A Death in Canaan (14 page)

S:

And by so doing, we take the first step towards getting you the kind of help you need.

P:

You know what one of the things—before I get into it—would have helped?

S:

What?

P:

When I was younger. When I was fourteen or fifteen, is if I had one of these Big Brother outfits.

S:

You know what would have helped, Pete?

P:

A father.

S:

A decent home, a decent mother and father. That's what would have really helped.

P:

I don't think my mom was that indecent.

S:

No.

P:

I think she did a good job for what she was doing. I think she really tried. But, last year or two she told me that at this point she wasn't putting her all into taking care of me like she used to. When I have children, I want them to have a good family, a good home, the things they want.

S:

That you never had.

P:

Well, I had everything I ever wanted mainly.

S:

You haven't had love.

P:

I haven't had the love …

S:

Right.

P:

I'm hitting the nail over the head now.

S:

I want you to tell me the truth.

P:

Is my name gonna be put in the newspapers and everything?

S:

No, no, no.

P:

I mean will people find out what I've done?

S:

We don't run newspapers, Pete, but we have an obligation to take every step possible to see that people like you aren't crucified in the paper.

P:

Will I end up going on trial or something?

S:

Let's put it this way. You'll end up getting the help that you need.

P:

Yeah, but I mean am I actually gonna end up going into a court?

S:

You will go to court. You'll be arraigned.

P:

I mean, will there be like twelve …

S:

No.

P:

… men there?

S:

This is a question I can't answer. If it's decided that you are in need of psychiatric help and you're not fit to stand trial because you didn't understand the nature of what you were doing.

P:

Am I under arrest now?

S:

No.

P:

Will I have a record or will it be considered a mental thing?

S:

This is a decision that will be made by the State's Attorney. We have nothing to do with this. But I will say this, Peter, I think it's obvious to everyone concerned here that the direction your case should take is for treatment.

P:

Yeah. But I'll put my foot down right now that I just can't go out of society for three months or something. Or leave my school.

S:

Suppose it's the only way you can get help?

P:

Oh, if it was the only way, I'd do it. In a state hospital, would I still be going to school?

S:

You're asking me questions that I really can't answer. I'm a policeman, and I really can't answer your question. I know basically what they do. They treat people. And, I suppose they have provisions for young people going to school. But you're asking me questions about different things I can't answer because it's not within my—it's not within the purview or scope of my duties. What is the primary interest to me is, number one: As it stands right now, we know and we feel that we can prove that you were responsible for what happened last night. Just by virtue of the time sequence here, we know you were in that house at a certain time and we know your mother died at a certain time, and the two identify. OK?

P:

What do you mean? Do you think I killed my mother?

S:

I know you killed your mother.

P:

I mean, do you think I kicked and beat on her until she was dead?

S:

As I said, Pete, I know that your mother died at your hands.

P:

In my hands?

S:

At
your hands.

P:

Because of me.

S:

Right. Now what we do now is to seek the help you need. We do that first by establishing a trust between you and I. All you got to do is get over the mistrust. You've got to trust someone. I think you ought to trust me.

P:

But still, should I really come out and say something that I'm not sure?

K:

Peter, I think you're sure.

S:

Pete, you're sure.

P:

No, I'm not. I mean I'm sure of what you've shown me that I did it, but what I'm not sure of is how I did it.

S:

Pete, if you don't begin to trust me, you're never going to receive the kind of help that you need, because you've got a problem.

P:

Um, could you give me an idea when it could be arranged for me to see a psychiatrist? I mean, I want to go soon as possible.

S:

Well, the sooner that you and I sit down here and have our talk the sooner you'll see a psychiatrist. Now, why don't you start and just try to trust us enough to put your future in our hands. We won't hurt you.

P:

OK. I walked into the house. I yelled, “Mom, I'm home.” Now maybe she did answer me and maybe she didn't. And, I looked and I know I saw her. And, the double take was when I saw her on the floor. So, should I say I did it now? That I did do it?

S:

Peter, you did.

P:

I mean everything's not too clear. Things are still getting clearer. Things are clearing up, you know what I mean?

S:

As you trust us more, if you do, things will clear up.

P:

Well, it's hard for me to say I did take the razor …

S:

It's hard for you to trust us.

P:

OK. And, I'm not sure whether she—well, she must have gotten out of bed. I don't remember that, but she must have because the book ended up in the kitchen—uh, the living room. So, we argued about something, which I still haven't been able to narrow down. Most likely, and in my head, it is about the car. Because of how much I needed a station wagon. And, whether she pushed me or she picked up the razor or what—came after me, I took it away from her or what, I don't know. I remember slashing toward her throat and—let me see—things are getting lost now. And, at that point I'm not too clear on how her clothes got wet. Whether I took her—whether I cleaned her up on the floor or what. Or whether she—you know, they were wet when I got home or what. Or—which I—you know, I doubt. And, then I remember seeing her on the floor and that was the second half of the double take.

S:

You remember the knife?

P:

There may have been a knife but I don't recollect it as well. Why do you ask about a knife?

S:

Well, Pete, you know there was a knife.

P:

I mean, was there a knife mark?

S:

Pete, you know very well why I won't answer that question. 'Cause you're not being honest. You're being dishonest with me. You're trying to maneuver me and trick me into telling you facts that you already know. I know the facts.

P:

Well, if you would give me some hints …

S:

No, Pete, it's not necessary for us to give you hints. You know the facts as well as I know the facts.

P:

But I don't.

S:

And, you know as long as you play these headgames with me, you're not trusting me. You know, I'm going to tell you something and I'm telling you this from my heart. Until you begin to trust people, especially people like me that work for the state of Connecticut and are responsible for handling these situations, you're not gonna get the help; you're not gonna reach the goals or objectives that you have laid out for yourself.

P:

Well, I'll go right in there on the polygraph—the polygraph machine again.

S:

Pete, you're playing headgames again.

P:

No, no, no, no …

S:

Sure you are. You're playing headgames with me, Pete. You've been playing headgames with us here for two days. You know it and I know it.

P:

I don't know it.

S:

Listen to me for a second. I know for a fact you been kicked around. I know a lot about your background. Although you may think that my objective is to put you behind bars and hurt you or bury you someplace, you're wrong. If I can help you, if I can help any citizen, especially any young boy or girl, that's what I get paid for. OK? Playing headgames with me here, showing your mistrust in me, is not doing a thing for you. Because you see, Pete, I know what happened last night almost as well as you know what happened last night. And, I'm telling you honestly, and I'm telling you this looking you right in your eyes, that the only way you're gonna have a prayer of straightening yourself out is to play it straight with us and we'll play it straight with you.

P:

I'm trying. I'll go in on the polygraph machine if you'll ask me if I know this.

S:

Pete, you've been on the polygraph test.

P:

But that part of the question wasn't asked.

S:

Pete, let me tell you something. I've sat in the other room and watched hundreds of these polygraph tests. OK? And, for once you got to realize that if we're gonna get anyplace you've got to break down and trust me.

P:

I know it.

S:

OK.

P:

But I wish I knew.

S:

Well, I'm
telling
you, Pete.

P:

I want to know, that's it.

S:

Pete, sit down and relax and give yourself a minute. All right. Your mother's dead. Now this could be the best thing that ever happened to you. OK? If it is, let it happen.

P:

Well, it happened.

S:

All right. But let the freedom that you speak about happen.

P:

I'm really trying. I'm trying as hard as I can.

S:

I know you're trying, but you're so afraid that we're gonna hurt you.

P:

I don't feel afraid. I feel very calm, except that I'm getting irritable because everyone's telling me I'm playing games. And I don't mean to play games.

S:

Tell me about the knife, Pete.

P:

I don't know anything about a knife. What's the difference between my saying something about a razor or saying something about a knife? Either way I'm still saying that I did it, right? If maybe I made a mistake about the razor, then maybe I did, but I don't remember that knife. If I did, I'd say it. That's what I'm trying to put across. I don't remember a knife.

S:

How did you—how did your mother's clothes get wet?

P:

That's what we were talking about, and I wasn't sure, but I may have tried to wash her down and clean her up or something.

S:

Where?

P:

I don't know. That's blank.

S:

Why?

P:

I don't know. Maybe I don't want to remember it. I don't know. I still got to keep pounding it till it all comes out. I know that.

S:

Why don't you remember?

P:

I'm trying hard as I can. I mean, it's bad enough realizing and finding that my mom's dead, but, finding that I did it makes it even worse.

S:

How many times did you cut your mom?

P:

Once is all I can remember. Slashing at her throat. That's all. I remember jumping on her.