39 Weeks (54 page)

I smiled so much my face hurt, but words were totally beyond me, so the pair of us just grinned at each other and at Ella while the doctor and
nurse
Kate cleaned me up.

I had another couple of mild contractions for the afterbirth, but really I barely noticed so caught up was I in holding my precious new daughter.

Eventually Kate took Ella from me and cleaned her up as well, and then put a tiny nappy on her that seemed huge
,
and wrapped her in a blanket almost mummifying her, and gave her back to me.

Dad and I were still inanely grinning
like a couple of demented idiots
, and then Dad said he ought to go and tell the others.

I’d done it. All those months of worrying and being scared, but I’d done it. It had hurt, a lot, but weirdly the memory of all that
was already fading, almost as if it had happened to someone else. And now, for these few precious moments it was just me and my daughter Ella.
I had no idea it was possible to love someone this much, within seconds of seeing her, meeting her, holding her, I loved her so much it hurt.

28
th
February – Week 39 + 2 Days
-
Continued

Rob, James and my mum all came into the delivery room together.
They all looked how I felt, happy but shattered after being up all night.
I let Mum take Ella from me and for a moment I was forgotten as everyone crowded round to see her. Then Rob turned to me and asked if I was alright.

‘I’m fine.’ I said and meant it.

James came round the other side of the bed and held my hand
and a
look of pure hatred flitted across Rob’s face but he said nothing.

‘Where’s Dad?’ I asked.

‘He’s phoning everyone again.’ Mum said without taking her eyes off her new grand-daughter.

‘Now! But it’s the middle of the night isn’t it?’ I said. I’d lost all track of time but it was still dark outside so it had to be pretty early.

‘We tried to stop him, but . .’ Rob said.

‘Oh my God.’ I groaned. ‘Everyone’s going to hate me.’

‘No they won’t. Everyone said they wanted to know as soon as there was any news.’ Rob said.

Rob asked Mum if he could hold Ella, and Mum passed her over. I guess for the next few days at least she’d be passed around from person to person like a tray of hors d'oeuvres at a party, at least until ever
yone’
d had a turn and the novelty wore off.

‘Do you know what I need right now?’ I said watching Rob with Ella.

‘What?’ James asked eager to be of some use.

‘A cup of coffee. It’s been about six months and I’d kill for a cup of coffee right now
.’

Mum started laughing to think I was so soon over my tea craving and back on the coffee, and James went to get me cup from the vending machine in the waiting room.

As I sipped my unusually divine coffee for vending machine stuff, but after six months any sort of coffee was bound to taste heavenly, Mum said
‘y
our father said he
’d
cut the cord
?’

‘Yes, he did.’

‘I’m glad he was here for you.’ Mum said and sounded as if she really meant it.
 
 

‘He was great Mum. I’m sorry you couldn’t be . . I mean . .’

‘It’s okay. If only my phone hadn’t been switched off, but that doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you’re alright, and Ella of course. You are alright aren’t you, no complications or anything?’

‘No I’m fine Mum, everything went fine. I’m a bit tired but that’s all.’

‘
How long a
re they going to keep you in?’ Mum asked.

I looked at Kate who was still completing all the
hospital forms and asked her.

‘They’ll keep you here until a doctor has
given you and Ella your
final check, but everything seems fine so you’ll probably be able to leave soon, in an hour or so I’d say.’

‘In an hour or so! I had to stay for five days when I had you.’ Mum said shocked.

‘They kick you out pretty quick nowadays Mum.’

‘So I see.’

Kate said ‘w
ell we found that unless there’s a problem, the mothers recover quicker in their own home, and a midwife will come and see your daughter
and grand-daughter to make sure they’re
coping alright’.

Mum sat down in the visitors chair thoroughly disgruntled.
I could tell she thought it was outrageous that I was going home only hours after giving birth.

‘It’s alright Mum. I’d like to go home.’

‘She won’t be on her own.’
Rob said.

‘Oh you going to stick around this time?’ James said.

Rob looked at me, and I looked back begging him w
ith my eyes not to retaliate, and
thankfully he didn’t.

Dad came back very pleased with himself after going through my phone. He’d phoned everyone. Marsha and Mac had said they’d see me when I got back to the flat. Doreen had s
ent
congratulations and
said
that she’d spread the word at work and would come and see me later tonight. Tricia had stayed over at Shelley’s when they’d le
ft the hospital earlier and they were both on their way
back
to the hospital now. Short Fran evidently hadn’t been able to stand the pace so had gone bac
k to hers to catch up on her zz
’s, and everyone else Dad had phoned had all sent their best wishes and
said
that they’d
come and see
me over the next few days.

I was delighted of course to have everyone’s best wishes and pleased that they were all so keen to come and see me and Ella, but oh my God, all those visitors
,
and
all in the space of a few days
? I mean much as I wanted to see everyone
and show Ella off
I really could have done with a
bit of time
, a few days
at least to get used to the idea of being a mum.

Dad took over holding Ella and everyone started talking at once about how cute she was and how tiny, seven pounds two ounces which apparently was a good weight, and didn’t she look like me,
and
how perfect her little hands were, and how she had a lot of hair for a newborn, and on
and on
it went.

Shelley and Tricia turned up just as the doctor came back to give me and Ella the once over, so everyone had to leave
again
, but only to the waiting room. Evidently Ella was fine, all normal, all perfect. And I was alright
, lucky to have had no stitches
Kate said
, s
o we could both leave as soon as we were ready.

The doctor left still all smiles and jollity, must drive his wife absolutely mad I thought, it’d drive me mad anyway.
Then Kate said she’d finished her shift and was going. I thanked her and told her how great she was and how glad I was that she’d been my midwife, but she shrugged it off as if it was nothing.

Mum came back and helped me dress Ella in one of the
new pink
babygrows I’d bought with me
, the spotty one
.
It fitted her as if I’d bought it two sizes too big and t
he feet dangled limply
over the end of Ella’s actual feet. The arms weren’t too bad as at least you could turn those back to fit, but the overall effect was a small baby swamped in borrowed clothes. Even the little baby hat was a bit on the large side and engulfed Ella’s tiny head. But she did look cute and more mine somehow now she was in her own clothes that I’d chosen.

I started getting changed myself while Mum held Ella. ‘So what’s happening with you and Rob?’ she said.

I stopped getting dressed. ‘I don’t know Mum. We’ve sort of made it up and I’ve forgiven him for going away like that, but
as to
what
’s going to happen
now . . I just don’t know.’

‘He loves you, you know.’

‘Does he?’

‘Yes.’

‘How do you know?’

‘I just know.
Earlier when we were all waiting, he was so worried.’

‘But after everything . .’

‘It’ll be fine, you’ll see.’

‘So did you like him, I mean you never got a chance to meet him before
not really
, and this probably wasn’t the best time for a first meeting was it?’

‘I did like him, I liked that he was so worried about you, means he cares. Maybe this was a good time, I got to see the real him and not how he’d be on his best behaviour if you see what I mean.’

‘I guess, but you liked him?’

‘Yes. What are you going to do about James because he seems to care about you an awful lot too?’

‘James, yes
I’ve created a bit of a monster
there
haven’t I?’

‘If it’s Rob you love you’ll have to tell James.’

‘I have and he keeps saying he understands, but . .’

‘Well you’ll have to tell him again.’

But
the way things turned out
I didn’t need to tell him again
.

As soon as I was decent everyone crowded back into the delivery room, including a couple of nurses who were cleaning up and setting everything to rights, ready for the next patient
presumably, and were giving us all the evil eye so we’d vacate a bit quicker.

Mum hastily repacked my hospital bag with everything and that as it turned out I hadn’t really needed as half the stuff I’d bought with me was unused, but I suppose no-one could predict what could have happened or how it might have turned out, and I might have needed to stay over. Shell
e
y made a bee-line for Ella and was making the most of
her chance of
a cuddle while trying to keep out of the nurses way, and everyone else stood around waiting for me and looking superfluous. 
  
 

I was finally ready and we all left together trying not to make too much of a production out of it, or too much noise. I carried Ella, and Dad carried my bag, closely followed by Mum. Then Rob and Shelley who was explaining to him that she’d left Nick at home in bed, which left James and Tricia to bring up the rear of our impromptu
procession.

Once outside in the car park the sun was just beginning to come up and I showed Ella what daylight looked like
to which she squinted and blinked a lot
. Of course Dads car was still parked over the other side of the hospital so he said he’d run over and get it while I waited. Rob said he’d take me so I wouldn’t have to wait, and James said
he should be the one to drive me, and before we all knew it the truce was over.

‘Look Chippy when will you get it, she doesn’t want you. You gave it your best shot and it was nice of you to help her out, although tha
t was probably more for your
benefit than Judy’s, but it’s time to back off
now
.’ Rob said patronisingly.

‘Back off? What like you did when you pulled your disappearing act?
’
James
scoffed
.

Rob froze, I could see his fist was clenched but he was fighting the urge to use it. He looked at me and calmly asked me was I alright. To which I bewilderedly answered ‘yes’, not quite sure why he would ask me at that particular moment.

‘And Ella’s alright?’ Rob continued.

‘Yes.’ I said again still slightly bewildered.

‘And it’s now officially after the birth?’ Rob said emphasising the word after.

‘Yes.’ I said beginning to realise where this was headed. ‘
But please don’t . . .’

But it was too late. Rob gave in to the urge to use his fist and punched James so hard he knocked him over.

Then everything happened at once. James lay on the tarmac his nose pouring with blood, while Mum took a sideways step to stand in front of me and Ella instinctively trying to protect us both. Shelley stepped in front of Rob to stop him doing anything else, and Tricia produced a wad of tissues from her bag and was bending down trying to help James. While Dad
back from retrieving the car,
just stood and laughed.

Rob held Shelley to one side and looking down on James said ‘
y
ou’ve been asking for that for months, but because of Judy I’ve resisted the urge until now and let it go. But just get it into your thick head that Judy is with me
,
and if you ever show your face or try to muscle your way in
again
you’
ll get more of the same
,
only next time you won’t be able to get up afterwards. Understood?
’