A Flawed Heart (10 page)

“Don’t talk to her like that. You don’t know what’s going on,
so just leave it alone.”

She moves closer to make her way past us and her face
emerges from the shadows. She looks as if she hasn’t eaten or slept. She brings
her hand up to Jason’s shoulder and puts her mouth to his ear.

“You want me to leave it alone, do you? That’s fine.
Anything for you,
Jason
.”

She gives me a look that makes me shiver and slams her
shoulder into me as she walks past us toward Pen.

“I’m sorry about that,” Jason says quietly. “I didn’t want
that to happen. Things didn’t end well with her.”

I want to hear his explanation, but I also want to get the
hell out of here. “Can we just talk about it later?”

“All right.
Are you okay?” He takes
my hand again.

“Yeah.”
I lie.

I need to know what Jason’s intentions are here, and I want
to hear it from
his
mouth—no one else’s. We arrive at Jason’s car and he
opens the passenger door to the Charger. He shuts it behind me, and I take a
deep breath. His scent wraps around me. He puts his guitar in the back seat and
slips into the driver’s side. When he turns the key,
music blares
out of his speakers. He turns the volume down and
laughs.

“Sorry.”

“Are you okay to drive?”

“I’d never attempt to drive if I wasn’t okay. I wouldn’t
play with your life like that. We’re not going far, and I’m not drunk.”

“Okay.”

He shifts into gear, and we pull down
Calyer
toward McGuiness. “Did you know we don’t live far from LaGuardia?”

“No, but that explains the noise and the low flying planes.”

“Yeah, you can hear them from my apartment sometimes. You’ll
get used to it.”

“Wait. Are we flying somewhere?”

He throws his head back laughing. “No, no, no. It’s a
surprise, Claire. Don’t ruin it.” He lifts his hand and places it at the base
of my neck, gently rubbing with his thumb and forefinger.

We turn onto the Long Island Expressway, and Jason shows me
just how fast the Charger can go. Once I’m thoroughly terrified, we take an
airport exit and pull into a parking lot. Jason drives as far as he can until
we reach the deserted end of the lot and parks near a chain-link fence. The
bruise under his eye is darker and more swollen than when I first saw him.

“I’m sorry about your face. Not everything needs to be
resolved with violence.”

“The guy was acting like an asshole. I set him straight.”

“Why did you and Skye break up?” I blurt out. I can’t wait
any longer for the answer to this question.

He lets out a sigh and rubs his hand over his jaw. “I broke
it off with her because I realized she wasn’t the person I wanted to be with. I’d
like to be honest with you, Claire. I can’t explain why because we only just
met, but I just feel like you
get
me, and I’ve never felt that…ever. I
broke up with Skye as soon as I met
you
.”

I don’t know what to say. His words hang heavy in the air. He’s
waiting for me to speak, and I can’t.

“I’ve been going through the motions for a long time—with
family, with friends—but it’s different with you. I don’t have to pretend to be
anything. I just feel so close to you.” He lifts my chin and kisses me for what
feels like days.

His words have sparked an even deeper longing inside of me.
He releases me and shifts his body toward mine. I put my hand on his inner
thigh and feel his hardness straining against his jeans. The beer I had is
making me feel bold and I rub my hand along it, feeling the extent of his girth.

“Is
this
what you wanted to show me?” I ask.

His eyes widen and he smiles. “I most
definitely
want
to show that to you…” he kisses along my jaw to my ear and whispers, “…but not
right now.” He bites my earlobe, and I’m surprised at how much I enjoy the sensation.

He gets out of the car and walks to my side. He opens my
door, takes my hand, and guides me out of the seat. This dapper gesture is
overridden as he grasps my hips and pushes me up against the side of the car.
My breath leaves me as he kisses me. He takes his lips away from mine, and his
biceps flex as he lifts me up and places me onto the hood of the car. I’m
feeling even less inhibited, so I slip my hand between our legs and touch the
hardest part of him. He groans, but restrains himself, and steps away from me.

“I’m sorry. Was that too forward?”

He hops onto the hood and pulls me against him. We lie back
on the windshield.

“You did nothing wrong, angel. I just don’t want to distract
us from what I wanted to show you.”

“What are we—
”

“Just wait.” He brushes a stray hair from my face, and his
fingers trace the skin on my arm and give me goose bumps.

I look at him and his eyes are filled with things unsaid. I
don’t know what we’re waiting for, but I feel so close to him now. Singing with
him tonight, the very public display of affection on the roof, our kisses just
now—emotion overwhelms me, and I pull his face to mine and kiss him again. I
run my hand into his hair and he moans as I nibble at his lips. I straddle him
and he slides his hands down to my ass. He grinds into me and I gasp, then he
stops and a mischievous smile spreads across his face. I hear an engine
humming.

“
This
is why we’re here.” He shifts me off his lap. “I
want you to just lie still and look up.”

“All right.”
I put my hand in his
and follow his command to look up into the night sky. Tiny stars faintly
sparkle through the smog overhead, and just above the horizon I see blinking
lights. As the lights approach and get lower, I hear an air splitting whir. The
shadow of a plane becomes clear as the high-pitched sigh of the jet reaches a
crescendo. The plane is descending directly toward Jason’s car. I feel my body
get rigid, then I start to move. A fight or flight reaction takes over my
brain, urging me to move out of the plane’s path. Jason’s grip tightens on my
hand and he shakes his head at me, his mouth forming words I can’t hear over
the deafening roar of the jet engines. The plane is so close. I cover my ears
as the sound morphs into a screech as it passes over us. I see the wheels of
the landing gear and the seams of the baggage hold. My hair rises and swarms
around my face as the jet-wash assaults the air around us. I tilt my head back
to watch as the plane touches down on the runway, a few hundred feet behind
Jason’s car.

My heart is pounding and I shoot up off the hood, breaking
free from Jason’s grasp.
“Holy shit!
Are you crazy?”
The edges of my vision cloud and I feel the blood drain from my face. I fight
to get a grip on myself and avoid the looming panic attack.

His smile fades as he takes in my frightened expression. He
slides off the hood and grabs my waist. “I didn’t want to scare you. I thought
you’d like to see it. Are you okay?”

I know I can beat this if I just breathe. “It was amazing,
just—it was scary. I didn’t see that coming. Shit, that was
crazy
.” I
shake my head, trying to rid it of the adrenaline.

“Makes you feel alive, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.
I think I need to sit down
for a sec.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. I just get panic attacks sometimes. They started
after my dad died. I just need to take a pill. They’re in my purse.”

Jason grabs the Xanax prescription bottle from my bag and
hands it to me. I pop one and swallow it without water. We lean back against
the car and Jason rubs my back.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s my cross to bear. I can handle it. I don’t even need
to take my meds very often anymore. If I fight hard enough when it comes over
me, I can beat it.”

His eyes glaze over with some emotion I can’t identify. He
steps toward me and pulls me against him.

“That feels nice,” I say.

“Oh, yeah?
Do you like the way this
feels?”

He puts his lips to my exposed neck, kissing and sucking. His
breath is hot and quick as he hoists me up onto the hood again. Before I know
what’s happened, I’m topless on top of Jason’s car. My shirt is in a ball next
to me and Jason is sliding both hands over my breasts, squeezing and kneading
them as he admires my body. He slides his fingers into my bra, gently playing
with my nipples, and kissing the sensitive skin on my collarbone. I feel the
ache rising to a fever pitch between my legs. I can’t speak—I’m drunk with his
touch.

“I want you. I want to be with you. I want you naked. I want
to make you feel good,” he pants against my neck.

His words have pushed me into
a frenzy
.
No one has ever turned me on the way he does, or gotten inside my head the way
he has. “I want you, too. I want you, Jason.”

He steps back, picks up my shirt, and hands it to me. I feel
a lump rise in my throat.
Rejected.
I’m embarrassed, and disappointed.
I
shouldn’t have said anything.
He opens the door, jaw clenched, eyes
dark. I slide off the hood and slip my shirt over my head, my eyes tearing with
regret.

“Are you taking me home?” I ask.

“What? No, Claire, I’m not. I’m taking you to my bed.”

I’m shaking with nerves by the time we arrive at his
building. He unlocks the door to his apartment and once we’re inside he spins
me around and presses me against it. The fire in his eyes is replaced with
tenderness as he takes my face in his hands. “I want this
so
badly
. Tell me you want it too.”

I look deep into his eyes, and see waves of blue and green
crash and burn. I brush my fingertips across his lips. “I want you.”

My voice breaks as I whisper the words. Jason mutters
something I can’t understand, and bends down to lift me up. He carries me into
his room and throws me on his bed. I sink into the mass of pillows, and slip
off my boots as he stalks over to his stereo while pulling his shirt over his
head. He presses a button, and gentle notes float out of the speakers. The only
light in his room is from the streetlight shining in through the window. I can’t
see his face as he walks toward me. The light illuminates his tattoos, and I
think of all he’s been through—our connection, our shared grief. He approaches
the bed and slides his body against mine. He tangles his fingers in my hair, and
pushes his tongue through my lips as he passes his hands over my breasts and
down to the space between my legs. He unbuttons my pants and rises up on bent
knees as he yanks them off. He slides his hands up my thighs, reaches under my
shirt, and then slips it over my head. I feel so exposed, lying there in my underwear
while his eyes devour my form.

“God damn, Claire.”

He swoops in over me, places his inked forearms at either
side of my head, and kisses me in ways I’ve
never
been kissed before. I buck my hips up against him—soft
lace against hard denim—then reach down and pull at his belt and the fly of his
jeans. He stands and finishes the job. I take in his body and the sinewy
muscles that contract and flex in anticipation of touching
me.
He moves to the end of the bed,
his gaze never leaving mine. He grabs the insteps of each of my feet pulls my
body down the bed. He lifts one of my feet to his mouth, and kisses and licks
the sensitive skin. He slides his lips over my ankle bone, the inside of my
calf, my knee, my thigh…and places a kiss right over my center, then bites at
the thin fabric, just under my belly button. I can’t look away from his
passionate stare. He pulls his head back, taking my panties in his teeth, and
moves back down my legs. I lift my hips and he slides the fabric over my ass
and his body retreats slowly, dragging my panties off of my legs. He stands at
the edge of the bed, and releases them from his mouth. Then he picks up my
other foot, following the same path, pushing me to the edge of sanity with his
slow, wet kisses.

“
P
lease
touch me,” I beg.

He bites my thigh in response. The sharp pinch is impossibly
pleasurable. I grip his head and entwine my fingers in his hair. He looks up at
me and his gaze makes my spine tingle.

“I’m going to make you feel so good…” His tongue slips out
of his mouth and he slides it up and down my slit. My whole body tenses as it
finally receives the touch it’s been craving. He grasps my hips. “Just relax.”

He spreads my lips with the fingers of one hand, while
pushing the first two of the other inside me, and then wraps his lips around my
clit and sucks it, flicking it lightly with his tongue. He swirls his fingers
inside me and sucks harder, then gently bites. The rough contact pushes me over
the edge and I let out a resounding moan.

“Do you know how good you taste?” He slides up my body and
runs his fingertip over my mouth, then traces his tongue over the same path,
licking my wetness off of my lips. I can feel the massive head of his cock,
pressing right at my entrance. Jason’s eyes roll back in his head at the
sensation, and he inhales sharply.

“I can’t wait to be inside you. Are you ready for me?” He
doesn’t wait for an answer, but the answer is yes.

He reaches his hand into his nightstand and takes out a
condom. He leans back on his knees and slides the latex over himself, then
places his lips on mine as he moans against my mouth and shifts his weight,
pushing himself inside me in one motion. I throw my head back and whimper at
the sensation. It’s painfully pleasurable. I ache as my body attempts to
accommodate Jason’s massive cock.

“Fuck, you feel so good!” He buries his face in my neck and
kisses my shoulder, then reaches back to grab my thigh and bend my leg. He
pulls out and thrusts again. With my leg in his grip, the angle is deeper, and
I feel my eyes water at how
all consuming
he feels.
He pumps into
me,
coming back to place his mouth on
mine, then slows his pace and looks into my eyes.