A Different Side (University Park #4) (72 page)

“You don’t know that, Raven.”

“Trust me, Lexi. It’s over for me. My football days are long gone. The dream…vanished. Just like that.” I snapped my fingers. “I’m nothing but a washed out, ex-druggy, ex-drunk, who will never amount to anything.” I sighed heavily, feeling somewhat of a release. Grabbing the edge of my shirt, I wiped the sweat from my face.

“Alright. Fine. I can’t force you to do anything. You have to want to make something out of your life. The only thing I can do is encourage you. In fact, that’s all I’ve ever done. I had hoped I was going to be a part of your life, but I see that being away from me hasn’t changed anything.”

Her words were killing me. One at a time. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. She needed to leave. Go back to Fort Worth and the guy who was best for her.

“Lexi, I’m not good for you. Just go back to—”

“Don’t.” Her face turned blood red. “Don’t even say his name.” She stabbed me in the chest with her finger. “My life has been turned upside down because of you. I gave you everything, Raven. All of me.” Tears gushed from her eyes, filling my heart with a deep sadness. “I gave myself to you freely and you just turned your back on me. Like everything we had meant nothing to you. We were engaged to be married! Did that not mean anything to you?” She grabbed a fistful of my shirt and then pushed me away. I took a hard swallow, feeling the guilt consume me. I had been so selfish. Listening to the demons tell me I wasn’t good enough for her when I should’ve been asking her instead. I honestly thought I was doing her a favor by walking out. In reality, all I had done was crush her heart. I was a bigger asshole than I thought.

With a tight throat, stinging nose, and eyes on the verge of crying, I managed to speak. “I’m sorry, Lexi. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Well you did more than that, Raven.” She started to turn around and stopped. “Before I go, there’s something else you need to know.”

“Save it, Lexi. Nothing will change how I am.” If anything, Lexi made me realize I definitely wasn’t worthy of her love.

“You’re impossible,” she huffed. “I just traveled five hundred and thirty-five miles hoping that maybe you still wanted to be with me.”

“Why?”

“Because I haven’t given up on us. And most of all, I haven’t given up on this.” She reached into her purse, pulled out a rectangular piece of paper, and handed it to me.

“What’s this?” I stared at the black and white images, trying to make sense of it. The slight breeze caused the thin, slick paper to waver back and forth. I gripped the edge of it and saw Lexi Thompson’s name on the corner. It was a sonogram. A pregnancy picture. I stopped breathing, my sight blurred. “Yo-you’re having a baby?”

“Two, actually.”

“Wh-what?” I felt the blood rush from my head and the ground shift under me. It was though an entire defensive line knocked me out.

“Are you okay?”

“I…I don’t believe this.” The words repeated in my mind.
Two, actually.
Lexi was pregnant with two babies. Not one, but two. I stared at the fuzzy, distorted images. Was Lexi playing some sort of joke on me? I gazed at her, waiting to see if she was going to start laughing, but her face remained serious. I looked back at the picture. Were these babies really mine? “But you said you had an IUD.”

“I did.” She gave a slight shrug. “It didn’t work.”

It didn’t work! What the hell?

I vowed I’d never let this happen again. When that freshman showed up at my apartment claiming I got her pregnant, I swore I’d never get myself in that predicament again. No…no, this wasn’t happening. I had used condoms. Wait a minute, no I hadn’t. Lexi had an IUD.

“Fu—ck.”

“Don’t worry.” She snatched the slick paper from my hand. “I don’t want anything from you. I just wanted the kids to know who their dad is. I had also kind of hoped you wanted to be a part of their lives. Ya know, since you didn’t know your dad.”

Those words were like a slap to the face. As if I had any control over that. Lexi was playing hardball, throwing fast ones. I took a deep breath an unleashed, unable to hold back. “Fuck you, Lexi. That’s not fair.” I shoved my finger in her face, trying not to touch her. I’d never hit a female before and I definitely wouldn’t hit her, but she had me ready to explode.

She blinked rapidly and her face hardened. “You know what? Life isn’t fair, so fuck you, Raven.” She darted to the taxi and got in, slamming the door behind her.

“Lexi! Wait!” I rushed to the taxi and reached for the door handle, but the driver peeled out, nearly ripping my arm off. “Stop! Wait!” I ran as fast as I could. Faster than I’d ever ran before, but they kept driving. I stopped when he turned the corner and I realized I would never be able to catch up to him. I bent over, gripping my knees as my lungs struggled for air. My heart hammered loudly in my ears and thrashed against my chest. I felt like I was about to have a heart attack.

“Shit!” I screamed as I kicked the road. Lexi had come to tell me she was pregnant with my babies and all I said was fuck and cuss at her. I didn’t hug or kiss her. Tell her everything would be okay. What if I never saw her again? Never got to see my children? No! I ran my hands over my head, squeezing it. I was the biggest idiot — ever.

I ran back to the house, trying to process what had just happened. I was going to be a father. Mixed emotions flooded in: excited, scared, nervous, and worried. Lexi took off mad, probably thinking I didn’t care. I had said all the wrong things. I had to tell her I loved her and was sorry. This changed everything. If we were having babies, I wanted to be a part of their lives. Most of all, I wanted to be a part of her life.

I loved her.

Every part of her.

Lexi was the only one for me.

She was the only woman who belonged in my trap.

But would she love me again? After all I’d put her through? There was only one way to find out.

I had to stop her from leaving. I had to tell her how I really felt. I was done with the lies the demons fed me. They weren’t going to take Lexi or my children away from me. Like Mimi had said, I needed to man up and show them who’s boss.

If only I had a car. Gripping my waist, I circled the lawn, thinking of my options. I glanced across the street, thinking about asking Mrs. Bouvier if I could borrow her Buick. Where would Lexi be going? Back to the airport, I assumed. Would I be able to find her in that rat maze? I had no idea what airline she was flying or her flight number. But I could try to call her cell phone. Maybe she’d answer.

I dashed for the front door and stopped when I saw her purse by the bushes. She had left it.

Yeah!

I picked it up and opened it. Her wallet and phone were inside. She’d have to come back for it to get through security. I took a few deep breaths and went inside. In a matter of minutes, my world had made a drastic shift. A change for the better — at least, I hoped. I leaned over the kitchen sink and splashed cold water on my face and head.

What would I say? I had to convince her I loved her. That I was willing to do whatever it took to support her and our children. Even if it meant cutting grass and flipping burgers, I’d do it. I would do whatever I had to in order to gain her trust and love back. As long as she was willing to give me another chance. But would she?

I heard a car door shut and tires screech. I threw the hand towel on the counter and rushed to the door. Just as I opened the door, Lexi lunged forward.

“Lexi! Thank, God.” I caught her in my arms. “Why did you leave? I was so worried about you.” I smothered her with kisses, forgetting what I was supposed to say. If I couldn’t tell her how much I loved her, I could show her. I was good at doing that.

Her hands flew to my face as she tried to kiss me. “I thought you didn’t care.” We covered each other’s faces with our lips, unable to stop our affection. The love we shared wasn’t gone; it was still there and stronger than ever. She held me steady, until I pressed my forehead to hers.

“No, baby. I was in shock, that’s all. I’m so sorry.” I connected my sight with hers, praying I’d see that familiar sparkle she had for me. With each blink, the vision became clear. I had captured her heart once more.

“I’m sorry, too.”

Hearing those words comforted me. Only Lexi knew how to do that.

“I love you. I love you so damn much it hurts.” I tried to hide the tears, but I wasn’t strong enough. The woman I loved had come back to me. She was going to love me again. Even though I wasn’t worth it, she was willing to forgive me and give me another chance.

“I love you, too, Raven.” She pressed her lips to mine and I savored her sweetness. Every ounce of it. It was a sweetness I never wanted to be without again. “Not one day has passed that I didn’t think of you. Of us. Of our babies. I never stopped loving you.”

“Oh, baby, I was wrong. So wrong to leave you.” I caressed her soft skin, skimming my hands up and down her arms. Her body called to me, leaving me weak and vulnerable. She was all I needed. “I feel terrible that you’ve been facing this on your own. When did you find out?”

“Four weeks ago,” she whispered across my lips.

“And you had no way of telling me.” I closed my eyes, cursing myself for shutting her out. “I’m such an idiot.”

She cupped my cheek and held my face in the palm of her hand. “Well, you’re my idiot.” She was right about that. I definitely was her idiot, but that was okay. As long as I was hers, it didn’t matter. Tears streaked her face and she sniffed.

I covered her hand with mine and stared intently into her eyes. “Will you ever forgive me?” I was handing over my heart. All she had to do was accept it. I’d love her forever. Do anything she wanted, as long as I could have her.

“It’s not that easy, Raven.” My head fell to my chest. I had celebrated too early. “I don’t want you to take me back just because I’m pregnant. I need to know that you love me, regardless. That you want to be with me, no matter what.” She lifted my chin, reconnecting our gazes. “I can’t keep going through this. You’re breaking my heart and I’m not sure how much more I can take.”

“I promise I won’t hurt you again,” I pleaded with her, trying to make her see and feel my sincerity. “I’ll do whatever it takes, baby. Please, just say you’ll take me back.”

“I want to, Raven, but—”

“But what?”

Had I screwed up one too many times? No! Please don’t say it.

She hesitated for a moment, her eyes filling with more tears. “I’m scared that the next time something bad happens, you’ll walk out that door and not only leave me, but our children.”

I shook my head and took a hard swallow. “No, Lexi. I could never do that to you — to them.” My hand dropped to her stomach and my eyes closed. Tears released and my chest ached. I made a promise right then and there, to never walk out on her or my children — no matter what. I was there to stay.

“But you have, Raven. That’s just it.”

“Then I’m going to have to prove you wrong.” With the pads of my thumbs, I wiped her sorrow away. “These past few months have been hell. And I’ve realized how much I need you… how much I love you.”

“And I need you just as much. Our children need you. But you’ll have to work really hard to prove that to me. Twenty minutes ago, you didn’t want to hear about other kinds of work and now you’re ready to do whatever it takes.” She searched my eyes for the truth and I allowed her to see through them. To my heart, which belonged only to her. I opened my soul to her, determined to tear down every wall and lie the demons helped build. If I was going to be with Lexi, I wanted to be as open and honest as I could be. It was the only way she would be able to trust me.

“I know it sounds crazy, but when I saw you get in that taxi and leave, I thought I’d never see you again. See my children.” I rested my hands on her stomach. “I could never live with myself knowing that I abandoned you and them. So, yes, I’ll do whatever you want me to do. As long as I can be with you and the babies, I’ll do it.”

She straightened and took a deep breath. “I want you to continue the counseling sessions.” My shoulders dropped and I sighed. The sessions definitely helped, but there were conversations that made my days hard as hell. “When you were seeing Dr. Galen, you were doing so much better. You were healing, recovering.”

“I know.” I stared at the floor. If I had to continue seeing Dr. Galen, I would do it for as long as I needed to.

“You need that, Raven.” She lowered her head, trying to see my face. “Our relationship needs it. But most of all, our children are going to need a daddy who can show them what it takes to be strong, to fight back, to persevere through the darkest times.”

She was right. I really had to learn how to control these demons and not let them take over when something didn’t go my way. What kind of father would I be if I couldn’t deal with life issues? Not a good one. Is that what I wanted to teach them?

“Do you think you can do that, Raven?”

I lifted my head. “As long as I’m with you, I can do anything, Lexi.” I threaded my fingers through hers and dropped to my knees. Gathering all my courage, I prayed she’d tell me the answer I was dying to know. “Please tell me you’ll still be my wife. There’s no one else in the world I’d rather be a husband to.” I placed our hands on her stomach and smoothed her shirt over her little belly. “Hi. It’s your long lost dad. But I’m here now and I’m going to take care of you and your mom. I promise to always be there for you, no matter what.” I rested my cheek against her stomach, hoping our new little creations could hear me. I still couldn’t believe I was going to be a father. Of twins!

“Oh, they heard you,” Lexi giggled, rubbing her belly.

I smiled at her as more tears dripped from my eyes. Never had I cried so much before. But these tears were good tears. “That’s because they know who their daddy is.”

“I love you, Raven.” She wrapped her arms around me and I held her close.

“I promise to love you forever, Lexi. Just give me one more chance. Please.”

“Only if you really want my heart. I’m done letting you borrow it. If you really want it, you’re going to have to work for it, and once you have it, you’re going to be stuck with it for the rest of your life.”