A Different Side (University Park #4) (44 page)

“That’s okay. I’ve got my own party that’s waiting for me.” I picked up Lexi and tossed her over my shoulder, darting out the door. I had my winnings for the night.

∑

Chapter 27

The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed.

~Jiddu Krishnamurti

Over the next three days, I kept Lexi tightly wrapped in my arms. Loving her and worshipping her body like I wanted to. And I couldn’t get enough. We ate, showered together — which was freaking awesome — and worked out in the apartment complex gym. She understood my need to keep up my training for the bowl game and didn’t complain when I had to study plays or attend online meetings. After the nightly news and sports, we were back in bed, making love.

Being stuck indoors due to an ice storm was the best thing ever. It made me realize I could be the boyfriend Lexi needed. She definitely didn’t have a problem being the girlfriend of my dreams. She knew how to fill every hole in my heart and pleasure me like no other. There was only one woman I needed and it was Lexi Thompson. We were both caught in each other’s trap. And I was there to stay.

“What’s wrong? You’re quiet this morning.” I followed the waves of her hair with the tips of my fingers, unable to get enough of her.

The way she smelled.

The way her skin felt against mine.

The way she looked at me when I was deep inside her.

Our souls were meant to be connected together.

Shrugging, a slight smile settled on her lips. “Nothing.”

“If it’s about the other night, I’m sorry.” I glided the back of my hand along her arm, brushing my fingers against her, reveling in the silkiness of her skin. I wanted to forget about what had happened at Jared’s and just focus on us, but I couldn’t avoid it forever. What I did was wrong. Even though they’d slipped me a pill that reverted me back to the old Raven, I was still responsible for my actions. We should have never went to Jared’s. I knew better. Maybe I had some proving to do or wanted to boast about Lexi; regardless, it could’ve landed me in a lot of trouble and dragging Lexi to his place was stupid.

She laid her phone next to her and looked at me head on. “Promise me you won’t let your friends influence you.”

My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. I had disappointed her. I made a stupid decision and I hated myself for it. No matter how hard I tried, I was still the bastard who fucked up over and over again. Disconnecting my gaze from hers, I took a deep breath. “I don’t know why I let Jared try to talk me into…” I couldn’t even say the words.

“You’re so much better than that and you know it.” She lifted my chin, trying to get me to look at her, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t worthy of her love. She deserved so much more. The voices reminded me this wouldn’t last. Instinctively, I knew they were right.

“Raven.” Her voice was stern, the frustration seeping through. “I don’t want to see you throw your life away.” Her hands embraced my cheeks and I looked at her. With a soft, carrying voice, she said, “I want to see your dreams come true. You have so much potential.”

I smirked. “Yeah, I don’t know.”

As much as I wanted to believe her, it was only a matter of time before I really slipped. Last night was proof it could happen again. When the pains of everyday life became too hard to bear, the only thing that helped me escape was a good high.

“Listen to me.” She shook my face, as if telling me to wake up. Aside from my mom and Mimi, a girl had never gripped me like that. My jaw tightened, keeping the condemning words on the tip of my tongue. “You know you have what it takes to land a professional contract and I’m not going to allow you to think otherwise. And I sure as hell am not going to let you risk losing that opportunity just for a chance to get high.”

This woman was unbelievable. I still couldn’t comprehend why she wanted to be with me. Aside from the sex and eye candy, I was nothing but a piece of manure waiting to get scooped up and grinded into fertilizer. Being with her seemed to make my world so much better. She was right, I didn’t need a good high. As long as I was with her, she provided all the euphoria and joy I’d ever need.

“Why do you care about me so much, Lexi?” I felt the tears forming in my eyes, but I swallowed them back.

“Because you’re not afraid to show me how you feel about me.”

Her words bent my insides, releasing remnants of a pain I knew all too well — pain followed by disappointment. But disappointing Lexi was the last thing I wanted to do. I only wanted to show her how I felt about her. Doing that allowed me to capture her heart. Though, knowing her heart was caught in my trap scared me the most. If I wasn’t careful, I could wreck her perfect heart and she was too precious to deserve that.

“And that’s enough to want to be with me? Despite all my faults?”

“More than you know.” She pressed her lips to mine. “As long as I got you, babe, I’m happy.”

And with those words, I knew I’d be a fool to mess this up. I’d do whatever it took to make sure I protected Lexi’s heart by giving her all the love and attention she needed. “So, when your parents ask you what you did this past week, what are you going to tell them?”

“I spent it with you.”

A low laugh escaped and I shook my head. “Am I really worth it?”

“I’m willing to risk everything just to be with you, Raven. Does that answer your question?”

“Completely.” Lexi really was an amazing woman.

Her eyes circled my face and she pressed her lips together. “And what about you?”

I knew that question was coming and it was easy to answer. “Lexi, you are all I’ve ever wanted and more.”

A huge smiled emerged, but quickly vanished. Her eyes darted downward and I could see the same concerns written across her face.

I inclined my head, trying to get her to look at me. “What? You don’t believe me?”

“I want to.” Her eyes lifted. “It’s just…I hate that girls won’t leave you alone.” She grabbed her phone and scrolled through it. Then she turned the phone in my direction, showing me a picture of us playing in the snow. “Can’t they see that I’m with you?”

She had a point. “Maybe I need to make it clear that I’m with you.” I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and tapped the Facebook app. I quickly changed my status, telling all of PHU and the world I was with Lexi.

A notice appeared on her feed, stating I had changed my status to
in a relationship with Lexi Thompson
.

With her hand, she tried to cover her smile. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Damn, I loved making this woman happy. “I wanted to.” I winked and tossed my phone aside. “And now, I think I need to show you again.” I slid my arms around her waist and pulled her on top of me.

Squealing and laughing, she said, “Hold on, wait a minute.” With her phone in hand, she tried to scroll to something. “I need to change my status, too.” I didn’t let that stop me. I was on a mission to show her she was the only one for me. I pulled her shirt over her head and took the phone from her hand. “You can do that later. Right now, it’s you and me, baby.

***

Later that morning, my mom called to ask if I’d take her to the mall since the roads were clearing. Being locked in with Lexi was awesome, but after a week, we both agreed to get out for a while. On the way to the mall, Lexi’s mom sent a message telling her to go home. I wanted to be selfish and keep her with me until Christmas like we planned, but I didn’t want her to get in trouble.

After promising me everything was okay, we went to a mall about ten minutes from the campus with my mom and brothers, but our shopping adventure came to an abrupt halt when Lexi got another string of texts from her mother.

“Fuuuu—” Lexi withheld the word and I knew it was bad because she never cussed. Glancing away from her phone, she said, “I’m sorry, it’s my mom.” She quickly tapped a message. “She wants me to come home now. She’s freaking out over stupid stuff.”

My mom nodded. “Oh. Raven better take you home.”

“What did she say?” I reached for her phone, dying to know what her mom was telling her. Lexi was quick to drop it in her purse. That action set off a red alert. I just hoped her parents weren’t about to send a search team looking for her.

Lexi turned toward my mom. “I’m sorry. I know you’re right in the middle of Christmas shopping and—”

“Don’t worry about it.” Mom placed her hand on Lexi’s arm, more concerned about Lexi getting home than marking things off her list. “I can finish up later. Besides, we picked out a few things for Raven, Ashton, and Trey. I just need a few more things, which I can buy later.”

“Are you sure?” Her face dropped and her voice squeaked. “I’m so sorry.”

Mom waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry about it.”

My mom made her final purchase and we left. Lexi didn’t say much and by the way she chewed on her thumbnail, I knew she was worried about going home. Part of me wanted to hurry up and get her to Dallas, but another part wanted to tell her to just stay with me, to not go home until Christmas. But the last thing I needed was her parents upset with me. I wasn’t sure how I was going to function without her. I was so used to being with her night and day.

I pulled up to my mom’s house and dropped my brothers and mom off.

“Wait just a minute.” Mom motioned for me to stay as I shut the car door. “Delaney stopped by and left something for you.”

“Okay.” I removed my hand from the gearshift. I was certain Delaney left me something that had to do with the picture she took, but I wasn’t one-hundred percent sure I was ready to see them.

My mom returned with a large silver gift bag and I rolled down the window. “Be careful, Raven. The roads are still icy.”

“Don’t worry, Mom. I will.” My mom knew the car was a lease, she just didn’t know all the details behind how I got it. I’d told her not to ask, which she didn’t like.

Mom leaned her head into the car. “Lexi, it’d be nice if you could join us Christmas evening for dinner. My mom and my sisters, along with her family, will be coming in town. I’m sure Raven would like to introduce you to them.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that.” Lexi shot me a quick glance. It made me happy to hear she wanted to meet additional members of my family, and I couldn’t wait to introduce her to them.

“If it’s okay with her parents, I’ll pick her up,” I told my mom.

Lexi smiled. “See you soon.” Mom went inside and we waved bye.

I looked at the bag and then at Lexi. “Should I open it?”

“Yes, I want to know what she bought you.”

I plucked out the purple tissue paper and removed a large black portfolio — just as I had suspected. I took a silent deep breath. I couldn’t run from my past, hide from the present, or deny what I wanted for my future. I untied the purple ribbon binding the thick stack of cardstock boards, ready to accept the story of my life. Delaney had laid a variety of pictures with me in different poses at different stages of my life, all captioned with headings. It was all there. Vivid and realistic. Part of me hated it and the other felt sorry for the person featured.

“Wow. These are awesome,” I sighed. “She really did a great job.”

“Yes, she did.” Lexi glanced over my shoulder as I flipped through each board.

I smiled when I saw a picture of us playing football together. Aside from the partial topless show from the Silicone Triplets, it was one of the best days I’d had with Lexi. I was glad Delaney had captured that moment for us. The black and white photo focused on our faces, revealing the happiness shining brightly in our eyes. “I’m framing this one,” I informed Lexi.

Delaney used several pictures from my childhood she borrowed from my mom along with ones she took. Some were with Lexi and others by myself. Overall, she had seized the good and bad times of my life through the power of pictures. Mixed emotions filtered through me. I didn’t know whether to be happy or mad and rip the boards in half. Glancing at Lexi, she seemed equally tormented with the twists and turns of my life. I hated that she had to see those bad moments, but there was no changing them.

“Will you send her a message and tell her I said thank you?” My voice cracked and I tried to play it off by clearing my throat. I wouldn’t cry over damn pictures.

“Yes, of course.”

I stacked the boards together and placed them in the bag. “She’s an amazing photographer and storyteller.”

Lexi nodded and took the sack from my hands, placing it on the floorboard next to her. “Yes, she really is.”

I drove off slowly, heading toward my apartment. The mood from the past week had dramatically shifted, neither of us saying anything during the ride. I hated that her parents were still somewhat in control of her life. Based on the things she told me, I now understood her frustrations. I didn’t blame her for trying to take charge of her life; I would’ve done the same.

One by one, we trudged up the steps. I opened the door and the lights from our miniature Star Wars Christmas tree twinkled in the darkness. Knowing Lexi wouldn’t be here made me sad. I had to keep reminding myself it was only a few days until Christmas. I’d see her that night. I could make it.

Lexi reached into one of her bags and took out a small gift wrapped in shiny red paper. She placed it under the tree and then went to my bedroom. I thought about placing the gift I bought her under the tree, but slipped it inside my coat pocket instead. I left the rest of the gifts I’d bought at the mall in the living room and followed her.

“Can I help you?” I hated that my voice sounded thick.

Lexi kept her head tucked as she placed her clothes into one of her bags. “Yes, can you please get my stuff from the bathroom?”

“Sure.” I gathered her shampoo, bath gel, lotion, and hair stuff. Although these things had just made their way into my space a few days ago, I hated to see them gone. It felt like I was removing her from my life, permanently.