A Different Shade of Violet? (23 page)

“You asked for this, Boss.” He pulls the blade from my thigh and then pours the alcohol over the wound. I scream so loudly that it hurts my ears as the pain shreds through the wound and down my leg. I feel like my leg is melting, like an acid burn and there’s nothing that’s relieving the pain.

“Stop, please stop!” I beg before I can stop myself.

He smirks and leans in close to me again. “Give us Cupiditas, because if you don’t, we’re going to torture and kill every one of your whores. You say you have nothing to live for anymore, but do they?”

“You wouldn’t kill them all,” I reply and Mad Dog forms that disgusting grin on his face.

“Oh, sweet Violet, I would and just for disbelieving me I’ll kill their families too, and it will be
all
on you. I’ll start with Angel and go from there. Maybe I’ll drive up to Port Augusta and finish off what we started with Sheila, and take out her precious brother while we’re there. How would you like that?”

I shake my head and cry. Hard.

He pours some more alcohol over my wound and I scream again.

“C’mon Boss, just say, yes. I’m getting bored,” he says as he punches his fist into my leg and then pushes his thumb into the wound.

I scream out in agony as he pushes hard. “Yes, yes… okay. Yes, I’ll do it. Just don’t touch my employees,” I scream and he takes his hand from my thigh.

“Good girl, Boss, you made the right choice,” he says and I cry as I know I have doomed my employees… my friends, no… my only family. I just hope I can warn them before Mad Dog gets there.

“Right, everyone out,” Mad Dog says as I continue to cry. My body is aching so badly I can’t figure out what part of me is hurting the most, my head, my collarbone, my lungs, my finger, my ribs, my arm or my leg. Mad Dog moves his hand toward my face and he cups my cheek, caressing it with his hand. I don’t have the energy to fight him off.

“It’s a shame you’re a cop lover. We could’ve had a good thing, you and me Violet, you’re feisty and I like that, but, being on the right side of the law doesn’t suit me well. Thank you for giving us Cupiditas, and for retracting your statement. I’ll let you rest for now and then we’ll take you home. You’ve been here long enough.”

“How long have I been here for? It feels like hours?” I murmur, in reality I want to know how long Hudson’s been dead.

“A little over three hours, Boss. Not long at all really,” he answers then leans down and kisses my bloody forehead. “Rest, we’ll get you out of here soon. Oh, and if you go to the cops before handing over the business, I’ll kill everyone and make you watch,” he says and then leers, which unnerves me.

“Cupiditas is yours Mad Dog, just take me home,” I whisper feeling defeated.

“Yes Boss!” He salutes me. “I’ll get the van ready for your departure,” he says, now showing his nice guy lopsided smile. I’m not fooled though, his mood swings are fast and furious so I know that if I act up he will turn back into the Mad Dog we all know and hate. He gently caresses my shoulder and smiles at me again. I swallow hard and he turns and walks out of the room leaving the door open.

I tense up seeing an escape opening, but it won’t do me any good. I’m still tied up and I know they’ll find me anyway. Plus, I’m sure I won’t be able to walk too well with a giant stab wound through my leg. Suddenly gentle, soothing ocean sounds come out over the speakers and I look around the room wondering what the fuck this is.

“Just relax Boss. This is to help you unwind,” someone says over the speakers.

I tense up knowing it’s probably a trick of some sort. They’re lulling me into a false sense of security or something. I keep my eyes pinned on the doorway waiting for someone to come through, but they don’t. I can’t help but start to feel tired… overwhelmingly tired. The adrenalin from the torture is wearing off and the pain is kicking in hard and fast. I’m so tired and the music isn’t helping.

Maybe they want me to fall asleep?

I fight as best I can, but the pull of unconsciousness is calling and as much as I want to fight, I’m also hoping that the pull is toward my death and not just sleep.

Maybe the blood loss is going to end me?

I feel my body start to float. Like I am flying through the air. I don’t understand it at first.

If I was dead wouldn’t the pain be gone?

But it’s not and it’s only becoming more and more apparent as I come too fully. I’m actually being carried out to the van by Mad Dog. I look up at him through my foggy eyes and blink repeatedly.

“It’s okay, Boss, I’m taking you home,” he says and suddenly panic rips through me.

I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to go anywhere with these Dogs. I sit up in his arms and he holds onto me tightly as Chops opens the back of the van and Mad Dog walks me into it. I decide to fight one last time. I bring my hand up and slap Mad Dog across the face as he steps into the van.

“Fuck woman,” he snarls as he throws me down toward the back of the van. I scramble forward and scream with pain and determination to get to Mad Dog and I slap at him repeatedly.

“Shut the fucking doors and drive, Chops,” Mad Dog calls out and I suddenly realise that I’m going to be in the back of the van with him for the entire ride back to my house.

“Fuck you! I fucking hate you,” I yell out as I continue to slap against Mad Dog. He isn’t defending himself this time, just continues to let me do what I want.

“Boss, stop it! We’re not going to hurt you anymore.”

“I will be hurting for all eternity because of you, you fucking prick.” I spit in his face and I start to cry while the memory of Hudson’s dead body flashes into my mind in bright red Technicolor, and all I see is the blood.

“I know, I’m sorry Boss. I like you and I’m sorry it had to be done this way. But you’re such a stubborn arse that it was the only way to make you do what we wanted,” he says and I stop fighting against him.

“I don’t even know how someone could be as cruel as you are? Surely you have a family? Surely your parents wouldn’t be proud of the man you’ve become?” I ask and sit back down in the van next to him.

“My parents died when I was young. I had to make my own way through life, Violet. Things happen. We make bad choices and then we’re stuck with them for the rest of our lives. I bet there was a time in your life you never thought you’d turn into a woman whoring herself for cash? But things happen and we change. It’s life. Some of us are good, the rest of us are evil. It’s in my blood to be bad, Boss. I don’t know any other way,” he says and for a second I feel sorry for him, but then it’s replaced with anger.

“Everyone has a choice, Mad Dog. You can choose to stop this lifestyle anytime you want. Not everything has to be done illegally you know?”

“Why do you think I’m trying to get a legitimate business, Violet? Cupiditas is not only a great income for the Dogs, but it’s also a way of going straight—”

“So you want to go straight, but you go about it by stealing the business and torturing the owner to get it? Yeah, really heroic arsehole,” I say, starting to feel like I’m struggling to breathe.

“I didn’t say I was perfect, Boss, but I am trying. Habits are hard to break, you of all people should know that.”

“I still don’t understand you at all.”

“Boss, I don’t understand me either.”

I raise an eyebrow and shake my head. “But seriously why are you doing this? If you don’t like doing illegal things then why keep doing them? Are you scared of what people will think of you if you change?”

“Yes, that’s exactly it. How am I supposed to go from this tough leader of the most feared biker gang in all of South Australia to someone who doesn’t want the violence, greed, lust and anger? I don’t want any of it anymore, but because I have been so involved in doing things the wrong way for so long, how do I stop my bad behavior, Boss?”

“Wow, I don’t know how to go about changing behavior, I’m really not the right one to ask about that, but… do you really want to change?”

He nods and rubs the back of his neck. “I’ve wanted to for ages, I see the lives normal people have, family, friends, the love they share and I want all of that. Sure I have my ‘brothers’ but what good are they if all they want to do is torture the good people who have families that love them. I’m so jaded. I haven’t been loved by anyone for a very long time and yes I guess my brothers might care for me, but honestly if they had a chance to have Chops as their leader, they would kick me to the curb in a heartbeat. I’m not stupid, I know my brothers are only in this for the money. That’s why I need Cupiditas Boss, because if I don’t do something soon they’re going to start taking matters into their own hands and things around here are going to get a hell of lot worse than they are now. And trust me, it can get worse, torture and stealing businesses are only minor compared to the things my brothers have in mind.”

I can see he’s actually being honest and it shocks me to my core. This massive, tattooed biker is confessing his feelings to me and I don’t really know how to help him.

“Mad Dog, I think if you want out then maybe you should just leave the gang. You’re the president, surely you can step down?” I ask and he huffs and lets out a laugh.

“If it were that easy Boss, don’t you think I would have by now? One doesn’t simply leave an MC gang. Once you’re in it, you’re in it for life. The only way I’m getting out is by being six foot under and, to be honest, the way my life is right now I would gladly welcome it. But if I can change things around with Cupiditas then it might make life bearable again. I don’t know, I shouldn’t even be telling you this. If you blab to the other guys, it could be the end of me, and after what I’ve done to you I wouldn’t blame you. But if you do blab, I’ll be the first one with my hands around your neck, got it?” he states seriously.

I think our deep and meaningful chat time has just ended.

“You don’t have to always talk that way, you can still change you know?”

He scoffs and shakes his head. “No Violet, I can’t. I can try to do things legitimately, but in the end I’m a twisted fucker who gets his pleasures by pain. I’m sick in the head. I love the look of blood.”

I frown at him and shake my head. “You’re right, you
are
a twisted fucker.”

His nostrils flare. “Right, that’s enough. Shut up now, you need to conserve your energy.”

“You just don’t want to admit that you’re just a scared little boy pretending to be this big tough macho dick, but I see through you Mad Dog. You actually hate the violence. You hate this lifestyle, but most of all you hate yourself!”

He shakes his head and grabs my hair. “Shut your mouth, little girl,” he grunts out and then shoves me to the other side of the van. I blanch in pain but continue my verbal assault because now after what he’s just confessed and then him acting like a brute again, well I’m pissed!

“I’m not a girl, I’m all woman. Something you probably haven’t had in a very long time. Am I right? I bet you’re probably gay and trying to cover it up by pretending to be this big tough freak, but really you’re a weak as piss pansy arse!” I say through gritted teeth.

“Did you seriously just call me a fag?”

I nod and smile. “You are, aren’t you?”

“Right, that’s it! Fuck you, Boss. I thought you were a nice girl, but I can see you’re nothing but the gutter trash you look like.”

Anger surges through me and I rush forward on my knees and start to slap at him again. This time he fights back, grabbing my arms and pulling them out to the sides. I smile at him and he raises an eyebrow as I lean forward and head butt him again. He falls for this so easily and I manage a solid whack every time.

“Fuck, you bitch!” he bellows and throws me back across the other side of the van. My head hits the steel hard this time and I have to say my head feels like it’s cracking open with the pain like it’s splitting it in two. He crawls on top of me and I try to fight him off, but he slaps me hard across the face.

“Fuck taking you home the rest of the way, you can walk on your fucked up leg. And if you think for a second about running and not handing over the business, you know the body count will be on you! I’ll see you tomorrow at Cupiditas. Ten in the morning. Have the paperwork ready for me and if you don’t… I’ll hunt you down. And if you think the last four hours have been torture, that’s nothing like what I have planned for you next time, Violet Dyson,” he grits out in a menacing tone which forces me to stop. He pounds against the van wall and it screeches to a halt. I hear tires squealing all around us as Mad Dog pulls me to the back of the van. He opens it easily with a secret hidden handle and pulls me to him.

“Not a word to the cops. See you tomorrow, Boss,” he says and then leans in kissing me fully on the lips. I pull away abruptly and he throws me out of the van. I scream as my body falls to the bitumen road. I hit the ground so harshly the wind is completely knocked from my lungs. I gasp as I look up to see Mad Dog closing the back of the van and it drives off fast while the cars on the road drive past swerving either side of me.

A car squeals to a halt and I look up tensing my body for the impact, but it stops mere millimeters away from me. My head falls back to the road and I close my eyes just happy to be away from those stinking Dogs. I hear a car door open and shut and then a hand on my back trying to comfort me.

“Miss, Miss are you okay?” a sweet sounding female voice asks and I moan slightly. “It’s okay, I’ll get some help.”

I look up and I think I see an angel as the sun rises above the clouds and shines a bright light down on me through his beautiful brown hair. I close my eyes finally feeling at peace. I reopen them and see Hudson standing there wearing all white. He looks beautiful, simply breathtaking.

“Hudson?” I ask and he nods.

“Yes baby, it’s me. What have they done to you?” he asks as he floats across and caresses my cheek.

“It’s okay I’m here with you now. It doesn’t even hurt,” I reply as I stand up and he takes me in his arms.

“I love you, Vee, but you need to wake up.”

“No, I can’t lose you too. I need you, Hudson.”

“I know baby, but you’ll never lose me. I will always be with you. In here,” he says bringing his hand to rest over my heart. A persistent beeping noise is distracting me and I turn back to look at Hudson. “I love you, Vee,” he says and then with his hand still over my heart he pushes me and I start to fall. I fight to get back to Hudson, but I keep flailing and falling through the clouds. My body is getting heavier and heavier and with each inch I fall, the pain in my body is resurfacing. I can’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks as I feel someone squeeze my hand.

“Violet? Violet, are you awake?” I hear someone ask and my eyes flutter open as an all-encompassing pain rips through my body. I moan and the hand tightens in mine. “It’s okay sweetheart. I’ll get you some more pain meds,” she states and the hand lets go of mine as I take in my surroundings. The room is white and sterile and the beeping is becoming more frequent. I look to my right and see a heart monitor and that’s when I realise I’m in the hospital.

“Umm nurse,” I ask as I bring my hand up to my pounding head.

“Yes?”

“Where am I?”

“Emergency Ward at Flinders Medical Centre, sweetheart. You were found on the road and an ambulance was called to bring you in. How are you feeling?” she asks as I start to pull at the oxygen tube up my nose. “No sweetie, leave that on, you need it,” she tells me placing the tube back where it belongs.

“I feel like death,” I say and mean that statement wholeheartedly.

“Do you know what happened to you?” she asks and I remember Mad Dog and his threats about me telling the cops. I guess that means nurses too. I shake my head and decide to keep quiet from now on.

“Okay, well, just rest up. You’ve sustained quite a lot of injuries and the doctors will be taking you up for surgery on your leg soon.”

“Surgery?”

“Yes, the wound to your leg shows a possible torn tendon. They want to embed some sutures into the tendon, and they need to clean the wound too. Plus, we’ll be doing some X-rays on your chest because you’re so short of breath,” she says placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I know it’s a lot to take in right now, but we will fix you up, okay?”

I nod and then wince at the pain in my collarbone.

“Get some rest. I’m sure the police will want to talk to you once you’re stable enough,” she says and I nod followed by another wince.

I close my eyes and let the blackness take me so I can be with Hudson again.

My eyes flutter open and I’m in a different room. This looks more like a hospital room than the emergency ward I was in before. I feel slightly dizzy because it’s getting harder and harder to breathe. My head’s in a complete fog. I don’t know how long I was out for, but it feels like the whole world is passing me by and I’m stuck in some dream-like state.

A nurse comes in. I’m struggling to keep my eyes open and I try to talk, but it’s hard.

“Hey, it’s okay. Your surgery went really well. You’re all fixed up. The doctor’s a little worried about your lungs though. Seems you have some fluid on them, they’re worried about you developing pneumonia. That’s why you’re having a little bit of trouble breathing. But we’re going to look after you, you are safe here, okay?”

I nod as a tear runs down my cheek. She grabs my hand and squeezes.

“What about Hudson?” I ask and she frowns.

“Who’s Hudson, honey?”

“He’s… he’s…” I can’t seem to form logical sentences.

“Shh, it’s okay. You just rest and when you wake fully, we can talk some more.” I nod. “Go back to sleep,” she says and I don’t fight it letting my consciousness ebb away.

I wake up again and notice it’s still daylight, but it definitely must be at least the late afternoon. I feel more alert than last time and, even though, every inch of me is aching, the pain isn’t as bad as when I hit the ground after being pushed out of the van. I look around the room and just breathe.

Hudson is gone.

I don’t know how long I’ve been here for, and I might be getting pneumonia.

Great!

I lay for a while staring at the ceiling, just wondering how my life turned out to be one big steaming pile of shit. Everyone I love is dead or is about to be because I know the hospital won’t let me go to Cupiditas tomorrow with the paperwork to hand over the business to Mad Dog. All I seem to do is let people down and get them killed. I’m a terrible person and I really want to just end it all. But I’m not silly. I’m in the hospital and if I tried anything they would just resuscitate me.

Hudson is dead, of that I
am
sure.

My family, my friends at Cupiditas will soon be dead too.

How can I live with that?
How can I possibly have brought so much bad luck into my life?

A nurse walks in and smiles as she checks over the machines that are plugged into me. “How are you feeling?” she asks and I don’t have the energy to answer so I shrug and then wince as the pain rips through my collarbone and ribs.

“You really found yourself in quite a lot of trouble didn’t you?”

I turn away from her and look out the window.

“The police will be in shortly to have a chat with you. I know you’ve been through something horrific, but I hope you’ll open up to them. Don’t let the people who did this to you get away with it,” she says and squeezes my hand gently. I look back at her and a tear runs down my cheek. “It’ll be okay darling. No one will hurt you in here. I’m sorry to say you have two broken ribs, a broken collarbone, and a broken finger, but the damage to your leg wasn’t as bad as they first thought. It has all been fixed and we just have to monitor your lungs and watch them for the next few days. You are at a high risk for an infection, so you are on intravenous antibiotics and fluids to keep you hydrated. I know it’s a lot to take in, but you are going to be okay,” she says and I half-smile. “Okay, just keep resting. There’s a television up on the wall if you want to watch it. The remote is attached to your bed just here.” She points to a little gadget. “And if you need us just buzz with this one. How’s your pain?” she asks and I nod. I still don’t want to talk. “Okay, well if you need me just buzz.” She smiles and breezes out of the room.

I take a minute to look around. It’s only now that she has said something that I notice my arm in a sling. My pinky finger is bandaged up and plastered to the finger next to it and I have a drip in my hand and one of those monitor things on my finger.

I exhale and swallow hard. I look a mess! I try to get as comfortable as possible and just wait.

What I am waiting for, I’m not sure?

Waiting to live?

Waiting to die?

I don’t even think I care anymore.

Hudson is dead and that thought sends a shockwave of stabbing pain through my chest. I whimper and clench my eyes tightly as the salty water drains from them freely. I feel so empty. I honestly have absolutely nothing to live for… nothing. I can’t be here without Hudson. I don’t even know how I was living before I met him. He is the only good thing I had in my life and now, he too, has been taken from me. I cry really hard, to the point of sobbing. I love him so much and my heartbeat is so fast the machine is starting to beep. I can’t help the state I’m getting myself into. I bring my free hand up and wipe my nose with the back of my hand as the nurse comes back in.

“Oh, are you in pain?” she asks as she walks in checking the heart monitor.

I can’t talk. I’m too busy sobbing for the loss of my lover and best friend. I think about Midas and how he has lost his dad. I think about Bill and Fran and how they have lost their eldest son. Then I think about Brige and how she has lost her brother, and that thought just grips and squeezes my heart, which in turn, makes me cry harder.

“Oh sweetie, what did they do to you?” she says leaning down and comforting me.

I look in the doorway and see two police officers standing there.

“Is now a bad time?” one of them asks and the nurse looks at me and nods.

“Yes, I think she’s a little overwhelmed.”

“Okay, we’ll let her settle down, but we’ll be back soon,” he advises and both of them leave.

Just seeing the police uniform makes me shudder with even more overwhelming sadness. Even though Hudson didn’t wear a uniform, it still reminds me of him. And at the moment I am drowning in my own grief. I want him back so badly I can’t stand it.

“I’ll arrange for someone from the mental health team to come in and see you. See if we can help take your fears away, hey? How does that sound?” she asks and I nod just to get her to leave. I want to be on my own, drowning in my own misery. She smiles at me, hands me a box of tissues and then walks out of the room.

I blow my nose and continue to silently cry. I feel so empty, like I’m a void filled with nothing but a poisonous black cloud that has completely engulfed my entire body and has drained all hope, filling me with mixed emotions, but mainly utter despair and inner turmoil. Anxiety has overtaken me, my heart pounding in my chest, my body shaking with fear and dread. There’s nothing but overwhelming negativity clouding my thoughts and fears. I can’t believe this is happening and I really just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I lay staring at the ceiling while tears that don’t stop stream down my face. I’m not sobbing anymore because I honestly don’t have the energy or strength. I feel so weak.