A Different Shade of Violet? (25 page)

The next week I spend getting better and feeling stronger. My leg is still bad and I’m going to be recovering from that for at least eight to twelve weeks, but I have crutches now and I can at least get myself to and from the bathroom. My lungs have practically cleared up, which is great because that pneumonia, even though they said it wasn’t the worst case they had seen, still felt like shit to me. And even though I was sick I still went to visit Hudson every day. They moved him from the ICU into the Surgical Ward for recovery, so at least he’s improving. And thank God they took that ventilator out, it was scary seeing him with that on his face.

Hilda or whatever nurse was on duty would take me to sit outside his room for an hour or so each day, and it was my highlight. I was constantly checking with the nurses for progress reports when I wasn’t with him just so I knew what was happening.

The guards are still outside both our rooms, even though the Dogs are all locked up. Apparently Mad Dog has been quite cooperative with the police and decided he didn’t want to live that type of lifestyle anymore. I don’t know if that’s because of our chat in the van or just because he was sick of living that way, or perhaps he’s just playing with the police. But either way, I’m just glad he seems to be steering clear of me and my employees, and more importantly – Hudson. Hilda walks in and I smile. She’s quickly becoming my favourite person at the moment.

“I have some great news for you today.”

“What?” I ask.

“You’re well enough to be discharged,” she says and I frown. “That’s a good thing, honey, it means you’re well enough to actually go in and sit with Hudson,” she says and I squeal loudly.

“Really, you mean it?” I ask and pull back the covers ready get out.

“Yep, sure do. I’ll help you pack your things and then I’ll help you down to the Surgical Ward. The only thing is that means you won’t be here anymore. So you will probably have to go home to sleep and then come back during visiting hours to see him.”

“Oh man. Can’t I just stay by his bedside? I won’t leave him now that I can actually be in there with him.”

“I’ll see what I can do, but the nurses hate having people in the Surgical Ward if it’s not a necessity. I don’t think there will be much I can do about it, but I will ask for you. Okay?”

“Please do. I don’t want to be too far away from him and especially not at home. That’s over an hour away from here. I can’t drive so the taxi fares will be ridiculous to and from here each day.”

She caresses my shoulder as I grab my crutches, stand up and start to walk toward the door.

“And where are you going now?” Hilda asks.

“To see Hudson,” I reply.

She takes my arm stopping me and I look at her furrowing my eyebrows.

“Hold your horses love, let me get you a wheelchair, it’ll be too far to walk on those. Can you wait five minutes while I get a chair for you?”

“Okay fine, but try and hurry, I’m bursting to see him,” I say and hobble back over to the bed to sit down.

“Right, one wheelchair coming right up.”

I’m so excited, I’ll get to actually hold his hand and touch his face. Being near him is all I crave and not knowing whether he’ll want me or not when he sees me is a worse torture than what the Dogs did to me. But I try to push all my doubts aside because I hope more than anything he’s willing to give us a go once I tell him I’m selling Cupiditas. I still haven’t told the girls that I’m going to be selling the business, and I know they will all be upset about it. But if this small sacrifice will win me Hudson permanently, then I am all for it. I was drowning there anyway, and I’m sure I can find work somewhere. Not that I actually need to work, I have plenty of money, but I would like something nice and easy, like a receptionist or bookkeeper to keep me occupied. Something with no stress and definitely no chance of outlaw motorcycle gangs showing up on my doorstep.

Hilda walks back in with the wheelchair quite quickly, maybe only a minute or two after she left.

“That was quick,” I say excitedly as I move to the edge of the bed.

“Well, I know how badly you want to be in there with him. I also know if it were my husband in there, I’d want to get to him as quickly as possible too.”

I blush a little. “Oh, we’re not married—”

“I know, but you have the same connection and bond that I have with my husband. I can tell how much you love him, and even though you’re not married, you’re in each other’s souls. And that my dear, is better than marriage,” she says while helping me into the chair.

“Thank you, Hilda, for everything.”

“Right let’s go.”

The security guard follows and I think I might tell Denzel he can stop with my security now. I’m pretty sure I’m safe, but I want him to keep it on Hudson. I definitely don’t want to risk anything happening to him… ever!

She wheels me down through the ward and straight through to Hudson’s room. My heart is beating so fast, I feel like my lungs are full of water again and I can’t breathe. I know he’s still asleep, but to be able to touch his skin, well that’s something I’ve been waiting two weeks for since the incident.

“You okay?” Hilda asks and I nod.

“I can’t wait to touch him, and hold his hand,” I whisper mostly to myself.

“Let’s get you in there then, hey?”

“Yes please,” I say as the security guards both smile at me. One of them opens the door to Hudson’s small room and Hilda wheels me in. I hold a breath as I’m wheeled over to his bed. He still has the dressings on his chest and a tube for oxygen going up his nose, not to mention all the wires coming off him in all directions. I swallow hard as even though he’s fast asleep and a bit of a mess, he’s still the most beautiful mess I’ve ever seen.

My hand shoots to my mouth as I try to hold back a sob. I’m so happy that I’m finally in here with him, but utterly devastated that he’s so badly hurt.

“Do you want me to stay or come back later when you’re being discharged?” Hilda asks and I can’t take my eyes from Hudson.

I can’t even find it in myself to answer her. There’s a ringing in my ears and my heart is racing so fast. I lean in toward him and reach out my hand to touch his face. He’s slightly cold, but he feels like the Hudson I know and love, just with a slight beard on his gorgeous face. It almost suits him. I sniff back the tears threatening to fall and take a deep steadying breath.

“I love you,” I whisper under my breath and Hilda rests her hand on my shoulder.

“I’ll give you some time, I’ll be back later. Just let one of the nurses know if you need me and I’ll come right back down,” she says and I nod, still not taking my eyes away from Hudson. She presses a button on the bed and it lowers down so he’s more in line with me in the wheelchair and I can get to him more easily.

“Thank you,” I say while she smiles at me and then walks out of the room.

I inch closer to him and take his hand in both of mine. I notice I’m breathing quite quickly, and I’m not sure if that’s because the vision in front is scaring the fuck out of me, or whether it’s just the normal chemical reaction I get whenever I’m near Hudson.

“I know I fucked up. I’m so sorry you got hurt like this and I
will
never forgive myself for it,” I say as a tear runs down my cheek. “I love you so much, Hudson. Please make sure you come back to me.” His hand tightens in mine. I look at his eyes and they’re fluttering open and closed. “Hudson I’m right here, I’m right here. I love you so much,” I say as I look at his face.

He opens his eyes wide and looks up at the ceiling, his eyes look empty like there’s no life in them at all. I feel anxiety bubble through me as he moans and I can see his chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Hudson?” I ask and he suddenly pulls the tube from his nose and goes to sit up groaning out in pain.

“Vee,” he calls out and I push on his shoulders for him to lay back down. He looks like he’s panicking. “Vee,” he calls out again as he tries to sit up yet again.

“Hudson. Stop! I’m right here.” I run my hands along his arm as his eyes search around the room.

“Jesus, Vee, I need you,” he says looking lost while he struggles against me.

“Shhh, Hudson. I’m right here. Please stop and look at me,” I say loudly as I notice the security guard look in through a crack in the door.

“Is everything okay?” he asks.

“I need to get to her,” Hudson says and tries to get up again only to groan and fall back to the bed.

“Something’s wrong,” I state as I grab hold of Hudson’s face and force him to look at me.

“I’ll get a nurse,” the security guard states and I nod even though I’m looking into Hudson’s eyes.

“Hudson stop moving, you’re hurting yourself. I’m right here,” I say forcing him to look at me as a tear falls down my face. I hate seeing him like this, it’s tearing me apart. I look deeply into his multi-coloured eyes and try to focus on our breathing. “It’s okay, I’m right here.” His lifeless eyes start to show a little brightness. I think he must’ve been having a bad dream and now he’s finally waking up and realising I’m here.

His hand shoots out and touches my face while he falls back to the bed. “You’re here?” he asks and I nod still holding his head in my hands.

“I’m always here for you, Hudson,” I reply and he closes his eyes and relaxes just as the nurse comes in.

“Hudson?” I ask and he take a deep breath and I feel his body relax. I think he’s fallen asleep again.

“What happened?” the nurse asks.

“He woke up and was frantic. It’s like he wasn’t even really there, like he was daydreaming or something. Then he looked at me and saw I was really here and then I think he fell asleep,” I reply wiping the tears from my cheeks.

The nurse nods and does some quick checks and places the oxygen tube back into his nose. I look down and notice one of his bandages is slowly covering with blood.

“Is that normal?” I ask pointing it out to the nurse.

She shakes her head and exhales. “Silly boy! Might have reopened the wound with all that struggling about. I’ll have to check it out,” she says and walks over. “Sorry hun, but I’ll have to move you out of the way for a brief moment.”

I nod, reluctantly letting his hand go. She wheels me out of the way and inspects his wound.

“Is it okay?” I ask and she nods.

“Yes, he’s fine. Just opened the wound a little, but it’s nothing to worry about. The stitches are still intact so it will just have to heal again. He wakes up like this all the time, searching for you. If he does it again, try to keep him down on the bed and call me as soon as he wakes up, okay?”

“Is it my fault he’s reacting like that? Is me being here bad for him?” I ask and she smiles.

“No honey, not at all. He’s just having bad dreams and waking from them, and with the sedation and painkillers when he wakes he’s not sure what’s real and what’s a dream,” she says and I nod.

“Okay, as long as I’m not hindering his recovery in any way. I just want him to get better,” I say while she wheels me back next to his bed. I pick up his hand and caress it in both of mine.

“He’ll get better, don’t worry. He’s already making remarkable improvements, he’s as strong as an ox and he’ll be back with you in no time,” she tells me and I smile as she walks out the door clicking it shut behind her.

I just hope she’s right and he does want me back once he wakes up fully. I hope like hell he doesn’t blame me for being shot. I already blame myself and it’d kill me if he was so desperately angry at me that he never wanted to see me again. I don’t think I could handle losing him after I thought I actually
had
lost him.

I sit there gently caressing his cheek and holding his hand. I miss kissing him, but because I’m in a wheelchair, I can’t move over close enough to kiss his lips. So I pick up his hand and kiss it gently. I sit like this repeatedly kissing his hand and stroking his skin. Nurses come in and check periodically and I try my best to let them do their work. But I just want to be near him. I’ve spent the most part of the last two weeks away from him and I really want to climb up onto his bed and cuddle into him, but I know that isn’t possible, so I just keep touching him in any way I can.

He moans slightly gaining my attention. I look at his eyes, they’re fluttering again and it looks like he’s going to wake up.