8 Mile & Rion (20 page)

Rion has two hand guns of her own, good for her but not enough for me. To protect her I want as many weapons as my money can buy. Just looking over at her even just briefly makes my heart race. When I look at her I see possibility. Like she said, second chances. She gave me a home, a job and her heart.

Without her, I’d be homeless, jobless and fucking clueless.

Trying to be quiet, I set about making us something to eat. It’s a miracle she even remembers to feed herself the way she works and the fact that not only is she grieving her dad, she’s had her whole world turned upside down. Remembering what it felt like to let go inside of her, take her the way I truly wanted to, had me getting hard again.
She
was amazing, she loved me and I loved our time together.

“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” she asks, wrapping her arms around me. I smile down at her because her arms only make it half way around me but she does it anyway.

“Grilled chicken salad,” I tell her, kissing her nose. “That work?”

“That works,” she says going for the dishes.

“I got it,” I tell her, pushing her into the chair wanting her to rest. “When’d you learn how to shoot?”

“I was seven and told Senior I was sick of playing with toy guns, that I wanted the real deal,” she laughs. “He said, ‘you sure about that Junior?’ And of course I was, I was seven. I knew everything.”

“Then what happened?”

“He took me for a drive about an hour from here and grabbed a rifle out of his truck and told me what it did, what to expect and to use the sight.”

“Did you?”

“Actually no,” she giggles. “I target shoot, drove him nuts.”

“Who taught you to fight?”

“Oh that’s Rio’s fault, he doesn’t fight fair either. He is a mean son of a bitch.”

“You two never---”

“Oh god no! He looks at me like a sister,” she says, squishing up her face. “Take that back.”

“I take it back.”

“So Jill,” she says quietly with her face balanced on her palms. “How did you meet her?”

“Small town, no options,” I tell her truthfully. “I played football, she was a cheerleader.”

“A cheerleader? That’s it?”

“Well, that and she’s a whore, but I told you that.”

“Any other girls have a shot at your heart?”

“No,” I grunt. “Just Jill and she never had my heart.”

“What did she have?” she asks.

Not wanting to answer, I make it about her. “How’d you meet Peter?”

“You’re good at this,” she says, pouring a glass of wine. “I met Peter at a coffee shop.”

“Figures.”

“Hey!” she growls. “This is getting to know you stuff, don’t you
figures
me.”

“He rich?”

“Define rich.”

“He’s rich then,” I mumble, flipping the chicken.

“Stop it. I’m not much into money as you can see,” she says, waving her hands. “I’d rather be here than Ann Arbor, spend time with you versus anyone else and I’d rather drive my Taurus than the other car.”

“E-class Rion, it was an E-class.”

“E-class, B-class who cares. As long as it starts, I’m a happy girl. Tell me, are you a truck guy?”

“Yeah,” I mutter. “Got a truck back home.”

“I just had a killer idea! Let’s road trip it this weekend and go get it!”

“No!” I yell throwing whatever the fuck the utensil was I was cooking with. My yelling startles her as much as it did me and look at her, I see she’s hurt and that makes me hurt. “I mean, I’ll buy another one soon.”

“You know, I’m really not all that hungry. Just box mine up and I’ll eat it for lunch tomorrow.”

“Rion---”

“I’m tired, Loyal,” she says, moving away from me and taking her wine with her. “G’night.”

Finishing my salad alone, I boxed hers up and don’t join her in bed. She hadn’t invited me and I have a feeling she doesn’t want me to next to her anyway. Taking the chair in the corner, I watch her toss and turn as if she was searching for me. Then she bunches up the pillow I use and holds it close to her, eventually falling back asleep.

I’d do anything for her. Except take her back home. The less she knew about my past, the better.

‘The day you start thinking for yourself, your whole life is gonna change.’

~Rio

Apparently when the Tigers win a few games, everybody wants in on the action. Normally our busiest time is football season but there must be a full moon or something because the phone was ringing off the hook. Tigers baseball is a sight to see and let me say it never gets old. Loyal is running his errand, then has several collections while Rio stays with me. The plan is, Rio will collect when Loyal gets back, you know, to babysit me.

Taking a quick break, I see Rio pretty much being lazy because he’s stuck with me, so I decide now might be a good time to pick his brain. But Rio being Rio beats me to it. “That last note had Loyal pretty worked up,” he says stretching out in the chair. “I’m just wondering why you ain’t so worked up.”

“Just because I’m not in hysterics doesn’t mean I’m not worked up,” I remind him. “But with Loyal around it’s hard to let it bother me.”

“He tell you what he did in the Marines?”

“He was vague about it,” I admit. “Why, did he tell you?”

“Yeah,” he says sitting up. “He ain’t no joke, Junior. He’s seen some serious shit.”

“Like what?”

“You’d have to ask him. Guessing if he wanted you to know he’d tell you, right?” he says. “Anyway, any luck tracking his brother down?”

“No,” I mumble because I’m pissed Loyal would tell him but when I ask he shuts me down. Hell, when I ask him anything, he shuts me down. Unless he’s fucking me, then I can’t get him to shut up. Scribbling on my notebook a reminder to touch base with Lina, it’s when Rio gets serious that I get even more pissed off.

“It’s guy talk, Junior, you know that better than anyone. Don’t get pissed off about it. Christ, you’re being a total chick right now. It doesn’t look good on you.”

“Shut up, Rio.”

“Excuse me?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at me. “Did
you
just tell
me
to shut up?”

Having enough of his shit for one afternoon, I stand up to leave but he stops me. “Let go,” I warn him.

“Or what, Junior?” he laughs at me. At that moment I’ve had it. Guy talk was one thing. I was raised around it, most of the time I was involved in it, I get it. But when you’re in a relationship and the man you fell for won’t talk to
you
but will talk to your best friend because
he
has a penis, I do have a problem with that. On top of all of this bullshit he’s acting weird, he never laughs at me either. Normally, Rio is the first to back me, but now he’s throwing guy talk in my face acting like it’s funny, that’s not like him.

“Or I’m going to bust your lip open, asshole.”

When he throws his head back and really starts laughing, I feel my hands tighten into baby fists of fury. Standing there with narrowed eyes, when he brings his face back and looks at me while continuing to laugh at my upset, I do as I said I would and let it rip.

“Jesus!” he yells flying out of his chair. “You fucking hit me!”

Ignoring him, I head over to my apartment slamming the door in his face. Not one to be outdone, he crashes through the door looking all sorts of angry. “The fuck is your problem!” he yells while holding his mouth.

Getting in his space, I tell him what my problem is. “You know shit about relationships he-slut. Don’t you guy talk
me
! Quit getting in my shit and don’t you ever fucking laugh at something that bothers me again or I’ll dislocate your god damn jaw next time. Without a working mouth your social life would go in the shitter!”

“Watch yourself,” he says, looking down at me. “You don’t speak to me like that.”

“Speak to
you
like that? You have no filter with me so let’s be fair about this, shall we?” I spit. “Which part didn’t you like? Being called a he-slut or not being able to talk shit with your jaw broken? Your women like your shit talking though, right? Isn’t that your claim to fame? You don’t let them see you, you hide from it. Just like he does which makes you both pussies. Guy talk my ass.”

“Enough Junior,” he growls, but fuck him on this one.

“Fuck you, Rio.”

Grabbing me by my shoulders and pushing me into the wall, he leans in and whispers “
I
said enough.”

“
I
said fuck---“ then his mouth was on mine and I was in so much shock that I froze up. It took all of about three seconds before I kissed him back too. Kissing Rio was a dream I’d had as a smitten teenager with hero worship. Never did I imagine he would kiss me like
this
and that I wouldn’t like how it felt. I wasn’t sure how to stop this until he had the common sense to back away first while looking as confused as I did.

“Fuck!” he bellows, punching the wall next to my head. Taking one last hard look at me, he heads for the door slamming it behind him.

As for me, I just stood there staring at the hole he left wondering which was bigger. The hole in the wall or the one in my heart.

‘You're always searching for the thing to heal you, and I thought therapy would give me that. But it didn't - it just helps you recognize your demons.’

~Rick Springfield

Today’s session was fucking brutal. Telling him about my past (not all but some) made me uncomfortable. Shit got way out of hand and I’m embarrassed I let it happen in the first place. Letting Jill take advantage because it was easier than bothering with her, was my own damn fault. Expecting to come home and in payment for letting her live off me, demanding use of her body probably wasn’t the healthiest way to do things. Especially, when she didn’t want me and I didn’t want her. Sex with her was about as enjoyable and waxing your balls. I didn’t want to fuck her, I did it to prove a point. He asked me if by allowing her a certain lifestyle and demanding sex as payment for it was a means of control. My answer was, probably.

Considering I hated her as much as she hated me, I figured punishing her for lying to me in order to marry her was my due. Thinking of her as a whoring prostitute was wrong because then I’d have to acknowledge I was okay with paying her to fuck me. Christ, I’ve done so much wrong it’s pathetic. This Jill shit felt like a virus I couldn’t shake. Like I was infected with it and was afraid to spread it to Rion. Then we touched on my brother but since I haven’t seen the guy in years, I didn’t have much to offer with details. The last time I even spoke to him was two years ago when he told me he lived here. I didn’t even have a picture of him and his new family when he was adopted. His new family rarely allowed me to contact him and from there he became a spoiled little asshole I didn’t have much use for.

Now that my session was over I was feeling raw and moody. Collecting didn’t take long. The three guys that owed took one look at me and opened their wallets. Last night with Rion still had me on edge so when the last collection was done I found myself taking the long way back. Not that I didn’t want to see her, just that I didn’t know what to say when I saw her. The very things I want to keep private, she wants to know and I’m not ready to tell her. Especially after that session when I figured out it Jill may not carry all the blame. The therapist made it clear I wouldn’t move forward until I was ready to own my shit and truth? I was no more ready to own it then I was ready to share it. She may have the right to know these things but the risk of fall out is too great. I just got back on equal footing with her and I wasn’t ready to face the fact she might very well tell me to go fuck myself over the shit with Jill. There were no words to explain what I’d done to Jill, what I allowed Jill to do to me. From where I was standing, both of us were assholes.

Parking in the garage and heading into the office to log my collections and give her the money, I see Rio at the computer but she’s not here. “Across the hall,” he says gruffly “You’re back and I gotta go. Later.”

Before I could say anything, he was gone.

Letting myself into the apartment quietly, I see her sitting on the couch staring at the wall. Instantly I go on red alert. “Rion,” I say, getting her attention.