A Family Man (36 page)

They walked along the beach in silence. Samson smiled as she slipped her arm through his. At least she wasn’t pissed at him, which would make what he had planned easier. Despite what he had said, in two days' time he was heading out to Seattle. And she was coming with him, whether she liked it or not.

She hadn’t been exaggerating. The food at the little beachside café was superb and despite the odd looks that the big nomad was attracting, they found themselves starting to relax and enjoy themselves. Samson reached out and touched her hand. “It’s good to see you smile, baby girl. I was worried that I’d never see that again.”

“
There was a time when I thought it would never happen.” She smiled. “But Amy wouldn’t want me to hide away being miserable all the time.” She sipped her wine. “Where you planning on staying?”

“
Well….” He grinned.

“
Fine, you can stay.”

“
That’s what I was hoping you’d say.” He pulled out his wallet and dropped some bills on the table, raising his hand as she opened her mouth to object. “Least I could do. C’mon I wanna catch some rays and top up my tan.”

~ oOo ~

Later, as they sat on the deck watching the sun dip beneath the horizon and sipping cold beers, Beth allowed herself to lean onto his shoulder and close her eyes. Samson slipped his arm around her shoulder. “You okay?”

“
Yeah. Better than I’ve been for a long time. I know that it isn’t what you wanted to hear, but getting away from Seattle was the best thing I could have done.”

“
So you’re really done with Joe?”

“
I am.”

Abruptly he shifted so that he was facing her, and bringing his hand up to her face, with a gentleness that belied his size, he kissed her.

It was like no kiss she’d ever experienced before. Not possessive like her ex-husband, or hungry like Joe. This was completely different. It was gentle, but in no way hesitant. This was a man who was supremely confident. Slowly she brought her hands up and pressed them flat against his chest. His hands found their way to the small of her back and he pulled her closer. She felt her hands clutch at his vest and she pushed. “No.”

“No?”

“
No. This is so wrong.” She sat back and ran her fingers through her hair. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“
I was thinking that there was nothing to stop me, what with you an’ Joe being done an’ all.”

“
Is that what this was? Some sort of test? What the fuck is wrong with you? Me and Joe are done, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to jump into bed with anyone. And I’m certainly not going to jump into bed with you. Ever.” She stood up and started to pace up and down across the deck. “Joe is your best friend, for fuck’s sake. That is just sick.”

Samson stood and with his hands on her shoulders, forced her to look at him. “Calm down.”

“Calm down? Calm the fuck down? Are you kidding me? You can’t kiss me like that and then tell me to calm down.”

“
Kiss you like what?”

“
Like…Like. Shit, you just can’t, okay?”

“
Okay.” He touched her cheek. “I’m sorry, it was a stupid thing to do. But I swear I wasn’t planning on hitting on you, and it’s not a test. I just wanted to know what it would be like.” He grinned. “It was very nice, by the way. But you love Tiny, Beth. You’ve always loved him. It doesn’t matter how far you go to get away from him, that won't change. He loves you too. Yeah I know he’s a douche, and he doesn’t know how to express himself. And what he did to you is unforgivable. I wasn’t lying when I said I was worried about him. He says he wants to go nomad.”

Beth’s eyes widened. “Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know. I know Wolf would be glad to see the back of him, maybe he’s pushing for it.”

“
Would Wolf really do that?”

“
It’s not just you he’s pushing away. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s lashing out at everyone.” He shrugged. “Maybe going nomad will help, I don’t know. Let’s face it, we’re all a little psycho.”

“
You’re not psycho, Samson.”

He shrugged. “Tiny has lost that spark of humanity. Losing Amy just seemed, I dunno, to snuff it out. I don’t know whether it will ever come back. The only emotion I have seen from him is anger.”

“I can’t fix him. I told you, he won't let me in. It kills me to see him like this.” She sniffed and rubbed away her tears. “But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Samson pulled her into his arms. “Come back to Seattle with me.”

“I can’t.”

“
Sure you can. In fact, way I see it you don’t have much choice.” He brought his hand up to the back of her neck and lifted her hair, exposing her tattoo. “While you wear that ink, you belong to him. You know how it works, Beth.”

“
Not fair, Samson. Not fair at all.” She pushed herself away from him and sat back down on the step. “You force me to go back there, and I’ll run again, and I’ll keep on running.” He sat down next to her and she leaned against him. “Don’t make me go back.”

“
You know this ain't just about what’s best for Tiny, right?” Again he put his arm around her. “You talk about moving on, finding love again. Who with? Look at me, Beth, and tell me who is gonna measure up to your ol' man?”

“
I don’t know. Maybe I won't find anyone. But you didn’t see what he was like, didn’t hear the things he said. Shit. He hit me, and knowing that, you still want me to go back. It’s pretty obvious where your loyalties lie.”

“
Oh, don’t you worry, baby girl. Me an’ Tiny are gonna have words about him raising his hand to you. That ain't his style, and it ain't mine either.”

Beth didn’t respond, she just stared at her hands, her mind in turmoil. “Why did you kiss me?”

“You want the truth?”

“
Of course I want the truth.”

“
The truth is, I’m not really sure.” She frowned at him and he chuckled. “Okay, that’s a bad answer. I guess I wanted to know if you were really done with Tiny.”

“
I don’t believe you could be so arrogant as to believe that just because I was done with Joe I'd sleep with you. Fuck, Samson, you've got a pretty low opinion of me.”

“
Then you’ll have to accept my first answer. I don’t know why I kissed you. It just seemed like the right thing to do.”

“
The right thing? Are you fucking insane?”

“
A little.” He grinned and kissed her again, this time on the top of her head. “How about we just pretend it never happened. I didn’t kiss you and you didn’t like it.”

“
I didn’t.”

“
Sure you didn’t. Look it was just a kiss, nothing to get all bent out of shape over.”

“
Okay.”

“
Good girl. Now how about you go and get me another beer?”

He was right. It was just a kiss, it meant nothing. She loved Joe, after all, had loved him all her life. Samson was a friend. Not just to Joe, but to her as well. There was no way he would jeopardize that. 

Maybe he was right; she needed to go home. After all she had promised Joe that she wouldn’t stay away forever. Yes, she’d go home and try and mend their fractured relationship, she owed it him as well as herself. As she walked back clutching two ice-cold bottles, she’d already made up her mind, and couldn’t help feeling that this was what Samson had planned all along.

Samson sat astride his Harley and grinned as she climbed into her little red Honda. He’d actually thought that it would take longer to persuade her to go back with him. But she had sat back down and announced that she thought that he was right and she should go home. It seemed prudent to take the bull by the horns; the last thing he wanted was for her to change her mind. And if he was honest, he didn’t want to spend too long alone with her. She may have convinced herself that he had kissed her to prove to both of them how she felt about Joe, and to a certain extent that was true. But he still couldn’t shake the feeling of disappointment he had felt when she pushed him away. So first thing the following morning he had helped her pack her bags and they had set off on the long drive back to Seattle, both silently hoping that this wasn’t going to be a horrible mistake.

FORTY-TWO

As he leaned on the clubhouse door, watching Tiny sweep his old lady into his arms, Samson couldn’t stop the grin from spreading all over his face. It had been a risk, insisting that she went with him to the clubhouse rather than straight home. He hadn’t warned Joe they were coming and there was a chance, albeit a small one, that they would walk in and find him buried in a sweet butt. As far as he knew, his brother hadn’t been fooling around with other women; Tiny set great store by loyalty, not only to his brothers but his old lady, too. However, he was a man, and a Freak at that, and he had needs. And there was a whole bunch of women that would gladly service them.

Joe looked up and gave his friend a tiny nod in thanks before turning his attention back to the woman in his arms. Samson straightened up and headed out back towards the dorms, a slight unevenness to his stride the only indicator of how tired he was.

Joe closed his eyes and pulled her closer, burying his face in her hair. He would never be able to thank his brother enough for bringing her back. Until she left he hadn’t realized how much he needed her, and now she was back he was never going to let her go. He hadn’t spoken, neither of them had, they'd just clung to one another, as if their very lives depended on it. Eventually, though, they reluctantly parted. Cupping her face in his hands, he leant down and kissed her softly on the lips. “Hey.”

“
Hey.”

“
You wanna go home?”

“
I’m not sure. Could we stay here? Just for tonight.”

“
Sure.” He understood her reluctance to go back there. They couldn’t put it off forever, but right now what they needed was to concentrate on each other, without Amy’s ghost getting in the way. With her hand in his, resisting the urge to go all caveman all on her and throw her over his shoulder, he led her slowly to the dorm he had been using since she had been away.

Once inside, he closed the door and turned the key. He couldn’t remember a time he had felt this nervous. It felt that one false move would send her running, and if she ran for a second time he wouldn’t get her back. “Beth, I’m so sorry.”

“
Not now.” She laid her hands on his chest and ran them down his torso until they came to rest on the buckle of his belt. Slowly, as his mouth came crashing down on hers, she pushed him towards the bed, her hands fumbling on the belt buckle in her haste to get it undone. “Joe. I need...”

Gently he pushed her away and started to undress, his eyes never leaving hers. “Why you still got clothes on?”

She grinned. It was the first time he’d seen that since…since. “On it, Joe.” Standing back, he watched as slowly she undressed and sat back on the bed. “God, Beth. You are so beautiful.” He sat next to her, and with his hands on her shoulders pushed her down onto her back and began to work his way down her body with his mouth, his progress halted by her beautifully pert tits. She began to moan as he sucked and nipped at her left nipple, while squeezing and pinching on the right. His other hand found its way between her legs and she convulsed at his touch. He slid his fingers inside her; she was wet, as wet as she’d ever been. Despite all that had happened between them, her desire for him hadn’t diminished.

Beth started to squirm underneath him, wanting more. She pushed him down until his head was between her thighs, and he started to feast on her, sucking and licking her engorged clit, while her fingers grabbed his hair and her moaning grew louder, heightening his arousal until he felt he would explode. He’d wanted to take it slow, to reacquaint himself with her, but his throbbing cock was having none of it. He had to be inside her, to feel her. “Turn over.” Immediately, she complied, getting onto her knees, and, without waiting a moment longer, he thrust inside her. He slammed into her again and again until, unable to hold back any longer, he came with a roar and collapsed, gasping for breath, on top of her.

He rolled over, pulling her with him. “I’m sorry, Beth, I didn’t want it to be like that. He swallowed and took a deep breath. I wanted to be gentle. To prove I’m not an animal.”

Beth lay with her head on his chest, listening to his heart as it slowed to its normal rate. “You’re not an animal. If you was I wouldn’t be here.”

For both of them, it was the first good night’s sleep they’d had for months, and when he awoke the next morning, Joe realized it was the first time in months that the day hadn’t started with a hangover. The space next to him was empty, and he sat up with a frown, until he heard the sound of the shower next door and, climbing out of bed, he padded naked to the bathroom to join her.

Beth smiled as he pulled back the curtain and stepped inside the cubicle. She turned and, with her arms around his neck, began to kiss him, pressing her stomach against his already hard cock. She gasped as he lifted her up and, pressing her against the wall, pushed himself inside her, his mouth never leaving hers. Immediately her body began to move. Slowly at first, her hips started to gyrate, gradually picking up the pace. Joe groaned and started to thrust, feeling her walls close around him as her climax built. Dragging his mouth away from hers, he tipped his head back and as her teeth sank into his shoulder, he gave up the fight and let go, his climax joining hers as they sank to the cubicle floor, gasping for breath. For several minutes neither moved, too sated to do anything but remain in each other’s arms, waiting for their breathing to return to normal.

Eventually, though, as the water started to run cold, Joe stood on shaky legs and pulled her to her feet. Reluctantly they dried themselves and got dressed. It wasn’t just the results of the morning’s exertions that was causing them to dress so slowly. They both knew that they were going to have to go home and talk. It was time to say goodbye to Amy and face the future without her.

~ oOo ~

The house was cold and had that unlived-in feel. Dee opened the fridge and wrinkled her nose as the smell hit her. “Shit, Joe. When were you here last?”

He shrugged. “Came by last week to pick up some mail and do some laundry. Haven’t slept here since you left.” He pulled a roll of garbage bags from the cupboard under the sink and threw in the contents of the vegetable rack before holding it out for Beth to empty the fridge into it. “Been thinking maybe we should sell. Find somewhere smaller, somewhere…..”

“No. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last couple of months, it’s that you can’t run away from your feelings. I love this house, and although it’s hard coming back, I hate the thought of someone else living here. There are so many good memories tied up in this place and, given time, we will make some more.” She reached out and touched his hand. “It won't always be this hard.”

“
Wish I had your faith, Beth.” He took the garbage bag from her and headed out to the back door. “I guess I ain't as good at dealing with this shit as you.”

When he came back, the kitchen was empty. “Beth?”

“
Up here.” He found her in Amy’s room sitting on the bed. Seeing him hover in the doorway she smiled. “Come on in. We need to sort out Amy’s stuff.”

“
Can’t we just leave it?”

“
No, we can’t.” She held out her hand and reluctantly he entered the room he’d been avoiding since his kid had been taken away from him. “It’s been nearly five months, Joe. We have to start moving on.”

“
I know.” He picked up the ratty old pink teddy that lived on the bottom of her bed and pressed it to his lips. “I can still smell her. It’s like she’s still here.”

“
I know.” She slipped her hand in his. “I’m not saying we have to throw everything away. But I don’t want this room turning into a shrine. Amy is gone, and we have to accept that. Life will never be the same, and I for one don’t want it to be. But if you and me are to have any future together we have to move on, and this is where we start.”

“
How about I let you do this on your own.” Joe still clutched the teddy, unable to fathom how they were supposed to throw any of Amy’s stuff away.

“
No, we do this together.”

“
I knew you were going to say that.” He gave a shaky smile. “Okay, so how do we do this?”

“
Three piles. What we keep, what we can throw away, and what goes to goodwill.”

“
And how do we decide?”

“
We talk.”

She was smart, his old lady. Every item in that room contained a memory and as the three piles grew they found themselves talking, sometimes crying but also laughing. Joe pulled opened the wardrobe doors. “Who do these dresses belong to?”

“
Amy.”

“
Are you shitting me?”

“
Nope.” Beth grinned

“
So how come I never saw her in them? There’s no way I’d let her out of the house in that. Shit, the rags I clean my bike with are bigger than that.”

“
Well I’m guessing that’s why you never saw her wearing them.”

“
Sneaky little minx. If I…..” He stopped and swallowed, unable to carry on. “Shit. I miss her so much.” Slumping down onto the bed, he put his head in his hands.

Beth sat next to him and linked her arm through his. “Me, too. We can take a break if you want.”

“No, I’m okay.” He took a deep breath. “Let's get this done.”

It took a while, and the pile of things to keep was bigger than it should have been, but they both agreed it had been a positive process. Beth was right. Life would never be the same without Amy, but as long as they had each other they could move on.

~ oOo ~

Moving on. It sounded so simple. They were trying, really trying, and to the casual observer, they were succeeding. They weren’t avoiding each other anymore, and it looked like they were communicating better. However, when one half of a relationship was Joe Taylor, who, at the best of times, was as communicative as a brick, it was never going to be easy. Beth had to hand it to him, though, he was making a real effort and opening up more about his feelings. Unfortunately, most of those feelings seemed to be anger.

As time moved on and the weeks turned into months, they fell into a routine of sorts. Beth went back to her old job and threw herself into her work. So much so that she hardly noticed when he was away on any of the numerous ‘jobs’ he was accepting.

She had been right, of course, things would never be the same without Amy. But life did go on. Whether they wanted it to or not. There were days when she hardly entered their minds, or when they did remember her, it was with a smile. Other days, the grief would hit them like a sledgehammer, knocking them on their asses with its intensity. Holidays had been particularly difficult. Thanksgiving hadn’t been so bad. They had been invited to spend the day with Bugs and Yaz, and although they had both been reluctant, their big family and Joe’s brothers meant that the day had been raucous and filled with laughter.

Christmas, however was a killer. Amy had always loved it, even as a teenager. She had always wanted the biggest tree and adored decorating the house and shopping for food and presents for everyone. Neither Joe or Beth felt inclined to accept any invitations or wanted to decorate the house. They both just accepted that some days they were going to be sad, and this was going to be one of them. It was days like this that the cracks in their relationship really showed. As soon as he got out of bed, Joe disappeared into his den with a bag of weed and a bottle of JD. Beth knew better than to push him when he was like this. It would have been nice to have someone to share her feelings with, maybe just a shoulder to cry on, but she was going to have to deal this on her own. She had already decided that she would take a drive to the cemetery. It had been a while and she wanted to leave Amy a gift. Of course, Joe had thought it was a dumb idea, and wanted nothing to do with it. Secretly, Beth thought it was just another sign that he was trying to bury his emotions, but he insisted he didn’t need to visit Amy’s grave. She wasn’t there. She was in his heart.

Beth wrapped her coat around her as she crouched in front of the grave. “Hey, sweetheart. I bought you a present for Christmas.” She sat the small pink teddy up against the headstone. “I wanted to bring your old one, but Joe keeps it in his den. I guess he’s more sentimental than he’d have us believe.” She pulled up her collar in an attempt to keep the rain from running down the back of her neck and started to brush away the fallen leaves with her hands. “He really misses you, Amy. We both do. It’s like there’s a big hole in our lives, and I don’t know how we’re supposed to fill it.” 

She sniffed and looked up as the sound of a Harley broke the silence. For a fleeting moment, she thought it was Joe, but she knew the sound of his bike, and she knew he wouldn’t be able to put aside his own grief to help her deal with hers. The bike stopped outside the cemetery gates and she straightened up and looked over as Samson dismounted and started to walk towards her. “Samson, what are you doing here?” She hadn’t seen him since he had brought her back from LA, although apparently he had been in town a couple of times since then.