out of this gorgeous man’s bed. This is my
first opportunity to ogle his perfectly sculpted ass. I’m tempted to get back
in his bed with him, but instead, I zip up my sweatshirt. Jason returns to me
and places my phone in my palm and folds my fingers over it.

“I want you to call me or text me later.” Intensity sizzles
in his eyes.

“Okay, I will.”

He steps closer, places his lips on my forehead, and buries
his nose in my hair. I put my hand on his tattooed chest. The scent of his
unwashed skin is intoxicating. As much as I want to stay, I have to go.

“Bye, Jason.” I turn and rush out the door.

“Goodbye, Claire.”

I push through the front door of his building. It’s
beautiful and I squint at the brightness of the day.
This is truly a walk of shame. Rain boots on a sunny day.
As I
move farther from his apartment, I feel a sense of unease—as if there’s a
rubber band attached to me and it wants to snap me back into Jason’s arms
again.

I look at my cell.
New
message
from Lydia…

I’m
at my studio but call me later. I want to talk to you.

I reply.

Okay.

My savings will only pay rent for one month, so I need to
focus on getting a job. I shower and dress, grab my bag and iPod, and head out
into the neighborhood. On the way home from the café yesterday I saw a
bookstore, so that’s my first stop. The bell chimes when I enter and there’s
only one guy working. He looks up and gives me the most heartwarming smile. I
recognize him. It’s the fit guy from the pool. He looks different with clothes
on, but I notice his muscular figure through his green t-shirt and tan cargo
shorts.

“I saw you at the pool yesterday, didn’t I?” he asks.

“Yeah, I remember seeing you. I’m Claire.”

“Good to meet you Claire. I’m Tony.” He shakes my hand.

“Hi, Tony.
So, you work here?”

“Yeah.
You need help finding
something?”

“Yeah.
A job.”
We start laughing at the same time.

“Okay, well I’m a shift supervisor so I can interview you
right now.”

“Great.”

He takes out a pad and a pen. “Do you know anything about
books?”

“I was a Lit major in college.”

He nods and taps his chin in a dramatic gesture of thought.
“You’re hired.” He flashes me a bright smile. He’s cute in a dorky sort of way.
“Can you start right now? Someone called in sick and if I’m stuck here alone
all day, I’ll never get a lunch break.”

“Yeah.
This is great, Tony.
Thanks.”

“Drop your stuff in the back room, and I’ll bring out some
stock for you to sort.”

I begin unloading boxes when my phone buzzes. It’s Lydia.

Meet
me at the café 5:30?

I reply.

Okay.

Two seconds later, my phone buzzes again, but it’s not
Lydia.
It’s Jason.

I
want to see you later.

It’s only been a
few hours and I already miss him,
but I’m meeting Lydia after work and I
don’t know how she’s going to react to all this.

I’m
working now and having coffee with Lydia after, but maybe later. I’ll text you.