8 Mile & Rion (32 page)

I had text Tank asking them for a ride home if they were still in town. I had planned to crash at Senior’s because my place was fucking ruined with ticking clocks and pictures of myself everywhere. As far as I was concerned, I was never going back in there again. “They won’t come to blows if that’s what’s stressing you out right now,” Shayla says, rubbing my back. “We overheard everything and Tank won’t put his hands on him.”

“I can’t say the same for Loyal,” I whisper. “He’s got a temper.”

“The things he said to you weren’t said in truth. They were meant to get a reaction, Junior.”

“How do you know that?”

“His pupils were dilated and his breathing was erratic. You threw down the gauntlet and Loyal panicked. Reverse psychology only works when you know how to do it. Obviously, he doesn’t.”

“Ah, so you have a therapist too, huh?”

“No,” she laughs. “I am a therapist; it’s where I first met Thomas.”

“You were his therapist? You said you met at a restaurant.”

“We did, and no, I wasn’t his therapist. I saw him at my office and played hard to get, but not for long, though. He’s very convincing when he sees something he wants.”

“Why is getting through to him so damn hard? He was married, Shay. Hours ago the woman came to my apartment. She’s smoking hot and nuts to boot. She’s part of the reason he doesn’t trust people. Only come to find out, they weren’t really married but he thought they were. All the time he was with me, he did so thinking he was married to her. He lied to me. Oh and let’s not forget he was cheating on his fake wife! I’m a home wacker!”

“Do you wonder why he lied?”

“Of course I wonder,” I groan squeezing my eyes closed. “From the first time he said her name, I wondered. I wondered why I was such a glutton for punishment. I wondered why I fucking bought it hooker, coke lines and sink holes!”

“Okay, so you might be a little drunk so let’s deviate. Are you able to forgive him, Junior?”

“That’s all I do is forgive. Forgiving is for grown-ups and I’m taking the night off.”

“When you love someone forgiveness is as important as the love itself. Love isn’t without fault. He was right, though. Neither of you are perfect, but that doesn’t mean by forgiving you have to forget. You need to learn from it, you both do. Focus on what he does right versus what he does wrong.”

“I love him, Shay,” I whisper. “I hurt with it. Is it wrong that I want to fix him?”

“No,” she says softly, “but some wounds need time to heal. You can help him with the healing, but you can’t fix it for him. He has to do that.”

“Can I go home and pass out with my clothes on now?”

Before she could answer, Loyal and Tank walked out of the bar together. Neither was bleeding which I took as a good sign and when Loyal stood before me looking lost then offered me his hand, I didn’t hesitate in taking it.

Glutton for punishment should be on my name plaque on my god damn desk.

‘It's not who you are in your life, it's who you have by your side that matters...’

~ Ritu Ghatourey

Completely raw, I sat there with my head in my hands. If Tank was looking for an opportunity to kick me while I was down, this was it. When no blows came I figured he saw me for the pathetic mess that I was and took pity. Pulling a chair out, he joins me at the table, but doesn’t speak. His silence was worse than waiting for him to strike. Rion is outside, she is drunk and she is hurting because of me.

I really thought she’d fight back. That she’d tell me I was a fucking idiot but still loved me anyway. “Eleventh grade,” he says after sipping on his beer, “this chick I nailed told me she was pregnant after I refused to nail her again. Junior overheard her joking with her girlfriends about it and was nearly expelled for the hurting she gave that bitch on my behalf. My point is, she don’t like to be lied to. You made her feel like a fool and I can’t think of a woman who’d be down with that. You should have been honest with her, you weren’t. The shit you said tonight though, I got where you were headed, but you hit a wall…hard, with your face.”

“No shit.”

“We all knew Rio loved her. Only one who didn’t know was Junior. Senior made him promise to stay away from her, he did. Her losing Rio for a guy that just threw him back in her face had to sting. Junior doesn’t have family, she has something tighter than family. She has Rio and she has me, now Shayla too. If she said she loved you, she meant she
loved
you. Junior needs two things, loyalty and honesty. You give her those?”

“No.”

“And yet she loves you anyway. That’s a good woman, Loyal.”

“Until a few hours ago, I thought I was married,” I confess. “Sent her the papers wanting a divorce, but she shows up causing trouble like always and outs me in front of Rion.”

“Ouch,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “Were you planning on telling her?”

“I was afraid she’d leave if I did.”

“So no,” he says shaking his head. “Listen, Junior ain’t like other women, but she’s still a woman. I’m sure you heard the second chances spiel but it’s not bullshit, it’s who Senior raised her to be. Not many men can raise a daughter alone like Senior did. He was a rare breed, old school. The thing about chances is our girl only has so many. She’s human and she’s hurt. Get her home and come clean, squeaky clean or you will lose her. She’s done, my man, unless you can give her a reason not to be.”

Standing up we walk out together and when I see her sitting in his truck with her head down, my heart cracks. I don’t want her to hurt, I want her to smile. Tank was right, squeaky clean. Approaching her she picks her head up and it’s the lost look in her eyes that guts me. Reaching out my hand, I notice it’s shaking, but when she doesn’t hesitate in taking it, I knew this was my last chance.

Buckling her up, we drive in silence until I open Senior’s door and usher her inside. No way she is going back to her place and if I had planned better, we wouldn’t be staying here either. Dropping her bag, she heads to the freezer and starts chugging from the bottle she pulled from it.

Taking it away from her, she reaches for it again, but I move her hands away easily. “This bottle ain’t gonna fix what I did wrong,” I tell her, putting it behind me on the table. “Only I can.”

She stares at me so hard I can feel myself starting to sweat again. “I lied to you for a lot of reasons,” I tell her quietly. “Mostly I lied so you wouldn’t leave me. We weren’t good for each other, Rion. I used her, she used me and I only married her ‘cause I thought she was pregnant. Even after that, I only fucked her a few times and that was over seventeen years. I hated her that much. I fucked her to punish her.”

“You did not just tell me that,” she says, covering her face with her hands.

“Yeah I did, because I want to come clean. If she was toxic, I was worse. I wanted someone to take my misery out on and she was available. I ain’t been no better with you either. With you I see a future, but I wanted my past to stay buried. Only that shit didn’t stay buried and that’s my fault. Fact is, she wasn’t always such a whore. The years of me hurting her made her mean and I can’t blame her. Until you, I didn’t know how to be nice. I had no reason to try.”

“Had you told me, I would have understood, Loyal.”

“I didn’t know that then. I do now.”

“All I wanted was for you to be honest with me. I would have listened to your stories, kept your secrets. I’m always the one extending my trust only for you to mock me with it. If this is our future it’s not looking too bright. If we can’t trust each other, where does that leave us?”

Sticking out my hand I offer her all I’ve got which ain’t much but it’s all I had. What I thought could be love before but was too scared to see, I knew for sure was love all along and finally opened my eyes to it. “Name’s Loyal Hart. You waited this long for someone to love you, let it be me.”

“Did you just quote Ray LaMontagne?”

“Dammit Rion, I’m trying---”

“Say it,” she says, putting her tiny hands on my chest and looking up at me. “Only because you can’t imagine
not
saying it.”

“I love you,” I whisper while my throat clogs with emotion. Fuck, it felt good to finally say that. “I love you, Rion. I’ll tell you I love you every day for the rest of our lives until you trust it. I’ll say it until you tell me to shut up. Even then, I’ll write it down, tattoo it on my body and play songs about it. You won’t ever remember a time where I didn’t love you, because woman, I’ve loved you from the start.”

“That’s what I’m talking about.” Then taking a deep breath and wiping her tears away with the back of her left hand, she extends her right to take mine. “My name is Rion Reynolds and I love you too.”

Pulling her into my arms, I take her mouth and pour my love for her into it. “I won’t fuck this up,” I tell her.

“Yes you will,” she says smiling, “but, I will too and we’ll figure it out together.”

“No more lies,” I vow to her. “You deserve the truth and that’s what you’ll get from me even if you don’t like it.”

“The same rule applies to you too,” she says, hugging me. “I don’t like being blindsided.”

“Just putting it out there since we’re being truthful, you should consider talking about your anger with the therapist.”

“I’m sorry, say that again. I’m buzzed but I thought you just implied I had anger issues.”

“Woman, you busted her nose.”

“Yeah well, her wrists were next.”

“No lie, it was fucking beautiful. Thank you for having my back when I probably deserved to be shot in it.”

“Welcome,” she says, hugging me. “No one hurts my man, Loyal. No one.”

“We got one problem solved now, what about the other?”

“Whoever this is knows me and the list of people who know me is
long
. I’m a people person as you know and super lovable. Where do we start? Make a memory board or---”

“Let’s start by putting you to bed,” I say pushing her toward her room. “You just said you loved me! I don’t want to sleep yet. I want to plot.” She pouts, trying to pull away.

“I wasn’t asking,” I tell her while undressing her.

“Bossy,” she mumbles kicking off her shoes.

“You love me bossy,” I remind her.

Then she breaks my heart wide open again when she says, “I love you period. Your bossiness is just a perk.”

Minutes later she’s out cold and I stay awake watching over her. Taking the previous letters, I start from the beginning. Hours later while she drools on my pillow, I remember the letter I found in the frame and grab it.

Opening it up, I was literally chilled to the bone with what I read. Her old man wasn’t as perfect as she thought he was, not even close.

Senior fucked up.

Huge.

‘Tell me I was a good father.’

~Senior

Rolling over I had hoped he’d be there next to me, but I wasn’t surprised when his side was empty. He still struggles with nightmares and fears hurting me so he stays in the chair or on the couch. Like Shay said, focus on what he does right versus wrong. Stretching myself out, I peek up and see he’s not in the chair either. Throwing a robe on, I venture into the kitchen and see him hunched over the table focused on something.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kiss him on the cheek and whisper, “Good morning.” Taking my hand he pulls me on to his lap and nuzzles my neck. Content in my current position he leans me back to hand me a cup of coffee. It’s the look on his face that stops me from taking a sip though. “What’s wrong?”

“Found this the first time I came here to get you, didn’t mean to. I picked up the frame of you with that rifle and this envelope fell out.”

Picking it up, I read it wondering if this was a joke. If it was, it wasn’t funny. This was Senior’s handwriting and it was dated when I was three months old. If what I was reading was to be believed, my dad placed a bet and if he lost the debt owed wasn’t money.

It was
me
.

Clutching Loyal, I finished reading the terms of the bet and then I ran to the bathroom to vomit. Kneeling with my head in the bowl my mind literally fragmented. My dad bet me, his only child. The king of long shots owed big but he wasn’t the one who would have to pay up, I was.