A Different Side (University Park #4) (48 page)

The memories rushed in. The drinking…the women. What I had done with Macy, Abby, Reece, and all the other girls at Jared’s. Regret furled inside of me. I was the biggest idiot. Why had I done those things?

“Aw, hell.”

“Just rest.” She gave me a gentle smile, but I didn’t deserve it. “You’re going to be okay.”

I closed my eyes, recalling more of what had transpired last night and over the past two weeks. Previous conversations flooded in, reminding me I wasn’t supposed to be with Lexi. We were done, over. As much as it hurt to acknowledge the truth, I had to face it. Lexi’s parents didn’t want me to be with her. They would do whatever they could to destroy me. I shoved away the memories, focusing on my painful reality instead. As much as it hurt to say, I had to get it over with and move on. “Why are you here, Lexi?” I shifted and gently pushed her away. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

She planted an arm on either side of me, holding her stance. Leaning in, she said with a stern voice, “Raven, tell me that everything you wrote me was a lie. Tell me it’s not true. All that we’ve shared and the time we’ve spent together, tell me it wasn’t for nothing. Tell me it meant something.” Tears poured from her eyes and my pain reappeared. “Please tell me that I didn’t walk away from everything for nothing.”

Her words gnawed at me, aggravating the wounds that had yet to heal. Then again, I wasn’t sure they’d ever heal. I needed Lexi in my life. I couldn’t make it without her. But was Lexi worth risking it all for? If her parents found out we were back together, they’d more than likely contact Coach Anderson and get me kicked off the team or out of school.

I took her hand in mine and pressed my lips together. Aligning my eyes with hers, I knew she was worth the risk. I was willing to give up everything just to be with her. Football didn’t seem that important to me all of a sudden. Not any more. Lexi meant more to me. I took in a deep breath and told her the honest truth. “It was all a lie, Lexi. Everything I said in that text. I didn’t mean one word.”

She squeezed her eyes tightly together, but the tears continued to fall. “Then why did you tell me that? Why did you leave me?”

Each breath became harder as I struggled to admit her mom had coerced me into breaking up with her. I also considered the fact that she might not believe me. It might look like I was using her parents as an scapegoat. Then again, it was the truth. If I was going to gain her trust, I needed be honest with her. But right now, I honestly didn’t have the strength.

“It’s a long story and I’ll explain it to you later.” I gathered her into my arms and drew her precious face to mine. No words could explain how terrible I felt about what happened. All the emptiness I’d felt without her. All the tears I’d shed for her…for us.

Our gazes aligned and I felt the same connection I had when I first made love to her. There was only one woman for me and if I couldn’t have her, I didn’t want to go on living. I needed Lexi and she needed me. I had to tell her how I really felt. She had to know. I wasn’t sure how many more chances I’d have with her. “I’m sorry about everything, but know this, I love you, Lexi Thompson, and I’m going to prove it to you, over and over again, just so you know and never forget.”

Her sadness instantly transpired into happiness and my heart soared. Staring deep into my eyes, she said, “I’m going to fight for you. As long as I have you by my side, I promise to give my life to you. Because I love you, Raven. I love you more than anything in this world and I’m going to stay right here next to you, just to make sure you know it.”

Our lips reunited and with her by my side, I knew I could battle my demons and win. I’d face whatever challenges her parents, Coach, school, or life threw my way. We may have been from opposite sides, but one thing was certain: we were meant to be on the same side.

Σ

Chapter 31

Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future.

~Swami Sivananda

“Relax. Everything is going to be okay.” Lexi flipped the collar of my shirt over my tie.

“I can’t relax, Lexi. I really effed up.” I stared into the mirror, working my tie into a knot, not liking the person staring back at me. I was disgusted with myself and pissed I went to Jared’s after I vowed not to. Not to mention, I couldn’t get the memories of Macy, Abby, Reece, and all the other women out of my mind. I might have been broken up with Lexi, but I felt like I’d cheated on her in the worse way possible — not just with one woman, but a slew of them.

“I know, but you’re going to march into the coach’s office and plead your case to him.” I still couldn’t understand why Lexi was so willing to forgive me and stand by my side. I really didn’t deserve her forgiveness and I wasn’t worthy of her love.

I turned around and rested my hands on her hips. “But, what if he refuses to give me another chance?”

“Don’t think that way. You have to keep a positive mind about this, Raven.” She lifted my chin, aligning our eyes. “I know it’s not easy, but you have to believe in yourself and know that you can turn things around for good.”

“You believe me, don’t you?” I searched her face for a sign, but it was hard to tell. Then again, I couldn’t blame her. Reviewing my past, it was a good predictor of what had happened. I didn’t take any drugs, at least not that I could remember, but the alcohol poisoning combined with a few hydrocodone pills was the perfect recipe to nearly kill me. I was lucky to be alive.

“As long as you’re telling me the truth.” She held a steady gaze and I pleaded with her to believe me and forgive me for everything I’d done. I regretted all of it. But there was no undoing it. I might have been easily manipulated into doing what was wrong, but I made the choice — no one else. I was the only one to blame.
Story of my life
. I just prayed I’d get another chance.

“I promise you, I didn’t take those pills. Someone must have slipped them in my drink. When I woke up in the hospital, I didn’t know what the hell had happened.” The weight of the stress had me slumped over and I felt like all life had been sucked from me. “All I wanted to do was drink away the pain…drink away the memories of you and me.”

I couldn’t even fathom telling her what I’d done, but I wasn’t going to hide it from her either. I had to work on gaining her trust and right now, I had zero points on the scoreboard. I was starting over — again. But how many times would she allow me to do that?

Tears collected in her eyes, but she blinked them away. “We’ll talk about it later. Now isn’t the time. You have to get your head together and tell Coach what happened.”

“What if he doesn’t believe me?”

“Hopefully he will.”

“What if he tells me I have to play?” I shifted from one foot to the other, trying to support my lifeless weight. I felt like I’d been run over by a semi but somehow survived the crash. “To be honest, I don’t think I can. I’ve never felt so weak.” I collapsed on the edge of the bed. I was in no condition to play football. I ran my hands over my head, pissed I’d let my team down. They’d never forgive me.

“Maybe he’ll allow you stay here instead of going to the hotel.” She zipped my duffle bag. “I think you need to rest all day and see how you feel.”

She had a good point. I just wasn’t sure if one day would be enough. It had only been thirty-six hours since I’d left the hospital. “No doubt that’s what I need. But when the media gets word that I’m not available for the press conference, they’re going to wonder what the hell happened.”

“Maybe he’ll say you have the flu and its unknown whether you’ll play.”

“I’ve played with the flu, this is worse.” I fell against the mattress, unable to sit up. This was worse than I thought. I had to be better by Saturday. I had two days to recuperate.

Lexi crawled across the bed and hovered over me. I stared at her with weary eyes. “This wasn’t how things were supposed to be,” I sighed.

“I know, but we’re going to make the best of it, regardless of what happens.”

“You promise?”

She touched my cheek. “I told you I would stay by your side because I love you. All I ask is that you’re honest with me.”

And that’s all I wanted to do. I needed her by my side. Feeling the softness of her touch made me want to take her in my arms and allow her to replace all the horrible feelings with her sweet love. I placed a soft kiss on her lips and hoped she believed me. Her lips lingered on mine, and I could see the need building in her. We needed each other. Only our love could repair the new holes I had created.

A strum of knocks sounded on the bedroom door and then it flung open. “Raven, let’s go.”

Lexi rolled to the side and I saw Josh standing in the doorway. “Make out later, we have a bus to catch.”

“I have your jacket,” Shelby yelled from the living room.

“I don’t know, man.” I rose slowly, my head spinning like I was still drunk. “I don’t think I can make it.”

Josh tightened his grip on the handles of his bag as his brows knitted together. “You feel that bad?”

“Yeah, I really do.” I reached for my bag, determined to get through this. My body swayed and I nearly fell to the floor. This wasn’t good. I definitely wasn’t in any shape to play.

“Whoa.” Josh extended a hand, keeping me from toppling over. “What are you going to tell Coach?”

I didn’t even want to think about it. But I had to. There was no way I could keep what had happened from him. He was going to find out and it would be best coming from me instead of hearsay or social media.

“I’m going to have to tell him what happened. I can’t hide it.” I glanced at him through heavy eyes. I prayed I could make it to the training facility and hold a conversation without passing out from fatigue. He’d see right through me. There was no hiding my weakness from him — or anyone else.

“You’re fucked.” Josh shook his head, pissed. “But I don’t think you have much of a choice.”

I gathered the little energy I had, stood and shuffled past him. Right now, I needed him to be my friend and he was being an asshole. “Thanks for the support.” I gave him a lofty pat on the shoulder and then walked down the hall.

“It is what it is,” Lexi muttered.

“Damn it!” Josh yelled.

I grabbed my jacket and put it on.

“You alright?” Shelby asked, holding Josh’s suit jacket in her arms.

“I’ll make it.”

“I’ll carry this for you.” Lexi picked up my bag.

I leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Thanks, baby.”

“I’ll drive.” Shelby took the keys from Josh’s hand. He hesitated for a moment and then released them to her. His face was red and his brows clenched tightly together. We both knew what was about to happen, but neither of us wanted to admit it. The team was counting on me and I was letting them down. I remained silent and walked them out the door.

We piled into Josh’s truck and Shelby drove us to campus. It was a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight. Too bad the day sucked for me. I stared out the window, watching as we passed the banners for the bowl game hanging from the light poles. Fans were going to be disappointed when they found out what happened. And even more upset when they learned I wasn’t going to play.

Shelby pulled into the parking lot of the training facility and the team’s bus was parked in front. Family, friends, and fans stood outside, anxious to wish us good luck as we headed to a hotel in Arlington. I shook my head. I still couldn’t believe I had screwed up. I had worked so hard this season to get us aligned for a good bowl game and now I blew it. A chance of a lifetime and I threw it all away. I tried to remind myself it wasn’t completely my fault, but somehow that didn’t seem to help. I was still responsible for my actions.

“Did you call Coach?” Josh asked, his voice sharp and to the point.

I took in a deep breath and pressed my head to the glass. “Yeah, I told him I needed to talk to him before we left.”

“You should’ve come up here first thing this morning,” Josh huffed. “Avoid all this unneeded attention.”

He was referring to the crowd of people running to see inside the truck. And he was right. I should have. “I know, man. But I literally couldn’t get out of bed.”

Shelby parked the truck and Josh’s door flung open. He grabbed his bag and slammed the door shut, shouldering past the groves of people.

“Josh, wait!” Shelby scurried after him, running in heels and hauling a huge purse on her arm.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. I stepped out first and then helped Lexi.

“Raven!” A few fans tried to get my attention while snapping photos of me. I gave a small smile and tried to look happy, but I didn’t have the energy.

Lexi stepped in front of me and adjusted the collar on my jacket. “You look handsome.”

“No I don’t. I look like shit.” I dragged a hand over my face as I leaned against the truck for support.

“Well, you might feel like shit, but you still look good.” She winked, trying to give my ego a boost, but I needed more than that at the moment.

“Thanks for being here for me, even though I don’t deserve it.” The crowd behind us was growing quickly. All eyes darted toward me and people were whispering into each other’s ears. My gut twisted and turned. I had a strong feeling they knew what happened to me on New Year’s Eve.

“I’ll be here, waiting. I’m not leaving until I know what the coach tells you. And your mom will be waiting for your call.” Lexi looked into the crowd and I wondered if she noticed the same thing.

“You can wait inside.” I took her hand and led her toward the double doors of the training facility. With every step I took, my heart raced and stomach twisted tighter. The warning I’d been given last spring rang loudly. Coach wasn’t going to put up with any more situations. My fate rested with him. It sucked that I had to confess what happened, but I had little choice. He’d eventually find out.

Fans screamed and yelled, vying for my attention. I plastered on my game face and gave them a big Texas wave. Lexi stood by my side, like a loyal girlfriend, supporting her man. I still owed her an explanation as to why I sent the text her mom pressured me into sending. Though I think she knew the reason, she still deserved to hear it from me. But first, I had to talk to Coach, tell him what happened, and pray he’d let me play — as long as my body cooperated.